THE CUTENESS GAUNTLET

Chapter Six

The Doctor sighed as the ground continued to shake.

"HEY!" he yelled up at the sky, "I ran your stupid gauntlet, now let's us go!"

He waited for an answer but all he got was more earth shaking booms.

"Doctor, I can't get up!" Clara said as she sat on the ground.

"You might want to be in the altogether, actually. I have a feeling that we're about to be visited by something large and horrendously cute."

"I'm not taking my clothes off, Doctor!"

"Fine, then sit there and be eaten or whatever," the Doctor said, waving his hand dismissively.

There was a few more seconds of earth shaking booms and then the Doctor's eyes widened when he looked up and noticed a fifty foot child was bending over to look down at him. The girl had a chubby, angelic face, big blue eyes, blond curls and a bit of drool flowing out of her petal pink lips. The girl looked down at the Doctor and pointed at him with a huge chubby finger.

"DOLLY!" it screeched in a high pitched voice.

"Oh bugger," the Doctor said.

"I WANT DOLLY!" the child said.

"Clara, get undressed now!" the Doctor yelled, running to avoid the child's hand when she tried to pick him up.

"COME BACK, DOLLY!" the child said as she tried to grab at the Doctor.

Meanwhile, Clara was trying to get her dress off her body as the Doctor did everything he could to distract the monster child and keep her attention away from his beleaguered companion. Clara looked around for Sparkle Dancer but the unicorn had bolted into the forest and was nowhere to be seen. Clara managed to get the back of the dress unzipped and was shrugging it off when suddenly the girl noticed her and her blood ran cold when the little girl stared down at her with wide eyes.

"DOLLY?" the girl said as her hand slowly moved towards Clara.

"WE GIVE UP!" the Doctor yelled at the sky as he ran towards Clara. "WE GIVE UP, YOU HEAR ME! GET US OUT OF HERE!"

The Doctor tugged at the dress, trying to get it off Clara while the child reached down to get them. She nearly had them in her grasp when suddenly the child screamed bloody murder. The Doctor jerked his head up and was amazed when the child ran away, weeping loudly as the ground shook from each footstep.

"What just happened?" Clara said as the thunderous footfalls receded into the distance. "What'd you do?"

"Nothing. At least, I don't know what I did to make the child go away," the Doctor said.

"That was me," the Sun said as it suddenly appeared overhead. "I heard your cries for help so I came over and burned her bum to get her to leave you alone."

"Thank you, my friend!" the Doctor said. "At least one person here is on our side. So…where's Sparkle Dancer then?" he said, looking around.

"I think it went off in search of shelter," Clara replied.

"Sensible idea. Why don't we go off in search of shelter as well?" the Doctor said.

The Doctor and Clara looked at one another.

"Well, are you going starkers or not?" the Doctor said. "I can't carry you."

Clara sighed and shrugged the dress off her body.

"This is soooo embarrassing," Clara said as she crawled out of the dress.

"Just pretend you're going to church," the Doctor replied.

He took off his tutu and held it out to her. Clara raised her eyebrow.

"And what's this supposed to cover?" she said.

"I don't know, put it around your breasts or something. I can't give you my ballerina outfit, can I?"

"Well, you could but that means looking at your naked body and that's something I don't want to see," Clara said.

She took the tutu and tried putting it around her breasts but it was too big. She sighed and tried putting it around her crotch and it wouldn't stay. Finally she straddled it and adjusted it so the back end was winding around her right thigh. She held both ends in her right hand and the Doctor sniggered as she gave him a sour look and walked towards the door. But when they got past the forest, Clara gasped and pointed off to the left. The Doctor looked at where she was pointing and his eyes bulged when he saw a fifty foot Barney the Dinosaur in the distance.

"I LOVE YOU!" it called to them.

"Christ, Clara, run for your life!" the Doctor yelled.

Clara forgot about the tutu and sprinted towards the door with the Doctor. They could see it up ahead but when the Doctor looked back over his shoulder, he noticed the Barney was just dancing around and not paying attention to them. Still, he didn't want to take chances so he flung himself against the door, tried it and began to pound on it when he found it was locked.

"LET US OUT, WE'VE BEATEN THE GUANTLET!" he screamed and he and Clara pounded.

Suddenly, a bright burst of light surrounding them. They shielded their eyes and when the light faded, they were back in the Throne Room in front of Arabella.

"Congratulations," she said to them. "You've beaten my gauntlet. How does that make you feel?"

She gasped when the Doctor lunged at her and put his hands around her neck as he got in her face.

"I'll tell you how it makes me feel," he growled at her. "It makes me feel like I want to kill you right here, right now and give your dead body to that giant child in there. Now tell me…how does that make you feel?"

"I was just having a laugh," Arabella stuttered as the Doctor's eyes bored into her. "Nothing would have happened to you in there. It was just a joke."

"NOTICE HOW I'M NOT LAUGHING!" the Doctor roared at her. "NOW TAKE US BACK TO THE TARDIS AND IF YOU EVER MUCK WITH US AGAIN, I WILL TAKE YOU TO THE DARKEST, MOST DEPRESSING, MOST NON-CUTE PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE AND LET YOU ROT THERE! GOT THAT?"

Arabella flinched at the rage on the Doctor's face and nodded meekly. She breathed a sigh of relief when the Doctor let go of her neck and stepped back towards Clara. The Doctor gave her a pointed look and folded his arms over his chest.

"Any time now would be good," he said to her.

Arabella glared at them, took a tiny remote control out of her dress and pushed a button. There was another flash and when the light faded, they were standing in front of the TARDIS. Clara practically clawed the door down in the rush to get her naked body inside and to her room. The Doctor sighed and shook his head as he followed her inside and shut the door. Several seconds later, the TARDIS dematerialized and vanished completely.

THE END.

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