STIR CRAZY

Chapter Three

(Day One…)

The Doctor strode triumphantly into the living room with a huge grin on his face followed by Rory who was wiping slobber off his lips and cheek.

"I have now snogged all the Ponds," the Doctor said, flopping down on the sofa.

"He snogged you?" Amy said as Rory sat down beside River.

"More like slobbered all over my face," Rory said, looking with disgust at his wet hand.

"If you'd opened your mouth like I asked you to, I wouldn't need to drool on your face and lick it," the Doctor said. "You resisted so I had to take drastic measures."

"I'm glad this only lasts three days. I would never travel with you if this was your normal behavior," Rory said.

"And now, back to my stories," the Doctor said with a sigh.

"Hey!" Amy said, "I have an idea. Let's play a game."

"Brilliant. Let's play a game called I'm a Slitheen," the Doctor said before letting out another fart.

He snickered while Amy eyed him and patted her on the head.

"No, I'm being serious here," Amy said.

"So am I," the Doctor said before letting another fart rip. "My, my, Rory is especially gaseous today. He needs to get that looked at, it's starting to smell in here."

"I was thinking we could do a bit of roleplaying," Amy said.

"Such as?" the Doctor said, glancing at her.

"I think we should play a roleplaying game called Dalek Invasion."

"What happed to I'm a Slitheen?" the Doctor said before farting again.

"Will you stop that?" Amy said.

"Tell Rory, he's the one letting the hurricane out of his arse," the Doctor said, pointing to Rory.

"I was thinking that perhaps I could be a Dalek and I was holding you prisoner and you'd have to escape me," Amy said, ignoring him.

The Doctor didn't respond at first, keeping his eyes on the telly. Then suddenly he leapt up, an "Aha!" look on his face.

"Be right back," he said, dashing out of the room.

He returned twenty minutes later pushing a Dalek in front of him. His three companions leapt up but the Doctor held up his hand.

"Relax, it's not real," he said. "This is a project I did once. I entertained the idea of building a Dalek robot that would allow me to go among the Daleks undetected. If you notice, the Dalek is bigger than normal to allow me to sit inside it."

He opened the top of the Dalek. The top part was on a hinge and the dome swung back. He then went to the front and opened up the front part of the casing, parting it to reveal the interior. Inside were buttons, levers and a small swivel stood with black leather padding.

"Never got to use it before," the Doctor said. "However, if you wish to play Dalek Invasion, I will be the Dalek."

Happy that the Doctor was going with her idea instead of sitting on the sofa all day, Amy agreed to let him be the Dalek.

"So…what's the situation then?" the Doctor said, leaning on the back of the Dalek.

His companions looked at each other.

"Well…" Rory said. "How about the Daleks are planning to invade Earth and the three of us are being held captive in here by a lone Dalek who…"

"Took the Doctor somewhere," Amy said when Rory trailed off. "And we have to escape and find him while the Dalek pursues us."

"Interesting, I like it," the Doctor said, nodding.

"I got a question," Amy said to the Doctor.

"Yeeees?" the Doctor said.

"Where do Daleks come from?" Amy said.

"Skaro," the Doctor said. "They're descended from a race called Kaleds and they were first created by a man called Davros. Why?"

"Well, I was thinking that you as a Dalek would be trying to convert River into a Dalek, is that possible?" Amy said.

"You remember the Dalek during World War 2" the Doctor said.

"Yes."

"Well, part of the reason the Daleks considered it impure was because it was grown with human DNA so yes, it is possible. Plus, there was a thing called Dalek Factor where they tried to convert humans into Daleks but keep their human shape. There was also a group in Manhattan that did the same thing with mind wiped humans."

"Okay, so you took River hostage then and you're guarding her while we try to rescue her and find the Doctor," Amy said, pointing to Rory.

"So the prison cell is here then?" the Doctor said, opening his arms to indicate the living room.

"Yes. River is locked in here and you give us some time to leave and Rory and me will come and try to free River from here," Amy said.

"I like this more and more," the Doctor said. "Okay, Ponds, crack on and I'll guard the spousal unit from ya."

"Come on, Rory," Amy said.

The Doctor watched while the Ponds hurried out of the room before he grinned at River.

"You're my prisoner now, Song," he said, waggling his eyebrows.

"Ooo, I'm frightened," River said as she sat down on the sofa.

The Doctor walked around the Dalek and got inside it. He sat down and used door hinges on the inside to pull the casing closed. He then locked it with a latch and River chuckled when his head stuck out the top of it. He reached his hand up, grabbed the dome and put it over his head. River watched him while she heard a faint whirring sound from inside the Dalek.

"I HAVE TO START IT UP," the Doctor said through a microphone that turned his voice into a Daleks. "WAIT A TIC."

She watched while the Dalek started moving in a jerky way and she giggled when the Doctor cursed in a Dalek's voice.

"THIS WILL TAKE A MOMENT TO GET USED TO," he said to her. "BE PATIENT, I NEED TO TAKE THIS AROUND THE LOUNGE SO I CAN GET USED TO DRIVING IT."

River watched while the Dalek slowly moved towards her. At first there were a few stops and starts until the Doctor got the hang of it and he was soon gliding around the room. River said on the sofa, looking behind her while the Doctor went back and forth behind her.

"YOU KNOW," the Doctor said, stopping behind her and turning the eyestalk to her face. "I THINK THIS IDEA STILL HAS MERIT. IF THERE IS AN ACTUAL DALEK INVASION, I CAN USE THIS FOR INFILTRATION."

"And I could be your hostage, sweetie, and help you infiltrate," River said.

The Doctor moved the eyestalk up and down, nodding at that. He then went around the sofa and glided up to River.

"I MUST FIND THE PONDS," he said to her. "YOU WILL SIT HERE, RIVER SONG. IF YOU MOVE, I WILL EXTERMINATE!"

"I'll be good, I promise," River said, feigning fear.

"GOOD. BEWARE MY WRATH, HEE, HEE, HEE."

The Doctor turned and River winced when he zoomed towards the door, missed it and hit the wall beside it.

"OUCH, I SEE I STILL HAVE TO GET USED TO DRIVING THIS THING," the Doctor said as he backed up and went out the door.

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