SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW
Chapter Thirty Two The next morning, Alan was wakened by a soft sensation on his cheek. He opened his eyes and saw Rose kissing him and giving him a soft smile. “Mmmm, this is how everyone should wake up every single morning,” he purred. She giggled and kissed his cheek once more. “Hungry?” “Unfortunately for you and the bulging rucksack you have to carry in my behalf, yes, I’m always hungry,” he teased. “Holiday Inn has a continental breakfast for its guests, interested?” “And a continental breakfast would be…” “Um, doughnuts, coffee and fruit.” “That’s it? No eggs, no rashers, no ham, no nothing?” “Well, they’re a hotel, dear. They don’t have a breakfast buffet.” “Well, they should for the exorbitant price you paid for this room. Thanks for spending two hundred dollars for our fine room. Here, have a stale doughnut, it’s on the house.” “So, I suppose you want to go out for breakfast then?” “Well, unless you want doughnuts and fruit.” “It doesn’t matter to me; I’m not really that hungry. I was just asking you.” “Yes, well, here’s another tidbit about the Doctor, my dear,” he said, holding her around the middle. “Not only was the man known as the Oncoming Storm, he was also known as the Oncoming Stomach. The man could wolf down a platter of food in two seconds flat and ask for more. I, being his duplicate, have inherited this quirk and I’m sorry, Rose, but two doughnuts and a banana aren’t just gonna cut it this morning. I’m a manly man with a manly smell and I need a manly meal for my manly body.” She giggled. “Egg McMuffin?” she said, sweetly. “Ah, now you’re speaking my language,” he said as she laughed. “Yes, something with actual protein in it. Something that used to be a small animal that was killed and drained of all of its blood and fried up in a ton of oil to a blackened, burnt crisp. That’s the kind of food I’m looking for!” “And then what do we do after you get done eating the small burnt animal?” she asked. “I was thinking perhaps we could get a bit of culture and improve our minds at the Metropolitan Museum of Art?” “Sounds good,” Rose said. “And after that?” “Coney Island or the Bronx Zoo?” “Might be doable. Anything else?” “Go up to the top of the Empire State Building, take off our clothes and jump to our deaths in a kind of lover’s suicide pact?” “Eh, not in this heat, too much effort,” Rose said, waving her hand dismissively while Alan laughed. “Okay, take off our clothes and run through the subway cars screaming like a couple of banshees until they take us away to the funny farm.” “Nah, doesn’t sound daring enough for me.” “Okay, how about this? You go out on that balcony over there at say, ooooooh, midnight tonight and I’ll stand out there singing ‘Maria’ at the top of my lungs in a kind of ‘West Side Story’ tribute.” Rose pretended to consider that. “Might be fun,” she said. “But what do we do in the meantime?” “Get naked and streak through Central Park?” “What is it with you and going starkers? You’ve become awfully randy these past few weeks.” He clasped her around the middle. “My dear, I have discovered something the Doctor didn’t know about and that’s how good sex feels,” he said as she laughed. “I have never in my life felt anything so wonderful as an orgasm and by God, I’m not making the mistake the Doctor did and live my life as some celibate space monk. In fact, I venture to say if the Doctor had actually shagged you instead of just fantasizing and playing peep show, he might not have all the stress he has now. Same for all the uptight, pompous nobs on Gallifrey. Knowing what I know now, I believe I’m correct when I put forth the theory that Gallifrey could have benefited from mass orgies. So, you’ll just have to forgive me if I’m a little oversexed at the moment. That’s also another side effect of me being half human; I can see now why most music videos feature scantily clad women shaking their bums at the camera.” “And why you enjoyed Alien Virgins so much?” He smiled. “Yeah, but it would have been better if you’d been beside me,” he said with a wink. He gave her a kiss. “But, first things first, my randy little body demands sustenance and you, my little servant girl with the wondrous credit card must satisfy me lest I go berserk and throw you in a vat of boiling oil instead.” “Well, seeing as how you’re an Earthling now, that would be cannibalism, which is very wrong. Besides if you eat me, then where will you be? Stuck!” “Oho, but you taught me how to use your ATM card and I remember your code number thingy for it, so I’ll just snatch that away and use them myself.” “Damn, I knew there was a downside to teaching you that,” she said as he laughed. He kissed her. “Well, daylight is burning and my stomach