TWENTY MOMENTS WITH ROMANA
A/N more of a Hurt/comfort story than romance some mentions of Eight/Romana, brief mention of Four/Romana, and some Braxiatel/Romana.
Beta read by elmostroverde
Disclaimer I dont own Doctor who or big finish. If I did I would have Romana back on Doctor who, and have lots of audio adventures with her and the 8th Doctor.
Romana sat in her office glancing at the amount of paper work on her desk. It was clearly not going to get done by staring at it; she needed a distraction from it and yet if she did not clear the work nobody else would.
She got up and stood before the large windows in her office and looked out amongst the snow-capped mountains flanking the edges of the Capital.
She watched the twin suns lower slightly in the marmalade sky. It was Gallifrey at its most beautiful, but right now she wished she could be somewhere else.
Paris was always nice this time of year. She smiled softly thinking of when the Doctor had taken her to Paris. It had not been the way the Doctor had described it, but then again it never was. He had told her it was nice, but she had found it marvellous, even delightful.
What she would give for the Doctor to come back now and whisk her away to some beautiful planet, but he had come and she had turned him down so until the next time she was stuck on Gallifrey.
She longed for those days, those moments with her Doctor, but she had Gallifrey to consider, something the Doctor failed to understand. He told her countless times she was wasted here, she was far too good for Gallifrey, she did not think so but maybe one day she would allow him to whisk her away.
She drifted away into the memories of the Doctor and her, she let her mind wonder to such extent that she failed to hear the door creak open and notice Chancellor Braxiatel enter.
"Romana," he said softly causing her to turn around and face him immediately. She studied his face. Something was amiss in his whole expression and the way he walked in the office.
She could sense it within him, see the sorrow and tiredness in his eyes, but then this was a difficult time for Gallifrey. The threats of war had shaken even her, making her wonder when Gallifrey would be brought crashing to its knees, knowing that when it did there would be little anyone could do.
Gallifrey was still weakened from the dogma virus, they may have gotten the cure but it came at a very high price. No more regenerations; that was the price. It was a high cost, becoming little more than human as their enemies rubbed their hands in glee.
Within as little as a hundred years their race would be extinct. No more Time Lords just people without any second chances and the worse thing was that Romana had chosen it. It was a temporary solution at best.
"Madam President," Braxiatel said distracting her train of thought in a more emotive tone than she was used to. No, Braxiatel was never one for showing his emotions in public; even in private he was quiet and reserved, never once taking advantage of her.
"What is it Braxiatel?" She asked looking askance at him.
"My Lady, I have terrible news". He continued, "The Doctor-"
"Oh what has he done this time?" Romana sighed as a slight frown appeared on her face. What disaster or mess has he created this time? She thought silently to herself.
Braxiatel took a deep, unsteady breath placing his hands on her shoulder. "Romana, The Doctor is dead", he said in an unemotional tone as if he was doing his best to control his own emotions over the loss of his brother.
He had spent years being irritated by his younger brother's antics as he ran and leaped from place to place, even leaving behind the one person he claimed to love: Romana.
Braxiatel didn't doubt he had his reasons, but he never understood how anyone could be away from her. Braxiatel certainly could not be away from her as he himself had always devoted himself to her. She was on his mind night and day and he knew it was his job to make sure his president got what she wanted and it was his duty to protect her from any harm. He had grown fond of Romana over the years of knowing her.
In a way he would no longer have to compete for Romana's affections with his brother, now that he was gone, Romana was his for the taking, but that thought disgusted him. How could he think such a thing when his little brother was dead? No, he would not take advantage of the situation. He would not cross that line.
"You know you want her", said the voice taunting him inside his head. Just think what it will be like to kiss those soft lips and to have her in your bed she would belong to you" the inner voice continued.
There was a long silence where neither Brax nor Romana spoke. It was like Romana had not heard what had been said.
"Don't be absurd," she laughed in disbelief. "He was here today. He wanted me to go away with him..." her words trailed off, but as she glanced into Brax's eyes she felt it in her hearts that it was true the Doctor was gone and yet she could not fully accept it.
