TWENTY MOMENTS WITH ROMANA

A/N Romana_III/10. I know its meant be ten moments with Romana but I have more to post :D Please review

Disclaimer I wish this would happen and they would bring Romana back.

Beta read by Lady Catkin


"Idris" she whispered softly, before succumbing to unconsciousness once more, her pale, pinched face turning as it fell.

It wasn't her face anymore, or rather, the one he was used to. This one was different in both form and character.

A million impossible thoughts skittered and bounced about his brain, all screaming to be heard. This was fairly usual for the Doctor when faced with impossible situations, yet this one was far from the usual stuff.

This was something that made his hearts race so hard that he thought he was going to join her on the floor.

How did she survive?

Surely this had to be a dream or a hallucination. Ever since the end of the War, he had had quite a few of those, that was certain, but this? Incredible.

He crouched down next to the pale, bedraggled figure on the floor, musing over the word she had said. Who or what was 'Idris'? Was it her? Had she lost her memory and provided herself with a new handle?

More things along those lines floated in front of the Doctors conscious mind, tugging his attention away from the scene before him.

He frowned as he reached out to check her vital signs. The pulse was there, just thready. She needed attention as soon as possible.

"Romana" he said in a voice so gentle, it was almost lost.

He carried her with the elegance and skill of a chimpanzee over the rocks and debris littering the floor, hoping that she hadn't noticed the various occasions where he almost dropped her or bashed her head against something.

He paused after entering the TARDIS, as if trying to decide where precisely he should take her. The medical bay or her old room?

If he didn't have his hands full, he'd have tossed a coin.

In the end he went with the option of finding her old quarters, telepathically asking the TARDIS to rearrange itself in a handy way so that it was the first room he came to as he left the console room.

Luckily the TARDIS was in a good mood as the second door along was the medical bay.

"You impossible thing" he cooed gently over her laying her down and sweeping a hand over her forehead "how did you get here?"

He briefly left her side to enter the room next door to retrieve the long unused Gallifreyan medical kit.

Upon his return, he was surprised to see her eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling, a glassy, empty expression in her haunting eyes.

"Romana?" he ventured softly, hoping not to startle her.

Her head turned on the white pillows and took in his form, her eyes drifting up and down his body.

"It's the Doctor" he offered.

Still she lay and still looked.

He wondered how he could be so absolutely sure this really was Romana, but then, he just knew; apart from Koschei, he was usually very good at spotting these things.

Then she pounced at him, without warning, knocking him the floor. He wasn't even sure she had that much strength, judging by the state of her, but savaged him like animal, biting his hand and then stumbling back into a corner, breathing harshly.

He sat on the floor, panting for his own breath and cradling the bitten hand, staring at her.

"Romana, what's wrong with you?" he asked, his own wound forgotten.

Her eyes flashed with danger – a warning to stay away.

"What happened?" he said, sitting now with his back to the closed door, making it clear that he wasn't moving anywhere by folding his arms.

She slumped down also, taking long deep breaths as though she was mentally remembering a training session for 'staying calm'.

"An awful lot" she said, looking down at her hands.

"How did you get here?"

She shrugged.

"What is the last thing you remember?" he urged gently.

This time this bought him a reaction.

She looked wildly into his eyes and despite the fact they were at opposite ends of the room, he could feel the raw power of it.

"What is the last thing I remember?" she growled.

"Are you joking? The last thing I remember!" and with that, she let out a terrible, bitter laugh.

"I remember blood Doctor. And death. But not enough of it mine I'm afraid. Others, lot's of others, all marching to their deaths under the belief that Gallifrey was safe because I was in control. Then Rassilon. I remember someone calling him 'The Abomination'. Ha. She was right".

"Our people's saviour" she smirked coldly, "hardly".

"Where are they? Everyone? What made you and me so special that we lived? What about Braxiatel? He stood by me to the bitter end. He sacrificed himself for me. How do I commemorate that? How do I compute that!" she screeched now, jabbing her fingers at her head.

"Narvin – gone. Leela – gone. I found her body. Oh imagine it Doctor. No. I don't think you can, can you?"

The Doctor shifted uncomfortably where he sat, watching his old friend letting madness and trauma poured out of her. It was true though, about Leela. He felt her death acutely.

He had brought her to Gallifrey after all and therefore it was his fault that she died there also.

"It wasn't just you who lost people" he ventured, meeting her blazing stare.

"Yes. That's true" she agreed "but you were not responsible were you? What is it human's say? The buck stopped with me".

He knew she was right. He knew she loved her planet more than anyone or anything and yet, he knew she could not shoulder the blame and guilt of so many deaths. She did what she thought was right, she had always done what she thought was right.

"I know you won't believe me when I tell you this" he sighed heavily "but you cannot blame yourself. Those people died to protect Gallifrey. They didn't want to be suppressed or destroyed on someone else's terms. You gave them their freedom. You let them decide how they were to die, instead of selling them out and handing them over to the enemy. You know as well I do that most of the High Council would have done that".

She calmed down noticeably after that, nodding slowly.

She had been so overwhelmed by guilt and horror that she had not thought about things from that perspective.

"Why them? Why us? We were changing. We were becoming great and good once more. Why do this to us – murder all those people?" she sobbed quietly, raising the back of her hand to her mouth to try and mute her thudding breaths and gasps.

"Because we were powerful, but not just in technological terms. We were peaceful, possibly for all the wrong reasons I'll admit, but we had the power to change and to do fantastic things. We got noticed and evil coveted what we had". He leaned his head back against the door and closed his eyes, the discarded med kit sat on its side next to him.

They both sat in silence for a few moments, as if engaging in a mark of respect.

"We have one thing though" he said, bring his head forward, so he could look at her.

"Oh?" she said timidly.

"We have each other and, believe me, when you have been as lost and been alone as much as we have, you cannot believe what a relief and a joy it is to have someone you loved back in your life".

"I am no longer Romana though" she said flatly.

"I left her a long time ago and buried her with the rest of the Gallifreyan race. I am Idris".

"Well" he said, kneeling up and fixing her with an honest look "nice to meet you Idris, I'm the Doctor". He shuffled forward on his knees until he was almost touching her.

He offered her his hand and she took it meekly, eyeing him with utter apprehension.

"I loved Romana" he stated, still being met with the same look "so it should be fairly easy to love you too".

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