Chapter One

(Day One…)

Amy kept her eyes open for the Doctor while she and her husband made their way to the kitchen. It was six in the morning of the first day of the Doctor's mental power down but so far it'd been quiet.

They went into the kitchen and Rory told Amy to sit down and relax while he made them breakfast. He was rooting around in the fridge when the Doctor suddenly burst into the room.

"MORNIN' HOUSE!" he screeched at them. "It's a fantabulous morning and I'm totally psyched for a day of soap opera watching. Can't miss my stories after all. Incidentally," he said, holding up a copy of The Sun. "Seen today's Sun? I got a copy from the year 1,125 and you won't believe what's going on with Jersey Shore this week!"

"Jersey Shore is still on in the year 1,125?" Amy said as he plopped down.

"Oh yes, it's the most popular show ever. Outdid Baywatch ages ago. Anyway, according to The Sun, Snooki the 23rd went to this Malibu beach house and threw her bikini in the barbecue grill and danced around naked for the President of the United States while singing Everybody, Backstreet's Back for her. It caused quite a controversy at the time especially since Snooki the 23rd was still a hermaphrodite and her john thomas was bobbing up and down in front of the president's face."

"Sounds riveting," Amy muttered to him while he gave her the goofiest grin ever.

"Oh, it was," the Doctor said, nodding his head rapidly.

He stared at Amy for a moment before opening The Sun and turning to page 3. He turned it around and showed her a naked blue alien.

"Tits," he said, pointing to her four breasts.

"No, really?" Amy said sarcastically.

"Yes, really, those are what those are," the Doctor said, turning the paper back around. "I pride myself on knowing bodily anatomy. Speaking of tits, where's my spousal unit this morning? She usually sleeps with me when she's here but she stayed away from me last night."

"Gee, I wonder why that is?" Amy said sarcastically.

"No idea. Anyhoooo, now that I'm here and Rory is fixing us breakfast, we can relax and pal around."

"I'm fixing Amy and me breakfast," Rory said over his shoulder while he fried some eggs. "You can fix your own."

"Yup, Rory is fixing me some breakfast right now, I can't wait to eat it," the Doctor said, completely ignoring him. "In the meantime, I'll listen to my IPod and dream of a full English breakfast. You are fixing a full English breakfast, right?" he said to Rory.

Rory looked at the Doctor for a moment before looking at Amy. Amy rolled her eyes and nodded.

"Um, yeah, I'm fixing us an English breakfast," Rory said to the Doctor.

"Groovy dooby, I'll be here when you're finished fixing our nosh," the Doctor said, reaching into his jacket pocket for his IPod. He put the earbuds in and selected a song while Amy breathed a sigh of relief that her friend was distracted and not talking crazy to her. The Doctor found a song and relaxed in the chair for a moment but then his head began to bob up and down, then he moved his arms around and suddenly he bolted up from the chair and began to dance around the table, snapping his fingers and wiggling his bum while Amy stared at him in disbelief.

"Must be one of his favorite songs," Rory said to his wife while the Doctor danced around the table.

Amy gasped when the Doctor stopped by her and jiggled his tush in her face.

"Augh, get away from me and go somewhere else and shake it," Amy said, pushing on his butt while he gyrated and jiggled it.

Just then River came into the room, the Doctor froze, his face frozen with joy while River stopped and stared at him.

"Spousal unit, you've arrived!" the Doctor screeched while he zoomed towards her.

River ducked and went around him just before he reached her. The Doctor continued out the door, seemingly not noticing she was no longer in his path. River looked out the door but the Doctor kept right on going so she shrugged and walked over to Rory, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Mornin' Father, I see the three day marathon brain damage has begun in earnest," she said to him before going over and kissing her mother good morning.

"Yup, he's been quite vocal this morning," Amy said, hugging her daughter. "He wants Rory to fix everyone a full English breakfast but that's before he ran out of the room. But you're welcome to his share if you want."

Just then, the Doctor appeared in the doorway holding a black fedora in his hand. He put it on his head at a jaunty angle and began to sing Michael Jackson's Bad to them while he imitated Michael's dance moves.

"Let me guess, that's playing on the IPod this moment," Rory said to his family while the Doctor did a crappy moonwalk in front of Amy and River.

He finished singing Bad and threw the hat in the corner before singing Right Said Fred's I'm Too Sexy to River. He batted his eyelashes at his wife while his face was inches from hers.

"It is quite charming in a toddler sort of way," River said to her daughter while the Doctor sang to her.

He stopped singing and gazed into River's eyes.

"Marry me," he said to her.

"We are married," River said.

"Marry me again so I can sing to you during the ceremony," the Doctor said. "I could compose a song just for you out of my noddle and woo you off your feet in the process. I could do it now since Rory is taking forever to make my food. Want me to do that?"

"Um…okay," River said.

The Doctor took the earbuds out of his ears and put his IPod in his pocket. He sat down beside River and took her hands in his, gazing into her eyes while Amy watched them. The Doctor thought for a moment before clearing his throat.

"Okay, here goes," he said.

He cleared his throat again and began to sing.

"My darling, you are the love of my life," he crooned. "You are my friend, my lover, my wife. I love you, darling, from head to toe but there's one thing you got that I gotta have mo'."

He paused and Amy heard him snicker a moment before suddenly he wailed out like a banshee on crack…


Amy and Rory looked at each other while River turned completely crimson. The Doctor was giggling insanely like a mentally challenged hyena and poking his wife repeatedly in the arm.

"Love it, did ya?" he said when he sobered up enough to speak.

"Yeah, it was very…creative," River said dryly.

"Damn straight it was! Came from right here!" the Doctor said, poking his temple.

Suddenly, he leapt like a panther out of his chair directly towards Rory.


Amy couldn't help but giggle at her husband who was now standing there in silent shock, his hand raised to protect himself while he held the spatula in the other hand. The Doctor was staring at him, his jaws and fist clenched while he waited for an answer. Then the Doctor giggled his hyena laugh again and relaxed as he patted Rory on the shoulder.

"Just fuckin' with ya, Ror-whore," he said to his shaken companion. "I like to intimidate people from time to time. Keeps em on their toes. Looks good by the way," he said, picking a bit of egg up from one of the plates beside the stove.

He popped it in his mouth and told everyone he was going to the shitter and would be right back. Everyone watched while he zoomed out of the room as he loudly announced he needed to make a dump in the loo.

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