TURN ME ON, DEAD MAN

Chapter Twenty Three

The next morning, Amy woke up and went to the kitchen to fix some breakfast. While she was frying some eggs, she heard someone clear their throat and saw Paul and Jane on the other side of the room.

"Got some food to spare?" Paul asked.

"Sure, sit down and I'll fix you some as well," Amy said. "I'm glad I ran into you, I have a gift for you."

"Oh really? You mean something else besides the record albums and the lyric sheets?" Paul said as he and Jane sat down at the table.

"Yes. I told the Doctor about you adopting me and how you want me to keep in touch with you and he gave me something that will allow you to do it. However, you have to keep it a secret because what I have to give you gets invented in the 1990's."

"Ooo, a futuristic thingy," Paul said while Jane giggled. "So...I've seen...a computer that can fit on a desk, medicine that instantly cures and grows things and heard about a beam of light that can cut like a knife. What else is there?"

Amy walked over and pulled a mobile phone out of her jean pocket.

"This is a telephone," Amy said, giving it to him.

"It is?" Jane said as Paul's mouth dropped open in wonder. "It's so small."

"Yeah, I'll show you how to use it but the Doctor fixed this one and mine so it can call from anywhere in time and space. So no matter where I am in time, you can reach me if my phone's on."

Paul and Jane stared at her in shock while Amy giggled.

"Yeah, I had no idea he could do that but I'm glad he can. But let me finish cooking and while we eat I'll show you all the cool things you can do with it."

By the time Amy was finished explaining how to use the mobile phone the others were up and coming into the kitchen to eat breakfast. Paul showed them the mobile and explained what it did to the others while Rory cooked for the ones who came in with him. They sat and stood around the table eating and chatting with one another for about an hour before the Doctor came inside.

"Everyone, come with me, want to show you something when you're finished eating," the Doctor said to them.

They finished eating and followed the Doctor to the console room. He led them to the front door and opened it. They all went outside and froze in shock when they noticed they were on an alien world. They were standing in a field of blue green grass while a large moon and a Saturn-like planet hung in the sky over their heads. It was night and large dragonflies flitted around them.

"This is one of the moons of Corinthus," the Doctor said. "I thought perhaps I would show you exactly what my TARDIS can do."

Paul broke into laughter while he wrapped his arms around Jane.

"You got us beat, mate. This TARDIS is the real magical mystery tour," Paul said to him.

"Hey, are there any planets with volcanoes on them?" John asked.

"Um...yes, why?" the Doctor said, confused.

"Can we fly over one of these volcano planets and drop Paulie inside one?"

"Piss off, John," Paul said while they laughed.

The Doctor hurried back inside and brought out a large blanket. He spread it out on the ground and then he told Amy and Rory to come back inside with him while the Beatles, Jane, William and Angela relaxed. They came outside twenty minutes later with two thermoses of hot tea, Styrofoam cups and milk and sugar. They sat together drinking tea and admiring the evening sky above them. After a couple of hours, the temperature became chilly so they gathered everything up and went back inside.

Finally, they decided that it was time to leave and everyone embraced one another. Paul embraced Amy and held her tight.

"I'm gonna miss ya. I think I'll be using that mobile nonstop," he said as he hugged her.

"You and me both," she said. "Just be careful."

"Me? I'm not chasing aliens around," Paul said. "I think you're the one who needs to be careful."

He kissed her cheek.

"Thank you for everything. I owe you my life," he said to her.

"You're welcome, Paul. I'm glad I could give you your life back," she said to him.

Paul's eyes were misty and she turned to see he wasn't the only one. She and Rory and the Doctor walked around, hugging them all before the Doctor set a course for September 12, 1966.

(A couple months later...)

The Doctor was sitting on his chair in the console room perusing a magazine on Venusian history. He saw movement out of the corner of his eye and smiled when he saw his companions enter the room.

"Howdy, fellow adventurers," he said, closing the magazine. "Feel like going somewhere?"

"Yeah, I do. I was wondering if you could humor me and do something special," Amy said.

"I'm listening..." the Doctor said.

(June 18th, 2006...)

Paul smiled when Jane kissed him awake.

"Happy birthday, love," she said to her husband.

"Thank you, thank you," Paul replied as he pushed the covers back.

"You know what today is, right?" Jane said.

"The day I consider getting hip replacement surgery?" Paul said hopefully.

Jane giggled.

"No, it's your 64th birthday."

