TURN ME ON, DEAD MAN
Chapter Twenty The Beatles stared at the police box in confusion. "What's this?" John said, pointing to it. "This is my magnificent ship," the Doctor said. "It's a bleedin' police box," Ringo said. "Only from the outside," Rory said. "What's that s'posed to mean?" George said. The Doctor pulled out his key and unlocked the door. He threw open the door. "Come inside," he said. John was about to make a quip about being crowded but they could see through the door and their mouths dropped open when they saw the interior. "What the hell is this?" John said. He carried Yakamoto in while the others followed them. Rory chuckled and the Doctor smiled at the stunned expressions on everyone's faces. "Say it's bigger on the inside, he waits for that," Rory said while the Doctor chuckled. "How are you doing this?" George said. "It's a police box on the outside." "Yes it is and it has to do with different dimensions but we don't have time for that. John, come with me, I want to probe our friend's mind, I think that'll be a quicker solution than asking William to remember the directions." "See ya later when I get back from my acid trip," John said to his friends before following the Doctor towards the back door. While Rory closed the door, Jane looked back at William and noticed he was standing apart from everyone else, a sad look on his face. Her heart went out to him and she walked over. She noticed the alarmed look on his face and she took his hand to prevent him from running away. He bowed his head in shame. "I'm sorry for all of this," he said softly to her. "There's nothing to be sorry for. You were a prisoner like Paul and Amy are," she said, squeezing his hand. "It's alright, William. No one's blamin' you for this." "I tried to resist but after all the torture they put me through and the drugs..." "I understand and I'm sorry they did that to you," she said. "I'm glad the Doctor helped you come to your senses so you can help us rescue Paul and Amy." She kissed his cheek when he nodded and led him over to the group. Rory, seeing that the Doctor might be awhile with Yakamoto, decided to lead them back to the kitchen so they could have some tea while they waited. He took them back to the kitchen, showed them where everything was and then walked back to the console room to wait for him to return. Meanwhile, Paul and Amy sat and chatted with each other in the infirmary while Angela filled out some paperwork. Another man had stopped by and told them that they would send a cart around so they could load the bodies up and then instead of burial, they were to be taken to the incinerator. They had already passed the pad of paper back and forth, proposing to try an escape when they went to burn the bodies since the incinerator room wasn't as heavily guarded as other areas in the building. Paul reasoned that if they worked together and used the element of surprise, they might be able to overpower the guards, take their keys and make their escape. Or he also reasoned at the very least, find the communicator room and send a message to the Doctor about their location. In the meantime, they waited for someone to come and tell them it was time to transport the bodies. Angela found an old crossword puzzle book and Amy was working some of the crosswords in order to keep busy. Paul was doodling on the pad of paper, making amusing drawings that he occasionally showed to Amy in order to get her to laugh. The last time she looked he looked like he was writing something and Amy left him alone, figuring he might be working on a new song. After a half hour, Amy looked down when Paul slipped a folded piece of paper into her lap. She put her crossword book down and looked at it. She smiled when the top part of the paper had Amy on it with a cartoon version of her head, complete with wide eyes and open mouth. She giggled at that and opened it up, finding a note inside. Paul gave her a sideways glance while she started reading it. Amy, I'm bored and when I'm bored, I tend to think, perhaps a bit too much at times but hey, that's how I come up with most of my song ideas. But anyway, I've been thinking about the past couple of days and how much you've become a part of my life. You've made captivity bearable for me and you've become a great friend and a confidant. I enjoy hearing all about how I died and all the daft death clues you know about. Perhaps we'll be able to escape here and then I can say that the reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated but if not, at least I had the pleasure of meeting you and the Doctor and Rory before I went to the big rock concert in the sky. The reason I'm writing this is because I want to ask you something, my little guardian. I know that you are with Rory and I'm with Jane so marriage is right out unless you're into polygamy, hee hee. But I do care for