THE SCAVENGER HUNT
Chapter Four “Here we are,” the Doctor said, stepping through a doorway, “my secondary console room.” Rose followed him inside and looked around. “You have another console room?” she said. “Sure do. Actually, this was the original console room when my TARDIS was much, much smaller.” “So, the TARDIS is still growing?” “Well, yes, she is a living thing, you know. That’s why I have no idea what’s in all the rooms or even how many rooms my ship has. It adds new ones all the time. But, that’s part of the fun of having her, discovering a new room you’ve never seen before. Anyway, hundreds of years ago, back when me and my TARDIS were just starting to travel together, this was where I piloted her from. Ah, memories.” Rose looked around. The interior was Victorian looking with various furniture and statues scattered about the room. The console was metal and unlike the other one, didn’t have a bunch of odds and ends as the controls, nor did the rotor extend all the way up to the ceiling. Around the console were four metal support posts. Near it was a table and leather chair. She walked over to it and noticed a copy of The Time Machine was resting on the table underneath a Tiffany lamp. She turned and looked across the room at a dresser and mirror. On top of the dresser were several unlit candle stubs and above the mirror was a stone gargoyle. On a nearby table there was an old victrola quietly gathering dust. Rose looked at the Doctor who was on the other side of the room. He was standing in front of a wall that had little drawers in it. He was opening the drawers and feeling around inside them. “How come you don’t decorate the other console room like this, I mean with all the furniture and stuff?” Rose asked, walking over to him. “Too cluttered. It’s nice for back here but when I’m running in the door I don’t want to trip over a table and injure myself….AH-HA! Here it is!” He pulled a glowing red velvet bag out of one of the drawers and gave it to Rose. “There you are, bag of gold dust,” he said. He grinned as he held up the little tag. “See, it even says, bag of gold dust, right here.” “Why do you have gold dust?” “Why not have gold dust? It’s very useful, especially when you’re fighting Cybermen. Too bad I didn’t know we were going to be running into them in Pete’s World; otherwise I would have brought some with me, although being parallel who knows if it would have worked there, but anyway, for our universe, what you do is you get the gold dust on the Cybermen’s chest and it gets inside and clogs up their metabolic systems and kills them. Messy death too. You need to stand back when it happens so you don’t end up covered in green ooze. Other than that, it’s a useful source of money in some places and it’s also great fun to go to California in the 1850’s and walk around town with it in your hand while you scream out loud that you struck gold in them thar hills. You won’t believe the stampede that happens. The humans all rush to the river like a bunch of lemmings and I just sit on a hill and have a giggle while I watch them pan like mad for nonexistent gold. Course you have to leave well before they wise up and start shooting at you, but until then, it’s great fun to watch. I oughta do that with you guys sometime.” “Um…no, I’ll pass and I have a feeling Martha and Donna will too,” Rose said. “Ah well, to each his own, I suppose,” the Doctor said, putting the gold dust back. He took the clipboard from Rose, checked off the item and gave it back to her. “Now, we have one more object that I know the whereabouts of and then, we will both be in the dark for the rest of the hunt. But, follow me and I’ll show you the location of the last item.” They walked to the back of the console room and went through a doorway. Rose froze in her tracks the minute she got through. The room was enormous and it looked like a gothic cathedral. “Um…Doctor, where the hell are we?” The Doctor paused halfway down the stone stairs and looked up at her. “This is the Cloister Room.” “What’s it for?” “Well, it used to contain the Eye of Harmony, which used to be the power source for the TARDIS until Gallifrey was destroyed and the link between my home world and it was severed, which is why I now have to power up at the rift on occasion. Unfortunately, in my eighth life, the Master got in here and used it against me and after that, the TARDIS moved it to an undisclosed location inside the ship and has kept it hidden, so no one else can get to it. Come on,” he said, holding out his hand to her. Looking around, Rose slowly walked down the steps and took his hand. As they went downstairs, Rose heard a squeaking sound. She looked up at the ceiling and her mouth dropped open when she noticed a bunch of bats flying overhead. “Are those real?” she said, pointing at them. The Doctor stopped and looked where she was pointing. “Yup.” He grinned and gave her a maniacal look. “You see, it’s true. I do have bats in my belfry, bwhahahahahahahaaaaaaaa. Come on.” “No way.” The Doctor frowned. “Why?” “I’m not going through there with a bunch of bleedin’ bats flapping over my head.” The Doctor rolled his eyes. “Rose, they aren’t going to hurt you. That whole thing about bats getting in your hair isn’t true. I’ve been through here numerous times and they haven’t bothered me once. Now, come with me and I promise I won’t let the bats kill you.” He put his hand on her back and urged her to go on. Rose went down the steps with the Doctor following her. They nearly reached the bottom when suddenly Rose heard the Doctor squeak and felt his fingers in her hair. “That’s not funny, Doctor.” “I’m not doing anything, it’s the bats, they’re nesting.” “Get your fingers out of my hair, Doctor, before I break them off.” “I don’t have my fingers in your hair. I haven’t moved yet, it’s the bats. They’re attracted to your cucumber melon shampoo and have decided to raise their babies on top of your head. I…” He trailed off when Rose spun around, put her hands on her hips and gave him a look of death. “Oh, thank God, I got here just in time to prevent them burrowing into your skull and feasting on your brain,” the Doctor said. “It was quite a jump, but I