THE SCAVENGER HUNT

Chapter Twenty Seven

Martha looked over when the usher came up to her seat.

“Would you like some more popcorn and soft drink, Miss?” he whispered to her.

“Um…yes, thanks.”

The usher took her empty containers and walked away as Martha turned her attention back to the movie. By this time, the Doctor was in the middle of an arena made of ice. The Villain sat on an ice throne behind an ice wall and Rose was still chained to the wall in her bikini.

“Boy, I bet Rose is freezing now,” Martha remarked.

The Villain laughed silently.

NOW, PREPARE FOR YOUR DOOM!

The Doctor struck a heroic pose and thrust his index finger to the sky.

DO YOUR WORST, I’M NOT AFRAID! I SHALL TRIUMPH OVER YOU AND RESCUE THE WOMAN I LOVE!

Rose yelled at him.

DOCTOR, BE CAREFUL! YOU KNOW I’M PREGNANT WITH YOUR BABY!

Martha was glad she didn’t have her soda at the moment since she knew she’d be spitting it out onto the floor. She laughed when the Doctor looked shocked.

YOU ARE? The title card said.

“Wow, Doctor, apparently you are unaware of what condoms do,” Martha muttered as she watched the film.

The Doctor, apparently not wanting to discuss the pregnancy further, shrugged and whipped around to face his foe. His foe being stock footage of a polar bear eating a fish by a frozen lake. Then it cut back to the Doctor and someone from off camera threw a three foot tall polar bear plushie at him.

“Oh, give me a break,” Martha muttered as the Doctor fell on his back and began to roll around with the plushie while he beat on it and pretended to fight with it.

Then the fight cut away to stock footage of a polar bear eating fish, back to the Doctor and the plushie, back to stock footage of a polar bear and cub, back to the Doctor and plushie, back to a polar bear sitting on its butt in the snow, back to the Doctor and plushie. Martha let out a bored sigh while she watched the fake fight.

Then the polar bear plushie vanished and the Doctor leapt to his feet. He gnashed his teeth and Martha rolled her eyes when a man dressed in a polar bear costume came over and the two of them circled each other before trading punches. Her eyes widened when the camera panned back and John Cleese was sitting at a desk in a dinner jacket while he held several sheets of paper in his hands. John began mouthing something while they fought.

AND HERE WE HAVE THE HUGE BULL PANTOMIME POLAR BEAR IN A LIFE OR DEATH STRUGGLE WITH ZE DOCTOR.

Martha groaned. Her head dropped to her hands and she shook her head while the fight continued. She looked through her fingers and noticed the man in the polar bear costume was now down on the ground. The Doctor had one foot on his chest while beating his own chest and letting out a silent Tarzan yell. Then he spun around and faced the Villain who leapt from his chair.

NO, IT CANNOT BE, YOU CANNOT HAVE TRIUMPHED OVER ME!

The Doctor again struck his heroic pose.

YES, I DID BECAUSE I AM…

The scene cut to a black title card. In the center of it, the Doctor’s head was in the middle of an oval frame. He was grinning a cheesy grin while the words TIME LORD were above the frame and VICTORIOUS was under it. Jack hit a button and the organ was momentarily replaced with a small trumpet fanfare before they went back to the action. By this time, the Villain was running out an icy doorway.

YOU’LL NEVER DEFEAT ME!

The title card cut back to the Villain who was finishing mouthing that as he ran through the doorway. The Doctor leapt up over the wall, ran to Rose and pulled the chains from the wall. Rose clasped her hands together.

OH, DOCTOR, IS THERE NOTHING YOU CAN’T DO?

The Doctor puffed out his chest and said…

NOT ANYMORE.

Martha watched while the Doctor ripped open the manacles and threw them away before they ran through the icy doorway.

AND SO, OUR HEROES HAVE ESCAPED FROM THE ICE PALACE, BUT HOW TO END THE SNOW THAT THREATENS TO BURY ALL OF OKLAHOMA?

