Chapter Two

"Doctor, what is it?" Sarah Jane said while the Third Doctor pulled her into a London alley.

"I think I figured out what's going on here," the Doctor said to her. "I think the Daleks are planning an invasion."

"Are you sure?" Sarah Jane said.

"Pretty sure and it's up to you and me to stop them."

"What are you now, the Phantom of the Opera?"

"Doctor," Sarah Jane said, pointing over his shoulder at a woman. "She just appeared out of thin air just now."

"Did you ever dress like a normal person?" River said as she stepped up to the Doctor. "I thought the tweed was horrendous but this…and you again? No wonder you got so defensive the last time. Is this your girlfriend then?" she said to the Doctor while she pointed to Sarah Jane.

"What? No, she's my companion," Three said. "And who are you?"

River sighed.

"I'm River Song, nice to meet you, even though I've met you before," she said. "Now about your outfit, does no one know how to dress you?"

"I like my outfit," Three said, folding his arms over his chest.

River chuckled and drew near to him.

"At least you're not ten this time around," she said, running her finger down his cheek.

"Look, we're busy here," Sarah Jane said, stepping up beside the Doctor.

"Oh, lookie, the strumpet is getting possessive again," River said with a sigh.

"Strumpet? How dare you!" Sarah Jane growled at her.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm really scared. Anyway, on to business," River said.

She grabbed Three's opera cape and jerked him towards her. Her lips met his and she held fast to the cape while she snogged him silly.

"Doctor, the Daleks, remember?" Sarah Jane said while Three snogged River back.

"Mmmwah!" River said, finishing up. "Impressive. You're the best so far. Course I have other Doctors to visit so I'll let you and Strumpet get back to the Daleks. Ta-ta, sweetie!"

"If you call me Strumpet one more time I'm gonna bust your face open," Sarah Jane said while River stepped back and programmed the coordinates into her manipulator.

"Piss off, Strumpet!" River yelled at Sarah Jane before she disappeared from sight.


"Peri, leave me alone!" Six said to his companion as they stood inside the TARDIS.

Peri was holding out a glass of carrot juice to him.

"It's healthy, you could stand to lose a few pounds," Peri said.

"I'm not that fat, Brown," Six said. "But in the interest of keeping the peace and shutting you up…"

He took the glass from her hand and sipped it for her benefit. He made a face as the carrot juice went down his throat.

"Detestable vegetable," he said as he stared at the glass. "Whoever likes carrots is obviously insane, in my humble opinion!"

"Whatever, Doctor," Peri said with a sigh. "Sometimes I miss your other life."

"P'eh, that weakling? I'm far superiour to that emotional little git," Six said pompously.

Peri was about to leave the room when suddenly there was a knock on the TARDIS door. Both of them turned and stared at it.

"Odd, I wasn't expecting anyone," Six said, turning to the console.

He used the door lever on it to open the door. He took another small sip of carrot juice as he walked to it. The door opened and he froze with his glass to his lips when he saw an unfamiliar woman standing just outside the TARDIS. He lowered the glass while he and the woman stared at each other. The woman made a face while she stared at his outfit.

"Ewwwww, what the hell is this thing?" she said, pointing to his outfit.

"That, Madam, is my outfit," Six said indignantly.

"Really? Where'd you get it, Ringling Brothers?" River said.

She noticed the glass in his hand.

"Good idea," she said, pointing to it. "You could stand to lose some weight."

"I am not fat!" Six said. "Why does everyone think I am? And who are you? What do you want?"

"Well…I was going to snog you but…I think I'll give this life a miss and find something a little…less…garish," River said.

She noticed Peri's skimpy '80's outfit and raised her eyebrow.

"Wow. And I thought the other one was a strumpet. Are you an intergalactic pimp or something? Because you never said but I notice you seem to favor bringing women with you. Is this a hobby of yours?"

"I don't know who you are but if you don't leave immediately, I will be forced to take drastic measures!"

"You mean like making me wear your outfit?" River said. "Because that would be a hell of a drastic measure in my opinion. Fine. I'll skip you and go find someone else. Toodles!"

She quickly punched in the next coordinates and disappeared from view.

"Good riddance, Harpy," Six said before manually closing the doors.

He turned and noticed Peri had a smug look on her face.

"See, I'm not the only one that noticed you needed to lose weight," she said.

"Oh, belt up, Peri," Six said before he hurried out of the console room.

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