THE DOCTOR GETS SMART
Crossover of "Doctor Who" and "Get Smart"

Chapter Nine

After eating their dinner and waiting on Maria to come, Max and 99 and the Doctor and Rose went out in search of agent 13.

“You know where he is?” Max asked.

“Yes, the Chief gave me directions.” 99 replied.

She held up her hand as the others stopped.

“This is it.” She said. He’s on 13th and K Street.”

They looked around expecting someone to come out of the shadows They frowned as agent 13 didn’t come forward.”

Max sighed.

“I suppose we’ll have to find him again.” He muttered.

He waited until the people around them had thinned out to almost nothing.

“13.” He said, walking around in a circle. “13, where are you?”

“Over here, Max!”

The four of them spun around as they heard a muffled voice behind them. They glanced around as they noticed no one in sight.

“13?” Max said hesitantly as he walked towards the sound of the voice.

The Doctor and Rose’s eyes bugged out as a little door in a nearby lamppost opened up and a face peered out at them.

“In here, Max.”

“13, there you are!” Max said, walking over to him.

Rose looked at the Doctor.

“How’d he fit in there?” she asked him.

The Doctor shrugged.

“Bigger on the inside?” he offered.

“13,” Max said, leaning in. “Have you heard anything about…”

“Boy, am I glad to see you, Max.” 13 interrupted. “I need you to go talk to the Chief for me.”

“About what?”

“About getting me my vacation.”

Max sighed.

“13, we’ve been over this before. The Chief won’t listen to me about…”

“Do you know how uncomfortable it is in here, Max? I’m about to suffocate.” 13 whined. “I don’t even get a break to go to the bathroom. I just have to stand here crammed into this tiny pole.”

“13, I’m not interested.”

“You wanna hear something worse?” 13 said, ignoring him. “Last week, I was doing surveillance in a department store and I had to spend 3 days inside a Mrs. Beasley doll. A doll, Max! Not a boy’s doll like G.I. Joe, a GIRL’S doll. It was humiliating.”

“13…”

“And the week before I was on a stakeout at the zoo and I spent 6 days crammed into a pelican’s pouch. Do you know how long it took to get the fish smell off of me, Max? I was in the shower for…”

“13!” Max said angrily. “I don’t care right now. I need to know if you’ve found out where Siegfried has his second headquarters at.”

“Well, I’m not quite sure. After all, it’s a little hard to see anything when you’re stuck inside a metal pole all day, isn’t it?”

“Yes, I guess so.” Max muttered angrily.

“Can’t go to the bathroom.” 13 whined. “I’m about to burst, Max. And I’ve got to hold it. If I go in here, I’ll drown in my own urine. At least that’s what it feels like considering the amount of pee in my bladder.”

“13, is this all you’re gonna do? Because if you don’t have anything to report; then we’ll be on our way.” Max said.

“You don’t care about me, Max?” 13 asked, hurt.

Max sighed.

“Yes, 13, I do care about you. But we don’t have time to listen to this right now. The fate of the world is hanging in the balance.”

“Yeah, the fate of the world is always hanging in the balance and in the meantime I have to sit bunched up inside a coffee maker. And I also had to do that, Max. It was Hell sitting there while steaming, hot coffee dripped on my head!”

“Fine, 13, I’ll talk to the Chief about getting you a vacation, okay?”

“Thanks, Max, you’re a real pal.” 13 said, happily.

“Yeah, yeah.” Max muttered.

13 looked past him.

“Hi, 99.”

“Hi, 13.”

He looked at the Doctor.

“Who’s the other guy?” he asked.

“He’s a friend.” Max replied.

“Hi,” 13 said to him. “Nice to meet you. Any friend of Max and 99 is a friend of mine.”

The Doctor waved at him.

“So, anyway, Max. I want to thank you for agreeing to talk to the Chief again. Its’ so nice of…”

“Wait a moment.” Max interrupted him. “Aren’t you going to say hello to Rose?”

13 frowned.

“Rose who?”

“Rose, the other woman here besides 99.”

13 glanced over his shoulder.

“What other woman? All I see is 99.”

Max’s eyes widened.

“What?”

The three of them spun around and noticed Rose wasn’t with them.

“Rose?” the Doctor said, as he looked all around him.

Max looked back at 13.

“Did you see where she went?” he asked.

“Um…no. You’ve been standing here in front of the pole, Max. Until you moved, I could only see you.”

