THE SCAVENGER HUNT
Chapter Ten “Okay,” Martha said, opening the Rapunzel door, “wonder what unique touches the Doctor added to this one?” She stepped inside and closed the door. She was in a circular stone room with one huge window off to her left. Against the wall was a tiny bed, a nightstand with a washbasin, a bookcase with several books in it and an old battered chair. In the center of a room was an enormous braided hairpiece that was coiled around and around like a giant black snake. Martha walked over to it, found the end and picked it up. Affixed to the end was a huge black banana clip. Martha smoothed back her hair and clipped on the braid. She walked to the window, turned and noticed that part of the braid was now snaking along behind her. “Well, at least it’s not too heavy,” she said to herself. She leaned out the window and looked down. Sure enough, she was at the top of a tall stone tower with no windows or doors in it other than the one she was using. At the bottom, she could see thorn bushes scattered around the base. All around the tower was a huge clearing and beyond that was an enormous forest. Martha looked around for any sign of the Doctor android, but he was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, she heard a cackle coming from above. She looked up and saw a woman flying towards the tower on a broomstick. She quickly stepped back as Jackie flew into the window and stopped right in front of her. “Good morning, Marpunzel, I’ve brought you your dinner for today!” she said, holding up a small brown sack from McDonalds. Martha raised her eyebrow. “Yup, now I’m definitely going to tell Rose about him using her mum as the villain.” “What’s that, Marpunzel?” “Nothing, I was just thinking aloud,” Martha said. “I don’t have much to do being stuck up here all the time, so I think to myself.” Jackie flew over to the bed and dropped the sack onto it. “Well, I would let you out, but you’re so beautiful, I just can’t take the risk. Anyone could just come along and carry you off and then I’d be out of work. Times are tough and a face-slapping, screeching, harpy like me can’t afford to be unemployed.” “Face-slapping, screeching harpy, eh? Yup, definitely gotta tell Rose,” Martha muttered. Jackie flew over to the window. “Well, I’ll be going now. Gotta get back to my boring chav life and do boring, superficial chav things. Have fun and don’t let any strange men up in here. I don’t run a brothel, you know!” Martha rolled her eyes when Jackie flew out the window cackling at the top of her lungs. She turned, looked at the sack on the bed and opened it up. “Bollocks,” she said when she pulled out a wad of tissue paper. “I was hoping there’d be food in here. Ah well.” She walked back over to the window and looked out. For a moment, nothing happened and then suddenly she heard hoof beats in the distance. “Three guesses who that is,” she muttered. Sure enough, a moment later, the Doctor rode out of the woods on a white horse. “Whoa!” she heard him say as he stopped the horse. She stared at him while he stared back. Then, he reached into a pouch on his belt, brought out another telescope and opened it up. “AT LAST, I HAVE FOUND HER!” she heard him exclaim as he eyed her through the telescope. He rode towards the tower, stopped the horse several feet from it and jumped off. He quickly ran to the base of the tower, got down on his knee and spread his arms out. “O, beautiful one, are you Marpunzel?” “Yes, I am.” “Oh, thank the heavens above, I have heard legends of a lovely lady who resides in a tall and impenetrable tower and so I put down my Sudoku book and rode out to find you. Tell me, dear Marpunzel, where is the door, so I might climb up and carry you away from this miserable existence.” “There is no door. Just this window.” The Doctor paused. “No door?” “Nope.” “Then, how the hell did you get up there?” “Um…let’s see, gotta think how the story goes…um, I think I was kidnapped as a baby and brought here by an evil witch and she has kept me here ever since.” “Oh, you mean the screechy, wrinkly hag that flies around and scares small children and animals?” “Um…yeah….her,” Martha muttered. “That fiendish hellcat. How dare she imprison one such as you? Someone needs to burn her at the stake for her foul deeds.” “Hey, I have a question for you.” “Yes?” “You ever have a woman in here by the name of Rose or Rosepunzel.” The Doctor stared at her. “No, I don’t believe we’ve ever had anyone by that name.” “Well, it’s a good thing because if she knew what the Doctor was doing and saying about her mum, she would slap him from the front of the TARDIS to the back and back again.” The Doctor looked confused. “I do not understand you, pretty one. Being in this tall tower has isolated you from civilization and caused you to speak in tongues. But, never fear, I will carry you away and make you my bride and together we will spend all day eating nibbles and doing Sudoku.” “And disco dancing?” The Doctor paused. “I wasn’t planning on it, but now that you mention it, that does sound fun. Yes, we will eat and do puzzle books and dance all day long. Now, if you’ll just point out a way to get up to you, I’d be much obliged.” “I guess you’ll have to climb up my hair.” The Doctor smiled. “Ah, yes, the legendary impossibly long hair you possess. How brilliant is that? I climb up your hair and rescue you. Okay…um…Marpunzel, Marpunzel, let down your hair and I will climb the ebony stair.” “Hold on, I gotta shove the whole thing out the window.” “Okey-dokey.” Martha walked over, grabbed the huge mass of hair and grunting, pulled it over to the window. Gasping and panting, she got behind it and pushed the entire thing out. “OOF!” Martha looked out the window. The Doctor was now sprawled out on the ground, buried under the mass of hair. “You couldn’t have just lowered it out slowly?” he grunted