"Ugh, don't remind me," Paul said, grimacing. "Never thought I'd make it this far."

"Well, you nearly didn't."

Paul smiled at that.

"Yeah, thanks to three special people, I'm still alive. In fact, I oughta ring them as a birthday treat."

He got up and sat on the side of the bed, yawning. He had grayish hair now and a lined face. His jowls were sagging a bit but he still looked youthful for his age. Jane's red hair now had silver in it and she too had a lined face but Paul thought she looked just as beautiful as the day he first met her. Paul groaned and got up, stretching his body, trying to work out the various aches that aging brings. Jane got up and went to fix them breakfast while Paul walked over to his cupboard and chose an outfit for the day. He jerked his head around when he heard Jane let out a delighted yell.

"Janie? What's going on?" he yelled.

Jane appeared a moment later and Paul's face broke into a grin when the Doctor, Rory and Amy appeared behind him.

"Ah!" Paul said as Amy rushed to him and he caught her in a firm hug.

"Happy birthday, Bro," Amy said.

"Best birthday present ever."

He held her at arm's length and glared at her in mock anger.

"Oi, no fair, you look like you did back when I first met ya! I'm an old fart and you're still young, you know how irritating that is?" he said while they laughed.

Amy kissed his cheek.

"You sang to me once and asked if I would still need ya and feed ya when you were 64. Well, I still need ya and..."

The Doctor held up his hand and she took a bag of Chinese food from him.

"And now I'm feedin' ya," she said while they laughed.

"Oh, this is brilliant," he said, opening the bag.

"It's from Ming's," Amy said.

Paul's eyes widened while Jane laughed.

"Ming's? They closed years ago."

"I know but that was our first meeting and I thought I'd bring a bit of nostalgia with me," Amy said.

Paul hugged her tightly.

"Thank you," he said. "So, how have you lot been? It's been awhile since we last saw one another, what's been going on?"

"Um...this is our first visit with you. It's been two months since we dropped all of you off in 1966," Amy said.

"Really? You've visited us many times over the years and we've spoken to each other many times," Paul said.

"Yeah, but we're in a time machine, Paul," Amy said.

"Oh, I see. So the first time you decided to see me was when I was a 64 year old fart, how lovely," Paul said as they laughed. "Thanks, Sis, you made me feel better. So you don't know what's happened since 1966?"

"No," the three travelers said in unison.

"Aha!" Paul said to Jane, "I wondered why when they came and saw us seven months after we last saw them they kept saying "I know that," every time I tried to update them on what happened," he said while they laughed. "Well, Janie was going to fix breakfast and we can eat this Chinese food while I tell you what's happened in forty years."

Once they were sitting around the kitchen table, they divvied up the Chinese food and Jane fixed tea. When they were all sitting and eating, Paul began filling them in on everything.

"First off, William is fine," Paul said as he ate his chicken chop suey. "Not sure about Angela though. I gave her my address and she went back home and resumed her studies but she stopped writing after a couple of years and I lost contact with her, so I hope she's okay. But as for William and me, we both live on farms in the countryside near Inverness and he did reconnect with his family after a few months and let them know that he was safe. He lives down the road from us and we've been neighbors since the band broke up in 1970."

"So, the band did break up?" Amy said.

"Yeah, we debated that and we decided to go ahead and do it because by that time we were all exhausted from Beatlemania and needed a break. We split amicably. There was no rancor involved, no hate filled songs like How Do You Sleep at Night. We just decided to let the Beatles rest and start our solo careers...which was easy to do since we already had a ton of songs courtesy of our little party that night on the TARDIS. Now...because we parted on good terms we did get back together on several occasions and worked on each other's albums and we toured as the Beatles now and then when we felt up to it and..."

He grinned.

"That includes a new world tour that's starting next month."

He smiled at their shocked expressions.

"Yes, my friends, John and George are alive and still with us. Amy told me what happened to them and I debated for a long while whether to tell them what I learned. In the end, I thought that I wouldn't be much of a friend if I didn't warn them. So I got everyone together and told them what happened to both of them and because of that, John took a long holiday in late 1980 and avoided New York and George and everyone else in the band quit smoking, including me. We're all healthy and relatively spry and we're still touring and having fun together. In fact, we're planning a new album of new material since we've used up all the songs the Beatles originally had. I also spoke to John about Cynthia and Julian and told him I thought it'd be a huge mistake to abandon them. He took my advice and they're still married. Now...Yoko did come along but rather than marry her, John decided to become friends with her and they collaborated together on projects devoted to world peace. As for me, I actually did meet Linda Eastman but I nudged her in the direction of William and they actually hit it off so they're married and both of us have kids."

