SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW
Chapter Sixty Eight Alan walked along beside Rose and Awinita, his hands stuffed casually in his pockets in an emulation of his other self. They had seen most of the attractions and Alan was slightly bored but he didn’t let his two favorite women know that. He knew they were having a good time and that was good enough for him. The animals were fascinating but it still upset him that they were all in enclosures. He shared the Doctor’s philosophy that every being had the right to live a life that was free and unrestricted. He could tell the animals were treated well, but still, he preferred they were back in their natural habitats where they belonged, not lounging around being gawked at by tourists. He felt a tap on his shoulder and looked over at Rose. “Have I gone deaf or you finally run out of witty things to say?” she teased. “I’m just enjoying the day,” Alan said shrugging. Rose took his arm and stopped him. “Alan, I know you just as well as I know the Doctor and I know that something’s bugging ya. What is it?” He sighed. “I just can’t get over the animals being trapped here. I pity them, Rose.” The two women glanced at each other. “Do you wanna try MGM or we could just go back to our room and rest for awhile. We don’t have to stay here if it’s bothering you, Alan. We don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” “Yeah, but you guys are enjoying yourselves. You shouldn’t worry about me so much.” “Alan, if it’s upsetting you then I’d rather go somewhere else,” Awinita said. “You have as much right to enjoy the park as we do.” “How ‘bout this?” Rose said. “I’m kinda tired and I’m sure Awinita is as well. Why don’t we go back to the hotel for a bit of a rest and tonight we can go back to Pleasure Island, eat and go to a few of the clubs. Then tomorrow we’ll go see MGM, sound good?” Alan nodded. Rose took his hand. “Follow us then,” she said. Alan sighed as the air-conditioning in their hotel room cooled his body. “What a brilliant idea. It was warming up out there,” he said. “Yes and I think all of us need a little nap, we’ve had three days of this and I know I need to recharge my batteries,” Rose said. “Same here,” Awinita added, slipping off her tennis shoes. Rose finished taking off her trainers, laid them by the bedside table and pulled back the covers. She sighed as she slid under them and pulled them up to her chin. She smiled when a moment later she felt Alan slide in next to her. She cuddled up next to him and he put his arm around her underneath the covers. “I forgot to ask you, Rose, before we go to Pleasure Island tonight, let’s have one more go on Expedition Everest, okay?” “Okay,” she said. She sighed when he kissed her cheek tenderly. “Get some rest, you deserve it,” he said. “Aren’t you going to sleep?” “After a bit, I want to make sure you’re sleeping peacefully first,” he said, rubbing her side. Rose glanced back at him. He was propped up on one elbow watching her while he continued to caress her side. He smiled and kissed her lips. “Sleep, Starlight,” he said in a hushed voice. Rose turned her head back around and snuggled up closer to him. She and Awinita closed their eyes and drifted off to sleep while Alan kept a protective watch on them both. The Doctor closed the door to his laboratory and locked it. River was asleep and he decided that he could wait no longer for this moment even though he had been dreading it since he met River again. He could sense in his mind that the time was drawing near when he would have to send her to her death and he would have to give her the screwdriver before that happened. And tell her his true name although for the life of him he couldn’t think of a plausible reason why he would do it. He cursed his decision not to read her diary when he had the chance. He would give anything at the moment to know what kind of spoilers were in his future. All he knew was at some point he was supposed to come calling at her house with trimmed hair and a new suit and take her to Verillian to see the singing towers and that would be the time when he would send her to The Library. He was glad her future self had told him that he would get her at her house. He didn’t remember that until a few weeks ago and the thought that there would be a short respite from her filled him with a relief he hadn’t known in months. He suspected his future self had felt the same way and had sent her home for just that reason. He cared about River but it was torture standing there at his console with her on the other side and knowing that he was her murderer. If they were apart, it would give him time to muster up the courage he would need to do what he had to do. The Doctor walked slowly towards a metal table near the back of the room. He had gathered the necessary parts together some time ago and stored them in a box next to the table until he could bring himself to work on them. Staring at them, he felt the bile rising in his throat and he had to put a hand on the side of the table to steady himself. Taking a deep breath, he went around to the metal chair and sat down. He brought the box up and tipped it over, dumping the contents out onto the smooth, polished surface. As he reached for a soldering gun, he noticed his reflection in the table. He had to admit he’d seen better days. He was haggard from too little