THE CUTENESS GAUNTLET
Chapter Three The Doctor continued walking along the path by now used to the little bird on his shoulder and its annoyingly cheerful song. Up ahead there was a bend in the path to the left and when he reached it, he noticed a covered bridge about twenty feet away. He stopped in his tracks and studied it. The exterior was the same rainbow color as the rest of the forest but inside, it was nice and dark and spooky looking. The Doctor smiled at that, happy to have something that wasn't screaming twee at his face and he sped up slightly, although he kept his eyes peeled for any dancing wildlife coming out of the forest. But the moment his foot stepped inside the bridge, the whole thing lit up and the Doctor groaned when it was more rainbow colors and birds flapping around inside it. Add to that nauseating musak as he went through it and he suddenly felt his spirits slipping a bit. That made him stop in his tracks as he suddenly realized what was going on. "Observation," he said to himself, "all of this is designed to sap my morale. It's so cute it's depressing, at least for me, and the fact that I can't escape it and it's one big cuteness overload is causing me to become depressed and when I become depressed, I can be more easily controlled and susceptible to others and their influence. Oho, very clever, very clever indeed. Well, this place isn't going to get the best of me! I will fight the cuteness with sarcasm! All righty then, you asked for it!" The Doctor, filled with renewed hope and vigor sauntered on with confidence that he could outwit the gauntlet and get Clara back. "Hey, Arabella! Is this all you got in ya? Rainbow colors and singing birds?" he yelled up at the ceiling of the bridge while he walked through it. "Come on, Glinda, give me a real challenge! Make me turn to the cute side!" Suddenly, there was a flash of light in front of him and Hello Kitty appeared. The Doctor stopped in his tracks and looked down at her. She was wearing a pink dress with a tiny rainbow on it and had a little pink bow by her left ear. Hello Kitty waved cheerfully at the Doctor. The Doctor smirked at that as the kitten continued to wave silently at him. "Well, well, well, if it isn't Hello Shitty," he said as the kitten stared up at him and lowered her paw. "You do know that you're not a cat, right? You're just some daft human child with an unhealthy cat fetish? I read about it online somewhere. Probably some site called Stuff That Interests Pudding Brains or something like that. Anyway, time to go find a litter box, Hello Shitty. People who live in reality have to go and find their friends." Hello Kitty stared at him for a moment before it began to dance around him. Then when Hello Kitty turned her back to him as part of the dance, the Doctor kicked her hard in the backside, sending her flying up and out of the bridge. "Goodbye Hello Kitty!" the Doctor yelled at her at he cupped his hand against the side of his mouth, "Go find a backpack to decorate or go find a therapist and move past the whole dressing like a cat thing, one or the other!" Invigorated by the fact that he found he could kick Hello Kitty like a football, he carried on, walking out of the bridge. The bird continued to chirp in his ear and the Doctor, finding he had enough of it, stopped. "Hey, Tweety on my shoulder, if you want to continue to live, you will vacate your perch immediately or you and your friends will end up four and twenty rainbow birds baked in a pie and I'm not joking about this. So piss off!" The bird fell silent and finally looked at the Doctor. Seeing the enraged look on his face, the bird finally flew off and the Doctor breathed a sigh of relief. He stood there a moment, waiting for the bird to come back and when it didn't he walked on, a smug grin on his face. There was another curve in the path that veered to the right and when the Doctor turned, he heard tiny singing coming from either side of the path. High pitched voices were singing "La la lalalala," repeatedly. The Doctor, confident he could handle whatever the gauntlet threw his way, walked over to where the voices were coming from, looked off to the right of the path and noticed a smurf village nestled in the rainbow colored grass. To his amazement, the Smurfs were still blue instead of being rainbow colored and many of them were outside their mushroom homes going about their business while they la la la-ed in unison. The Doctor checked the other side of the path and found the rest of the village, including Papa Smurf who was talking to some random smurf outside a mushroom house near the center of the village. The Doctor watched them with fascination for a moment before deciding just to walk on and let them be. But when he turned, he noticed thirty smurfs were now coming from the other side of the path and heading towards him, all smiles and cheerfulness and la la-ing. The Doctor sighed as the smurfs gathered around him and began to dance in unison while keeping up the la la song. And he noticed that now, the smurfs on the other side were noticing him and walking over to join in the celebration. "Well, I was going to pass by and ignore you lot but you asked for it," the Doctor said with a shrug. The smurfs stopped singing and stood frozen to the spot when the Doctor let out a mighty roar, flung his hands up to the sky and began to walk to the village on the right as he yelled out, "I'M GODZILLA, ROOOOOAR!" The smurfs yelled as the Doctor stomped into the village and began stomping his feet as the remaining smurfs in the village ran for cover. The Doctor roared at the panicked stricken smurfs and stomped his feet some more, taking care not to smash the houses but still trying to scare the bejesus out of them as they fled from the village. "ROOOOAR, I LOVE TO EAT SMURFS!" the Doctor said as he stomped his feet and waved his arms around. He waited till every smurf had cleared out of the village before he turned and stomped his way back towards the path, roaring and flinging his arms around while the smurfs screamed and fled down into the other village. "ROOOOOOAR!" the Doctor said, standing in the middle of the path, enjoying himself as he continued his monster routine. He smiled and stopped flailing and roaring when all of the smurfs were out of his way and hiding in the other village. Whistling cheerfully, he put his hands in his pockets and strolled off in search of Clara.
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