SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW
Chapter Seven Alan couldn’t sleep. It had been four hours since they returned to the inn and crawled into bed. Being half human, he could no longer go for weeks on end without sleep like the Doctor could, but despite his best efforts, he couldn’t get his mind quieted down enough to drift off. Too many thoughts were racing through his head and so, after awhile, he gently pulled away from Rose and let her sleep while he stood at the window and gazed quietly out at the moonlit sky. So far, Rose had not asked for further details on the Valeyard, which he considered a blessing. He was hoping she might forget it, at least for the moment. The thought of telling her that the man she loved might surrender to the darkness within him and turn evil filled him with dread. Even though there was no love lost between him and his twin, he still didn’t want to do anything that would cause Rose suffering. But, she must know, he thought as he put his hands behind his back. She must be prepared if God forbid, he ever does give in to his baser nature and tries to threaten all of creation. I know him and I know if he becomes the Valeyard and tried to conquer the universe, he’ll come after his half human counterpart first, especially since he knows we’re both more than capable of fighting back and have our own TARDIS. Rose saw what was happening in this universe before it happened there. He knows if he threatens his own reality, we will see it first and try to put a stop to him. We’re far too dangerous to be left alive if he ever does succumb to the darkness in him. He glanced back at Rose who was sleeping peacefully. He fought the Valeyard before, he thought as he stared at her. And his companions were always a target. Poor Rose will be especially vulnerable given her deep emotional connection to him, and now to me, and I know the evil, twisted bastard would like nothing more than to see me suffer before I died and torturing her would certainly do that. He shook his head. Of course, none of this may come to pass or we’ll both be dead long before the Valeyard comes. But, I can’t help thinking that everything that has happened to him will speed up the Valeyard’s creation. After the Time War, he was headed that way before amo’tiri interceded and pulled him back towards the light. But then, she was taken from him and that caused him to go right back to the brink again. Then Martha left him and he watched Astrid and River die in front of him and now, he must deal with the knowledge that someday he will meet River and be forced to take her along as a companion, knowing that someday he will send her to her death. At least Donna is with him, but for how long? She has my Time Lord mind now and I seriously doubt she can keep functioning normally without dying. He has to do something to save her and if he can’t…then he loses another dear friend and on and on it goes, each new tragedy added on to the old ones until one day, he snaps and then...heaven help us all. He brought his right hand back around and stared at it. Who knew that when he lost this hand all those years ago that it would set all these events into motion? I was born from this hand, but was there a greater purpose birthed with me? In the grand scheme of things, this hand played a significant part in saving the universe. Will that be true of me also? I could have died that day on the Crucible and yet, I didn’t. Why did I live? Why did the Doctor bring me here with Rose? Could it be that one day I will have to fight the Valeyard and save this universe from destruction? Fate orchestrated events that led to my being born. Is fate still playing with our lives? My abandonment here, him asking Rose to be with me, the gift of the coral, is all of this leading somewhere? And will the culmination of all these separate events lead to our separation or even death? “Doctor?” Alan turned around when he heard Rose’s voice. He walked over, leaned in and noticed she was still asleep. His heart tore in two when he saw the anguish on her sleeping face. “Doctor!” she said in her sleep. “No! Don’t leave me! Please don’t go! I love you, I’ll do anything you say, just let me be with you. No, don’t go, please I’m begging you, don’t leave me!” Alan balled up his fist, rage clouding his mind as he listened to Rose pleading with the dream Doctor to take her with him. I’m so glad he isn’t here, he thought. Because I want nothing more than to ring his skinny neck right now!” “No!” Rose moaned. “No, don’t go! I love you! I love you, Doctor! Please love me back! Tell me you love me! Please! No!” Alan swallowed hard when he saw her begin to thrash about in her sleep. He quickly sat down beside her and began to shake her gently. “Rose! Rose, wake up! Wake up, Rose!” he said in her ear. There was a gasp and Rose’s eyes flew open. She blinked in confusion and then saw Alan. “Doctor?” she said, confused. Alan fought back the tears as he shook his head. Rose gasped and rose up on her elbow. “Alan, oh God, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to call you--“ He held up his hand. “It’s alright, Rose. I understand why you did.” Rose sat up and embraced him tightly. Alan returned it and stroked the back of her hair. “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to call you by his name,” she whispered in his ear. “It’s alright, amo’tiri, I understand, really,” he replied. She leaned back and stroked his cheek. “I didn’t mean to wake you,” she said. “You didn’t. I couldn’t sleep, too much on my mind.” “Like what?” “I…I don’t wanna discuss it at three in the morning, but I promise I will tell you.” “Is…is it me? Are you still afraid that I don’t love you?” Alan wanted to say no, but a part of him was still unsure, especially since she had just called out to the Doctor in her dream, so he kept silent. “I love you, Alan. I do, I swear I do,” Rose said, stroking his cheek. Alan nodded. “Do you believe that?” Alan stared at her. He didn’t want to do what the Doctor did, lie and conceal his true feelings while he pretended that everything was just fine. “I don’t know,” he finally admitted. “I want to believe, but…you and him, you have a history together. I feel like I’m the third corner in a love triangle.” He let out a mirthless laugh. “I’m in my own real life soap opera, how ‘bout that?” he said. And if things keep getting worse for the Doctor, he thought. Pretty soon the soap opera will even have the stereotypical evil twin. He shook his head. “How can I compete with him?” he murmured. “You don’t,” Rose said, emphatically. “Yes, but…you love him. You wanted to go with him in the TARDIS. You only kissed me because I was willing to tell you what he meant to say that day. I’m always gonna be second best and--“ “No!” Rose put her hand over his mouth. “No,” she said in a choked voice. “Alan, please, please understand. Yes, I do love him and it hurt when he left me here. It’s going to take time to get over that, but this whole day has been so incredible and I’ve found myself falling in love with you because I’ve seen how wonderful you are. I mean, my God, I would be daft to reject someone like you and I want to spend the rest of my life here by your side. But, I can’t pretend that the Doctor’s leaving me didn’t affect me, just like you can’t pretend that his dumping you here didn’t make you angry. It’s gonna take time for both of us to get past what happened yesterday. But, please, don’t take what I said in a dream as proof that I don’t care about you, because I do. I want you with me, now and forever.” Alan’s eyes misted over and he smiled at her. “I want the same,” he said, softly. “Then, please, stop worrying every two seconds that I’m gonna leave you, because I’m not. I love you.” Before he could say another word, she leaned in and kissed him forcefully on the mouth. Alan sighed softly and returned the kiss, thankful that she still wanted him. That’s it, he thought. This confirms it. Once Pete and Tony get here and she sees them, we are leaving and going off on our own. We need to sort all this out before it ruins our relationship. Once everyone has said hello, we’re gonna say our goodbyes. They finished the kiss. “Why don’t you lie down and try to go back to sleep?” Rose said. “If you’re here holding me then maybe I won’t have bad dreams.” Alan nodded. He and Rose pulled back the covers, slid in and with arms around each other slowly drifted off to sleep.
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