THE LONG ROAD HOME
Bobby leaned back, shutting his eyes as the jet took off from a private air strip a few miles outside Thunder Bay. The journey in the van from the estate to the air strip had been unsettling for them all, as they had passed more than one vehicle that Jarod identified as belonging to the Centre. At every bend they expected to find the road blocked, and Mike unnerved them all by never taking his eyes off the rear window, watching for any sign that they were being followed. Ultimately, they made the trip safely, and now they were finally onboard the jet, and on their way home. “Are you feeling okay?” He half opened his eyes to find Alex watching him in concern, and he offered her a tired smile. “I’m okay,” he reassured her. “Just tired. It’s been a long day.” She had to smile. He couldn’t have made a bigger understatement if he’d tried. “Seriously, Bobby. How are you feeling?” A sigh escaped his lips. “My ribs hurt. My head hurts. My shoulder hurts. Pretty much everything hurts. I hate thinking how I’ll feel tomorrow… but at the same time, I feel pretty good. I… I stopped him from taking me again, Alex. I did it, on my own.” His lips curled upwards in a wry smile. “I nearly killed myself in the process, but I did it.” She rested her head lightly on his shoulder. “Yes, you did. We’re all proud of you for that, Bobby. But will you promise me something?” He glanced down at her quizzically. “What?” “Promise me you won’t go wandering off again like you did today. I understand you want some freedom and independence, but I just don’t think I could take many more frights like we all had today.” “I promise,” he murmured, and she shivered a little at the feel of his lips pressing gently to her hair. “Alex…?” “What is it?” “Talk me through what’s going to happen when we get back to New York.” She pulled back from him a little. “Didn’t the captain talk to you about it?” “Some. I want to hear it from you.” Alex was silent for a long moment before answering. “Okay. When we land, there’ll be someone from our squad waiting to meet us with a van. From there, we’ll head to One Police Plaza to collect some things… and besides, that’s where my car is. Then you and I will head straight to my parents’ place. Did he tell you about the security system we’re going to have installed at your apartment?” Bobby nodded. “Yes. I appreciate it. And… I appreciate your mom and dad being willing to take me in, too.” “Well, they were thrilled when I contacted them to let them know we were coming home, and they were ecstatic to hear that you were coming with us. When I said we needed somewhere to bunk down while the security issues at your apartment were taken care of, they practically threatened me with disownment if I didn’t agree to us staying there.” “They missed you,” Bobby murmured, and Alex laughed softly. “Yes, they did, but they’ve missed you, too. They’re looking forward to seeing you, Bobby. You’d better be prepared for Mom to fuss over you.” She couldn’t miss the red that was beginning to creep across his cheeks. “I don’t want her to make a fuss.” “Bobby, this is my mother we’re talking about. She’s never really happy unless she has someone to fuss over, and believe me, you qualify. My advice is to just go with it.” He answered her advice with silence, staring up at the ceiling of the jet. She continued to watch him for a while, considering whether to attempt to continue the conversation, or let it slide. Finally, she decided on the former. “Bobby, if you’re not happy with these arrangements, then please tell me. The last thing any of us want is for you to be unhappy now.” “It’s not that,” Bobby said softly. “Then what?” she pressed when he didn’t go on. As she watched him, she saw redden, and realised with a sharp pang of sympathy that he was genuinely embarrassed. “It’ll sound childish,” he mumbled. Alex reached over and brushed her fingertips lightly over his forehead and temple, though she took great care to avoid coming into contact with the ugly bruises and swelling on and around his face. He really had taken a nasty battering in the car crash, she mused, and found herself hoping vehemently that Lyle had suffered doubly. “Don’t worry about what it might sound like,” she told him. “Just say what you need to say.” He conceded, if somewhat reluctantly. “You all made these decisions… but no one asked me what I want.” Alex grimaced, immediately understanding where he was coming from. “I’m sorry, Bobby. We didn’t think that maybe you’d want to do something else. It just seemed like the best solution…” “No,” he murmured. “That… That isn’t what I’m trying to say. I’m okay with the plan. I… I just would have liked to been involved in the decision-making.” She smiled, then, and settled back down beside him, slipping one arm comfortably around his waist and resting her