"That's wonderful," the Doctor said.

"Yes, we managed to rearrange events but still keep some of the main people in the picture. And... it was actually William who formed Wings with Linda and Denny Laine who is a mutual friend of ours. I gave them some of the songs he originally sung when he was my double but Silly Love Songs; I kept that one and recorded it in honor of the sister who first brought it to my attention."

He poked her in the arm and winked when Amy smiled at that.

"But I've mentored him and although he's not as successful as he would have been if he'd been me, he's doing pretty well for himself. Um...what else...oh, we did do the Sergeant Pepper album since that was a groundbreaking album but I never took LSD and I never gave any ruddy interview saying I took LSD so if people took LSD after listening to the album, that wasn't my fault. We did do the gag where we had William dress up as me for a giggle so he got to be the Easter egg, not me. And...we did the Magical Mystery Tour and I managed to convince you lot to join us so you three are in the coach with the rest of the loonies."

He and Jane laughed at their stunned expressions.

"Hey, you lot visited me while we were thinking about doing it and I pointed at you and said, "Get on the bus now!" So it's your fault you're in that acid trip of a film. And...for a further laugh, we had William on there as well and when it came time to do I Am the Walrus, he ended up in the walrus costume so he's the walrus, not me, so don't believe John when he tells you it's me in that Glass Onion song. And..."

He and Jane snickered as he patted Amy's head.

"You know all the surgeons behind us? I forced you to be one of them."

"You didn't!" Amy said while the Doctor and Rory giggled.

"Yup, I did. Oh hell, I told her before it happened so now she's gonna be resisting it when the time comes. Well, resist away, Pond, you're gonna do it!"

"What about the Doctor then? What do you make him do?"

"I put him and Rory in policeman costumes and they're up on that barrier swaying back and forth with two other blokes."

Everyone laughed when the Doctor and Rory looked at each other.

"Should we kill Amy for opening her big gob and telling Paul what happens in the future?" Rory said.

"I think so. I think we should start by hanging her out the door of the TARDIS over a Shivalvian killer whale and watch her be fish bait," the Doctor said.

"Paul, can I stay with you then?"

"Yes! Forever!" he said, draping himself over her.

Everyone else howled with laughter at her shocked look while Paul giggled. He straightened back up and winked at her.

"Um...I think that about covers it for what's been happening since you left two months ago. Oh! Actually, we did spread the word about Satan and the Illuminati and made everyone aware of them. And after that, you actually started hunting down a few other of the more important members but since Satan was the head man and you stopped him, after that the Illuminati were weakened and you kept on weakening them by taking out more of their associates."

"Yes, I always had plans to go after as many of them as I could find so the human race could finally evolve without their so-called guiding hand. Glad to know I've been successful so far."

"I'm glad you're around to look after the Earth, hate to think what it'd be like if you didn't stop all these nutters," Paul said.

"I agree," Amy said while Rory shook his head.

"And that, I think, is the update. Course now when you go back and see us during Sergeant Pepper, I'll be saying this all over again but thankfully I won't remember it. But since you're here, I want to ask you if you would like to come watch the Beatles play on their world tour?"

"Yes," the three of them said in unison.

"Okay, I'll give you our itinerary and you choose where you want to land up and I'll get front row center seats and backstage passes for all of you. And...if you have the time which...I'm sure you do."

Jane rolled her eyes when he elbowed her and chortled at that before sobering up.

"Anyway," he said with a mischievous grin while everyone laughed, "please stay for the day. We were planning a big celebration since it is the legendary 64 for me and everyone's coming and I know they'll want to see you. So can you stay?"

"We'd be honored," the Doctor said.

Paul smirked at that.

"Unlike Ringo, I love when you say you're honored to be involved in something I'm doing because it makes me feel like the god that I am," he said while everyone laughed. "See, I had this epiphany. If John is Jesus, I'm God because I need to outshine the wanker in everything I do. I will win the pissing contest, I swear it!"

They laughed as he winked at that.

"I'm the cute one, remember, I can get away with anything," he said smugly.

He grinned when everyone laughed at that and he got up from his seat.

"Just relax then and I'll let everyone know you're here so they'll be sure to come," he said.

They smiled when he leaned forward and kissed Jane's cheek. Then he went into the other room while everyone else sipped their tea and chatted.

THE END.

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