SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW
Chapter Nineteen Rose couldn’t sleep.. She lay awake, her mind filled with the images of her nightmare. She clung tightly to Alan, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat and thanking God that he was with her. She stayed that way for most of the night, listening to his heartbeat and staring blankly at the ceiling, until finally her eyes could no longer stay open and she fell into an exhausted, dreamless sleep. It seemed like she had just nodded off when she felt Alan shifting against her. She opened her eyes slowly and stared at him with a groggy expression on his face. “Good morning, star shine, the Earth and I both say hello,” he said, softly. He frowned when he noticed how knackered she was. “You look more tired than you did when you fell asleep last night,” he said. “Is something wrong?” Rose shook her head. “I just didn’t get much sleep last night.” “Why? Bad dreams again?” he asked, stroking her cheek. Rose nodded. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Rose hesitated. On the one hand, she wanted to just dismiss the dream like she had with the others and pretend that everything was alright. But, she knew that if she continued to keep things bottled up, it would make her sick and depressed. So, after a moment’s hesitation, she told Alan the bulk of what she had seen. As Alan listened, rage welled up within him. Fears of her having nightmares had plagued him ever since he had told her about the Valeyard and this confirmation of that filled him with self-loathing. He hated that it was because of him that now she couldn’t sleep at night and he mentally castigated himself for ever uttering a word about the Doctor’s dark side. When she finished, he wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him. “I’m so sorry, Rose. I’m sorry I even said anything about the Valeyard,” he said. “No, it’s not your fault.” “It is my fault. I was the one who told you about him turning evil and now you can’t close your eyes without seeing the Valeyard’s face. I’m so thick, it’s unbelievable.” Rose flinched when he slammed his fist against the headboard. “Damn me to Hell for doing this to you. Maybe I need to take a leaf from the Doctor’s book and keep my big gob shut.” “No, Alan, please. Don’t say things like that. I don’t want you to shut yourself off from me. I want everything to be out in the open, I love when you tell me things that the Doctor would never say. I love you for being honest about the Valeyard. I saw the signs too, Alan, I just never let myself think that his turning evil was a possibility. Please, please, you’ve done nothing wrong. Don’t curse yourself and turn away from me, please.” Alan cupped her face with his hands. “I just wish I had the ability to enter your mind and take away the images of the Valeyard,” he said, sadly. “But, unfortunately, that’s another thing that Donna took.” “No, I wouldn’t want you doing that even if you could. I promise I’ll be alright. I told you before, it’s not the first nightmare I’ve had.” “But it’s the first ones you’ve had about him.” “No, it isn’t. I’ve had nightmares about losing the Doctor almost since I first met him and once I fell in love with him, I had them frequently. It’s not a new thing for me. It’s something I’ve learned to live with.” “But that’s just it. You shouldn’t have to live with it,” Alan said, taking hold of her hands. “You shouldn’t have nightmares and just shrug them off because they’re normal for you.” “But that’s part of it,” Rose said. “It’s a price I had to pay for being with the Doctor and I’m sure every companion he’s had went through the same thing. Reinette told me that the Doctor is worth the monsters and I believe that. And when we start to travel and see terrifying things, I’ll put up with having more nightmares because you’re also worth the monsters. You are my life now and I will go through hell and high water just to be with you. If, God forbid, the Doctor does become this Valeyard and comes after us, then we’ll face him together and I will not regret a moment of it. Please don’t feel guilty about all this.” Alan sighed. He stared at his right hand cursing the Doctor for being stupid enough to get it cut off in the first place. If he had been more careful, I wouldn’t be here right now and Rose wouldn’t be going through this mess, he thought. Rose noticed him staring at the hand and guessed what was going through his mind. She sighed inwardly wishing that Alan would quit wishing he had never been born. It was beginning to get frustrating. No matter what she did, no matter how much love she showed him, he still thought he wasn’t good enough for her. She had no clue what she could do to show him once and for all that she wanted him now. Even though he was getting better, she still saw flashes of the ninth Doctor from time to time. Still, she vowed she would never leave him, never give up on him. She would make him understand that he was the only one she wanted to be with. Part of the problem is we're both goin’ crazy from being stuck here, she thought. If only there was some way we could go off together, even just for a night. She glanced over at the rucksacks. Well, why can’t we, she thought. We have supplies now and we wouldn’t go very far. Just somewhere where we can spend the night under the stars and be alone. Maybe that’ll help to cheer Alan up and let him know that he is loved. She took his right hand. “Alan, I’ve just had an