THE DOCTOR GETS SMART
Crossover of "Doctor Who" and "Get Smart"

Chapter Two

“Here’s the spot, 99.” Max said as he pulled his car up to the curb.

As they sat in the car and checked their weapons, they failed to notice a cab pulling up behind them.

The Doctor and Rose got out of the cab. The Doctor hurriedly paid the cab driver and as the cab pulled away they ran to a nearby alley and leaned back against the wall as they kept an eye on Max and 99.

“Do you think this Siegfried is really going to try to catch an alien?” Rose asked.

“I don’t know, but we can’t take any chances. If he’s trying to get his hands on alien technology so he can rule the world we have to put a stop to it.”

“So, what do we do?”

“Nothing, at the moment. We just wait here and follow their lead.” He replied, pointing to Max and 99

Rose leaned against the Doctor and put her head on his shoulder as he leaned his head on hers.

“So, what’d you think they are?” Rose asked, as she stared at them. “CIA?”

“Talked like it.” The Doctor replied. “They sound like they’re with some kind of spy organization.”

“Well, if they are spies, that guy needs to learn how to talk a lot softer. Could hear every word he said.” Rose said, pointing to Max.

The Doctor grimaced as he rubbed the back of his head.

“He needs to learn to get a better grip on the salt shaker as well.”

He eyed Rose as she began giggling.

“Yeah, I know, you thought it was hilarious.”

“It was. The look on your face when it hit your head was priceless. Serves you right for being so nosy.”

“Um, as I recall, you were listening right along with me, Rose Tyler.” The Doctor replied. “So, don’t start accusing me of being nosy. I…”

“What?” Rose asked, as the Doctor suddenly stopped himself.

He put a finger to his lips and pointed to Max and 99. Rose looked over and noticed they had ducked down in their car as two men got out of a car in front of them and headed into the abandoned building. After a few moments, they saw them sit upright and lean in as they discussed something. A few minutes after that, they saw them open their car doors and get out.

“Wait and see what they do.” The Doctor muttered to Rose. “If they go inside, we follow them.”

“Rose nodded.

They leaned over slightly and watched as Max and 99 crouched down and ran over to a bush beside the door. They hunkered down behind it and readied their guns as Max looked back and whispered something to 99. 99 nodded and reached into her purse as Max kept an eye on the door. The Doctor and Rose watched as 99 pulled a small silver tool out of her purse and closed it. Then, as Max looked all around, 99 crept up to the door and inserted the tool in the lock. She fiddled with the lock for a few minutes and then grinned as she took it out and put it back in her purse.

“Max!” they heard her say in a loud whisper. “I got it.”

Max nodded and crept out from behind the bush. He crouched down behind 99 and held his gun up as she put her hand on the door handle and slowly opened the door.

“Good for her. I won’t have to use my sonic screwdriver now.” The Doctor muttered to Rose.

They watched as 99 opened the door enough to see in. She cautiously looked around as Max readied his gun for an attack. After a moment, they saw 99 look back at Max and nod. Max relaxed his gun slightly as 99 opened the door all the way. She and Max stood up and held their guns out in front of them as they slowly went inside.

As the door shut behind him, the Doctor glanced at Rose.

“Ok, now.” He said.

Rose nodded and the two of them crept up to the door. The Doctor reached into his inside jacket pocket and brought out his sonic screwdriver as Rose repeated 99’s maneuver and cautiously opened the door. Rose peeked inside at a dark, dusty, empty room. She glanced around and seeing it was empty looked back at the Doctor.

“All cle…”

She paused as she noticed the Doctor was holding his sonic screwdriver up above his head.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m guarding you with my weapon like Max did with 99.”

He grinned as Rose swatted his chest.

Standing up, they crept into the building and closed the door behind them.

Rose coughed as their footsteps stirred up the dust.

“Blimey, why anyone would want this for their headquarters is beyond me. It’s filthy in here.” She said, swiping at the dust particles.

They crept along silently. As they turned a corner, they crouched down as they saw Max and 99 crouched down up ahead of them. Beyond them, there was a room. The door was slightly ajar and light flooded into the corridor as they heard someone inside speaking with a heavy German accent. The Doctor and Rose listened silently as they kept their eyes on the room.