Max cursed as he spun around and began calling for Rose. The Doctor noticed a nearby alley and ran down it.

“Rose? Rose, can you hear me?” he said, frantically searching every nook and cranny.

Cursing in Gallifreyan, He ran down the alleyway searching desperately for her. As he leaned to check behind the trash bin, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Spinning around, he inadvertently smacked Max in the face with his hand.

“Oh! Sorry about that.” The Doctor said embarrassed. “ You startled me.”

“S’alright. I’m used to it.” Max said, rubbing his cheek.

“Did you find Rose?” the Doctor asked.

“No, 99 went further down the street and I came in here to see if you’d found anything before I went the other way.”

The Doctor shook his head.

“No, I haven’t found her yet.”

He cursed.

“She was right behind me last time I looked.” The Doctor said. “So, if she was taken, they managed to do it without Rose making a sound.”

“If it was KAOS, they have ways of doing that sort of thing.” Max said.

The Doctor sighed as he ran his hand through his hair.

“What would they do to her?” he asked Max.

“If they’re that desperate to get their hands on the TARDIS; then, just about anything.”

The Doctor squeezed his eyes shut as a sickly feeling invaded his stomach. He had been careless, let his guard drop and once again, his Rose was the one to suffer for it.

Pushing the self-pity out of his mind, he looked at Max.

“Right, well, then we have no time to lose.” He said trying to keep his voice steady. “Let’s go get 99 and start trying to figure out every possible place Siegfried could have his headquarters.”

Max nodded.

They headed back up the alley. As they came back out onto the street, Max looked around for 99.

“99?” he called out.

He and the Doctor exchanged worried glances when she didn’t answer.

“Oh God.” Max muttered to himself. “Not her too.”

He headed up the street calling out 99’s name as the Doctor ran over to the lamppost and banged on it.

“Hey! Open up in there!” he said as he pounded on it.

“What?” 13 said, annoyed, as he opened the little door.

“Where did 99 go?” the Doctor demanded.

“How should I know?”

“She went down this street searching for Rose. You’re standing here. Where’d she go?”

“I don’t know. As soon as all of you ran off, I shut the door back. Besides, I wouldn’t be able to see where she went anyway. My field of vision is kind of limited being crammed inside here not to mention there’s this metal door in my way. You know how uncomfortable it is in here? Not to mention hot. Metal heats up in the sun, you know.”

The Doctor sighed.

“Look, I’m sorry you’ve been crammed in there. I don’t know how they fitted you in it. But that’s not…”

“Oh, I was able to fit myself in here. I’m a master of disguise.” 13 said proudly. “Was first in my master of disguise class at spy school. I’m…”

“13, shut up!”

13 stared at him in shock.

“Hey, that’s no way to talk to me! Especially since we’ve just met. I…”

“Now you listen to me and listen good.” The Doctor said at the end of his patience. “We’ve just lost two people here. I know that Rose wouldn’t just walk off without telling me and I’m pretty sure 99 didn’t go off on her own either. And since KAOS is after us…”

“KAOS is after you? Why?”

The Doctor sighed.

“It’s a long story and I’m not prepared to go into it right now. All that matters right now is finding Rose and 99. Now, I want you to think. Where could Siegfried have his headquarters?”

“Gee, he could have his headquarters anywhere.” 13 replied. “I mean the man isn’t too picky about his accommodations, unlike me.”

The Doctor sighed. He could tell he wasn’t going to get anywhere with this guy.

“Thanks for all your help.” He said sarcastically as he slammed the door on him.

He turned to Max as he ran back to him.

“99 is gone too.” He said, upset.

“I just tried talking to 13 and he’s no help at all. He had his door closed when 99 was taken. I can’t imagine the guy being first in his class since all he seems to be good at is whining and moaning.”

“Hey, buddy.” They heard 13 say. “I heard that. I would like to see you spend days and weeks crammed inside a light post or an elephant’s trunk, or a Hershey’s Kiss or a…”

He let out a pained yell as the Doctor slammed his fist hard into the pole.

“Well, come on,” Max said, grabbing his arm. “We need to get you off the street before you’re the next one to go missing.”

“Where to? Back to the apartment?”

Max shook his head.

“No, I need to go talk to the Chief and tell him Rose and 99 have been kidnapped.”

The Doctor nodded. They quickly hurried around the corner and down the street to Max’s car before anything else happened.

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