Chapter Three

Dark Helmet stared at them for a moment before he quickly reached up, grabbed the front of his helmet and slid it back down.

"How dare you invade my personal quarters!" he said in a deep voice. "You will be severely punished for this!"

By now, Clara wasn't the least bit scared and she and the Doctor stood there and stared at him. Dark Helmet looked from one to the other and noticed the lack of fear and looks of boredom on their faces.

"I mean it, I will show you no mercy!" he said, waving his fist at them.

Clara sighed, reached down and grabbed her action figure and the Doctor. Dark Helmet watched what she was doing before looking back at her.

"Hey, those don't belong to you!" he said, standing up.

The Doctor grinned.

"Look, Clara, finally someone your size," he said, patting the helmet.

"Stop that, I am supreme and I will not be patted like a bunny," Dark Helmet said as the Doctor jerked his hand back.

"Where did you get these?" Clara said to him as she held the action figures in front of his face.

Dark Helmet paused a moment, looking at them before he turned his attention back to her.

"I made them," he said. "Now give them back."

Clara sighed; reached down and flipped open the front of his helmet.

"Hey, quit that!" Dark Helmet said in the whiney voice.

"Look, we're not scared of you or your…Spaceballs," Clara said.

She sighed when Dark Helmet lowered the front part again.

"You should be very scared," he said in the deep voice. "Very, very scared."

"Come on, let's go home," Clara said, turning around with the action figures and walking out.

"Hey, those are mine! Bring them back!"

He started to follow her when the Doctor slammed his hand down on the front part of the helmet and jerked the front part up, exposing his face.

"Listen here, Dark Wanker," the Doctor said, leaning down into his face. "You're going to let me and my friend go and despite your sordid fantasies, she is just a friend. And if you and your friends try to stop us or indeed just cause trouble, I will come back here and I will take you and I will cram that helmet up into a very unpleasant place and given the fact that it's so big, it won't be pleasant for you!"

"But I'm Dark Helmet and you can't talk like that to me!" he said in the whiney voice. "I will make you suffer and…HEY!" he said when the Doctor reached in and snatched the glasses off his face. "Give those back, I can't see without them!"

"Aw, that's too bad, isn't it. Be even worse if I took them with me and tossed them into the vortex."

"You're mean."

The Doctor raised his eyebrow at that.

"Now that sounded like a spoiled little five year old rather than the awesome dictator of space," he said. "So…here's my proposal. You let us go and I'll give you back your glasses, All Impressive One!"

The Doctor quickly looked around to see where Clara had gotten to and noticed her standing just inside the door, leaning against it while she watched. The Doctor looked back at Dark Helmet and jerked his hand away the moment Dark Helmet tried to snatch his glasses back.

"Well, will you let us go?" he said to Dark Helmet.

"Oh, alright, just give me back my glasses and leave!" Dark Helmet said petulantly.

"Here you go," the Doctor said in a sickeningly sweet voice as he handed the glasses to him. "Bless your little cotton socks, sweetie!" he added, patting him on the helmet.

Dark Helmet snatched the glasses back from him, put them back on and slammed the front part of his helmet down.

"No go!" he said in the deep voice as he pointed to the door. "And pray I don't find you again."

"Oh yes, because that day will be the horror of horrors alright," the Doctor said before spinning around. "Come on, Clara. Before Dark Doofus throws a tantrum and makes us clean the toilets or something like that."

Clara grinned and leaned up before she walked out the door with the Doctor. Dark Helmet followed behind them.

"Can I get my dolls back?" he said to them as he trailed behind them.

"Hell no," Clara said as she held the dolls close to her chest.

"But I made them! That's stealing!"

"Dear God, he really is like a little kid," Clara said over her shoulder to the Doctor.

"And you were worried we were in some sort of mortal danger," the Doctor said as he casually walked back towards the hangar.

"Please give me back my dolls!"

"No!" Clara said, spinning around and walking back towards him. "You can't have them because you're not gonna spend your time making up weird sex scenes between me and the Doctor after we've gone. That's final so shut up about it!"

"You can't talk to me like that," Dark Helmet said, wagging his finger at her.

"Ugh! Let's go, Doctor. I'm tired of this loser," Clara said as she turned and walked away.

Dark Helmet watched her walk away before he looked at the Doctor.

"I have the right to my own property," he said to the Doctor.

"So do I and you separated us from our ship, which is my property, which is stealing, so turnabout is fair play and like Clara just said, shut up!"

"You're mean too."

The Doctor mimed playing a tiny violin before turning and walking away from him.

"I am the most awesomest thing in this entire universe!" Dark Helmet yelled at them as he stood there and let him go. "And I am proving my awesomeness by letting you both live. Because I really could destroy you at any time! Trust me on that!"


"Ugh! What an idiot," Clara said when she and the Doctor finally got back inside the TARDIS and shut the door.

"Oh, I don't know about that. He had a certain charm about him," the Doctor said airily over his shoulder as he walked to the console.

"Not from where I was standing," Clara muttered.

The Doctor froze for a few seconds before turning back around and walking back to Clara. Clara frowned when he plucked the action figures out of her hands and held them up in front of her, facing one another.

"Oh Doctor," the Doctor said, moving Clara's figure up and down while talking in a screechy voice, "you are so awesome and I just am in awe of you and your manliness, take me you mad fool and service my body till I can't stand it any longer."

"Shut up!" Clara said, snatching them from his hands while the Doctor roared with laughter. "Don't ever do that again."

"As you wish, my Clara," the Doctor said with a huge grin as he walked over to the console.

Clara looked at the action figures and shook her head while the Doctor powered up the TARDIS.

"Right, these are now going straight to the bin," Clara said, walking out of the room while the Doctor took the TARDIS into the vortex.


Back                         Home                              Doctor Who Main Page

Your Name or Alias:      Your E-mail (optional):

Please type your review below. Only positive reviews and constructive criticism will be posted.