managed to get behind you just before you turned and seized the flying menaces with my bare hands. Thank heavens, you aren’t injured, Tyler and thank all that is sacred that there’s no bat dung smeared in your follicles. It would have been really unpleasant for you to walk around all day with droppings sticking in your hair, not to mention the smell and--“ “Are you finished?” “Finished with what?” “Finished being an idiot?” The Doctor’s mouth dropped open. “A what? I’m a what, now?” he said, as Rose giggled. “An idiot? Is that what I am? Okay then, just for that…HEY! LOOKIE! DOWN HERE! COME AND GET HER! COME AND AVENGE ME, MY WINGED COMPANIONS!” “Geez,” Rose said, walking away. The Doctor looked up while he followed behind her and pointed at her head. “LOOK! NICE AND SOFT AND SILKY AND JUST RIGHT FOR A SUMMER HOME! COME AND GET HER BEFORE SHE’S GONE!” Rose sped up while the Doctor continued to point at her hair. “HURRY, SHE’S GOING, SHE’S GOING, LAST CHANCE FOR A HOLIDAY RETREAT IS GOING OUT THE DOOR! STOP HER!” Rose laughed and sprinted towards the door while the Doctor gave chase. She burst through the door and laughed when the Doctor seized her from behind. “Oh, no you don’t. I’m not letting you get away with calling me an idiot. Back into the bat cave you go!” Rose screamed with delight when he picked her up and swung her body back towards the door. “In, in! Feed my winged legion!” he said, as Rose struggled to get away from him. “You will provide sustenance for my Chiropteran children and soon we will unleash them on an unsuspecting world! Prove you are my faithful companion and sacrifice yourself for me!” He snickered when Rose howled with laughter. Setting her down, he held her against him as she gave him a playful smack on the side of the head. “You know sometimes it’s hard to believe you’re over nine hundred years old, the way you act,” she said as she took his hand and they walked down the corridor. “Well, you’re only as old as you feel, you know. I may be over nine hundred, but it doesn’t mean I have to act like it,” he said. “After all, this body is in its late thirties, so why not be youthful and have fun with your plus one? Besides, I already know what it’s like to feel nine hundred, thanks to the Master.” “Yeah, Martha told me all about that,” she said. “Wish I could have been there to see little you in the birdcage. I bet you looked cute.” “Cute wouldn’t be my word for it.” “Martha told me she wished she had brought a camera with her so she could have snapped a few pictures for blackmailing purposes.” “Yes, well Martha would say that,” he said, as she laughed. “And if I were her, I wouldn’t talk. There was that time we went to Rodentia and she ended up being turned into a giant rat. Now, if ever there was a picture that could be used to blackmail, it was Martha running around on all fours chittering away with a huge rat tail dragging the floor behind her. She ever tell you about that?” “Um…no, actually, she hasn’t.” “Uh-huh, well you should ask her about it. I’m sure she’ll go into great detail about how her mind was controlled by an evil alien rat dictator and he made her try to kill me after they covered me in cheese sauce and dumped me into an arena. You haven’t lived, Rose, until you’re running around an arena being chased by a human/rat hybrid while cheddar cheese sauce drips repeatedly into your eyes. The whole thing was so bizarre I expected the Benny Hill theme to start playing while it was happening.” “So, how did you escape Martha the rat?” Rose said. “Well, first I took a bunch of the sauce and threw it into her face. Then, unfortunately, I had to knock her out because Martha was temporarily insane and wouldn’t listen to reason. Then, I had to run out of the arena carrying Martha the rat in my arms. So…there I was running down the hall, my ratty companion in my arms with a bunch of humanoid rats pursuing me, hell for leather. Luckily, they were slipping and sliding on the cheese sauce that was flying off my body, which gave me time to find the laboratory and locate the antidote. I managed to turn Martha back to normal and used the sonic screwdriver to get past the rats since they have sensitive hearing. I then ran like hell back to the TARDIS, jumped inside, slammed the doors and got us away from there. After that, Martha woke up with an enormous black eye and I took several long, long showers to get cheddar cheese out of every orifice in my body. The end.” “Wow, I missed a lot being in the other universe,” Rose said. “That you did. Mind you, it’s not the first time I’ve dealt with one of my companions being changed into an animal. I had a companion, Peri, who almost became a bird. But, unlike Martha the Mouse, they didn’t throw birdseed on my head and sic her on me. Plus, she was changed back before the transformation was complete. But, you know, anytime you want to become an animal/human hybrid, just let me know and I’ll certainly try to accommodate you.” “No thanks, I think I’ll pass on that also.” “Sure? You don’t wanna be Rose the Reindeer?” “No, that’s quite alright. I like me as I am.” “Not even Rose the Red Nosed Reindeer?” “No thanks.” “How about Rosie the Rambunctious Rabbit?” “No.” “Rose the Really Repulsive Reptile?” “No thanks.” “Rose the Rampaging Rhinoceros? Rose the Raucous Rooster? Rose the Resourceful Raccoon?” “How about Rose the one hundred percent human being?” “Nah, that’s boring. I know! Rose the Rock-n-rolling Rhesus Monkey!” Rose shook her head and laughed. “Okay,” she said. “If I’m that, then you have to be Doctor the Devoted Doggie, faithful pet of Rose the Rock-n-rolling Rhesus Monkey. And then, I’ll get to bathe you and walk you and put cute pink dog bows in your fur.” The Doctor made a face. “Um, no, let’s not go that far.” “Okay, then you can be Doctor the Doe-eyed Deer.” “No.” “Okay, how about this since you already act like one. Doctor the Daft Dodo.” She laughed when the Doctor seized her from behind and turned around. “That’s it. Back to the bats!” he said, as she slapped at his arm playfully. He grinned, gave her a huge bear hug and with a sigh, took her hand and led her down the corridor.
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