She was in love with the Doctor. She always had been, ever since she had travelled with him. She had been crazy in love with this wonderful and strange Time Lord. Even after becoming President her feelings for him remained the same and she knew it.
Braxiatel knew it and Gallifrey knew it too, they may not of liked the fact that their President was in love with a renegade Time Lord, but they did not own that part of her that only thought of him.
She supposed that even though there had been an attraction between his brother and her she could not see Braxiatel as any more than a friend, but in all truth he was so much more. Braxiatel was her confidante, her advisor and teacher, someone she respected and on occasion, someone she had kissed in those lonely moments when she had needed comfort, needing to just be Romana and not have to be strong at the end of the day.
Incidents like the Pandora thing, the Dalek abduction and of course those moments she felt torn apart and her own people were against her. Braxiatel was there with his kind eyes, his counsel, and his words of wisdom. Even now she was still in need of his guidance.
The Doctor was Romana's first and true love, her equal and although they were going in two different paths, the Doctor in the wide universe and Romana as Gallifrey's protector, neither of them could truly walk away from each other. No matter what, they always found their way back to each other; nobody could really come between them.
The Doctor frequently came home to see her. He would rush in like an over excited child, spin her around and kiss her in a way she felt like both her hearts would just explode. She was crazy for his kiss, his touch, the way he made her feel, then there were the fights, the screaming when he pleaded for her to go with him and he just did not understand responsibility but they always made up in the end.
"His body has been returned to Gallifrey," Brax said cutting through the silence that had now lingered in the room as a deep crease appeared on his forehead.
Braxiatel felt old and tired. He had spent years clearing up the Doctor's mess, and Braxiatel had finally had enough. His brother had made one glorious sacrifice too many and now he was gone long before his time.
Braxiatel was centuries older than the Doctor. He had always been the sensible one, while the Doctor often rushed into things. The fool thought Braxiatel to himself.
Romana stood there showing no emotion whatsoever. This in itself worried Braxiatel. Was she in shock? He wondered. She was far too calm hearing that someone she loved was dead.
That had been the one thing Braxiatel loved about Romana, the fact that she loved others, the fact that she was not like the other Time Lords and unafraid to show her emotions, or feel she had to be strong all the time, but this was not like Romana at all.
There was no recognition in her eyes that she had heard let alone accepted that the Doctor was dead.
Romana stood there deep in thought. It was not real, it could not be real there was no way he was dead. No she would not believe it until she saw his body for herself.
Time Lords cheated death with every regeneration, they weren't used to dealing with death mused Braxiatel silently to himself. The Doctor had died for his companion. He was regenerating, but he was killed in the midst of it.
"Yes, well it will just have to wait." She replied as she moved away. It felt to Braxiatel like it had come from her mouth as an auto responder. This concerned Braxiatel greatly. He gently touched her shoulders turning her to face him but she would not look at him.
Braxiatel pursed his lips, pausing for a moment. "Romana look at me..." he said softly but she continued to look elsewhere. He sighed deeply trying desperately to get through to her. She was far too controlled for someone who had been told the person she loved had died.
"I will take you to him," Braxiatel finally said. Holding out his hand. "Come my lady,"
Romana stood not attempting to take his hand as her eyes grew distant. "I cannot," she whispered as if she was starting to crack as she looked down at the ground.
"Romana," he gently took her hand. He could feel her indecision of seeing the body of the Doctor, he could feel her trying so hard to be strong but he just wanted her to let it out and yet he could feel an overwhelming sadness in her. He could see it in her eyes.
Even so she let him lead her through the capital to where the Doctor's body was. They walked quietly, neither of them dared to speak, both immersed in thought, trying hard to hide their emotions from each other, for their sake.
They finally reached the room, Braxiatel opened the door and walked silently inside, not realising that Romana was not behind him until he was a few feet inside the room, he turned around slowly and noticed that Romana had not moved an inch.
"I can't" she shook her head, slowly closing her eyes, wishing that she was only dreaming and hoping she would wake up
The room was dim, giving it a rather baleful ambience. Romana stood on the doorway, afraid of going in, afraid of what she might find. She felt like a little girl who was about to look into the closet to make sure there weren't any monsters inside, there was nobody around and she knew that the only person who could help her get inside and kill her monsters was lying in there, unable to move, to talk.
