SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW
Chapter Sixty Four All three of them woke up bright and early the next morning. Rose let Awinita go to the bathroom first while she switched on the TV and turned it to the Weather Channel. In the meantime, Alan was being his usual bouncy, bubbly self. Rose was giggling while he danced around the hotel room singing loudly and off-key to her. “Zip-a-dee-do-da, zip-a-dee-ay, I’m gonna kick a giraffe’s ass today. No one or nothing’s gonna get in my way. Zip-a-dee-do-da, zip-a-dee-ay!” Both Rose and Awinita were laughing hysterically as Alan flopped down on the bed behind his fiancée and reached into his rucksack for his comb. “You’re sure of that, are ya?” Rose said. “I’m sure of what?” “That nothing or no one’s gonna get in your way?” She gave him a pointed look. He snorted. “You know, you may think you’re Miss Big Britches now that you’ve traveled with the Doctor and fought all those assorted beasties, but you still can’t take me down. I still can kick your ass during our aikido sessions.” “Only just, dear, only just,” Rose teased. He gave her a kiss and headed towards the bathroom. “Are you done doing womanly things in the necessary room?” he asked her. “Yes, you can have the necessary room now, Alan,” she said. “Muchly obliged.” They changed places. Awinita walked over to her bed and sat down. She noticed the frown on Rose’s face. “What is it?” “Possible hurricane,” she said, pointing to the TV screen. “It’s still out in the Atlantic, but it might make landfall in Florida in about five or six days. That means we might have to cut this short by a few days so we can get away from it.” “I did not hear you say that, Rose Tyler,” Alan said from the bathroom. “It’s not for sure yet, it’s a tropical storm right now and it’s still out away from the US but we’ll have to keep an eye on it,” she said. “But if it does come this way, we’re leaving. I’m not getting blown away and rained on so you can finish seeing Disneyworld.” “Hurricane, hurricane, stay away, come again some other day!” Alan chanted. There was a moment’s pause and then Alan exited the bathroom. He walked over to Rose and sat down. “Opinion,” he said. “You what?” Rose said. “I need your opinion.” “Yeah?” He turned so his back was facing her. “My hair is getting longer, isn’t it?” Rose touched the hair at the nape of his neck. “Yeah, it is a little,” she said. Alan turned his head slightly. “Should I get it cut or will that make you lose control and kill me?” Awinita raised her eyebrow. “Why would Rose kill you if you cut your hair?” He snickered. “Because I found out that Rose apparently has a hair fetish and she doesn’t want me touching my luscious locks.” “Well, can you blame me, look at his hair,” Rose said. Awinita shared a look with her. Alan’s eyes widened when she rose from the bed and began to run her fingers through his hair. “Mmmm, yeah, I agree, luscious locks!” Rose laughed and joined her. Alan sat there, stunned, as the two women mussed up his hair. “Are the two of you going to jump all over and rape me next?” he asked. “Nah, I’m not, you’re Rose’s boy,” Awinita said, stopping. “Boy?” Alan said to her. “Well, yeah, you keep saying you’re only three months old, right?” Awinita said. “Can’t really call you a man then.” “I think I’ll stop saying I’m three months old then if you’re gonna call me that,” he said. He looked at Rose. “But seriously, if I get it cut, would you freak out?” “No, but your hair isn’t that long. You really shouldn’t worry about getting it cut.” “I know, but I’m just planning ahead. I wasn’t planning on getting it cut yet.” “Well, I s’pose if I don’t let you cut some of it off it’ll be down to your knees eventually and I really don’t fancy seeing that, so yes, you can get it cut, but not too much.” “Perish the thought,” Alan said while the girls laughed. He looked at Awinita. “See, this is extremely telling, right here. In the Doctor’s younger years, he would have done whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted and here I am clearing a haircut with Rose lest I arouse her wrath.” “Has it always been this short?” Awinita asked. “In this life, I mean.” “No, when I first traveled with the Doctor in this life, it was slightly longer on the back and sides. He must have gotten it trimmed at some point and you saw how short the other Doctor’s hair was. As for his other lives…I have