other hand on the top of his head. “Duly noted. Next time, I promise. We won’t leave you out of the decision-making. But are you sure you’re okay with what’s going to happen now?” A wry smile twisted his lips. It was a little bit late to object now, he thought, but held back from voicing that thought. “I’m sure,” he insisted, and meant it. “Really, Alex, I am.” She sighed and cuddled in against him, finally relaxing. “Okay, then.” Some time after midnight Aidan Jeffries stood on the outer edge of the tarmac, watching with butterflies in his gut as the jet came in to land and taxied in. He’d been greatly looking forward to seeing his colleagues and his captain again, but he was more than a little nervous about it, too. They had been gone now for a little over a month and a half, but it felt a hell of a lot longer. That wasn’t even taking into account the nine months previous that Bobby had been gone for. A faint smile quirked Jeffries’ lips. He recalled very clearly the reaction not quite a week ago, when word was received that they were finally coming home. Jackson had taken the call. He’d been appointed acting captain during Deakins’ absence, a move that had thoroughly pissed off the Chief of Detectives, and a number of other members of the brass. Any opposition to it had run into a brick wall, though. Specifically, a brick wall by the name of Gerald Adkins. The Commissioner had stuck to his guns, refusing to back down to outside pressure. Nor would he give an explanation for his actions in appointing Jackson to lead the squad. During his month and a half in charge, Jackson had maintained an open door policy, the same as Deakins, and so they had all heard Jackson’s startled exclamation when he answered the phone one afternoon, nearly a week ago now. “Captain! Is that really you…?” Silence fell very abruptly across the entire squad room as they all listened intently. They all hoped this phone call meant good news. Jackson’s voice dropped to a low murmur, making it impossible to hear what was being said, but before any of them had the chance to move closer, they heard the distinct sound of the phone being hung up, and then Jackson appeared in the doorway, his face flushed with excitement. “That was Captain Deakins. They’re coming home!” The statement was met with a rippling murmur. That was good news in itself, but not solely what they all wanted to know. “What about Goren?” someone asked. “Is he… You know…” Jackson didn’t try to hide the grin that lit up his face. “He’s coming with them. He’s gonna be okay!” The roar that went up in response to that piece of news was deafening, and Jeffries fancied that he could still feel his ears ringing in response. They were all looking forward to seeing their colleagues again, without a doubt, but they were all looking forward to seeing Bobby again most of all. Of course, the entire squad knew the rescue itself had been successful. Jackson, Oliver and King had not been short on providing a detailed description upon their return, including a disturbing account of Bobby’s apparent physical and mental degradation. Their retelling of Bobby’s breakdown at the field where the helicopters were waiting to collect them all had left them all with a similar sense of anxiety. For a month and a half now, none of them had known for certain the details of Bobby’s recovery… or if he was even recovering at all. It was a huge relief to all of them that their fellow detective had apparently recovered sufficiently for them to bring him home. Once quit had settled again, Jackson had gone on to explain that someone would need to volunteer to take a van and collect them from a private airport. He’d need not worried about getting a volunteer. They’d ended up having to draw a name out of a hat primarily because there was not a single detective there who hadn’t volunteered. They all wanted the job. They all wanted to be the first to see Bobby Goren again. In the end, Jeffries had been the lucky one to win the task, and his enthusiasm never wavered, even after the second phone call warning that they would be arriving back in New York after midnight. He hadn’t questioned it, but rather agreed to it cheerfully – much to the disappointment of fellow detectives who’d hoped that he would decline the task in favour of staying at home with his wife. Jeffries chuckled to himself. Fat chance. He was looking forward to seeing them all far too much to be willing to give up the choice task. He came back to the present as stairs were rolled up to the jet’s hatch, and the door finally swung open to reveal the people within. Deakins emerged first, followed by George Huang. Jeffries blinked in surprise at that. As far as any of them had known, it had only been Deakins, Alex Eames, Mike Logan and Carolyn Barek at the… well, wherever it was where they’d taken