THE GRAND TOUR OF OKLAHOMA
Chapter Five After getting one last round of Cokes, they went back downstairs, collected their backpacks from the security guard and went outside. By now, the air was scorching and Rose gasped at the change in temperature. "Rose?" "Yeah?" "Why is it hot beyond all reason?" "Because you landed in the middle of Hell." "No, I imagine Hell would be cooler than this," the Doctor said. They walked up some steps and headed across the car park. The Doctor felt a bit of sweat on his forehead and he told Rose about it. "So, I'm sweating," Rose said. "Yes, but I'm better able to deal with extreme temperatures. The fact that I have sweat on my forehead should tell you how hot it really is," he said. "Aw, poor baby," Rose said condescendingly. "Can't handle the heat? Need some cool air now?" The Doctor cocked his eyebrow. Then he smirked as he reached into his cup, grabbed an ice cube and chucked it at her. "Oi, quit that!" The Doctor chucked another one at her and he ran when Rose snatched three ice cubes and hurled them at his head. The Doctor spun around and Rose ran when he flung two ice cubes at her head in return. Then Rose squealed when the Doctor fished an ice cube out and ran towards her. "No! Quit!" Rose said when he caught up to her and put the ice cube down the back of her trousers. He bent over laughing when Rose hurled curses at him and ran off when she tried to smack his head. "You are a little child!" she said, jabbing her finger at him. The Doctor stuck his tongue out at her and jogged back to her. By now, Rose had to stand a moment and get her breath from running in the heat with a large backpack on her back. The Doctor rubbed her back and stood with her until she got her wind back and they continued on. They walked diagonally across the car park to the end of it. On the way, Rose pointed to the Science Museum. "Wanna go?" she asked. "Nah, too juvenile for me," the Doctor said. "I hate going through them. All I do is point out everything the humans get wrong or I yawn at the elementary science. It's no fun for me." "Fair enough," Rose said. They reached the end of the car park and turned left onto the grass. They walked past the Science Museum to the zoo and turned left, going up a short driveway to the car park. When they got to the ticket booth, the lady counted them and let them go through. "Now," Rose said, looking around. "Where's a cage for the Doctor?" "Now," the Doctor said, looking around, "Where's the hippo enclosure for Rose?" He ran when Rose tried to hit his back. He winked at her and took her hand. They noticed some lockers nearby. "Blast, don't have fifty cents," Rose said when they reached them and read the price for renting one. The Doctor let out a melodramatic sigh. "Why must I be cursed with ineptitude?" he said melodramatically as he walked back to the ticket counter. He gave the woman a dollar and received four quarters in exchange. Rose flipped him off when he walked back to her, mumbling about ineptitude and companions not using their brains as he handed her fifty cents. Rose stuck her tongue out at him and they both put fifty cents in the slots. They stored their backpacks in the lockers but before the Doctor closed his, he had a thought, opened his backpack and pulled the bottled water out. He put it in his trouser pocket and took Rose's hand before they headed off down an asphalt path. Because the zoo was free, it was crowded and the Doctor and Rose navigated through the crowds till they found a map on a billboard listing where the animals were. They found the You Are Here sticker and then looked at what path they had to take to get to the animals. "Look, kangaroos are all the way at the back," the Doctor said, pointing to the top of the map. "That's what you wanna see?" "Sure, I love roos, they're funny creatures. Reminds me of Kanga from Winnie the Pooh." "I wanna see the lions and tigers and big cats," Rose said. "Hmmm, looks like those are in the center, here in the big cat enclosure thingy, whatsa-ma-dooder," he said, pointing to a large forested area in the center of the map. "Whatsa-ma-dooder? Is that a scientific term?" "No, that's a made-up term, there's a difference." He giggled when Rose tried to smack him. He took her hand and they walked off down the path. After a few minutes, the Doctor stopped when they still hadn't seen any animals. "Okay, the map indicated there were animals in here, where are they?" the Doctor said to Rose. "Good question, this is a zoo, right?" Rose said. "I assume so, unless we wandered into a brothel by mistake." "What?" Rose said, laughing. "Brothel? What made you think of that?" "Dunno, I s'pose Jack popped into my mind and gave me the idea. Good job he isn't here, he'd be jumping the fence and mating with the rhinos or something." "Ewww," Rose said while the Doctor chuckled. They walked on but the Doctor sighed when another