no idea.” “Um, it’s never been longer than shoulder length, certainly not mountain man down to the knees length. But, he’s had it several different styles and colors.” He gave a sideways glance to Rose. “Except for ginger,” he said, grinning. “Yes, poor Doctor, never having ginger hair,” Rose replied, playing an imaginary violin. “Damn that Donna for not transferring her hair color to me during the metacrisis. I was ripped off! She got my mind and I didn’t get her red hair in return? It’s a crime, I tell ya!” “Whatever you say, dearest,” Rose said, feigning sympathy as Awinita laughed. A half hour later, the three of them were sitting in the back of a large tram while it rolled along a path through the safari park. Alan had his arm around Rose while they listened to the tour guide going through his spiel. “See,” Alan muttered to Rose. “There’s that damn giraffe. Now if I can only get to it and kick its ass before Gabby up there notices I’ve scarpered.” “How ‘bout this?” Awinita said. “I’ll go make out with him and while we’re frenching, you can get out, run over and kill it.” Alan slammed his hand over his mouth while Rose gave her a stunned look. “You just love giving him ideas, don’t ya?” she said to her. “Oh, Awinita, you are a girl after my own heart!” Alan said. The tram stopped moving. “We’ve come to the end of the tour,” the guide said. “Are there any questions?” Rose put her head in her hand when Alan’s hand instantly shot up. “Yes?” the guide said. “This is probably a no, but is there any chance we could get out of the tram and get closer to the animals?” Alan asked innocently. “No sir.” “Thought not, just checking.” “Alan, geez,” Rose said as Awinita bit her lip to hold in her laughter. “Any other questions?” “Is it true no two zebras are alike?” a woman asked. “Yes, it’s true. The stripe patterns are as individual as a fingerprint, that’s how we can tell the ones we have here apart.” Alan’s hand went up. “Yes?” “Why don’t sloths move when people are staring at them?” he asked as Rose tried not to laugh. The guide gave him an odd look. “Sloths? We don’t have any sloths here.” “Oh, I know that, but I thought we could ask any sort of animal question, so I just want to know why sloths never move when you’re looking right at them.” “It’s not that, sir, sloths don’t move much in general.” “So, they aren’t having parties when people aren’t looking?” Everyone in the tram laughed. The guide chuckled. “No, I’m pretty sure they aren’t doing that, sir. Sloths by nature aren’t very fast movers. Any other questions?” A ladies hand shot up. “Yes?” he said, pointing to her. “I realize you work here and this is your job but do you feel bad that these animals are taken from their natural habitats and basically trapped here in this park so they can be stared at by tourists?” she asked. Alan raised his eyebrow. He glanced at the guide and noticed he looked uncomfortable. He guessed the man was barely out of his teens and had never been asked a question like that before. The man cleared his throat. “The animals here are treated with the upmost respect and dignity and the Disney Company makes sure that they are taken care of and given everything they need to be happy and healthy. Any other questions?” Alan heard the woman snort softly and mutter, “Sure they are,” under her breath. He remained silent along with everyone else so the guide could wrap up the tour and they could all get away from the sudden feeling of discomfort that had settled over the tram. Rose could tell Alan was in his element. EPCOT had a more scientific bent to it which made it more interesting for him. Rose was glad he wasn’t bored like he had been for some sections of Disneyworld. Even though he had lost a great deal of his Time Lord mind to Donna, she knew it was still more advanced than hers and the Snow White ride wasn’t going to hold his interest for long. She sensed that he rode most of the rides in the Magic Kingdom Park because he was keeping her company, not because he absolutely wanted to. But this was different. As the three of them explored the difference science exhibits, Alan instantly reverted back to the Doctor, telling both her and Awinita how things worked or what they were seeing, even adding in a little extra Time Lord knowledge at times. He had been doing this for awhile before he caught himself. “Oh man, I’m sorry, I’ve been channeling the