THE ADVENTURES OF THE DOCTOR'S AMAZING HAND
Chapter Nineteen Rose glanced around nervously while she walked down the darkened London streets. John rode on her shoulder, keeping himself ready just in case someone tried to hurt her. She was walking through the safer part of the city or it used to be the safer part before the Master came along. Now it was filled with transients, trash and bombed out buildings. Rose kept her eyes looking straight ahead, trying to ignore the leers and crude remarks of the homeless men who were warming themselves by fires that were blazing in oil drums and trash receptacles. John was riding on her left shoulder so he was not immediately visible to the men who stared at the newcomer with barely contained lust. A few men staggered around, visibly drunk, and they made Rose even more nervous since they had even less self-control than the vagrants around the fires. "Hey, doll, where ya goin' at this time of night?" A filthy homeless man slurred the moment he spied her. "Pretty girl like you shouldn't be out here. Come home with me and I'll keep ya warm." "No thanks," Rose muttered. She gasped when the man stepped in her path and glared at her with red rimmed eyes. "What's wrong, bitch? I'm not good enough for ya?" he snarled. "You got a problem with shaggin' me?" Rose noticed him reaching into his pocket and she imagined him pulling out a knife. Just then, John launched himself off her shoulder and punched him in the face. The drunk staggered back and John hit him directly in the balls. As he fell to his knees, Rose quickly ran around him and followed John to a darkened alley. She slumped against the left wall, letting her heart calm back down to its normal rhythm while John kept watch for any pursuers. "This is gonna be harder than it looks," Rose said. "If we're not hiding from the Toclafane we have to fend off drunken men and tramps. I don't know if I can do this." You can do it. I have faith in you, John signed to her. Rose reached down and patted his back. "Thanks for saving my life back there," she said. John patted her hand. He was elated when Rose picked him up and gave him a kiss on the index finger. Rose held him close while she calmed down and he vaguely wondered if she was beginning to love him more than the Doctor. Secretly, he hoped so. He knew he was once a part of him but now he was his own body part and he was entitled to love Rose just as much as his former owner. He thought back to the dream where he was standing on the beach with Rose as a full man and he shivered with delight at the thought of that coming true. He longed to have lips just so he could taste her skin and have a face she could caress as well as a body she could use during lovemaking. It gave him such a thrill thinking of it that for a moment he didn't realize that Rose was on the move again. John put away the thoughts of being a full person for the moment and concentrated once again on being her protector. They walked for the rest of the night keeping to the shadows. There were a few more Toclafane sightings as well as a few more horny drunks to contend with but both of them made it through their first night unscathed and in the morning, Rose found a bench that she could sleep on. She started to put John inside her jacket but he shook his hand. I'll keep watch, he signed. Rose nodded. She kissed his finger, zipped her jacket up to her neck and with a sigh lifted her aching feet, put her arm underneath her head and lay on her side staring out at the rising sun. Occasionally she'd hear a noise and lift her head up trying to find its source but eventually she relaxed enough that she was able to close her eyes and finally drift off to sleep. The Doctor gasped and held his aching side while he lay inside his tent. The Master had worked him over almost to the point of passing out but he held back so he wouldn't have the mercy of falling into the darkness. Instead, he was forced to sit and watch while the Master killed Jack six different times in six different ways. Everything from stabbing to shooting to using a small hand axe to chop his head off, any twisted idea the Master had he acted upon until he finally grew tired of watching Jack come back to life. Only then did he allow the guards to take him back to his tent to rest and it was there that his thoughts turned to Rose. He hoped she was safe. He figured it must have been a shock for her to see what had happened to London. She didn't have a perception filter like Martha did and his stomach churned thinking of the metal balls finding her and chopping her to bits. He had witnessed that one day. A guard named James had taken pity on him and began to personally care for him. He seemed to be more lucid than the others so the Doctor surmised he had managed to break part of the Master's hold on his mind. James made sure every day that he had enough to eat and had taken him to the bathroom. He also spend some time with him and he learned that he lived in Cornwall and had a wife, two boys and a girl. The Doctor enjoyed his company immensely and his visits were the highlight of his otherwise crappy day. But the Master got wind of what he was doing and began to get suspicious, thinking that James was secretly trying to help him. So one day he waited until James came for a visit and had the guards block the doors while he set