THE STUPIDITY OF CAMELOT

Summary: Arthur and Merlin are spending a quiet day together when they suddenly burst into song.

Pairings: MERTHUR! With some implied Merlin/Gwaine and Merlin/Lancelot.

It was a quiet warm afternoon in the summer. Arthur had dragged Merlin out for some hunting much to the servant's irritation and spent the whole morning shooting down rabbits with an unnatural glee before resting. The fire Merlin had made to cook the rabbit for lunch was still burning and the pair of them were lying beside it humming quietly to themselves enjoying the moment before duty and work called them back to Camelot.

Merlin opened his eyes to see the bright blue sky that was a few shades brighter than Arthur's eyes he frowned for a moment when he heard some music. It was rather nice music but not the best that he heard being played at Uther's banquets. He hummed along for a moment before he began to sing.

"Let's face the facts about me and you, a love unspecified. Though I'm proud to call you 'Chocolate Bear,'" he paused for a moment and frowned. "Hang one that doesn't sound right. You're nowhere near being chocolately. That sounds like a description more suited to Lancelot or Gwaine."

Arthur barely lifted his head up and raised an eyebrow at Merlin. "One, I have no idea what the hell you're on about, two stop singing it's dreadful, and three you're forbidden to mention Gwaine or Lancelot when we're alone."

Merlin was, of course, ignoring him. "I think I'll call you my Honey Bear."

"Honey Bear?"

Merlin continued to sing, "The crowd will always talk and stare."

For some unexplained reason Arthur suddenly opened his mouth and began to sing as well. "I feel exactly those feelings, too and that's why I keep them inside.'Cause this bear can't bear the world's disdain, and sometimes it's easier to hide, than explain our-"

Merlin began to sing along with Arthur.

"Guy love, that's all it is, Guy love, He's mine, I'm his, there's nothing gay about it in our eyes."

"You ask me 'bout this thing we share," Arthur warbled.

"And he tenderly replies," Merlin added.

"It's guy love," Arthur sang by himself before Merlin joined in for the next line. "Between two guys."

"We're closer than the average man and wife."

"That's why our matching bracelets say Arthur and Merlin."

"You know I'll stick by you, for the rest of my life."

"You're the only man who's ever been inside of me." Merlin sang hitting a high pitched noise.

"Whoa, you promised not to say anything about it." Arthur sang hurriedly looking over his shoulder.

"There's no need to be ashamed," Merlin sang sadly glancing at Arthur with sad puppy dog eyes.

"Oh no," Arthur groaned forgetting to sing...he must resist...he must resist...he must resist...screw it he can't resist Merlin's adorableness!

"Just let it grow more and more each day. It's like I married my best friend," Merlin continued to sing still gazing longingly in Arthur's eyes.

"But in a totally manly way," Arthur added hurriedly just before another chorus of some sorts started.

"Let's go! Its guy love, don't compromise, the feeling of some other guy, holding up your heart, into the sky."

"I'll be there to care through all the lows," Merlin added as he put a hand to Arthur's heart.

Arthur clasped Merlin's hand and sang back, "I'll be there to share the highs."

"It's guy love, between two guys." They sang together. "Its guy love Between Two Guys."

There was a moment of awkward silence when the song finished. Arthur looked down at Merlin's hand for a second before suddenly flinging it away as if it was a dirty sock. Merlin tried desperately to hide his hurt feelings but calling Arthur all sorts of names under the sun and moon.

"What the hell just happened?" Arthur asked.

"I don't know," Merlin said nervously.

Behind the bushes Morgana was rolling on the ground in hysterical laughter. This had to be one of the best spells she had ever done. She couldn't wait until she saw Arthur again; she'll call him Honey Bear right there and then in front of all his knights and Guinevere. Oh such ammunition, if only she still lived in the castle as the beloved ward she'd be able to torture Arthur for months over this.

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