Bobby. He wondered at what point the psychiatrist had been employed or, indeed, how he’d gotten to wherever there was in the first place. Alex emerged next, and Jeffries sucked in a sharp breath as Bobby appeared behind her. Even from a distance, he could make out the dramatic physical change in his fellow detective. Taking in Bobby’s gaunt, pale features, and the way he seemed to be in pain with every movement he made, Jeffries couldn’t help but wonder whether he looked much better now, as opposed to how he must have looked when he was first rescued. Shaking himself out of his reverie, he hurried across the tarmac to the jet, just as Deakins reached the ground. “Welcome home, Captain.” Deakins accepted Jeffries’ outstretched hand with a relieved smile. “It’s good to be home. So, you drew the short straw to come and meet us?” “Something like that, sir. Although, believe me when I tell you that I wasn’t unhappy about it.” He paused, his gaze flickering upwards to where Bobby was gingerly making his way down the steps. Alex was going equally slowly in front of him, and Mike Logan was immediately behind him. Both detectives seemed more concerned with making sure Bobby made it down safely than getting down onto the ground level themselves. “Is he… okay?” Deakins nodded, though his gaze held a deeper concern that he didn’t bother trying to conceal. “He’s fine, Jeffries. He’s just a little worse for wear after an unfortunate incident yesterday.” Deakins didn’t elaborate further, and Jeffries decided against asking him to. Instead, he waited patiently until they were all safely on the ground before speaking directly to Bobby. “Welcome home, Bobby. It’s great to see you again, man.” “Thanks,” Bobby murmured. He hesitated, and then his brow creased. After a long moment of awkward silence, Alex spoke quietly. “This is Aidan Jeffries, Bobby. He’s part of our squad.” “Oh,” Bobby mumbled, his gaze dropping. Jeffries felt his face heat up as he realised that Bobby hadn’t been able to remember his name. He turned abruptly, suddenly eager to redirect everyone’s attention, as much for his own sake as well as Bobby’s. “The van is this way, folks.” “Don’t take offence, okay?” Jeffries looked around to see Mike had fallen into step beside him, and the expression on his face was one of anxiety and concern. Concern, Jeffries realised, for Bobby. “What do you mean?” he asked, genuinely confused. “Well, that Bobby didn’t remember you. He doesn’t remember most of who’s in the squad. The sons of bitches that grabbed him did a pretty thorough job.” Jeffries hesitated for a moment before speaking again. “Did he remember you…? When you rescued him, I mean.” “At first? No. He remembered the captain… and Alex… but it took a while before he remembered me and Carolyn. Just… be patient, okay?” Jeffries nodded, his heart beating painfully hard in his chest as he watched Bobby walking slowly ahead, with Alex on one side of him, and Jimmy Deakins on the other. “Yeah,” he murmured. “Sure. We can do that.” One Police Plaza Had it not been for the circumstances they were returning under, Alex would have been amused at the way Bobby seemed so anxious to take in everything. As it was, she couldn’t keep a smile completely off her face. For the entire trip from the airport to One Police Plaza, Bobby never took his face from the window. They arrived at One Police Plaza, and Jeffries guided the van into the building underground garage. From there, they all headed straight up to the eleventh floor, to the Major Case Squad room. Deakins headed straight in, and over to his office, while Mike and Carolyn made their way over to their respective desks. Bobby, however, lingered in the entrance to the bullpen, looking around in silence. There was one thing that he had not confessed to anyone – not to George, or even Alex – and that was his inability to remember what the squad room looked like. He’d tried to recall it many times. He had even tried to sketch the layout, all to no avail. Now, though, he drew in a long, calming breath as it all flooded back. A hand descended onto his shoulder, gentle and reassuring, and he looked around to see George there beside him, smiling kindly. “Welcome home, Bobby,” he told him quietly. Bobby sucked in a shaky breath. Yes, he thought, and felt his heart clutch in his chest. Welcome home, indeed. “Are you okay?” Alex asked, slipping her arm comfortingly around his waist. Bobby didn’t even try to hide his tears as he answered, for this time they were tears of relief and gratitude, rather than tears of grief or fear. “I… I’m okay,” he admitted softly. “It’s just, I never thought I’d see this place again. I think maybe I’m feeling happier right now than I’ve been for a long while. I… I’m home.” She hugged him to her. “Yes, you are. And your desk hasn’t been changed at all.” She