you, my little ginger gal, and I wanted to ask you if I could unofficially adopt you as my sister. You see, I've never had one, just a pesky younger brother and I would like to keep you in my life even if that just means that you come back to see me sometimes in your travels with the Doctor. I know that it's your destiny to travel time and space with him but I can't bear the thought of you getting in this TARDIS with them and never seeing you again. I figure if you're my sister you'll have to come back sometime, right? Christmas, New Years, Bonfire Night, you know, all the major holidays. You don't have to answer yes but if you don't want to be my sister, at least be my lifelong friend. A very bored and extremely needy, Paul McCartney. P.S. Still think the lads look like Easter Eggs in those poncy outfits. Glad I wasn't a part of that, hee hee. Amy giggled at that and Paul looked at her expectantly when she folded up the note. She got up from her seat and gave him a kiss on the forehead. "You will not look like an Easter egg, big brother," she said. Paul's face brightened at that and he kissed her forehead. "Big? How old are you?" "22." "Ah, the same age as my brother then. Great, two pesky younger siblings, ugh." Amy giggled and kissed his cheek before giving him a hug. "Bonfire Night is a major holiday, eh?" she said. "Sure is. I love me a big bonfire! Burn, baby, burn!" She laughed and hugged him again. "Enjoy it, Pond. Not everyone gets to have a Beatle brother," Paul said with a wink. He thought for a moment. "Beatle Brother, that sounds like a good idea. We hire ourselves out to people so they can say I'm their brother for a day. Make some extra cash on top of the millions I already have. It's ingenious!" Amy laughed when he let out an evil laugh. "Beatle Brothers, I'll be rich," he said as he followed Amy over to the tea trolley. "What about me? I'm a Beatle sister now right?" "Nah, you're not official so you can't participate." He sniggered when Amy smacked his chest. "Yup, I can already tell we're siblings," Paul said as he and Amy made fresh cups of tea. "Are you hungry, dears?" Angela asked when she noticed them over at the trolley. "Um, a little bit. I haven't eaten since last night," Paul said to her. "Would you like some biscuits? I promise you they aren't laced with anything," she said. "Sure," Paul said while Amy nodded in agreement. Angela opened a cupboard and took down two boxes of biscuits; one was chocolate chip and the other oatmeal. She brought them over to the trolley and both of them thanked her when she set them down. Paul opened the chocolate chip biscuit box and both he and Amy took one each before they stirred their tea. Once they were finished, they took the boxes back with them to their chairs, setting them down between the chairs while they sat down. "Biscuits, yum," Paul said while they chewed them. "At least one thing around here is safe to eat. Ah, life is good. Being a captive, sitting on my arse sharing biscuits with my newly adopted sister, couldn't get any better than this." "If you say so," Amy said while he waggled his eyebrows. "Hey, gotta keep my spirits up, after all I have Easter egg suits to look forward to if I get out of here," he said in a hushed voice. Amy gave him a mischievous look. "And after that, magical mystery tours and being the walrus," she said innocently. She laughed when Paul froze with his mouth on the biscuit. He took it out of his mouth. "Dare I ask?" he said while she snickered. "Wait, walrus...oh God, not..." "Yeah, I recognized those song lyrics you quoted. The one that mentions the monkey finger is called Come Together and the walrus one is I Am the Walrus. John sings both of them." Paul snickered. "John was the one who hated them the most. Apparently they figured that out and made him sing those songs to torture him. Aaaah, but come now, Pond, what is this magical mystery tour you speak of?" "Um, it was a film they made." "Film? They make more?" "Yeah, that and one called Yellow Submarine. Oh! And Let It Be, but that was more a concert film, not a film with a plot." "Mmm, okay, out with it, Madam Time Traveler, what's the plot of the mystery tour one?" "Um, the Beatles hire a large coach and dub it the Magical Mystery Tour and they drive around doing silly things and having adventures." She laughed when Paul gave her a long, hard stare. "Mm-hmm," he said when she laughed harder. "That's the plot of this film, eh?" "Yeah, the four of you just take a lot of weirdos around in a coach and...have shenanigans." "Mm-hmm," Paul said while Amy giggled. "We lure a lot of weirdoes onto a bus and drive them somewhere." "Pretty much, yeah. There's the Beatles, a lot of strangers and Ringo's Aunt Jessie." "Ringo doesn't have an Aunt Jessie." "That's what he called her in the film." "I don't care what he called her; he doesn't have an