Chapter Three

The trees surrounded them while Arthur led the way and the men clapped the coconuts. The men who were pretending to be Tara and David's horses had stopped for a pee break while they stood at the side of the road and David spun around, looking at the forest.

"Well, it could be worse. We could be doing the Life of Brian," he said.

"I saw that movie. It was pretty good," Tara said and he shrugged.

"Yeah, I guess. So, what is your favorite sketch?"

"I like the one about the silly walks."

"Yeah, that is a classic. I like the dead parrot one."

"That one isn't that funny."

"Yes, it is."

"What about...?"

"Hail, Friends, why are you stopping?" Arthur called as he looked at them.

"Our horses are taking a piss," David said as he pointed to Sigmund and Basil. Both men were behind a tree when they wiggled up and down then walked to them and picked up the coconuts.

"Forward!" Arthur shouted when Sigmund and Basil started clapping the coconuts together and David shrugged, heading to catch up with Arthur.

Arthur led the way when they stopped and looked at the twelve foot tall knight standing in the middle of the trail.

"Oh, you have to be kidding me," David whispered and Tara looked at him.

"Who is that?" she asked when several knights appeared from behind the taller knight and David rolled his eyes.

"They're The Knights Who Say Ni!" David whispered while Arthur walked closer and the knights started saying "Ni!" over and over again. Some of the other knights were going "Peng!" while others went "Neee-wom!" and Arthur shook.

"We are in trouble," Arthur said while the knights surrounded them and he looked at David and Tara. ""Those that hear these words seldom live to tell the tale."

"Let me handle this," David said when he walked to the larger knight and tapped his stomach, making the knight look down at him. "Uh, hi, look, we REALLY need to get going. How about letting us by and we'll get you a...shrubbery!"

The knights gasped and repeated shrubbery and the taller knight held his hand up.

"You will do this?" the taller knight asked.

"Yep!" David said, popping the "p".

"Then you may pass!" the taller knight said and stood back, allowing them to go down the road.

"That was very brave of you, Friend," Arthur said while he and Pasty rode by them and David smiled.

"So, um, what happens when we give them a shrubbery?" Tara asked.

"They ask for another one. Come on," David said and they went to catch up with Arthur.

As they approached the castle, they heard the sound of battle and stopped to watch two knights fighting near a small bridge.

"Oh, no, not the Black Knight," David whispered while the watched the Black Knight fighting the Green Knight, killing him. Arthur and Pasty moved closer while the Black Knight stood in front of the bridge and held the top of his sword in his hands.

"You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight. I am Arthur, King of the Britons and I seek the bravest knights in the land to join my kingdom. Will you join me?" Arthur asked but the Black Knight doesn't answer.

"Oh, this is going to get bloody." David said, scrunching his face like he smelt something rotten.

"What's going to happen?" Tara asks.

"Just watch," David said, nodding his head toward the Black Knight. Sighing, Arthur and Pasty try to cross the bridge but the Black Knight moves in front of him and takes hold of his sword.

"None shall pass!" the Black Knight says.

"I have no quarrel with you, Sir Knight, but I must cross the bridge," Arthur said.

"Then you shall die."

"I command you to stand aside!"

"I move for no man!"

"So be it," Arthur said and they start fighting. A few minutes later, Arthur cuts off the Black Knight's left arm and Tara winces.

"Ugh, that's gross," she said.

"Oh, he's just getting started," David said.

"Now stand aside, worthy adversary," Arthur said and Black Knight looks at the blood rolled down his armor.

"'Tis just a scratch," the Black Knight said.

"A scratch? Your arm's off!"

"I've had worse," the Black Knight said then they started arguing and started fighting again. Arthur cuts off the Black Knight's right arm and kneels down to pray only to get kicked by the Black Knight. "Hah! Come on, then!"

"What?" Arthur said and the Black Knight keeps kicking him. "Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!"

"Yes, I have."

"Look, stop that," Arthur said but the Black Knight kept kicking until Arthur cut his right leg off.

"Right, I'll do you for that!"

"You'll what?"

"Come here!"

"What is he going to do? Bleed on him?" Tara asked and David softly laughed. They watch while the Black Knight bumps into Arthur until Arthur cuts off the Black Knight's left leg, leaving him as a torso on the ground.

"Oh?" the Black Knight said, looking around then at Arthur. "Alright, we'll call it a draw."

They rode off while the Black Knight yelled for them to come back and Tara looked at David who shrugged and moved to catch up with Arthur. They headed toward the castle when they came to a stone wall and Tara was stunned to see a flock of cartoon sheep with large bird wings on their backs sitting in the trees. Arthur headed for the farmer standing near the wall and David pinched his eyes closed with his fingers.

"Nononononononono," David muttered and the farmer leaned on the wall, looking at Arthur.

"Tell me, Good Farmer, how is it that your sheep are in the trees?" he asked and the farmer sighed.

"It's 'arold. He got it into his head that he's a bird and taught the others to fly," the farmer said, pointing to the large cartoon sheep sitting on the top branch. They watched as the sheep flew into the air and the farmer gasped. "'arold, come back, 'arold!" They watched the cartoon sheep flying away and dive bombed a small village.

"'arold!" the farmer shouted but the cartoon sheep kept attacking the village when a cartoon general appeared and talked on the walkie-talkie. Suddenly a large cartoon canon appeared from behind the cartoon hill and blew the large cartoon sheep out of the sky, leaving a plate of cartoon lamb chops sitting on a plate sitting on the ground.

"Ok, THAT was weird!" Tara said and David nodded. Arthur and the others started down the trail as they went to catch up with them and headed for the castle.

"Ah, there you are," Alan said while Adam walked into the living room and flopped down on the couch. "Where's David?"

"Tara took him for a ride in her TARDIS," Adam said and Alan frowned.

"Do you think that was a good idea? What if something goes wrong?"

"It already has," Adam said when he removed some paper from his leather jacket and sat up. "I took the liberty of printing the first two chapters of the story and they are now..."

He handed Alan the papers as he read them and his eyes went wide.

"Are you kidding me?" he asked and Adam shook his head.

"Nope, they are on The Planet of...Python!"

"Wait wait wait! They really are going to have to do everything that you wrote in this story?"

"They have no choice."

"But you WROTE this! Can't you warn them or something?"

"I don't remember writing the bloody thing so how am I supposed to warn them?"

"Then there's no choice. We have to talk to our brothers. Maybe they can figure out what to do."

"Yep," Adam said, popping the "p" and they went to go find the Doctor and Theta.

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