“Zo, vhat you are telling me, Shtarker is you have not found ze alien like I vanted.” Siegfried said to his right hand man.

“Ja, Siegfried, that is vat I said. Ve haven’t been able to find any alien yet.”

“Even vith the detection device I gave the two of you? Did that not work?”

He looked at his left hand man who was standing beside Shtarker.

“Vell? Vat about you? Vat do you have to say about all of zis? Vat is your excuse for your incompetence?”

“Um, I’m just a temp?” the left hand man replied nervously.

“No, you are a dummkopf and a dead dummkopf at dat.”

“But Herr Siegfried, I am not dead.” The left hand man insisted.

“Oh!” Siegfried said, hitting himself on the forehead. “You’re right. How careless of me.”

He pulled a gun from his side holster and shot the left hand man dead.

“Dere, now you are dead.” He said to him.

He looked at Shtarker.

“Oh please, Siegfried, don’t kill me too.” Shtarker babbled as he fell to his knees. “I vill not fail you again!”

“Shtarker, get up. How many times do I have to tell you? Zis is KAOS, ve don’t grovel here!” he said.

“Oh right, sorry Siegfried.” Shtarker said, getting up and dusting himself off. “I keep forgetting.”

Siegfried shook his head as he muttered something in German.

“Okay, Shtarker,” he said, sighing.” I vill give you von more chance to find ze alien! I need an alien to complete my plans for vorld domination and I vill accept no excuses. Get out der and find me zat alien and do it before the Shmarts catch on. Now go or I vill be forced to execute you along vith ze temp der.”

“Ja, Siegfried. I go now.” Shtarker replied.

“Good and remember vat vill happen if you fail me. Now go.”

Max and 99 and the Doctor and Rose backed up into the shadows as Shtarker exited the room. They stared at him as he clipped a little black box onto his belt and turned it on. Shtarker frowned in confusion as the box immediately began to beep repeatedly.

“Herr Siegfried.” He said, looking back into the room.

“Vat is it now?” they heard Siegfried say in an exasperated tone of voice.

“My little alien detection device is beeping. Vat does that mean?” Shtarker asked.

“It means an alien is nearby, dummkopf.” Siegfried replied.

Rose gasped and glanced back at the Doctor as he flattened himself against the wall.

“Oh, is dat vat dat means? Okay, vell it must be on de fritz den.” Shtarker said, tapping it.

“Did you ever stop to think it might mean an alien is nearby, dummkopf?” Siegfried said angrily.

“Oh yes, dat could be de reason too.” Shtarker said with wide eyes. “I guess I should go…”

He glanced down as the device stopped beeping. He tapped at it and shrugged when it remained silent.

“Dat’s funny. It’s stopped. I vonder why?” he mused.

Rose looked back at the Doctor who was putting his sonic screwdriver back in his jacket pocket.

“Good think you had that.” Rose whispered.

“Tell me about it.” The Doctor replied.

“Herr Siegfried.” Shtarker said, looking back in the room.

“VATT IS IT?”

“The device stopped beeping. Vat does dat mean?”

“IT MEANS GET OUT DER AND VALK AROUND UNTIL IT STARTS BEEPING AGAIN BEFORE I PUT A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD!” Siegfried screamed.

“Oh okay, Siegfried.” Shtarker replied.

As Siegfried muttered curses in German, Shtarker turned to go. As he turned, he kicked up dust from the floor and stopped a few steps later when he suddenly heard a loud sneeze behind him.

“Um, Siegfried?” he said.

“VAT?”

“Did you just sneeze?”

“NEIN!”

Shtarker frowned. He turned back around.

“Okay, den who just did?” he said, walking back towards the door.

He paused near the door and looked around. The Doctor and Rose held their breath and 99 held her finger under Max’s nose to prevent him from sneezing again as Shtarker scanned the room.

Finally after what seemed like ages, Shtarker shrugged and started on his way. As he did, Max let out a sigh of relief and relaxed his legs. He grimaced as Shtarker tripped over his outstretched legs and fell to the floor. The Doctor and Rose gasped as Shtarker looked back at them and screamed out,

“SHMARTS!”

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