minute passed and they saw nothing but trees and grass and people. "Yoo-hoo, animals, where are ya?" he said while Rose laughed. "They're hiding from the heat," Rose said. "Can't say I blame them," the Doctor said. "I'm surprised they aren't all roasted by now. Hullo…" They walked up to an enclosure and the Doctor feigned shock. "Oh my God," he said in a high-pitched voice while Rose laughed, "there are animals here. This isn't just a trap where you walk around till you drop dead. Phew, that's a relief!" "You're being silly today," Rose said. "So? I can't have fun with my favorite friend?" the Doctor said. "We go through too many serious situations as it is, I want a break from that and have a laugh with my Rose." Rose smiled at that and nodded as he took her hand and squeezed it. "So, what mangy animal is roasting alive in here?" the Doctor said, looking into the enclosure. "Says porcupine," Rose said, pointing to a plague affixed to the waist high glass wall in front of them. The Doctor looked around. The enclosure was surrounded on three sides by a high rock wall and inside that was a grassy area and a tiny pond and some rocks but no porcupine. "And…where is it?" the Doctor said while Rose shrugged. "Is it on holiday?" Rose giggled. "It's in Jack's bed." The Doctor snorted. "Good luck, Jack, getting the quills out of your crotch," he said while Rose laughed. He sighed as he tried to find the porcupine. "So, nada then, what a zoo, eh?" the Doctor said while Rose nodded. Rose moved around him and pointed off to the right. "Wait, there he is, there's a little sheltered area in the rocks," she said, pointing. The Doctor moved around her and looked where she was pointing. In the rock wall was a shallow hole. The porcupine was curled up inside it, resting. "We couldn't see it because this part of the rock was blocking this hole," Rose said, pointing to the part of the cliff that jutted out a bit in front. "Okay, so he's asleep! This is boring. I paid good money to come here and see the animals." "Good money? This was free," Rose said. "This is boring, I paid good no-money to come here and see the animals," he said while Rose giggled. "Hey, Spiny, wake up. People are watching, get over here and entertain us!" "Nope," Rose said when the porcupine didn't move. "Bollocks, I hate animals who won't obey me. I would kick its arse but I don't want to spend the rest of the day pulling quills out of my foot. Come on, let's see what's next." They walked five feet to a similar enclosure. They looked in and saw four meerkats resting by a small pond. "Hey!" the Doctor said to them while Rose laughed, "get up, people are watching. I need to be entertained. Sing Hakuna Matata and dance for me!" "Or do that little alert pose you do," Rose added. "Yeah, get up and do the oh no, danger's coming pose you do," the Doctor said. "Or do Hakuna Matata." The Doctor feigned exasperation while Rose bent over the glass wall laughing. "Hakuna Matata! How hard can it be for you lot?" the Doctor said when the animals didn't move. "They need the warthog…maybe?" Rose said. "Oh! That's right, where's the warthog enclosure so we can chuck one in there and get them to dance?" the Doctor said, looking around. "I paid good no-money and I need to see more than animals sleeping. Where's the staff with the shock sticks? That'll get them up and running." He smiled when Rose leaned into him laughing. He put his arm around her and they walked on. Five feet from that was a tortoise. The tortoise was standing by his pond, staring off into space. Rose laughed when the Doctor threw his hands up in the air. "Nature is boring! Is there a shock stick anywhere? Come on, do something, do ninja things, spin plates, smoke a cigar, just don't stand there looking catatonic!" The Doctor gasped when the turtle took a step. "Did you see that?" he said while Rose laughed, "it moved one foot. There's hope for their species yet." They moved on. The Doctor noticed Rose was sweating profusely and he pulled the water out of his pocket and offered it to her. She thanked him, took off the cap and took a swig while the Doctor watched over her. "If you need this, let me know, don't die of heat stroke or something like that," he said when Rose gave it back to him. Rose nodded and he took her hand and they walked on. They came to a fork in the road and looked up a wooden signpost in the middle of it that pointed out where different animals were. "Well, we go left and go to the aviary or head towards the elephant that way," the Doctor said, pointing right. "What do you wanna do?" "Elephants. I'm not really interested in the birds," Rose said. "Fair enough," the Doctor said as they turned right. They heard an engine behind them and stepped to the side when a tram loaded with people passed by. Once it was past them, they headed on down the path.
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