took care not to add ‘from the day you were taken’ on to the end of that sentence. Instead, she led him over to their conjoined desks. “I refused to take on a temporary partner, Bobby. I didn’t want any partner except you.” He looked at her, puzzled. “But, if you didn’t take a partner…” “I worked with Mike and Carolyn.” He chewed that over for a moment before responding. “Your solve rate…” She answered with a shrug. “It was never about statistics, Bobby. You and I are a team. I don’t want anyone else. Ever.” He smiled, touched, and then his gaze flickered towards his chair. “Go on,” she encouraged him. “Sit down.” He did so with some degree of caution, and sat there for a moment just taking everything in. After a moment he laid his hands down flat on the desktop, and the tiniest shudder of relief escaped him. “Home,” he whispered and, for the first time, dared to allow himself to believe it. “Hey, check it out, Captain.” Deakins looked around at Mike’s urging, and a grin lit up his face at the sight of Bobby sitting at his desk. He walked over to the window panel to watch. “Now there’s a sight for sore eyes, Mike. Let’s hope it’s not too long before he’s back officially, and I can give these back to him.” Mike looked down to see Deakins was holding the strong box in which he’d stored all of their guns, IDs and shields. The captain had emptied the box of all but Bobby’s belongings. He nodded in wordless agreement with Deakins’ words, fervently hoping and praying for the same thing. Residence of John & Helen Eames Alex was amused, though not surprised, when they arrived at her parents’ home to find the lights still on, despite the lateness of the hour. As she pulled up in the driveway, she spared Bobby a glance, and smiled. He was fast asleep, slumped against the car door. That didn’t surprise her, either. After all, it had been an incredibly long twenty-fours for him. She was loathed to wake him, but nor did she have any intention of leaving him in the car all night. Leaning over, she pressed her lips gently to his temple, and whispered to him. “Bobby, wake up, baby.” She smiled and flushed a little even as she spoke. It was the first time such an endearment had passed her lips. She was quietly thrilled at how naturally it came out. Bobby stirred, and his eyes flickered open. A moment later, they locked gazes and a weary smile lit up his face, and his eyes. “Hi.” She grinned. “Hi yourself. We’re here.” He looked around dazedly, and then sighed with audible relief. A moment later, he realised what she’d already noticed. “Your parents are still up?” “Looks like it,” Alex agreed. “C’mon, let’s get inside, out of the cold.” They’d just gotten out of the car, and were getting their bags out when the front door opened and John Eames appeared. He paused in the doorway for just a moment before coming down the steps towards them. “Lexie…” Alex gasped a little, suddenly finding herself caught up in a ferocious hug that left her with precious little room to breathe. “Dad…” she rasped. “Need air…” “Sorry, honey,” he murmured, chastened. He let go, and stepped back to look her over. “Are you okay, Alex? Really okay?” “I’m fine,” she assured him. “Really, Dad, I am.” John nodded, appeased, and then he turned to Bobby. “Bobby, it’s good to see you again.” “You too, sir,” Bobby murmured, not quite able to hold John’s gaze. John eyed him critically for a moment before reaching down to pick up two of their bags. “C’mon, let’s go inside.” Once inside, John directed them to leave their bags in the hall, and go through into the family room. They walked in just as Helen brought in a tray with mugs and a steaming pot of what smelled like some exotic brand of tea. Setting the tray down, Helen first hugged Alex fiercely, and then threw her arms around Bobby in an equally enthusiastic greeting. “Bobby, sweetheart, welcome home. It’s so good to see you.” Bobby faltered for just a moment before his arms found their way around Helen, and he finally hugged her back, albeit briefly. “Sit,” John urged them as Helen directed her attention to pouring hot tea for all of them. “Now, tell us. Is everything sorted out now?” Alex looked at Bobby, who looked slightly uneasy. She answered when Bobby couldn’t bring himself to. “Not entirely,” she answered. “But that’s not what’s important right now. It’s been a really long day, and we’re both tired…” “Of course,” Helen murmured. “Alex, you can sleep in your old room, and we’ve made up the bed in Philip’s old room for Bobby. John, why don’t you take Bobby upstairs?” John nodded and got up. However, neither he nor Helen missed the way Bobby glanced to Alex for reassurance before getting up as well and silently following John from the room. “I don’t want to sound critical, honey,” Helen murmured to Alex once Bobby and John were out of the room, “but