Doctor, haven’t I?” he said sheepishly. “I really should just shut up and let you guys see the exhibits for yourselves.” “No, it’s alright, Alan,” Rose said quickly. “You’re not boring me. I love listening to you talk.” “Same here. I’m just in awe of how much you know.” “Well, I would know more except Donna got a fair chunk of my mind, but still, I guess I can’t resist that old urge to lecture on everything. Rose here knows that urge all too well,” he said as she nodded. “Yeah, but you know, I was kinda crappy at science and you’ve actually been very helpful, not to mention I would have been bored since I wouldn’t have understood most of the exhibits,” Awinita said. “Well, see, I’m the exact opposite, science is a passion of mine along with maths. This is more interesting to me than Cinderella and Snow White. Plus, as I was telling Rose yesterday, I would love to know how the rides work rather than just ride them.” “Is your culture like Spock’s on Star Trek?” Awinita asked. “The whole being logical thing.” “Um, yeah, pretty much. Granted, Gallifreyans weren’t quite as extreme as Spock, but knowledge was prized above all else on Gallifrey.” “You didn’t enjoy sex?” “There was no sex, everyone was created in looms.” “Looms?” “I’ll explain later,” Alan said. “It’s kinda complicated and I’d rather wait till we back in our room or at dinner or something where I’m not trying to tell you and concentrate on an exhibit.” Rose looked around her. They had gone through a lot of the country pavilions and they had finally gotten to the United Kingdom one. “Welcome to England by Disney!” Alan announced. “Where, unlike the real thing, everyday is a bright warm, sunny day full of music and magic and pixies and fairies and leprechauns! Come tour our Tower of London exhibit and watch as Donald Duck is beheaded for being a Roundhead! Then, the corpse is plucked, roasted and served at our clean and charming Disneyfied pub! Fun for the whole family!” He smiled when Rose shot him a look. “What? I’m wrong? All the other countries so far have been clean and decent and pleasant and free of crime and homelessness and pollution. Why should England be any different?” “Just try to contain yourself, dear,” Rose said to him. “In other words, behave?” “Yes, behave and go along with the whole Disneyfied England thing,” Rose said. “Don’t make trouble, Stitch.” Alan looked at Awinita. “Don’t expect this when you get to the real country,” he said to her. “It’s a nice country, but not this nice.” “Gotcha!” she said. “For one thing, even though it’s known as Jolly Old England, everyone is not jolly to the point where they’re flouncing up to you and saying, “Hi!” in a loud, falsetto voice. Believe it or not, there are grumpy people there too.” “You don’t say?” Awinita said, feigning shock. “Oh yeah…and there’s actually crime over in England and rudeness too. Not everyone is polite and refined, you know.” “Wow, that’s amazing!” Awinita said in a hushed voice. “Will you two shut up?” Rose said as they bent over laughing. “And…”Alan said. “Not everyone wears traditional English costumes when they go out-a-doors, there is such a thing as street clothes in England or civvies if you want to speak the local lingo like us natives.” “Civvies, got it.” He grinned and hugged Rose from behind when she groaned. “Just pointing out the differences to Awinita so she doesn’t have culture shock when she gets to the real England. I’m not making trouble,” he said. “Well, I have to admit it is all a little fake lookin’” Rose said. “I’m sure other British people get that when they come here and probably other people from other lands when they see their countries. But, at the same time, they’re trying to show the best of each country to people who’ve never seen them before.” “Yeah, but it doesn’t hurt to make it a bit more realistic so tourists don’t go to these countries thinking everything is fine and dandy and everyone will just treat them like gold and then they get their purse snatched or worse. Another thing I find disturbing about Disney is their insane need to clean up life and present it in its sterile, PC, happy, cheerful form. It’s fine for cartoons, but not for real life.” “And sometimes it’s not fine for cartoons,” Awinita said. “I hated what they did with Pocahontas. I’ve read about the real woman and her life was fascinating. They didn’t need to add raccoon and hummingbird friends for