two Toclanfane on him. The Doctor felt bile rise in his throat when he recalled that innocent man being sliced and diced and hacked to bits in front of him, all the while screaming in agony and crying out for mercy to his unconcerned boss. It filled him with all-consuming rage knowing the poor man suffered and died because he had shown him a bit of kindness and mercy. He knew that the same thing had happened to Jack once. The Master gleefully informed him of that and he held no illusions that Rose would be safe from a Toclafane attack even if the Master had been the one to bring her over. He guessed the Master had already told his minions to keep an eye out for her and for John and either capture or kill them on sight and rage flooded his mind knowing his love had been thrown into the middle of this hell his adversary had created. Ever more tormenting was the fact that once he restored everything he would have to watch as she disappeared from his sight, just like before. He nearly went mad with grief and loneliness the first time he lost her. He wasn't sure if he could stand losing her again. There's got to be a way to keep her here, he thought to himself. There's just got to be. I won't let the universe cheat me again. I will find a way even if it kills me. Guilt plagued his mind the moment he thought of that. Rose had her mum and dad and sibling and Mickey in the other universe and he was thinking up ways to separate her from them. I made my decision a long time ago and I'm never gonna leave ya. He swallowed hard when Rose's voice echoed in his mind. Those words that both thrilled and terrified him. On one hand he wanted more than anything to keep her at his side but…she would grow old, infirm. He'd have to watch that beautiful blonde hair grow grey and then turn white, see her beautiful face become lined, her sight become weaker, her gait become slower. He'd have to watch while she deteriorated in front of his eyes and become more and more dependent on him for help. Have to watch while she slowly lost the strength to run at his side and then… The Doctor swallowed hard as he pushed the image of Rose dying in his arms out of his head. That thought terrified him more than anything the Master could do. The love of his life breathing her last and leaving him alone forever. Knowing that forever more he'd be tempted to go back along her timeline just for another glance at her in her youth. Perhaps even do something drastic like try to solve the skasis paradigm to change her into a time lady. That also scared him because he knew if he succeeded, he might not stop there. He might bring back all his companions and make them immortal so he would never be alone, then he might change other things, bring back Gallifrey and his people, make the universe a better, more ordered, friendlier place and ultimately that path would lead straight to the greatest terror of all, the transformation into the Valeyard. The Doctor shook his head. He knew he couldn't let that happen. He had to stick to his original idea and send Rose back. Once she was out of sight, the temptation to do all those things would be gone and he could do what he always did, push forward and move on to the next thing in his life as if nothing happened. Thinking of denying himself Rose's love caused a tear to trickle down his cheek and he cursed himself for being a fool and falling in love with her. He had always kept his companions at arm's length and things had never gotten as complicated as they were now. But Rose had been there for him, had healed him and shined her light into his dark, lonely world and after centuries of denial he had tired of always shutting down his feelings and insisting everyone have a platonic relationship with him. After the loss of his people he ached for a kindred spirit, someone who could love and understand him, who was like him and Rose was all that and more. He had resisted at first but finally he realized the folly of treating her the same way he'd treated all the others and he allowed himself to fall head over heels in love with her and now…now he was paying the price for it and so was she. For the hundredth time he wished for death. He wished Rose had left him alone on the Gamestation and let the Daleks finish him off. He should have allowed himself to die after he took the time vortex from her. He should have forced himself to die and finally end his misery but his love for Rose and need to be with her overrode that urge and now this incarnation was even more inclined to be sentimental and loving than the last one was. The Doctor sighed and shook his head. He couldn't think of this right now. He had work to do. With the Master stepping up his efforts at torturing him, he had precious little time to tune into the Archangel Network and link into it. He had to do that right now instead of thinking of Rose. But before he did, he closed his eyes and brought her beautiful face to the forefront of his consciousness. "My love," he murmured under his breath. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for pulling you into all this. Pulling you into my tormented and hopeless life and letting you suffer along with me. I hope whatever happens, my Rose, you can forgive me because if something happens to you, I'll never forgive myself. "
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