he seems a little subdued. Is he… you know… all right?” Alex grimaced and shifted across to sit beside her mother on the sofa. “Careful, Mom. One thing that being in that place gave him is really incredible hearing.” Helen paled slightly, but Alex grasped her hand firmly in reassurance. “It’s okay. He expects people to talk about him. That doesn’t bother him in itself… Just, try to be sensitive about what you say?” “Sure,” Helen agreed. “And as for him being subdued… Well, maybe I’d better what until Dad comes back down, and then I’ll talk to you both together. There are some things I need to tell you, and I’d prefer it if it wasn’t in front of Bobby.” “Of course,” Helen murmured. “Tell me honestly, son,” John said quietly as he ushered Bobby into the room that they’d prepared for him. “How are you feeling?” Bobby hesitated before answering. It had been his experience in the past that when people asked a question like that, they really didn’t want to hear the truth. But at the same time, he just couldn’t bring himself to say he was fine. His attention was drawn when John laid a hand on his upper arm, and favoured him with an understanding smile. “I want to you be honest, Bobby. If you’re feeling like crap, then say so.” “I don’t feel like… that,” Bobby answered finally. “I… I guess I’m mostly tired.” John eyed him critically. “You look more than tired. You look like you got into a punch up with a truck, and lost.” Bobby sucked in a long, slow breath. Those were memories he didn’t care to relive right then. Fortunately, John seemed to comprehend his sudden reticence. “It’s all right. You don’t have to talk about anything until you’re ready. Now, you know the layout of the house…” He trailed off, catching a glimpse of fleeting panic in Bobby’s eyes, and it occurred to him that after nearly eleven months away, his memory be a little on the hazy side. Keeping that in mind, he went on as casually as he could. “So, you know that the bathroom and toilet are right opposite this bedroom, Alex’s room is right next to this one, and mine and Helen’s room is downstairs, and the back of the house. And anything you want from the kitchen, any time of the day or night, you just go and help yourself. Okay?” Bobby answered with a nod. His momentary panic subsided, and he walked over and sat down on the bed with a soft thud. John watched him thoughtfully for a long moment before going over and pulling a chair over and sitting down in front of Bobby. “Bobby, look at me.” Slowly, Bobby raised his eyes to meet John’s, and it was all John could do not to flinch at the pain and sadness that he saw reflected there. John suddenly found himself at a complete loss to know what to say or do. After a brief moment of stagnant silence, John made himself speak. “Listen, son, I’m not going to tell you that I understand, because I don’t. Not yet. Helen and I don’t know what sort of hell you’ve been through, but when you’re ready to talk, we’ll be here to listen. Do you understand?” Bobby nodded once, and John thought he caught a glimpse of gratitude in the midst of the pain. Relieved, he nodded and stood up. “Okay, then. Try and get some sleep now, okay?” He paused, and then added in a sincere tone, “You’re safe here, Bobby. I promise you that.” He stepped out of the room, and was just pulling the bedroom door shut when Bobby spoke suddenly, panic in his voice. “Please, don’t…” John froze for a split second, confused. And then, suddenly, he realised what was wrong. “The door? You don’t want the door shut?” “Please,” Bobby whispered hoarsely, breathless with burgeoning panic. “Leave it open. At the Centre… Every night they’d take me back to my room… and they’d shut me in… Lock the door… Trap me. Please don’t ever close it.” John felt his gut twist into a painful knot. For some fool reason, when Alex had contacted them and told them they were coming home, he’d assumed that Bobby was fully recovered. Clearly that was not the case, and he began to wonder just how deep the damage really was. “Okay, Bobby,” he conceded. “We’ll always leave it open. Calm down, son. Everything’s all right.” Shame and humiliation flickered in Bobby’s eyes, and he looked away. John hesitated, and then went back in to the younger man and sat down beside him on the bed. “There’s no shame in feeling fear, Bobby. Whatever happens, don’t be ashamed of that. Listen to me, now. I’m going to lay down just two rules for while you’re here. Firstly, don’t apologise when there’s no need for it. Secondly, whatever is going on, we want you to at least try to talk to us about it. Don’t hold things in. Let us help you, if we can. Okay?” Bobby drew in a shuddering breath. He appreciated John’s consideration and kindness far more than he was capable of expressing right then. “Okay,” he agreed. John smiled in relief, and couldn’t help