THE DOCTOR'S TRIPLE TROUBLE

Chapter Thirty

"Took you long enough," the Alternate Doctor said when they walked up to the porch. "What were you doing in there?"

"Interviewing them, One Eye," Bazz said as they climbed the stairs. "If I'm gonna be the minister, I want to get to know the people I'm marrying. I asked them to tell me a bit about themselves. Honestly, you're so paranoid, it's pitiful sometimes."

The Doctor and Rose tried not to laugh at the incensed look on the Alternate Doctor's face. They could tell he was itching to say something nasty but the look Bazz was giving him stopped him cold.

"And what about payment?" the Alternate Doctor said, folding his arms over his chest. "Do you still want that?"

"Perhaps, I'm considering having a go at Rose here before her husband does."

"Over my dead body," the Doctor said, feigning anger.

"He's been saying that a lot lately, I think he wants to die," the Alternate Doctor said to Bazz. "You don't get any choice in the matter, mate. I'm going through the trouble of doing this for you so you can spare Rose for a bit. It won't kill ya. I'm sure you weren't the slut's first anyway."

"That'll do, these are our guests, after all," Bazz said.

"And I suppose you're gonna let them go raid the fridge now?" the Alternate Doctor said.

"Unlike you, I don't stuff people in cages and dance around them while I taunt them 24/7," Bazz said. "That suit guarantees they'll behave themselves, right?"

"Yup," the Alternate Doctor said.

"Well, as long as they behave, let them be. Let them have a bit of rest and happiness before you kill them, right?"

"Whatever, yeah, go and get a drink or use the loo or do something to get out of my face," the Alternate Doctor said, giving them a dismissive wave. "But if you try to escape, the suit goes back on and I'll make Rose beat the shit out of all of you."

"Don't worry, we'll behave," the Doctor said. "Come on, Rose, let's go inside."

He took her hand and they walked inside. When they went through the door, they saw Donna and Mara sitting on a battered, tan leather sofa. They were sipping cans of soda while Mara stroked Judy who was sleeping beside her.

"They let you dogs off your leash too?" Donna said.

The Doctor nodded. He motioned for them to go to the kitchen and put his finger to his lips. Donna and Mara got up and followed them into the kitchen. The Doctor opened the fridge door, telling them quietly what just happened while he got himself and Rose some sodas. Donna and Mara shared gleeful looks when they found out Bazz was on their side.

"We have to play along though," the Doctor said softly. "Pretend that he's still on the other Doctor's side for the moment until we can get out of here and get to the woods."

They nodded and the Doctor closed the fridge door. They went back into the living room. Donna surrendered her space on the sofa and went to sit in a matching recliner on the other side of the room. Mara sat down beside the Doctor and Rose. The Doctor took off his skullcap and frill and sat them on the floor at his feet before he opened the can and he and Rose sipped their soda.

"Yum," Rose said, licking her lips when she tasted the sweet liquid. "This is good. What is it?"

She examined the can and frowned.

"What's Frocklin?" she asked the Doctor. "Says this is made of frocklin."

"Dunno but it's good, whatever it is," the Doctor said.

"I'm just hoping it's not poo from one of those cow things out there," Donna said as she rocked in the recliner and took a sip.

Rose smiled when Judy jumped into her lap.

"Seems I made a friend here," she said, petting her while Judy purred and kneaded her paws on the kimono.

The Doctor swallowed some soda and watched the cat using her claws on the kimono.

"Normally, I would tell you to get the cat off that kimono since it's an antique but since it belongs to the arsehole out there, rip away," he said.

He put the can to his lips, intending to take another sip when he noticed Mara staring at the robe.

"Okay, say whatever sarky comment you have to say about my robe," he said while Rose giggled. "I know you want to."

"Aren't you hot in that thing?" Mara said.

"Yes, I am, thanks," the Doctor said while Rose and Donna howled with laughter. "I would be less hot if I wasn't wearing a full suit under it but since I don't want to wear this after the wedding, I'm keeping my suit on me. So yes, robe plus suit equals hot, hot, hot."

"Hot, hot, hot doesn't even begin to describe it," Rose purred.

Donna and Mara laughed when the Doctor stared at Rose. He raised his leg and pulled up the robe to his ankle.

"Does this make you randy?" he said, rotating his ankle.

"Oh yes, pinstripes and plimsols get me all hot and sweaty," Rose said in a throaty voice.

"Okay, I'm going to look for a sandwich now while you mount each other," Donna said, quickly getting up and heading to the kitchen.

"I'll have a ham sandwich while you're in there," the Doctor yelled to her.

"I see you're having a good time."

Everyone turned their head to see the Alternate Doctor coming into the room.

"Yes," the Doctor said to him as he slammed the door, "we frequently do when you're not around. In fact, this is how we normally act when the specter of death isn't being held over our heads."

"You're not out of danger yet, Doctor. Just because you're getting a reprieve doesn't mean you're gonna escape," the Alternate Doctor growled at him.

"Perhaps not, but for the moment, we're guests of your giant friend and this is his house and he's the one in charge of it, not you. I'm pretty sure if you touch any of us, he'll be breaking your arms off at the shoulders so while we're here, we're gonna have a laugh and enjoy ourselves. Soooo, relax and have a soda."

The Alternate Doctor narrowed his eyes. He glanced back out the window beside the door. The Doctor followed his gaze and he smiled when he saw Bazz was on his portable phone. He figured he made his double come inside so he could call his friends and he doubted he was going to let him go back outside to rant and rave in his face. The Doctor put his free hand behind his head and sipped his soda while the Alternate Doctor glowered at him. He tried to hide his smile behind the can when the Alternate Doctor stomped off towards the bathroom, muttering curses under his breath.

"Bet he's regretting coming here now," Rose said to the Doctor when they heard the bathroom door slam.

"I bet he is as well and I'm sure he'll regret it more if his friend lets us escape," the Doctor said softly. "It appears Bazz is ringing his friends now."

"Good, I hope he gets them to help," Rose said softly.

The Doctor nodded and took another sip of soda. While he was doing that, Donna peeked around the kitchen door.

"Are you finished mounting each other?"

Rose and Mara giggled with the Doctor held the liquid in his mouth and then swallowed loudly.

"Yes, want a go at me next?" he said to her.

"No thanks, I stick with my own species," Donna said, coming out of the kitchen with two sandwiches in her hand.

"But they always say, once you go Time Lord, you'll never be bored," the Doctor said while Rose nearly choked on the liquid in her mouth and shook with silent laughter.

"Just eat your sandwich and shut your gob," Donna said, putting one in his lap before going back to the recliner.

"But I said ham, not indescribable grey meat I've never seen before," the Doctor said after checking it.

"Whatever, just eat it," Donna said while the Doctor smiled and winked at Rose.

They relaxed for a couple of hours before Bazz came into the room and faced them.

"He's wanting to do the wedding now so you lot ready?" he asked them.

"I s'pose we have no choice since this is my double's idea and he's calling the shots," the Doctor said as everyone got up.

"Follow me, I know a good spot for it," Bazz said.

The Doctor took Rose's hand and everyone followed him to the front door.

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