her.” “Exactly,” Alan said, nodding. “Everything has to have a singing, comical sidekick whether or not it’s appropriate. I agree about Pocahontas. They didn’t need to dumb down her life; she was a remarkable woman in her own right and there was no reason why they couldn’t have just told her story without all the animated bells and whistles. But then again you’re talking about the people who felt the need to make Oliver Twist with cats and dogs and give Hunchback of Notre Dame a happy ending.” He smiled at Rose. “Sorry, we’re back here being cynical,” he said to her. “We’ll stop now.” “No, actually, I agree with what you’re saying. Cinderella is one thing since it’s a fantasy but if you’re gonna start doing cartoons about real life people, you should be as accurate as you can. And I also hated what they did to Hunchback. We had to read that in school and I hated the happy ending. Why they decided Hunchback would be good for children anyway is beyond me.” “Yeah, the whole scene where that one guy was singing about lusting after Esmeralda,” Awinita said. “That was creepy.” “I know, I told my mum not to show Tony that one until he’s a lot older because it’s definitely not for little kids.” Alan stopped Rose and pointed at a nearby building. “Hey, the Rose and Crown pub. You have a building named after ya,” he said. “Care to sample the cuisine just to see how Disney does fish and chips?” Rose giggled. “Yeah, I wanna see how good their food is, let’s eat.” “Not too bad,” Rose said as they ate. “Not the best I’ve ever eaten but it’s better than I’d thought it would be.” Alan watched while she took a sip of bitter. “You know, I noticed that France had alcoholic drinks too. That whole thing you were saying last night about keeping track of what people drank. How are they keeping track of these? In France, they had a little stand outside a building that sold those alcoholic orange slush things. How do they keep track of people drinking those?” “I expect they keep an eye out for excessive drunkenness and boot those people out of the park,” Rose said. “Other than that, I haven’t the foggiest idea how they keep track.” “Eh, we won’t go that far anyway,” Alan said, sipping his bitter. He glanced at Awinita who was drinking a Coke. “Don’t like beer?” She made a face. “No, hate the stuff.” “Have you ever had English beer?” “No, just Coors and that was enough for me.” He glanced at Rose. “Have you ever heard of Monty Python?” he asked Awinita. “Holy Grail?” Alan nodded. “Yeah, I’ve seen Holy Grail. That was great.” “Well, have you seen their concert film at the Hollywood Bowl?” “No.” “Well, at one point, they’re doing an Australian philosophers sketch and Eric Idle compares American beer to making love in a canoe.” He paused and waited for her to respond while Rose giggled. “Okay, I’ll bite, why did he say it was like making love in a canoe?” “Because it’s fucking close to water,” Alan said in a hushed voice. Awinita snickered. “He was right,” she said. “Try some of this. It’s not like making love in a canoe,” Alan said, pointing to his mug. Awinita picked up the mug and took a little sip. “Um…it’s a bit better, but I still don’t like the taste,” she said, sitting it back down. “I like the taste of wine more than beer.” “Well, it’s an acquired taste,” Alan said. “The Doctor also had to get used to it when he first came to Earth.” “How long has he been coming to Earth?” “Nearly a thousand years.” “Why does he like Earth?” Alan smiled. “Because he loves humans. You have your problems and you still have a long way to go in some areas, but your kind is brilliant and imaginative and capable of so much good when you put your mind to it.” “And that’s different from your kind?” “Well…Gallifreyans aren’t quite as imaginative as humans are and to be honest, there were a lot of people there who were less than honest, especially in positions of power. But the Doctor was treated badly as a child and when he got old enough to travel, he went looking for people who were more accepting and he came to Earth and that’s when he started traveling with companions. Humans in general are very curious and the Doctor loved how thrilled you lot would get when he’d take you through time and space. Gets boring after awhile when you’ve seen almost everything. It’s nice to have people along who can see things from a fresh perspective, which is why I hope you’ll travel with