sleep and too much worry and he looked weary and defeated, which wasn’t surprising given everything that had happened to him in the past few months. He pulled himself away from his reflection and grabbed the soldering gun. When he turned back to the parts, he happened to glance at a cot in the far corner of the room. Memories came unbidden into his mind and he remembered the reason why it was there. A few weeks after he first met Rose they had traveled to a planet that he had never been to before but at the time he thought might be good for a laugh. It was his ninth self who took her and Rose, who was still getting adjusted to her life as a time traveler, befriended a kindly old man named Zaros Hartok who in reality hadn’t been so kind. Zaros had been kidnapping people and turning them into indestructible metallic slaves in a bid to overthrow the government and rule. The metal was introduced into their bodies when they drank a little concoction of his own design. He had refused the drink that Zaros had offered him after a sumptuous meal but Rose took the goblet and drank every last drop of the greenish liquid. He shuddered remembering his former self bringing her into the lab in excruciating pain, parts of her body already turning to metal. He had defeated Zaros and managed to devise an antidote to restore Rose but it had been a very close call and it had taken every ounce of brainpower he had to work out what the potion was and what would counteract its effects. He swallowed hard, remembering his poor Rose writhing in agony, begging and pleading with him to save her while he tried to tune it all out so he could concentrate on making the antidote. By the time he finished making it, half her body was metallic and half her face as well. The image of her face half flesh and half metal and the fear in her eyes while she pleaded with him to stop the transformation chilled him to the bone and he knew that vision would stay with him for the rest of his lives. He shook his head vigorously. He had a job to do and just like that day he had to block out any distracting thoughts and concentrate on the task at hand. But no matter how hard he concentrated, the image of River dying in front of him kept barging back into his mind. Every time he willed his brain to push the image into the deepest depths of his subconscious, it would be back with a vengeance. Eventually, he just gave up, figuring it was an exercise in futility and decided to just concentrate on the screwdriver come what may. Over and over and over again his mind mercilessly replayed River’s death while he carefully constructed the screwdriver. Tears trickled down his face but he worked through them with the same determination he had when he was solving a tricky puzzle or pursuing a foe. He was bound and determined to get the screwdriver finished so it would be over and done with. After an hour the screwdriver was almost finished. There was one more thing left to do and he wasn’t looking forward to it. Reaching deep into his trouser pocket he pulled out River’s communication device. He held it in his hand rubbing his thumb over the top of it while he stared at it in silence. A lump came to his throat when he thought about how it would eventually hold River’s consciousness again. For one brief moment, he thought about scrapping the screwdriver and relegating it to the rubbish bin. After all, River had no idea what he was doing or that he was planning to give her a screwdriver. He could just throw it away along with the communicator, break the endless wibbly wobbly timey wimey cycle and let River’s consciousness travel to the afterlife instead of letting the next Doctor transfer her into CAL. But he couldn’t bring himself to do that. He had no idea what lay beyond death’s door. According to his former companion Grace it was nothing to be afraid of but still, he couldn’t take that chance. River was a sweet woman and she deserved to reside forever in paradise. Granted, CAL’s paradise was artificial but at least he was certain it was real. He owed it to River to make her afterlife peaceful and happy since he was basically deceiving her and leading her on in the here and now. With steady hands, he put the communicator into the tiny slot he had made for it and wired it in. After that was done, he put the cover over it concealing and protecting it until the next Doctor came along. Laying it gently on the lab table, he wiped the remaining evidence of his tears from his face and took a deep breath, relieved that this unpleasant task was finally over and done with. According to River, he gave it to her at the singing towers. The question was when was he supposed to tell her his name? “I s’pose I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it,” he muttered to himself. “I’m sure the situation will present itself eventually.” He sighed and put the screwdriver in his trouser pocket. “In the meantime, this stays safe and sound in here until the moment I give it to her.” He closed his eyes. “I only hope I have enough strength to actually go through with it,” he whispered. He sat there for a moment more staring at the empty lab while he finished composing himself and then slowly he rose, straightened his back, put his “It’s okay, I’m alright, no worries” mask on his face and walked out of the room.
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