out. “Oops, sorry, Doctor,” she said, sheepishly. “No worries,” he said, pushing it off his body. He got up and dusted himself off. He grabbed a hold of the braid and put his foot against the wall. “And now, dear Marpunzel, I will climb the hair and rescue you!” he yelled. Martha gasped when he started to climb up. The Doctor’s weight pulled on the braid and made it feel like her actual hair was being torn out by the roots. She planted both hands on either side of the window, so she wouldn’t tumble out. “GET OFF!” she bellowed at him. The Doctor paused halfway up. “I’m sorry?” “GET OFF THE PLAIT. YOU’RE GONNA RIP MY HAIR OUT!” ‘But I’m supposed to climb…” “I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO! GET OFF THE PLAIT NOW!” She breathed a sigh of relief when the Doctor repelled back down and let go. “Jesus,” Martha said, holding her aching head. “Are you alright, my darling?” “No, my skull aches now.” Before the Doctor could get any ideas, she quickly pulled the braid inside. “But… how am I supposed to rescue you?” “I don’t know. Just think of a way, but you’re not climbing up my hair,” she yelled down. The Doctor looked around and disappeared from view while he walked around the tower. Martha leaned on the wall. “God, that hurt like hell,” she said to herself. “Even as a kid, I thought the whole climbing up the hair thing was odd. Whoever wrote the story obviously didn’t think things through properly. Especially since once the prince got up here, how would both of them get back down?” The Doctor came back into view. “There are no doors or windows anywhere,” he said. “How do I get up to you?” “I don’t know, but you’re not climbing up. Think of some other way.” The Doctor stood and stared at the wall. Then, with a smile, he suddenly reached into his pocket and brought out his sonic screwdriver. He aimed it at the wall in front of him. “A-HA!” he yelled triumphantly. “What? What is it?” The Doctor grinned at her. “There’s a secret lift right inside the tower.” “There is?” She watched while the Doctor pressed the screwdriver against the wall and heard a rumble when a piece of it slid open. “Success!” he crowed. He looked up at her. “Hold on, my darling, your rescue is just an up button away!” He entered the lift and the wall slid back. Martha leaned up, turned and waited. A moment later, a huge panel in the floor slid back and the lift rose up out of it. It stopped and with a small ding, the door opened. “Ah, here we are!” the Doctor said, striding out. He looked around. “Blimey, this place is tiny,” he said. He looked again. “Hey, where’s the toilet? I’ve been riding all day and my bladder is filled to the brim.” Martha stared at him. “Um…toilet?” “Yeah, I need to go, so where’s the loo at?” “I don’t know.” The Doctor gave her a puzzled look. “You don’t know. Didn’t you say you’ve lived here since you were a baby?” “Um…yeah…” “Okay, so how did you pee? You lean out the window and water the thorn bushes? You use the wash basin over there? What do you do when you need to go?” “Um…I…don’t….” Martha muttered. The Doctor stared at her with wide eyes. “You don’t pee…ever?” “Um…no. The witch cast a spell on me so I can’t pee. That way she doesn’t have to take me out of the tower.” “That fiend. That chavvy little harpy. I swear when I get my hands on her pruny little neck--“ “Alright, you can stop there,” Martha said. “Well then, all the more reason for me to take you away from this place. Come my dear, into the lift and then back to my palace for nibbles and Sudoku.” Martha hesitated. She looked at the exit door behind her. “Um, I better not,” she said. The Doctor frowned. “What do you mean, you better not? I’m here to rescue you!” “Yeah, but this is all a simulation and I’d rather not go too far from the exit door.” “Exit door? What exit door?” “The one behind me.” The Doctor looked over and his eyes widened. “What? When did that appear?” he muttered. He walked over to it and opened it. Martha watched while he stuck his head outside. “What is this place?” he muttered. Martha’s eyes widened when he went outside. “Hey! Um…Doctor bot, come back, I don’t know if you’re supposed to be out there!” she said, undoing the hairpiece and throwing it down. She reached the exit door just in time to see the Little Red Riding Hood door close. She ran to it, opened it and saw the Doctor standing there with a perplexed look on his face. “Amazing, there’s another forest in here. I wonder where this path leads?” he muttered to himself. “Doctor...prince…God, whatever you call yourself,” Martha said, running up to him as he started down the path, “come back here!” The Doctor stopped and looked at her. “Why? What’s wrong?” “I don’t think you’re supposed to be in here. You’re supposed to be in the Rapunzel room. They’ve already got another Doctor android in here!” “Another me? Really? How fascinating. Where is he?” “He’s in the house at the end of this path.” She grabbed his arm when he started off. “But you can’t go there. You have to go back to your own simulation!” The Doctor turned and gave her the haughty look that Martha knew all too well. “I’m the Doctor. I can go anywhere I please,” he said, sniffing. “No, you’re not the Doctor. You’re an android that’s programmed to think like him. The Doctor put you in the Rapunzel room, so you need to go back there!” “After I finish exploring,” he said, wrenching his arm from her hand and walking away. Martha sighed. “Fine, you go where you damn well please then. It’s not like I can get the real Doctor to listen either,” she said. “I need to get going anyway. So, have fun.” She turned and walked back to the Rapunzel room, grabbed the clipboard and shut the door. She walked back to the Little Red Riding Hood, looked in and saw the Doctor chatting with the wolf. Sighing, she closed the door, turned and left the main room.
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