is churning, to breakfast, my loyal companion!” After breakfast at McDonalds, they headed over to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. She paid the entrance fee and wandered around as they looked at the various works of art. Rose walked hand in hand with Alan, slowly taking in all the beautiful artwork. The collection was vast and varied, showcasing everything from Ancient Egyptian art to Medieval Europe. They were currently going through the Egyptian exhibit and paused at a coffin belonging to Henettawy. Rose marveled at the intricate designs and artwork on the mummy case. “Very, very cool,” she said. “I wonder who she was?” Alan bent over and read a small plaque nearby. “According to this, she was a mistress of the house and chantress of Amun-Re, whatever that means,” he said. “Like a priestess?” Alan shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine. Probably some village tart that wandered in off the street in a drunken stupor and immediately grabbed the high priest and said, “Oi, ya wanker, give me a job!” and in order to get away from her garlic and beer breath, he did. And rather than give her a proper title like High Priestess of Isis, he called her the mistress of the house and chantress of Amun-Re.” Rose giggled. “That so?” “Yeah, I’m sure that’s the most likely explanation. I’m sure that’s it. I’m a time traveler, you know.” “You are a time traveler?” she said. “Well, technically, yes. At least I have a time traveler’s memories and I have it on good authority that my explanation is in fact, true.” “Why do I not believe you then?” “Because…you’re weird and not yet in awe of my omniscient majesty?” He laughed when Rose swatted his head and moved on to the next artifact. After looking at the Egyptian artifacts, they moved on to the Greek and Roman room. They stood in front of a bust of a Greek goddess, which according to the plaque was either thought to be Persephone or Hygeia. “I love Greek and Roman statues. They’re so detailed,” Rose said. Alan nodded. “Yup, have to admire the skill that the sculptor had.” He grinned and leaned into her ear. “And of course, we can’t forget the sculptor who sculpted you, my little Fortuna.” Rose giggled. “Can you do that too? I mean, sculpt using his memories?” “Why? You want a statue of yourself to carry on your back?” “No, but I was just thinking, you know. Once we get the TARDIS, you could sculpt one for our room.” “Why? Are you that vain?” he said as she giggled. “Are you so in love with yourself that you have to have a Greek statue right at the foot of the bed? Cause if you are, I’ll sculpt you as a female Narcissus.” “Nah, never mind. It’d be too big and bulky. You can just paint a portrait of me.” “How about I draw you nude with a huge blue diamond on your boobies like in Titanic?” “If you’re good, I might let you,” she said, patting his head. “How about this? We wait until we get the TARDIS and then go to the Titanic and I’ll rent a stateroom and then I’ll draw you there for added authenticity.” “No, thanks, I think our bedroom will do just fine. At least I know in the vortex there’s no danger of us hitting an iceberg.” They admired the statue for a moment more and then went on. By the time they were finished, a couple of hours had passed and the temperature was almost 90 degrees. “Ugh, I think your idea about walking at night is a good one. I don’t think I would be able to stand this for very long,” she said. She looked at Alan. “So, Coney Island or Bronx Zoo?” she said. Ummmm, let’s go to the Bronx Zoo. I wanna see the elephants again.” “You like elephants, doncha?” “Yes, they’re cute and gentle and intelligent and they’re very family oriented. And the babies are adorable.” “Okay then, let’s go find the underground and find out what number train we have to take to get there,” she said. A half hour later, they were inside the zoo. They quickly found the elephants and stood side by side staring at them while they slowly moved around inside the enclosure. Rose smiled as a little baby followed its mother around. She reached into her purse, grabbed her camera and took a picture. “Are you taking a picture of the baby?” “Yup.” “He’s cute…or she, whichever it is.” He sighed sadly. “Only bad part is all these animals are in cages and enclosures. It’s sad to see them trapped like this.” Rose took his hand. “Yeah, I know the Doctor didn’t want to come to zoos because of that reason,” she said. “I never used to think about it until I noticed it bothered him so much. Do you wanna leave?” “No, I’m fine. I just gotta get over the urge to open all the cage doors, is all.” He smiled when the baby looked his way. “Hey there, little guy,” he said to it. “Hot day, isn’t it?” He smiled when the baby began to play hide and seek with