us when the time comes. You are just the kind of person the Doctor would have asked to go with him.” Rose nodded in agreement. “Yeah, trust me; the Doctor was veeeeeeeerry selective about who went with him,” she said. “Like Adam?” he said. She rolled her eyes. “Yes, like Adam.” “Who’s Adam?” Alan told her. “Wow,” she said when he finished. “Sounds like a complete bastard to me. I’m glad he didn’t get you killed, Rose.” “Well, he seemed like a nice person at the time. I had only traveled with the Doctor for a few months and I didn’t think that anyone would turn on him and try to use time travel to their advantage. The compound we were in was filling up with cement and I was the one who persuaded the Doctor to take him along, I should have just told him to drop him off at his home.” “Yes, that would have been the preferable thing to do.” Rose looked at him. “He was jealous of him too, wasn’t he?” “Let me put it this way, pretty boy should consider himself lucky he didn’t have roaming fingers.” “I knew it!” Rose said as Awinita laughed. “Oh, I knew he was jealous but naturally he wouldn’t admit to that. Is that another reason why he kicked him out of the TARDIS?” “He kicked him out because he nearly got the two of you killed.” “But I screwed up too. I saved my dad and nearly destroyed the whole world and he didn’t do that to me. All I had to do was apologize and he forgot about it and took me back. So, was the other reason he didn’t give him a second chance was because he was jealous? I mean, Adam apologized too, you know.” “Adam was different.” “In what way?” “He wasn’t handpicked by the Doctor to travel with him. He took him on board because you asked. He was given a chance and he blew it so he lost the right to travel with him. Yes, he was a bit jealous but that wasn’t the main reason. He almost got you killed. The Doctor doesn’t take just anyone along with him, you know that.” He looked at Awinita. “The Doctor’s very careful about the people he lets travel with him because of stuff like that. Unfortunately, in that instance, he let his love for Rose supersede his judgment and that was the last time that I know of that he did that. He was careful when it came to choosing Martha. He sized her up beforehand and when she found him after he saved her, he offered to take her along. Mind you, it was on a trial basis at first. He just kept telling her she could have one trip and then one more trip and then one more just to make sure she was trustworthy and when she proved herself, he made her a full companion. Donna was a different story. Donna was destined to travel with him in order to save the universe which is why he kept running into her and met her granddad before she came on board full time. The reason I’m extending the right to travel with us is because I’ve done what he’s done, I’ve deemed you trustworthy and capable of holding your own no matter the situation. If you weren’t worthy, I wouldn’t have offered.” “Well, I’m honored and I would love to come with you guys. It does sound like fun even though some of the monsters you mentioned scared the crap outta me. I had no idea stuff like that existed in the universe.” “Same here,” Rose said. “But like I said, not all of it is monsters. A lot of it is beautiful. Course this is a different universe from the one I traveled through, so I can’t say for sure if the same planets are out there.” “Yes, but this world is only parallel to the other one. You notice that not that much is different,” Alan said. “Save Gallifrey, I’m sure that all the planets you visited in the other universe are in this one too.” “Why not Gallifrey? Did it burn up in this universe too?” Awinita asked. “No, supposedly Time Lords existed in only one universe. I don’t know if that’s true or not but that was the theory.” “So, you don’t have a home here either.” “Oh, I have a home. Thanks to Rose and Torchwood, I’m officially a British citizen. Earth is my home.” “So, you’re a…uh…Gallifreyan…ex-patriot, is that what they call it?” “Yes, I’m a Gallifreyan ex-patriot. The Earth is my adopted home.” “Look out, Earth. All humans better run and hide.” Rose muttered. Awinita laughed as Alan gave Rose a long, hard stare and she quickly ducked down underneath the table. “I’ll just overlook that, Rose, since I don’t have a TARDIS to boot you out of,” he said with a wink.
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