Chapter Five

The Second Doctor, Jamie and Victoria stood inside the marble court of the Bassalossin, the emperor of the Zolian Galaxy. They stood in front of a marble dais. On top of the dais was a gold throne where the Basssalossin sat. He was a tall slender alien with pale white skin and huge black eyes. He wore a red robe and a purple cape trimmed with white fur. Standing on both sides of the Time Lord and his companions was Bassalossin's harem, women from different planets dressed in harem girl outfits and veils covering both the head and the face. The Doctor had just saved the Bassalossin from an assassin and he was being honored by the emperor.

"We are grateful to you, Doctor, "Bassalossin said with a soft high-pitched voice. "You have saved us from death and now you and your friends shall be rewarded."

"No need for that," Two said, holding up his hand. "I'm happy you are safe and still on the throne."

"But my harem girls are at your disposal," the Bassalossin said, gesturing to the woman standing by the dais.

"Maybe we should take his reward, Doctor," Jamie said, nudging the Doctor in the side.

He grunted when Victoria slapped the back of her hand against his chest and glared at him.

"What? I'm a man and these are beautiful girls," he said, pointing to them.

Everyone fell silent when one girl stepped away from the others. She was dressed in a golden outfit with a golden veil over her head and lower part of her face. She jiggled her belly while she slowly made her way over to the Doctor. The Doctor raised his eyebrows when the woman gyrated in front of him.

"Madam, I'm flattered but there's no need for this," Two said while the woman danced around him.

"You can dance for me!" Jamie said excitedly.

He grunted when Victoria hit his chest again and gave him another look of death. Meanwhile, the woman put her arms around the Doctor and was swiveling her hips seductively while she gazed at him. Two cleared his throat, trying to appear nonchalant while the woman winked at him.

"You're short this time," the woman said while she gyrated her hips. "And your hair is a bit rubbish but still, at least your not a multicolored clown or a thousand year old grumpy geezer."

"What?" Two said, confused. "I'm not a clown or a geezer, I'm…"

He was stopped mid sentence when River threw off her face veil and rammed her lips onto his. Victoria and Jamie were in shock when Two eagerly returned her kiss.

"Oi, what about me? Can I have a go?" Jamie said, tapping River on the shoulder.

"Jamie, behave!" Victoria said.

"Tell that to the Doctor," Jamie said, pointing at him. "He's nae behaving himself, is he? Pull him away from the woman if you're so upset."

"Fine. Doctor, stop this," Victoria said, trying to pull him away from River. "Everyone's watching. It's embarrassing."

River sighed and broke off the kiss.

"It's nice that you have such loyal companions but can't they back off for ten minutes?" River said to the Doctor. "All I wanted was a kiss."

The Doctor was a bit stunned and it took him a moment to form a complete sentence again.

"Yes, well…there is such a thing as decorum," Two finally managed to say.

River let out an enormous snort.

"Wow, I never thought I'd hear you say that," River said. "Still…can't tell you what happens when you get a bit older. Spoilers. And no, you can't have a go at me," she said to Jamie when he came up to her side with a hopeful look on his face. "I have a feeling that woman fancies you and that's why she's so against you kissing me," she added, pointing to Victoria.

Jamie and Victoria shared a glance and Jamie cleared his throat nervously while he backed away from River.

"That's what I thought," River said. "Anyway, I will tick off another Doctor and bid you all adieu."

He pushed up the chiffon sleeve of her harem outfit, punched in a coordinate on her manipulator and with a wave to the Doctor disappeared from view.


The Seventh Doctor couldn't believe what was happening. Here he was, stuck on the Planet of the Cheetahs fighting the Master who was now half cheetah himself. The Master was attacking him with a savageness that scared him and he felt himself giving in to that savageness. The Master grinned at him, his canine fangs now elongated giving him a vampiric appearance while his feline eyes gazed at him hungrily.

"No, we need to stop this!" Seven said while they struggled together on top of a dusty rock. "We mustn't give in. IF WE FIGHT LIKE ANIMALS, WE'LL DIE LIKE ANIMALS!"

"You know, I'm getting tired of landing somewhere and trying to figure out what the hell is going on."

The two men stopped struggling and looked to their right. River was standing by the rock, her eyebrow raised while she stared at them.

"Don't you ever take a holiday?" River said to the seventh Doctor. "Haven't you heard of the beach? Just once, I'd like to find you on a beach instead of fighting some mangy vampire."

"I beg your pardon, I am not a vampire," the Master said indignantly as he got off the Doctor and stood up.

"You have fangs," River said, pointing to him while Seven stood up beside him.

"I am becoming a cheetah," the Master said proudly.

River gave him a long, hard stare.

"A cheetah," she finally said. "Why are you becoming a cheetah?"

"Because I want to be like one. I want the cheetah's power," the Master said.

River gave him another long, hard stare before beckoning to the Doctor. The Doctor glanced at the Master and stepped off the rock. The Master started to follow but River held up her hand.

"Stop, I want a private chat with…my God, you're small," River said when the Doctor reached her side. "You're even smaller than the other Doctor."

"This is hardly the time or place to talk about my height," Seven said to her. "I am fighting the Master and you are putting yourself in danger, madam."

"You mean Simba back there? I'm not afraid of him," River said, putting her arm around his shoulders. "Look. First off, what's with all the question marks?"

"You mean my waistcoat?" Seven said, putting his hand on it.

"Your waistcoat is covered with little red question marks and you have to ask me what I mean?" River said.

"Look, I don't have to justify my clothes to you, whoever you are," Seven said indignantly while the Master sighed angrily. "I'm in the middle of a battle."

"Yeah, I heard you yelling like a banshee when I first appeared," River said dryly. "As for who I am, I'm going to be someone very important to you in future so I believe I have the right to criticize your fashion sense."

Seven looked over his shoulder and glared when the Master sniggered at that.

"On second thought, I'd better just get on with it because Mister Meow Meow back there is giving me the willies," River said. "Right! Here goes!"

"Here goes…"

Seven was cut off before saying "what?" when River grabbed him by the waistcoat and snogged him senseless. The Master was taken aback for a moment before he hopped off the rock and walked up to his nemesis. With amusement, he watched while Seven got into the kiss as River ran her hands up and down his back.

"You know, I could kill you now while you're distracted but I'm actually interested in this so I'll just watch," he said.

The Master slowly walked around the couple as River made out with him, examining them from every angle. He stopped on the Doctor's right side and applauded when River finished kissing him and stepped back. Seven gasped for air, his eyes boggled while the Master snickered.

"Well, that finishes that," River said with a shrug. "I'll leave you alone now so you can go back to battling Simba. Have fun and try not to turn into a cheetah, I don't want you to shed when we're in bed together. Cheers!"

The Doctor and the Master watched while she punched in the coordinates and disappeared.

"Friend of yours?" the Master said to the Doctor.

"Um…don't know, she seemed to know me," Seven said.

"That would be an understatement, I think," the Master said. "So, back to our battle?"

"Um…yeah, just give me a minute to compose myself before we begin," the Doctor said while the Master chuckled and followed him back to the rock.

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