Aunt Jessie. Unless you got the name wrong, what does she look like?" "Um, if I remember right, she was fat, very fat with black curly hair." "Nope, sorry, Sis. No fat bitch Jessie in Ringo's family," he said while Amy laughed. "I've met most of Ringo's family and he doesn't have a rotund Aunt Jessie. Maybe they had an actress playing the part of his Aunt Jessie but no actual Aunt Jessie. But anyway, me mates and William take a bunch of loonies for a bus ride." "Yeah and you see different things and do different things, including the I Am the Walrus song where you all get dressed up in fur and animal masks and stand around singing it." She laughed when Paul gave her another long, hard stare. "I repeat for the billionth time, I was so glad I was dead when this was going on," he said. "Fat bitches, animal costumes..." "The fool on the hill," Amy said. "Hmm?" "What Mister Brown said to you when we were lying on the hill, it's from a song called The Fool on the Hill and it's from that film." "Really?" "Yeah, it's...William and he's walking along this hill and being a fool and bouncing around it like a bunny." She laughed when Paul gave her another long stare. "I love how all this daft shit was done in my name," he said, shaking his head. "Not enough I was murdered by nutters, they had to go and make poor William hop down a bleedin' hill like the Easter Bunny, which I s'pose ties into the whole Easter egg outfits they had to wear. Sounds like a real winner of a film to me." "And the walrus is another death clue. Because John says he's the walrus and then in another song, he says, no, you're the walrus." "And walruses mean death, is that it?" "Mm-hmm." "Amy, is there anything in this world that doesn't mean death?" he said. "Okay, I s'pose a walrus is black and black means death. Oh! I got it! Walruses are lazy, slothful buggers who barely move at all. They lay about on the beach all day in one spot and people sometimes see their non-moving carcasses and think they're dead! I figured it out!" he said while Amy laughed. "So I'm the fool on the hill and the walrus, okey dokey, I'll go along with that. What about the other film. I do know the Yellow Submarine song, that was on Rubber Soul. So...it's about a yellow submarine and we load loonies into it and go through the ocean doing silly things?" Amy laughed. "No, actually it's an animated film. The Beatles aren't in it except for this one little bit at the very end." "Really? Animated? Hmm...oh...shit..." "What is it?" "When you mean animated, it's not that daft, crappy cartoon they made for kids? The one where we look like shit and have crappy non-British accents?" "Um...I'm not sure; I don't know what you're talking about." "They made this cartoon for children where we act silly but they drew us in a really shitty way. They over exaggerated my eyes so I look drugged and gave me buck teeth I don't have. Ringo's nose covered most of his face and he was a dimwit, which he isn't. They didn't use our regular accents because they were afraid if it were shown in American, the yanks wouldn't understand what we were saying so they used these weird psudeo-half accents that don't sound like any British accent anywhere. We all hate the piece of rubbish and don't want anything to do with it. Is this a film using those characters?" "I don't think so. Your character has small eyes but they have black around them like you put eyeliner on and you have a small nose and this part that comes right down in the center of your hair and...you have buck teeth, I think." "Do I look like I have buck teeth? What is it with animators thinking I have buck teeth? And eyeliner? Who the hell came up with that idea? I'm not a girl." "Well, all the Beatles are weird looking and the whole film's kinda surreal." "Like it was influenced by LSD?" "Pretty much, yeah." "So I die and these two acid trip films are released. I would say it's all part of their devious plan but then again...there were some surreal moments in Help. The exciting adventures of me on the floor comes to mind." He winked when Amy laughed at that. Amy leaned in. "If we get out of here," she whispered. "You'll have to come in the TARDIS and I'll show you the Doctor's Beatles collection. He's got both those films plus all your albums, I saw them." "Really? So I'll get to see something else besides Sergeant Pepper then?" "Yeah. The Doctor told me once that the inside of the TARDIS exists separately from regular time and space. So if something changes in time, nothing changes in the TARDIS." "So, if history changes and I end up staying with the band, these films and things that William did with them will still be there in his TARDIS." "Yeah, I think so." Paul chuckled. "Then, Sis, remind me if we get out of here to ask the Doctor to have a look at his Beatles room."
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