THE GRAND TOUR OF OKLAHOMA

Chapter Two

After getting their backpacks and sack lunches, they headed out of the patio and back to the road. While they were walking, the Doctor narrowed his eyes when he saw an old homeless man in front of his TARDIS trying to open the door. He pointed it out to Rose and they headed across the street towards him.

"Oi!" the Doctor said, running to him. "Get away from there."

The man turned. He had long white hair, a long white beard and had a bleary eyed look. Rose noticed that the man was completely drunk as he staggered towards them.

"I gotta get inside," the man slurred, pointing to the TARDIS. "I gotta pee in the portapotty."

"That's not a portaloo, sir, that's a...phone booth," the Doctor said, deciding on the American term.

The man gave him an uncomprehending look.

"Gotta pee," he slurred, pointing to the TARDIS door.

The Doctor sighed, realizing the man was too drunk to understand that it was a police box and not a portaloo.

"Look, why don't you ask the people over there where a...restroom is?" the Doctor said, pointing to the people on the patio.

"Why do I wanna do that when there's a portapotty right here?" the man said angrily while he pointed to the TARDIS.

"Excuse me," the Doctor said, taking Rose's hand and going around him.

"Hey, I'm first!" the man said when the Doctor hurriedly took out his key and opened the door. "Damn it, I was first!"

The Doctor pushed Rose inside and slipped in, closing the door just as the man reached it and began banging on the door.

"What are you doing?" Rose said, ignoring the angry shouts of the drunken man as he pounded on the door.

"Rose, I feel for him, I honestly do, but I don't want to come back and find urine and feces all over my ship from drunks who think this is the local bog. I'm going to move the TARDIS to a different location and increase the perception filter so no one's likely to notice her. Just hold on.

"HEY! LET ME IN!" the man said, pounding on the door. "DAMN IT, MOTHER FUCKER, I WAS FIRST! I GOTTA PEE!"

The Doctor started up the TARDIS and they heard the man's shocked yell before it faded away. They flew for a few seconds and then landed. Rose stood by and watched while the Doctor worked the controls, upping the intensity of the perception filter. Then he beckoned to her and headed towards the door. He paused when he got there and saw Rose was putting her blanket into her backpack.

"Doo Hog," he said.

"You be quiet," she said to him while he snickered.

She put her backpack on her back and ran to the Doctor. They opened the door and looked out. They were now across from the city bus station. The smell of exhaust was in the air while buses moved in and out. In the center of a paved area was a large brick bus station. Ringed around it were bus bays with metal chairs where people could wait for the buses as they pulled up to them. The Doctor and Rose came outside and the Doctor shut the door before they walked around a metal barrier and headed for the bus station. They went inside and walked over to a information booth in the center of the station. The booth was circular and completely enclosed with glass on all sides. A woman sat at a counter behind the glass, looking bored. She perked up and smiled when the Doctor and Rose walked up.

"May I help you?"

She spoke into a microphone and they heard her voice coming from a circular speaker mounted in the glass.

"Yes, how much is bus fare?" the Docto said.

"$1.50 but today the buses are free."

The Doctor perked up.

"Free? All day?" he said.

"Yes, sir."

"Brilliant. We just got into town, is there anything to do here?" he asked her.

"Depends on what you're interested in," the lady said. "What do you want to do?"

"Well, a little bit of everything actually," the Doctor said while Rose nodded.

"That doesn't help me," the lady said with a tinge of annoyance.

The Doctor felt someone tap his shoulder and he looked over his shoulder at a portly black woman.

"I think the zoo is free today," she said to him.

"Is it?" the Doctor said to the lady in the booth.

"I think so. Bus 22 if you want to go there," the lady said.

"Rose? Wanna go?"

"Sure," she said to the Doctor.

"What time does the next bus arrive then?" the Doctor said.

"There are schedules around the corner," the lady said, pointing behind her.

The Doctor thanked her and took Rose's hand while they walked around the information booth. On the wall beside it were maps in a rack. The Doctor found the schedule for bus 22 and took it. He opened it, checked the time on his watch and picked out the next time from the schedule. He smiled at Rose and they walked outside to 22's bus bay. They sat down on the metal seats and waited. By now the sun was up and Rose gasped when she felt the oppressive heat.

"Cor, what time is it?" she asked the Doctor.

"Um, almost half past seven in the morning," he said, looking at his watch.

"Seriously, it's hotter than an oven out here," Rose said, taking the schedule and fanning himself with it.

"Yes, I noticed that as well," the Doctor said. "Hope it doesn't get much hotter than this."

"I know," Rose said. "I don't wanna walk around the zoo with heaps of sweat running off me."

"But if it did, you could have an instant shower wherever you go."

He chuckled when Rose swatted him with the schedule. Then went back to fanning herself while they looked for any sign of bus 22.

Ten minutes later, it finally rumbled up to the bay.

"Thank God," Rose said as she and the Doctor got up and put their backpacks on their backs.

The door opened and Rose sighed when the air conditioned air hit her face. They were going to bypass the black woman driving the bus but she stopped them and pointed down to a brown box at her feet.

"Free shirts," she said, pointing to the red t-shirts inside. "the ones on the left are large and the ones on the right are extra large."

"Brilliant, Rose can take one and add to her free swag collection," the Doctor said.

"Shut up!" Rose said while the Doctor giggled.

Rose chose a large t-shirt and the Doctor chose an extra large one. They looked at them while they walked to empty seats near the front. The red shirts had the words, conserve energy by taking a metro bus, on the back of them. Rose and the Doctor took their backpacks off and put the shirts inside while others filed past them, each with a shirt in hand. When everyone was inside, the driver closed the door and they rumbled away from the bus bay.

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