Brax took her hand softly and whispered something she couldn't understand. She closed her eyes and stepped inside, stepped into the darkness, her fears revolved around her as she went deeper into the room. Romana walked over to the bed where the Doctor's body lay as Braxiatel looked on.
He looked so peaceful. There were no marks on him at all; he looked like he was asleep.
"Doctor," she whispered. "Oh Doctor you cannot leave me. I should have come with you. Please wake up," She gently touched his face with her delicate fingers before she kissed him all over his face as tears fell down her own cheeks but she made no sound.
Braxiatel remained in the room but did not want to intrude on her until he felt she needed him so he stood some distance away.
The problem that Braxiatel had foreseen that he had never quite admitted to himself was that he loved Romana. More than that, he was in love with her and that had always been the problem. They had moments when they had kissed but he was sure it had meant very little to Romana and meant everything to him.
"Why, why, why," she cried. "You still had so much life inside you, why did you not regenerate? Why did you have to leave me? Why didn't I come with you?"
She remembered all the wonderful things the Doctor had done that they were worlds out there better because of him and the stories of him throughout the universe and now they would be no more.
The world would be a colder and darker place if this was true. How could she go on without him? she wanted to join him in death. It would be so easy too. She was not strong enough to live this lonely life without him
She sucked in desperate gulps of air as an ugly sob was heard and rested her head on his chest as she sobbed with every breath. "I should have gone with you," she whispered into his chest. She did not know how long she had sat there with him but was aware of a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"Romana," said Braxiatel softly helping her up before she threw her arms around him for a moment. After a few calming breaths she pulled away giving him a weak smile which Braxiatel could tell was being faked.
Braxiatel stood there and his hands shook. He did not know what to do with them but wanted them anywhere so long as they were in contact with her, rested on her shoulder; around her waist he didn't care he just needed to feel that closeness with her.
"What happened?" she asked quietly.
Braxiatel remained silent not wishing to cause her more pain.
"Braxiatel?" She glanced into his eyes.
Slowness overcame his voice. "He was hurt," Braxiatel mumbled. "Saving some children."
"The truth Braxiatel, not some Irving Braxiatel version."
"I am telling you the truth." Braxiatel squirmed and glanced away from her.
"I want to know what happened and I want to know now! No more excuses. I know you know. Tell me!" She demanded.
"Very well," Braxiatel replied. "Come," he said holding out his hand, which she took. He led her into his own office.
His office had at times had an air of comfort in the room but she felt no comfort today. She simply sat at the end of the wide velvet sofa twisting her hands and not talking, just breathing and every so often glancing at the window as if she wished to be anywhere but there.
Braxiatel pursed his lips. He hated seeing Romana like this. The last time she was like this was after she was abducted by the Daleks.
Romana took a deep breath before finally looking at Braxiatel. She bit her lip as it started to tremble slightly.
"Arcadia has being destroyed; the Daleks destroyed it along with him."
"The Daleks," Her voice quavered. Tears were heavily falling down her face. She gulped pressing herself against his shoulder as he rested his hand on the small part of her back.
Finally after some calming breaths she pulled away before she pressed her lips against his and kissed him, before he could think clearly he was kissing her too. He knew it would mean nothing to them later, that it was just both of them needing comfort at that moment, although they had kissed before many times, at this moment they were both hurting over the Doctor's death, both needing comfort but it was not enough for her.
After leaving his presence she stood in the outlands on one of the highest mountains overlooking the sea could she really do it? it would be so easy, so easy to just fly down and join him in the end.
She should have joined him earlier, when he asked, smiling if she would come with him. Promising her adventure and unseen places, or known places which they both adored and could not enjoy without each other.
She should have gone with him, just so he could hold her hand and smile, his beautiful smile which could light up the room, now gone, all of him gone. It would be so easy. She was unconsciously leaning forward when she felt a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"No Romana this is not the way" Braxiatel said wrapping her in a solid embrace as he felt her tears and pain flow freely and she felt his.
The truth was Braxiatel and Romana needed each other now, they only had one another now.
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