The title card cut to the Doctor and Rose as they walked away from the ice castle on their snowshoes. Rose, who was now fully clothed was waving her arms around, batting at the snow and trying to get it out of her eyes as the storm grew worse.

SUDDENLY, ROSE STEPS IN THE WRONG PLACE!

Rose, who is busy waving her hands around and trying to see through the blinding snow, steps right off the edge of a cliff. The scene shifts to her falling away, her arms outstretched.

ROSE! NO!

The Doctor runs over and watches anguished as Rose falls away from him. Then the scene cut to Rose as she smacks into a long limb that is jutting out over the impossibly high drop off. Martha sighed and shook her head when the branch bent like rubber and much like a Roadrunner cartoon shot Rose back up towards the Doctor. The scene shifted to Rose as she now sped back up towards the top of the cliff, her arms outstretched while she screamed. Then it cut to the Doctor who gasped as Rose zoomed past him way up into the air. The Doctor stood there and his neck craned up as he watched her.

IT SEEMS HOPELESS FOR ROSE NOW, HOW WILL SHE ESCAPE? SUDDENLY, THE DOCTOR DEDUCES A BRILLIANT AND COMPLICATED WAY TO SAVE HER LIFE.

It cuts back to the Doctor. He holds his arms out over the drop off and Rose plops into them.

“Yeah, that was complicated, alright,” Martha muttered as she watched a close up of a grateful Rose slathering her man’s face with kisses. Then after two minutes of sloppy, grateful kissing, the Doctor turns with Rose in his arms and stomps away through the snow.


Much to Donna’s relief, the snogging between the Master and his Doctor bot finally ended and the Master escorted her through the banquet hall into a large bedroom. The room was completely empty except for a rickety little wooden bed that had thirteen mattresses piled one on top of the other and a wooden ladder that led up to the thirteenth mattress. The Master reached into his pocket and produced a small green pea. Donna watched as he walked over, pulled a small wooden wedge out from under the bed and used it to lift the first mattress up enough to place the pea inside it. Then taking the wedge out, he put it back under the bed and gestured to the ladder.

“It’s ready for you, your Highness. Just go up the ladder and have a pleasant night’s rest,” he said to her.

“Thanks,” Donna said as the Master strode past her, went out the door and shut it.

Donna walked over to the ladder and tested it, putting her foot on the rungs to make sure they were sturdy and moving the ladder down a bit until she was satisfied it was where she wanted it. Then she slowly went up until she finally reached the top. She stood there, pulled back the covers and then crawled over the mattress and under them. She pulled the covers up and lay on her side but almost immediately she felt a severe lump directly under her and she couldn’t get comfortable. She tried lying on her back but once again, she felt the lump digging into her spine.

“You’ve got to be kiddin’ me,” she said to herself. “There’s no way I’m feelin’ that teeny, tiny pea from all the way up here.”

She turned on her other side but still felt the lump. She sat up and pounded on the mattress, trying to smooth out the lump before she tried lying on her back again. But once again, she felt the lump digging into her spine. After ten minutes, Donna gave up and crawled back to the ladder. She got on it and then noticed that there was a huge lump sticking up from the mattress, almost like a camel’s hump. Playing on a hunch, she put her fingers under the mattress and with a grunt; she managed to fling it off the top of the stack and gasped when she saw a decomposing corpse of a woman lying on the next mattress. The woman’s eyes were open and staring up at the sky and her mouth was hanging open in a scream.

“Blast, you had to go and look, didn’t you?”

Donna jerked her head around and saw the Master standing by the doorway.

“What is this?” Donna said, pointing to the corpse.

“That is my dirty, little secret. You see, I’m actually a princess serial killer. But alas, I’m also very lazy and whenever I kill a princess I don’t really feel like disposing of the body properly so I just throw another mattress on top of the body. I made up the whole story about the princess and the pea test in order to lure more princesses in here so I could kill them. You, my dear, were number thirteen and now that you know the truth, you will die like all the others!”

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