THE DOCTOR GETS SMART
Crossover of "Doctor Who" and "Get Smart"

Chapter Fourteen

The Doctor smirked at Siegfried.

“Well, well, guess our women aren’t as helpless as you think.” He said.

“Ze may have escaped ze room, but ze vill never leave here alive.” Siegfried told him.

He looked at the guard.

“Do ve have any idea where zhey have gone?” he asked.

“Yes, Siegfried, they are in the ventilation system.

The Doctor, Max and Siegfried all looked up at the ceiling. Siegfried looked at the guard.

“Zo vhy are you not up there after zem?” he asked.

The guard shifted nervously.

“I…uh, wasn’t sure if I was allowed to go up there.”

“Vhat do you mean, you are KAOS agent, ja?”

“Well, actually I’m just a temp.”

Siegfried threw up his hands.

“Vhat is the deal with these temps? I did not know ve vere even hiring temps. Vhy vas I not informed of zis?”

He sighed.

“Never mind.”

He pointed to the door.

“Get out of here and go up into ze ventilation shaft and catch Mrs. Shmart and ze girl and make it snappy before ze temp service has von less worker on its payroll!”

“Yes, Siegfried.” The guard said saluting.

He hurried out the door as Siegfried muttered to himself in German.

“Oh, Siegfried?” the guard said sticking his head back into the room.

“Vhat is it now?” Siegfried said nearing the end of his patience.

“If I get injured, I will get workman’s comp, won’t I? Because the temp service didn’t say---“

“If you do not get up zere and get Mrs. Shmart and ze girl, you vill not need to vorry about vorkman’s comp because you vill be dead! Now go! Schnell, schnell, schnell!”

The guard stuck his head back out the door and slammed it shut.

Siegfried sighed and pushed the talk button on the intercom on his desk.

“Shtarker.” He said into the speaker.

“Ja, Siegfried?”

“Get in here right away. I vant to have a vord vith you, please.” He said as calmly as he could.

“Ja, Herr Siegfried.”

He took his finger off the button and looked at the Doctor.

“Now, vhere vere ve? Ah, yes, you vere about to tell me all you know about ze TARDIS.”

“What’s Siegfried doing now, Rose?” 99 whispered to Rose as she looked down at the Doctor and Max through the grate.

“He’s questioning the Doctor and trying to get him to talk about the TARDIS, but the Doctor isn’t saying anything.”

“For the last time, Herr Doctor, you vill talk or you vill die!” they heard him say.

“Then kill me.” The Doctor replied calmly. “Because I’m not telling you anything.”

They heard the door open.

“Ah, Shtarker, come here. I vant to ask you something.” Siegfried said.

“We have to go down and surprise them, Rose.” 99 whispered. “They know we’ve escaped and someone is coming up to find us. We might as well fight now.”

Rose looked back at her and nodded.

“Shtarker, how many times have I told you? Zis is KAOS, ve don’t hire temps here!”

Rose tested the grate and smiled back at 99.

“It’s loose.” She whispered.

“Great, go forward, turn over onto your back and kick it in when I say. Then we drop in and surprise them all!”

“I’m sorry Herr Siegfried, but ve are running short of men. Shmart keeps killing or catching zem all!”

“Zen at least find a temp service that doesn’t employ idiots!”

“Ready, Rose?” 99 said turning onto her back.

“Ready.” Rose said turning over and putting her foot on the grate.

“On the count of three, kick it in and slide out. I’ll be right behind you.”

Rose nodded.

“Okay…One, two…THREE!”

Rose slammed her foot down on the grate. It gave way and fell to the floor with a bang startling everyone in the room. Putting her feet into the hole, she slid out and landed on her feet.

“Rose!” the Doctor said happily.

“Hello, Doctor,” Rose said running towards the desk. “The conversation sounded pretty boring so I thought I’d liven things up!”

“Yes! That’s my girl!” the Doctor said proudly.

Max looked over and smiled at 99 as her feet hit the floor. 40 lunged at her and she landed a karate chop to her neck knocking her out instantly. She gasped as 26 leaped onto her back and began hitting her in the head.

“Hey, that’s not fair!” Max said indignantly struggling to get free.

Rose paused near the desk as Shtarker turned to face her.

“Hello, little girlie, are you playing spy today?” he taunted. “Shouldn’t you be home listening to your Beatles rec…”

His eyes bulged out when Rose’s foot landed in his crotch. As he fell to his knees, Rose kicked him in the head, rendered him unconscious and grabbed the screwdriver off the desk. She ran around the Doctor’s chair and aimed it at the ropes. She began to burn through the ropes but was cut short when Siegfried took a swing at her.

“I think not, girlie.” He said taking another swing as she dodged. “Ze Doctor is mine and zere is nothing you can do about zat!”

He sidestepped as Rose tried to kick him in the crotch.

“Oho, nice try, Rose, but I vill not fall for zat. You have to be quicker than zat to finish me off!”

He tried another punch and this time it connected with Rose’s chin. She stumbled to the floor as the screwdriver flew from her hand and landed several feet away. She tried to make a grab for it, but Siegfried stamped his foot down on top of it.

“Sorry, Rose, but I got here first!” he said giving her a triumphant grin. “I’m afraid all is lost for you and 99. You vill join your Doctor and Shmart and zen you vill be tortured and…”

He let out a grunt as 99 threw 26 directly at his head. He and the child slammed into the wall and fell to the floor, unconscious. Rose looked over at 99.

“Good thing Siegfried can’t resist boasting.” She said to Rose.

She walked over to Max and began to untie him while Rose grabbed the screwdriver and resumed burning through the Doctor’s ropes. In a few minutes both were free and they all hugged one another. The Doctor grabbed up his things and put his jacket and coat back on as Max and 99 grabbed more rope and tied up all the KAOS agents.

“We need to put in a call to the Chief.” Max said pointing to the phone on Siegfried’s desk. “He can send reinforcements to arrest everyone here. In the meantime, we need to barricade the door just in case anyone else tries to enter.”

“No need, I can use the screwdriver to lock it.” The Doctor said.

Max nodded. The Doctor hurried over to the door as Max put in a call to the Chief.

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