THE STUPIDITY OF CAMELOT
Summary: Even when he is reincarnated Uther Pendragon remains the same but fortunately the world changes around him. Pairings: None apart from Uther/Ygraine. Author's Note: I want to dedicate this chapter to all you delightful readers that have helped this fic reach over a thousand reviews – I KNOW OVER ONE THOUSAND REVIEWS! – And I must warn you it is a little dark to begin with but it is Uther after all. Uther Pendragon was enjoying his gorgeous mansion, his rich life, and all the luxuries that came with it. It was a lovely Saturday morning and after spending part of it in his office he planned to observe his two beautiful children enjoying themselves. Morgana was lounging in the living room watching nonsensical American rubbish about a man seeking the future mother of his children (which he only allowed after he saw her smuggling DVDS of that terrible Charmed show which he was certain was unnatural), while Arthur was out in the garden practicing his fencing with that moron of a best friend of his. Uther really didn't like that Martin, Marvin, whatever his name is. The boy was an idiot and a mental one at that. Every so often he called Uther, Your Majesty (not that he was complaining but still it was very weird), and kept staring at Uther with this mix of disgust, fear, and amusement (annoying brat needs to make his mind up), and he also said odd things about a large variety of things (if this nutter was to be believed then he knew Henry VIII), and finally very, very, very strange things kept happening since the child entered their lives. Things got broken, things exploded, people tried to kill them more often, people were claiming to see magical creatures, and Uther had married (and thankfully divorced, at least he thought he had) the most hideous woman in the world that farted something terrible. Oh well, the boy (whatever his name was) did keep Arthur and Morgana entertained and that meant Uther can spend the majority of his Saturday doing what he loved to do more than anything – Witch Hunting. People would think it was some sort of medieval hobby but they didn't know what he knew – that magic was real and it was evil. Very evil. It killed his wife. His beloved Ygraine had gotten involved with the wrong crowd. She kept reassuring him that it was good for the soul, that she felt cleansed, that they were all good people, but quite frankly he knew what they really were and the moment she died in childbirth (having refused any modern day medicine to help her), he knew it was their fault. They used some sort of magic to kill her and he had to avenge her. He was determined to cleanse the world from them just as they cleansed Ygraine of her life. He slipped down into the wine cellar quietly, it doubled into his own torture chamber/execution room. No one was to go in but him, of course. There tied up, gagged, and very tormented, was a druid whose name escapes Uther (not that it mattered they would be dead soon). Unable to do more with the children in the house, it was not like he could play music to hide the sound, he hated music ever since he had a dream that a witch tried to kill him and Arthur with it, Uther decided to put the despicable creature out of his misery. He lifted an axe up and was about to bring it down when the door suddenly slammed open and the light blinded him. "FREEZE! POLICE!" "What the hell?!" Uther shouted. "How dare you invade my home?! Do you have any idea who I am?" "Of course we do," said a man dressed in uniform, "Uther Pendragon, wanted for murder, torture, and several accounts of discrimination." "I have done nothing wrong." "Dude!" One officer said, "You're holding an axe above an innocent person's head, who is tired up, gagged, and obviously been tortured." "And?" He was almost certain that several of the police officers had face palmed at this point. "And," the officer said exasperated, "that is a sure thing that you're guilty." "I can reassure you," Uther said calmly putting the axe down, "that this is no innocent person. This person is a sorcerer!" "Oh dear God!" "Dude, there's no such thing as magic." "Yes there is!" Uther insisted firmly, no majestically, "they celebrate silly holidays like Beltane, they believe in the Goddess, they cast magic, with crystals, cards, and candles!" "That's paganism!" the police officer yelled. "Magic," Uther retorted. "Paganism!" "Magic!" "Paganism!" "Magic!" "Paganism!" "Magic!" "Paga-" "Smith!" One of the other officers barked. "Just handcuff the psycho and drag him out before he picks the fucking axe up again!" As those buffoons dragged him out of the cellar his son and daughter, and their idiotic friend, ran to his aid. "Dad!" Arthur cried out worriedly. "What happened?" "Don't worry kid," the irritating officer that insisted sorcerers were good ruffled Arthur's hair. "We'll get you sorted." "You won't get away with this," Uther informed the police, "I am Uther Pendragon, and my word is law." In the background, Martin, or whatever was the boy's name face palmed and Uther would swear on his life he heard the moron mutter, "Dear Lord, nothing ever changes does it?"
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