THE SCAVENGER HUNT
Chapter Twenty Four (Meanwhile, outside the fairy tale simulation…) Martha smiled as she checked another item off her list. She had just found a red ball room where hundreds of red balls bounced up and down between a rubber floor and ceiling. She had no idea why the Doctor had a room like that but one of the balls was glowing and had the tag on it and after finding the item on her list, she no longer cared if he had a bouncing ball room or not. She headed to the next room and read the little gold plaque on the door. CINEMA ROOM. “Hmm, this might be interesting,” Martha said, opening the door. Directly inside the room was a long aisle that went down the middle of the cinema. There were plush red seats on either side of her but apart from her; no one was in the room. It felt weird being all alone, but curiosity got the better of her and she went halfway down, turned right, walked halfway down a row of seats and sat down. In front of the seats a beautiful red curtain with gold trim at the bottom hid the screen and the lights overhead were dim. But the silence only added to the creepiness and Martha was startled when she heard someone clearing their throat and saw a Caucasian man dressed in a red and gold usher’s outfit standing at the end of her row. “Would you like some popcorn and something to drink before the movie starts, Madam?” he said. “Yeah, buttered popcorn and a soda, a…Coke is alright.” The usher bowed and went back up the aisle while Martha relaxed. After a moment, she turned around and looked up at the window in the back of the wall, trying to see if anyone was in the projection room, but for the moment it was dark and she couldn’t see anyone in it. She turned back around, set her clipboard down in the seat beside her and relaxed. Two minutes later, the usher came back up the aisle with a large bucket of buttered popcorn and a large cup of Coke. Martha thanked him when he came to her and handed them to her and he bowed and walked away. Five minutes later, the curtains parted and the lights dimmed away as Martha settled back with her Coke and popcorn. She raised her eyebrow when the first thing to show up on the screen was the Doctor. He was standing at the front of the cinema and she could see the seats behind him while he talked to the camera. “Hello, I’m the Doctor and this…is my cinema!” Synthesizer music began to play as he stuck his hands in his pockets. “In here…magic begins,” he said melodramatically as Martha snorted out laughter at the cornball delivery. “I travel through time and space but in here…you can travel into the furthest reaches of my imagination!” “Um…not sure how I feel about that,” Martha said to herself. “But first…a few rules since I’m sure if you’re watching this, you’re one of my companions. Or the Master…except why would the Master be in here watching a film? Anyway, rules. No smoking. Anywhere. In my TARDIS. I don’t like it, filthy habit and I will kick you out if you do it, so be warned.” “I agree and fine by me,” Martha said, shrugging. “Rule two, you will refrain from making loud rude noises, running up and down the aisles, letting one rip or otherwise acting like a Zulu warrior and making a wreck of my theater. That also will get you booted out the front door.” “Fair enough,” Martha said, shrugging. “Rule three, no pears. I hate pears.” Martha rolled her eyes at that. “And that, I think, is that. So sit back, enjoy and get ready to be transported to a wonderful world of fantasy!” Martha watched while the Doctor was replaced with a cartoon TARDIS that spun around the screen before going through the middle and leaving TARDIS CINEMA LTD. In its wake. The image faded and she saw… THE FOLLOWING PREVIEW HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR GENERAL VIEWING. Martha ate her popcorn as the green title screen faded and she saw the Doctor standing there again. “The Doctor,” a dramatic voiceover said, “a man like no other man you’ve ever known in your whole entire pathetic life!” Martha paused in mid-chew and watched as the Doctor strolled into the front door of some bank somewhere. “Once,” the voiceover said, “he was a gentle peace loving alien but now…he’s…DOCTOR BADASS!” Martha’s eyes widen when the Doctor pulled an Uzi out the waistband of his trousers and fired several rounds into the ceiling above him. “ALRIGHT, THIS IS A HOLDUP, GIVE ME ALL THE MONEY OR YOU ALL DIE!” he shrieked at people off camera. “Doctor Badass, quite possibly the baddest alien mofo in the universe,” the voiceover said as the Doctor threatened a bank teller with the gun. “Oh please,” Martha said, rolling her eyes. She couldn’t help but laugh when the scene switched to the Doctor, wearing sunglasses while he drove a candy apple red Ferrari. “Doctor