SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW
Chapter Eight Alan slowly opened his eyes and noticed that Rose was already awake and staring at him quietly. “Good morning,” she said. “Good morning. Did…you sleep last night?” “Yeah, I did. Woke up about twenty minutes ago and I was just enjoying the view.” She kissed him. “Besides,” she whispered. “I can’t move, your namesake is still on the ceiling.” Alan chuckled and glanced up at the spot. “Damn it, those things just don’t know when to quit,” he said. He pointed to the spot. “I have my eye on you, don’t think for a second you’re gonna eat us,” he said as Rose giggled. He smiled at her. “Speaking of eating, I’m hungry. Up for some more polsa?” “Sounds good…although, I’m sure mum will want to come with us.” Alan groaned. “Ugh, I’m not looking forward to telling her we’re leaving,” he said. “Just let me handle it. I think she’ll listen to me more than she will you.” “It’s up to you, just as long as we get it over with.” He sighed and sat up. “Guess there isn’t much to do to get ready since we don’t have a change of clothes.” He frowned as he ran his fingers through his hair. “Don’t have a hairbrush either. Guess we should have thought of going into a shop and getting one last night.” “Now I know you’re different from the Doctor, he would have jammed his sonic screwdriver in his eye before he passed up going into a little shop.” Alan laughed. “Well, I was busy enjoying that lovely meal and moonlit talk with you. Good job my hair’s kinda tousled to begin with, so I can get away with it looking all askew.” “Hmmm, yeah,” Rose said as she put her fingers in his hair. Alan stared at the lustful look on her face. “Um…what are you doing?” “Just…admiring your cute, sexy hair. It’s your best feature, you know.” “It…is?” “Mmmm-hm.” Alan raised his eyebrow. “Um…are you going to be able to control yourself in public? Because if I have to wear a bald cap to stop you from pouncing on my back and licking my scalp as I walk down the street, I will.” Rose considered that. “No, I’ll restraint myself. Wouldn’t want ya hiding your hair from me.” “Hmmm, neither me nor him never would have guessed that was the feature you liked the best. Wow, learn something new every day. I guess I know now not to cut my hair off.” “You better not, by God,” she said, wagging her finger in his face. “Right, no touching the tousle, gotcha,” he said when she giggled. He stood up. “So, my little compatriot, I guess all we can do is wash our faces and be on our way then. So, I’ll be a gentleman and let you go to the bathroom first.” Alan stood behind Rose, his hands in his pockets while she knocked on Jackie’s door. She opened it and gave them a wary look. “Yeah?” she said. “Um…Alan and I want to know if you want to go eat breakfast with us,” Rose said. Jackie eyed him. “Is he gonna behave himself?” she said, pointing. “No, Jackie, I intend to strip naked and dance the Macarena on the table while I ask everyone to throw money at me and rate my performance on a scale of one to ten.” “You know, Doctor, I’m getting tired of…” “For the last bloody time, I am not the Doctor. My name is either Alonzo or Alan!” he said, angrily. “What the hell is the deal with you wantin’ to be known as Alan?” Jackie shot back. “I want to be known as Alonzo or Alan because I am not the Doctor. I look like the Doctor, I sound like him, but I am a completely separate person and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being known as the Doctor’s clone.” “Well, where in the hell did you get Alonzo from?” Alan looked at Rose. “Rose, correct me if I’m wrong, but the first time he used the phrase alons-y, he talked about someday meeting an Alonzo so he could say, Alons-y Alonzo to him, am I right?” “Yes.” “And that day was the day he was working on the containment device to trap the so-called ghost, right?” “Yes.” “And when he said it, did you not give him an odd look and when he inquired why, you said and I quote, my mum’s still on board.” “Yup.” He looked at Jackie. “You were there. You don’t get the connection?” “No, because half the time I can’t follow the way your daft little mind works,” Jackie said. “I was more concerned that you were gonna take me to Mars instead of some silly French phrase that you just thought up.” “Correction, that wasn’t me. That was him. Once again, for the benefit of the mentally slow, I am a completely separate person. I have his memories, but that’s as far as it goes. I didn’t do that, he did. I’m just using his memory to remind you that you were there when he first said he wanted to meet Alonzo, so…” “All right, all right, I get it. Still doesn’t explain why you took the name.” Alan sighed. “It’s…a private joke between me and Rose, alright? Rose suggested I take a human name and she suggested Alonzo as a little joke. I liked the idea and took it and Alan is the shortened version of that.” “And I’m not allowed to call you Doctor anymore.” He sighed. “I would appreciate it tremendously if you wouldn’t,” he said. “Please, mum, he’s trying to make a life of his own. This is what he wants, can’t you respect that?” Jackie nodded. “I s’pose. But, it may take time to get used to calling you Alan since you look like the Doctor, so don’t jump down my throat the minute I slip up and say it. Give me time to get used to it.” “It’s a deal. And now, do you want to come with me and Rose and have some breakfast? There’s something we need to discuss with you.” “Oh my God, you’re pregnant already.” Alan’s mouth dropped open. “No, mum, I’m not pregnant. We didn’t have sex and besides, even if we did, how would I know if I was pregnant after just one night?” “I don’t know. I don’t know how his alien body works. For all I know he lays eggs in your stomach like on that Alien movie.” “I don’t believe it,” Alan said, staring up at the ceiling. “Why do humans believe aliens do everything they do in the movies? I do not lay eggs in anything or anybody. I’m a male, first off and secondly, I’m half human. I…God, humans can be so thick sometimes.” Rose and Jackie watched as Alan walked over to the wall and banged his head on it while he muttered, “Ten years, ten years, oh God, why do we have to wait ten years?” to himself. “Alan,” Rose said, walking over and stopping him. “Now, quit that, you’re gonna get a bruise.” “Actually, I was hoping I’d give myself brain damage, so I wouldn’t be slowly driven insane by your mother.” “P’eh, look who’s talking,” Jackie muttered. Rose shot her a warning look and Jackie sighed and threw up her hands. “Fine, fine, I’ll belt up now just to keep the peace,” she said. She sighed. “Alright, fine, I’ll go eat breakfast with you, so you can tell me whatever it is you wanna tell me. I s’pose anything’s better than you being pregnant.” Rose winced and grabbed Alan’s hand when he gave her a look of death. “Just…go, go downstairs and I’ll follow you,” Rose said, urging him towards the stairs. She glanced back at Jackie and gave him a kiss on the lips, silently daring her mother to say something. Alan smiled at that and pinched her cheek. He started down the steps. Suddenly, feeling cheeky, he looked back up at her. “Coming, Amo’tiri?” he said with a wink. Rose grinned. “After you, Vashta Nerada.” He giggled when he heard Jackie mutter, “What?” to herself. He took Rose’s hand and both of them headed down the stairs while Jackie shook her head. She started to go downstairs, rolling her eyes at the couple’s giggling when suddenly Alan ran back up. “Oh, I feel I must warn you, Jackie. Stay away from sunbeams, whatever you do.” Jackie frowned. “What? Why?” “Oh, nothing, just a friendly warning, that’s all. I’ll be down here with Rose when you’re ready to join us.” He turned, started down and then turned to her with wide eyes. “Oh, and beware of road kill,” he said, ominously. He flew down the stairs as Rose roared with laughter. “I don’t know about him sometimes,” Jackie muttered as she went down the stairs and followed the snickering couple out the door.
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