idea. Let’s go out of town for tonight.” “Where?” “Just walk until we find a nice spot. We can take these blankets, lay them down and spend a night under the stars just as a preview of what’s to come.” An enormous grin spread over Alan’s face. “And then, we can just keep on going.” Rose chuckled. “No, sorry, we can’t. I promised mum, you know.” His face fell. “Why did he have to drop her off with us? Why couldn’t he have dropped her off on Raxacoricofallipatorius or even Klom? I’m sure the Absorbaloff would have gotten on just fine with her.” “Alan, remember, if you are nice to her, she’ll be nice to you.” “True, but she’s not in the room and behind closed doors, I feel I have the right to say whatever I want about her. I’m sorry, I realize she’s your mum, but thank God you don’t act like her.” “Well, if you’re gonna be in my life, you have to get used to her being around.” “Only for ten years and then it’s awaaaaaaaaay we gooooooooooo!” Rose laughed. “Come on; let’s go tell her my plan.” “Why?” “Because I don’t want her to worry. She does worry about me.” She put her finger on his lip when he started to open his mouth. “And I don’t mean she’s worrying about me because you’re here, I mean she worries the way a mother worries about their child.” “Yes, I understand, Rose. But are you going to be talking to her constantly on the mobile while we’re out seeing the world and flying in the TARDIS and telling her every little thing we’re doing?” “No, I didn’t do that when I traveled with the Doctor.” “Yes, my point exactly. She got along all right without you filling her in on every detail. If we go off for a night by ourselves, it’s not gonna kill her. I hate to say this because sometimes Jackie isn’t playing with a full deck, but she is bright enough to know that if we aren’t in our room, then we must be somewhere else.” “Yeah and then she’ll assume we just scarpered off without waiting and come looking for us. Do you want her to find us starkers in the middle of the woods?” “No.” “Well, until Pete shows up, we have to check in with her every so often. I’m sorry, but that’s the way it’s gotta be. Once Pete and Tony get here and we say goodbye, then I promise I won’t update her on our whereabouts unless it’s a dire emergency. I’ll do the talking; all you have to do is stand there and look pretty.” “I’m sorry, I stand there and do what?” he said as she giggled. He shook his head. “That’s what River said to him too. Why does everyone think we’re pretty boys?” Rose flinched. She didn’t mention River to him when she told him the dream since she didn’t know if River was a real person or just some companion name she thought up. But now his mentioning her stirred her curiosity. “Who is she?” she said to him. “Who is who?” “River. In my dream, the Doctor did mention a River. He said he was forced to take her as a companion and it was his fault she was dead and he killed her.” Alan stared at her. “Rose? Are you sure this was a dream? Because I never mentioned River before now. Do…you ever get…visions from time to time?” Rose thought. “When mum was pregnant, she didn’t want to know the sex of her baby because she wanted it to be a surprise, but I remember one night I dreamt it was going to be a boy and I even heard the name Tony kinda echo in my head when I saw the baby.” “I think the vortex did more than just slow your aging, I think you gained some psychic abilities as well. Otherwise, how would you know about River? And let’s face it; River is not a common name.” Rose’s blood chilled. If what she saw wasn’t a dream, but a vision of the future… “There’s something else I left out,” she said. “He said that Donna wasn’t with him anymore. He said he lost her.” Alan swallowed hard. He had wondered what having the time lord mind might do to her and if Rose really did see the future, then what did the Doctor mean by “lost”? “She can’t be dead, can she? Donna can’t be dead,” Rose said. Alan shook his head. “I don’t know, Rose. A human can’t have all that knowledge crammed inside her head without it killing her. That’s why the Doctor had to draw the vortex out of you; it’s the exact same thing. The infinite knowledge you possessed would have fried your mind if he hadn’t acted. Now “lost” doesn’t necessarily mean she died, it could mean the Doctor did something to her to save her life, but for some reason she couldn’t continue to travel with him. It could mean any number of things…” “But, it means the Doctor is alone again,” Rose said, sorrowfully. “It might…” He sighed. “I guess it won’t hurt to fill you in on River, at least, what I know of her. She didn’t really reveal that much to the Doctor when he met her, but…there are several interesting things she did tell him and when she died…” Alan smiled. “Listen, why don’t we go ahead and go tell your mum that we wanna go camping tonight, get that out of the way and I’ll fill you in on what little I know, okay?” Rose nodded. “I’ll go and tell her and you fill up one of the rucksacks and grab the blankets, okay? That way you don’t have to deal with her,” she said. “Fair enough.” She gave him a kiss on the lips. He watched while she walked over to the door and left the room. “Damn it, Doctor,” he muttered to himself. “I swear if Rose’s vision becomes a reality and she has to go through the pain of seeing you become the Valeyard, I’m gonna find another jar and so help me God, I’ll cram every last inch of your body into it.”
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