THE DOCTOR GETS SMART
Crossover of "Doctor Who" and "Get Smart"
Chapter Six The Doctor opened the door of the TARDIS and looked around. “Is this it?” he asked 99. 99 stuck her head out. “Yes.” She said impressed. “Oh my God, the Doctor got it right for a change. Be still my bloody beating heart!” “Shut up.” The Doctor said looking back at Rose as she giggled. 99 put her finger to her lips. “I think Maria, the maid, is still upstairs. Close the TARDIS doors and make yourself comfortable on the couch and I’ll get rid of her for the day.” She said. She pointed over to the bar. “You can have a drink if you want or there is milk and soda and orange juice in the refrigerator. Just make yourself comfortable.” The Doctor nodded and closed the TARDIS doors as 99 headed upstairs. “Oh!” 99 said, pausing on the stairs. “I almost forgot. If you do decide to have a drink; don’t use the seltzer bottle.” The Doctor and Rose glanced at each other as 99 continued off the stairs. “Why? What’s wrong with the seltzer?” she whispered. The Doctor shrugged. They glanced over to the bar in the corner and the seltzer bottle sitting on top of it. The Doctor grinned at Rose. “Doctor.” “What?” “I know that look. You’re going to go find out, aren’t you?” The Doctor shrugged. “Call me the Curious Storm.” He said. “Your funeral.” Rose replied shrugging as she followed the Doctor over to the bar. “I just hope you remember what it is they do.” “Oh come on, Rose. This is an apartment in Washington D.C., not a set in a bloody James Bond movie. How bad can it be?” Rose shrugged. “Just remember what curiosity did to the cat.” She muttered. Ignoring her, he picked up a shot glass and set it down beside the seltzer bottle. He stared at the bottle for a moment before he gingerly put his hands on it. He paused a moment and then jerked it up off the bar. He winced expecting something to happen and looked around when nothing did. He looked at Rose. “See, nothing happened.” He said shrugging. “Maybe that’s acid in there or something?” Rose offered pointing to the bottle. “Hmmm, could be. Let me just spray a little out into this shot glass and take a look.” He pressed down on the handle and let out a yelp as the light fixture behind him came down, bonked him on the head and went back up. The Doctor rubbed his aching head as Rose bent over laughing. “What the bloody Hell is that for?” the Doctor said staring up at the light fixture. “They get a lot of people from KAOS in here wanting drinks or something?” “She told you not to touch it.” Rose said. “So, it’s your own fault, Doctor.” “Yeah, yeah.” He said walking past her. They paused as 99 and a middle aged woman came down the stairs. “Thank you for all your help, Maria.” 99 said to her. “Not a problem, Mrs. Smart. Be back tomorrow at the same time?” “Yes, that’ll be fine.” Maria paused and looked at the TARDIS. “What is this?” she asked. “It looks like a phone booth.” “Um…that? That is…um…a sculpture.” 99 said. Maria looked at her. “A sculpture?” “Yes, a sculpture. My husband is into modern art and he found this the other day and bought it, and he had a couple of friends bring it up here.” She said gesturing to the Doctor and Rose. Maria stared at it. “Well, if were you I would get these people to take it back. The thing is hideous.” She said, making a face. “The only hideous thing around here is that massive beehive on top of your ape head.” The Doctor muttered as Rose giggled. 99 quickly ushered Maria to the door and saying a quick goodbye got her to leave. She sighed as she closed the door behind her. “I’m sorry about that. I’m not too fond of having Maria here but it’s the only way I can hold down a job.” She said. “I love being a spy and I’m not about to give it up just because I’ve had twins.” The Doctor smiled. “A modern woman.” He said. 99 nodded and smiled. “Yes, I am and proud of it.” She replied. She glanced at their empty hands. “You don’t want anything to drink?” she asked. Rose giggled. “What?” 99 asked. “The Doctor tried your seltzer bottle over there.” She said. 99 glanced at it and looked at the Doctor. “And you got hit on the head, I assume?” she asked him. “Yes, I did.” “I told you not to use it.” “I know, but I can’t help being curious.” “He gets into everything.” Rose added. 99 rolled her eyes. “Oh God, you and my husband would get along perfectly.” She said. “I don’t know how many times I’ve had to rescue him because he was curious about something and ended up getting hurt or caught.” She paused. “Don’t tell him I said that though, he’ll deny it to his last breath.” She added. “Wow, Doctor, you and Max really could be twins.” Rose said. The Doctor shot her a look as she chortled. “Anyway, if I were you I’d look before I used anything else. The whole apartment is booby trapped in case intruders get in here and some of them aren’t quite as tame as a bonk on the head. So just a friendly word of advice, I wouldn’t get curious about anything else.” She warned. She started off towards the kitchen. “Would you guys like anything to drink?” “I’ll have a soda.” Rose said. “So will I.” 99 nodded. “I’ll be right back then.” 99 said. Rose looked at the Doctor as she walked into the kitchen. “What was that you were saying about this not being a James Bond set?” she said, giggling. “Okay, I might have been mistaken about that. I’m not a spy so I wouldn’t know.” He replied. They went and waited on the couch as 