but feel that he’d taken a small step forward. Getting back up, he headed out again, and this time made no attempt to close the door. “Goodnight, Bobby.” “Goodnight, sir.” John smiled faintly. He would sort out the issue of Bobby calling him ‘sir’ when things were more settled. Until then, he wouldn’t rock the boat. With a last look at him as Bobby lay down on the bed – still fully dressed – he turned and headed quietly back down the stairs. “Lexie,” John said quietly as he came back into the family room to join his wife and daughter. “Are you going to give us a clue here about what was done to that boy?” Alex sighed and rubbed her face tiredly over her hands, prompting her mother to protest on her behalf. “John, can’t it wait until morning? Look at her, she’s exhausted!” “No,” Alex mumbled before her father had a chance to argue. “Dad’s right. There are some things you need to know now. But I can’t tell you about what was done to him. Not right away, at least. It’d take way too long, and besides… it’s not my place to say.” “Okay,” John conceded. “Fair enough. So, what can we expect?” “Well, for starters, he’s still having bad nightmares. And I mean really bad nightmares. Most times he wakes up screaming, and sometimes he… um…” “Is prone to having accidents?” John suggested gently, and Alex nodded ruefully. “Yes. It’s humiliating for him, but sometimes the nightmares really are that bad.” “Well, it’s doesn’t bother me,” Helen declared firmly. “You make sure he knows that, Alex.” Alex smiled faintly and nodded, deciding there was no point in trying to explain to her mother that it just wasn’t that simple. Her mother tended to deal in straight black and white. She simply didn’t acknowledge the existence of grey. She would talk to Bobby about it to reassure him, but it making him accept that her mother didn’t care about occasional ‘accidents’ certainly would not be as simple as telling ‘it’s okay’. Nothing about Bobby was ever that simple. “All those cuts and bruises on him,” John said. “How did he get those? They look very recent.” “And that’s the other thing you need to know,” Alex said grimly. “Yesterday, he went for a walk on his own… and believe me, that was an achievement for him, because he only started going outside maybe a week or two ago. Anyway, he went on a walk, and he had a run-in with one of the sons of bitches from the Centre.” “So they are still looking for him,” John murmured. “Yes,” Alex confirmed. “But as far as we know, they don’t know he’s back in New York. But… if you guys are uncomfortable about it, we’ll make other arrangements…” “Alex, you are not taking that boy out of this house,” John growled. “He’s family, and we always take care of our own. We’re fine with the situation. We just want to know what to expect.” She nodded in gratitude, and then went on quietly and quickly. “He ran into Lyle yesterday, and Lyle tried to take him again. He got Bobby into his car, but Bobby decided he wasn’t going to be taken again, and he fought back. The car rolled, and that’s how Bobby got all beaten up. Where we were staying, there’s a woman who has medical training. She checked him over, but she’s worried he might have cracked ribs, or worse.” John grimaced in sympathy. “Well, I guess that explains the way he winced when he sat down.” “Right,” Alex confirmed. “He’s going to have to be taken to a doctor tomorrow, for x-rays. We were wondering if you guys might be willing to take him. I need to get into One Police Plaza as early as possible. Captain Deakins, Mike, Carolyn and I will be going to see the Commissioner together. You know, to let him know we’re back, and that we brought Bobby home.” “We can do that,” Helen agreed, and John nodded his concurrence. “Absolutely, honey. Don’t worry about it, just leave it to us.” “We’re going to look after him, Alex,” John promised her. “He’s home, now, and we’re not going to lose him again.” He was fast asleep when she finally made it upstairs, and stopped to look in on him. She paused in the doorway, smiling wryly at the way he’d curled up on the bed, still in his clothes. For a brief moment, she considered waking him up to get him out of them and into a more comfortable pair of pyjamas, but then changed her mind. He looked peaceful, and she really didn’t want to disturb him. After a moment’s hesitation, Alex ventured into the room, and sat down on the edge of the bed. She watched him for nearly a minute before reaching over and stroking her fingers lightly over his temple, cheek and hair. He stirred a little at the contact, but didn’t waken. “Welcome home, Bobby,” she whispered, tears stinging her eyes as it hit that he was, indeed, home. Leaning down, she kissed him lovingly on the cheek before getting up and leaving him be to sleep off his exhaustion.
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