its mother. They laughed when the baby swatted at the mother with its trunk and quickly hid behind her legs. “See, very intelligent creatures. They act just like little human kids,” Alan said. “That’s why I love them so much. So much personality in them.” “Yup. I like the polar bears though and the lions and tigers, they’re my favorites.” “Well, let’s go find your favorites then,” he said. “Now this, this is what we’ve gotta beware of if we go through Africa,” he said when they came to the ostrich enclosure. “These things will kick your bloody head off if you don’t watch it.” “I’ve never liked them. They look so mean and those big eyes make them look creepy,” Rose said. She backed up when a couple of the ostriches came near the fence. “Hey, you quit creeping out my girl, you hear?” Alan said, wagging his finger in one of the ostrich’s faces. He gasped when the ostrich tried to snap at it. “Right, enough ostrich viewing for today!” he said, running away while Rose bent over laughing. “Okay, maybe we’ll have better luck with this,” he said as they came up to the giraffe enclosure. They stood in front of the fence watching while the giraffes walked by. “Hey!” Alan said, waving his arms. “Come here a moment, my girl wants to snap a photo of you.” He glared as the giraffes went by without stopping. “Bloody giraffes, they never listen, do they?” he said to Rose. “They think they’re so superior with those big stork legs and neck. Well, you just wait till we get out to the savannah, I’ll be wrestling them down to the ground with my bare hands and that’ll teach them proper manners.” Rose giggled as he looked around. He noticed a patch of grass near the fence and grabbed a handful. “Yoo-hoo,” Alan said, waving the grass in front of him. “Hey, stork legs, I’m talking to you! Get over here and give my girl a thrill!” His eyes widened when one slowly lumbered over. “Now, this is more like it! Come here and get your grub, Jeffy Giraffe!” he said as Rose laughed. The giraffe stopped at the fence and looked down at Alan. Alan craned his neck up and waved the grass around. “Well, come on, take it!” he said. The giraffe stared at him for a moment and then walked away. “No!” Alan said, jumping up and down as Rose leaned on the fence roaring with laughter. “Get back here! I wanna pet your head, damn it!” He glowered at the giraffe as it sauntered towards the trees and began to strip the leaves from the branches with its tongue. “That’s it, once I get to Africa, your cousins are dead meat!” he said, throwing down the grass. “I am gonna open up a can of jungle whoop ass on your friends back home!” “Aw, poor Alan, I appreciate you trying to get the giraffe to come down here so we could pet it,” she said. “Yeah, well, apparently the long neck causes the thing to get clouds in his ears and he can’t hear properly!” he said as Rose giggled. “Silly stork legged creature. God was having an off day when he designed you!” He smiled at Rose. “Well, now that I’m done abusing the giraffes, let’s go mock the monkeys, shall we?” Rose and Alan stood in front of the orangutan cage. Alan was snickering as he watched one scratch his ass. “What?” Rose finally said. “Oh, nothing, just thinking how this ass scratcher over here is a distant cousin of yours. I can actually see the resemblance to your mum, come to think of it.” “I wouldn’t be talking if I were you, mister half an ape,” Rose said. “Ah yes, but unlike you that will be remedied once I get hold of the chameleon arch and then I’ll install a chimp cage on board the TARDIS so I can just stand there and laugh at the chimps knowing you’re related to them.” He pointed at one. “Lookie, dearest, that one is throwing poo, aren’t you proud to be a fellow ape?” He giggled and ran as Rose slapped his back. Alan and Rose stood in front of a cage looking up at a three toed sloth that was hanging upside down from a tree by its arms and legs. They had been standing there for five minutes and the sloth hadn’t moved an inch. “Booooooooooooring!” Alan said while Rose laughed. ”Hey, you got company! Move! We didn’t pay a whole bunch of money so we could stand here and watch you sleep all day! I’ve never seen such slothful behavior before. At least swing around the tree branch so we know you’re alive!” He grinned when Rose held onto his back and laughed hysterically. “God, I’m so glad no one is nearby right now,” she gasped out. “The reason no one is around is because this thing won’t bloody move! I’m surprised it hasn’t gone extinct yet. If it had a heart attack, would we know it?” Rose leaned on his back and put his arms around his neck. “There!” she said, pointing. “It just blinked, it’s alive.” “Yeah, only just,” Alan said, rolling his eyes as she laughed. He looked around for a