Badass, he lives life on the edge and he ain’t afraid to die cause he’s done it nine times already!” The Doctor looked at the camera. “I’m the biggest, baddest mofo in the universe,” he said smugly as Martha bent over laughing. “Doctor Badass, he has an insatiable appetite…for women!” the voiceover said dramatically. Martha paused in mid-chew when the scene shifted to a seedy hotel room. The Doctor kicked the door in and stood in the doorway, holding his gun. “At last I found you,” he said to someone off camera. Martha’s eyes bulged when the image cut to Rose sitting on the bed in her underwear and bra, trying to cover up with a cheap cotton blanket while she stared at him apprehensively. “The hell? When the two of them get around to filming this?” Martha said as she watched the Doctor striding into the room. She rolled her eyes when he went off camera and she suddenly heard moaning and the bed squeaking. “Oooooh, Doctor Badass,” Rose said off-camera, “you sure do know how to love your women!” “No, wait, it’s gotta be two of those robots. No way would Rose agree to do something like this and be filmed,” Martha said. The scene shifted back to the Doctor who was standing in front of his TARDIS with his shades on while he held his Uzi up and showed it off to camera. “Doctor Badass,” the voice over said, “he’ll rock your world! Coming soon to this cinema.” “Hey!” Martha yelled at the screen, “let me know when it’s playing so I can come back and watch it for a giggle!” The preview ended and the TARDIS flew across the screen again. This time when it went across it, TARDIS CINEMA LTD. PRESENTS… was written across the screen. Martha settled back in her seat and munched her popcorn while the movie started. She paused in mid-chew when she noticed down front by the right of a screen, an organ was coming up out of the floor and a Jack Bot began to play it. It took Martha a moment to figure out the reason why he was doing that was the film was silent. She shrugged and ate while the title card came up on screen. TARDIS CINEMA LTD. PRESENTS…THE PERILS OF ROSE TYLER. Martha rolled her eyes and munched on her popcorn as the screen faded briefly and another title card came up. 1929. THE START OF THE GREAT DEPRESSION. Jack played the organ as Martha watched the TARDIS silently appear on screen. She frowned thinking how odd it looked for the TARDIS to appear without the usual wheezing sound it made. She ate and watched as the door opened and he and Rose stepped outside. Martha burst out laughing when she saw the pancake makeup the two of them were wearing. Both of them had white faces that made the Doctor look even paler than usual and black eye shadow, eyeliner around their eyes and black lips. “Okay, you two look very weird and bizarre like that,” Martha said to the screen. A title card came up. AH, HERE WE ARE, ROSE TYLER. OKLAHOMA DURING THE GREAT DEPRESSION! It went back to the movie and Martha saw the Doctor was mouthing those words to Rose while she stood beside him and nodded. BUT ALL IS NOT AS IT SEEMS IN 1929 OKLAHOMA. Jack played a dramatic chord when Martha saw a man with a long mustache who was dressed all in black with a black hat and opera cape. AH, HAHAHA, NOW I WILL START MY WEATHER MACHINE AND FREEZE OKLAHOMA INTO A BIG ICE CUBE! The title screen cut back to the man who finished mouthing those words as he twirled the end of his mustache between his thumb and index finger. MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE TARDIS… The scene shifted and Martha froze with a piece of popcorn at her lips when she saw the Doctor had Rose up against the TARDIS while he snogged her brains out. SNOWSTORM! The title card shifted back to the Doctor and Rose who were now in the middle of a huge blizzard. The Doctor paused and looked around with a confused look on his face. THIS IS ODD. The scene shifted back to the Doctor at the end of saying that sentence. Jack played another dramatic chord as a huge wall of snow swept over the TARDIS like a tidal wave and buried it, the Doctor and Rose. WILL THEY ESCAPE? IT SEEMS HOPELESS FOR THEM NOW! Jack played more dramatic chords for a few seconds, then suddenly he played a jaunty tune as the lights went up and she realized they were already in intermission. On screen another title card said. TAKE A LAVATORY BREAK AND WE’LL BE BACK IN FIVE MORE MINUTES TO SHOW YOU WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR HEROES. “Oh, you have got to be kiddin’ me,” Martha said. She shrugged, decided to follow the title card’s advice and hurried off to the loo so she could see what happened next.
STARRING…THE DOCTOR AS HIMSELF AND ROSE TYLER AS ROSE TYLER, THE HELPLESS WAIF WHO THE DOCTOR LOVES.
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