99 returned a few minutes later carrying a tray with their drinks on it. She sat it down on the coffee table and sat across from them as she picked up a glass of milk. “So, where are you from then?” 99 asked, as the Doctor and Rose took their drinks. “Mars, Jupiter?” “Oh no, I’m not from this solar system. I’m from a planet called Gallifrey.” He replied. “Hmmm, never heard of it.” “No one on Earth has.” The Doctor replied. “On other planets it’s well known.” “Are there a lot of aliens out there?” “Oh yes, thousands and thousands of alien species across the universe. Earth is not alone at all.” 99 shook her head. “It’s hard for me to believe that I didn’t accept that. I mean given what I do and what Max and I have seen and all the things CONTROL has come up with you would think I would readily accept that aliens existed like my husband does. But I guess maybe it’s because I grew up watching corny sci fi movies and seeing all those hokey aliens made it hard for me to believe there were real ones. It’s nice to know that all aliens aren’t running around kidnapping women in their underwear.” She stared at Rose. “Are they?” she asked. Rose giggled as the Doctor grinned. “No, I didn’t kidnap her, I invited her to come along with me and she accepted.” He said. “And she wasn’t in her underwear either.” He added. “Yeah, and I know how much of a letdown that was.” The Doctor shook his head and smiled as Rose poked him in the side. “So how long have you been traveling with him?” she asked Rose. “Oh, about a year and a half now.” “And your mother is okay with that?” “Not really but she knows how much I love being with the Doctor so she doesn’t say anything.” 99 paused. “Are you two in love?” she asked. Rose nodded as the Doctor put his arm around her shoulder and gave her a squeeze. “Wow, that must have really been a shock for your mom.” Rose laughed and nodded. “Yeah, no one really understands my love for the Doctor, but I don’t care because I love him and he loves me.” “That’s how it was with Max and me. Max is kind of a klutz as I’m sure you know by now and he’s kind of arrogant and bossy and he always has to be right and truth be told there aren’t too many people at CONTROL who can tolerate him. Really the only friends he has there is me and our Chief and Larrabee and agent 13 and Hymie. And people thought I was crazy when I decided to become his partner because everyone sees me as being smart and witty and accomplished and beautiful and how I could ever pair up with Max was beyond them. But…” She smiled a wistful smile. “Unlike everyone else, I can see past the klutz to the real man within and that’s the man I fell in love with. Anything he does or says I can overlook because I love him and I know he loves me. If I didn’t love him as deeply as I did I never would have agreed to become his wife and bear his children. Max may not be perfect to everyone else but he is to me and I intend to stay with him for the rest of my life and I know he feels the same way about me. He and I were made for each other.” She smiled. “I assume that you two feel the same way?” The Doctor and Rose nodded. “Well, then, don’t let anyone stand in the way of your happiness.” She said. “He’s a very handsome man in my opinion and you’re both young so you could…” She paused as she noticed the Doctor and Rose giggling. “What?” 99 asked. “Um…he’s not that young. That’s the other thing that my mum’s not happy about. I’m 20 and he’s 901.” 99 eyes bulged out. “901! Wow, you certainly don’t look it!” she said. “Well, it’s kinda hard to explain but whenever my kind is on the verge of dying, we regenerate and get a whole new body. We get 13 bodies before we finally do die and I’m currently on my 10th.” “So, each time you do this regeneration, you go back to being young?” 99 asked. “Well, actually no, the bodies can be all different ages and each one looks different from the last one. Actually, when Rose joined me I was in my 9th body so she actually witnessed me regenerating.” 99 looked at Rose. “Did you know beforehand about this regenerating?” she asked. “No! The sod neglected to tell me about it and when it did happen it scared me half to death because I thought someone had gotten into the TARDIS and he’d been kidnapped. I didn’t believe him at first when he said it was him because his other body was older and had shorter hair and a different British accent.” She paused a moment. “Hang on a second; I have a picture of him and me in his last body. I’ll go get it for you.” She said. 99 nodded and they watched as Rose got up, walked over and went into the TARDIS. She emerged a few minutes later carrying a picture in her hands. She handed it to 99. 99 stared at it and looked at the Doctor. “This is you?” she said, showing him the photo. “Yup, that’s me.” 99 looked at the photo. “Well, I can understand you thinking that someone had taken his place. He looks nothing like the man in this picture.” She said. She looked at the Doctor. “You’re very handsome. Both in this body and the last one you had.” She said. “Thank you.” “Yeah, but you oughta see some of the bodies he had. He looked bizarre.” “Rose Tyler, shut your gob!” the Doctor said as she and 99 laughed. She handed the picture back to Rose. As Rose went back to the TARDIS, the door unlocked and Max ran into the room breathless. “99, Shtarker is missing!” he said.
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