moment. “Fire!” he screamed at it. “Timbeeeeeer! Look out, whatever eats you and your lot is climbing up the tree, which is probably most of the animal kingdom since you don’t bloody move. Run!” Rose was barely able to get a breath as Alan put his hands on his hips and glared at the creature. He let out a sigh and turned to Rose. “Come; let’s go find something faster than this thing like a snail or a sea slug or a dead carcass.” He and Rose walked a few steps and then he turned and looked back at the sloth. “Ten quid says that as soon as we’re out of sight, the sloth drops from the tree and break dances,” he said as Rose snickered. “And then when someone else is coming, he jumps back up and hangs there?” “Exactly, I don’t trust that thing. It’s quiet, too quiet. I have to tell you about the Weeping Angels, I have a feeling this thing is exactly the same as they are, they don’t move while you’re watching, but when you blink, you’re dead!” He took one more step, jerked his head back around quickly and then with a grin at Rose walked on to the next animal. “Ugh, I hate snakes, “Rose said as they walked up to a python in a glass enclosure. “Another creepy animal.” She frowned when she heard Alan humming a tune under his breath. It sounded vaguely familiar and it took her a moment before she finally got it. She rolled her eyes. “You can stop humming the Monty Python theme song any time now,” she said. “Oh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware I was doing that. My brain’s been frozen since I saw the sloth. The sneaky bastard probably hypnotized me without me knowing it. I’ll be quiet and let you stare at the huge reptile in peace.” They watched while it slowly slithered across the floor of its cage. “Dinsdale!” Rose glanced up at Alan who was feigning shock. “I’m sorry, did I say that? That was silly of me.” She rolled her eyes when a moment later he said, “My brain hurts!” in a deep voice. Rose grinned and nudged him. “Albatross,” she said. Alan snickered. “I’ve always wanted to be…a lumberjack!” he said as she giggled. He smiled at her. “Shall I sing the song?” “No, I think I can get along fine without hearing ‘The Lumberjack Song’, thanks,” she said. Shall we stop the Monty Python references and move on?” “Yeah, I think that would be a good idea.” He took her hand and they walked on. Alan and Rose stood in a cool underground building and watched as dolphins swam under the water in front of them. “I can speak dolphin, you know.” Rose looked at him. “Uh-huh.” “I can, it’s one of the many languages the Doctor knows.” “I thought you said that most of the languages went into Donna’s head.” “Well, they did, but I forgot about eek eek.” “Eek eek?” “Yeah, the official name of the dolphin language. Watch.” Rose looked around checking to see if they were alone when Alan suddenly went “Eek! Eek eek!” at the top of his lungs. He smiled when a dolphin swam up to the glass. “Ah, my fellow aquatic brother has heard my call! Greetings finned one, my your blow hole stay clean!” He waved as the dolphin swam away. “See, you just never believe me when I tell you anything, do you?” “Oh yes, I know now without any doubt that you speak dolphin, especially since the dolphin answered you back.” “Oh, he did, he just used the secret sonic language that human ears can’t perceive. He was telling me what a hot babe you were.” Rose rolled her eyes. “Come on, ya loon, before others come in here and see you making an arse of yourself,” she said, grabbing his hand. “What? Is it suddenly a crime to speak eek eek to my fellow ocean dwellers?” he said as they walked back up the stairs. Alan sighed as they opened the door to their hotel room and walked inside the air-conditioned interior. “Blimey,” he said laying the stuffed tiger and zebra on the bed. “It’s a good thing they have air-conditioning in this time period. I hate to think what people did before it was invented.” With a little “Phew”, he sank down onto the bed and took off his shoes. Rose walked over and kissed the top of his head. “You wanna eat out at a restaurant tonight or just go to a fast food place?” Alan thought. “You know what? I think I’d rather just go to a fast food place. I’m tired and I really don’t fancy waiting a half hour to get something to eat.” Rose nodded. “Yeah, me too. I’m kinda knackered from the heat. I’d really like a little kip before we go.” “Go ahead; I’ll lay here with you while you sleep.” Rose smiled and kissed his cheek. She set down and he rubbed her side while she took off her shoes and set them beside Alan’s. Then the two of them stood up, walked around the bed and snuggled under the covers. Alan gently took Rose in his arms and kissed her, soothing her with his lips until she fell asleep.
Back Home Doctor Who Main Page Next