THE STUPIDITY OF CAMELOT

Summary: one of those 'they watch the TV series' things. Only it is solely the reaction and supposed to be sheer crack though it might seem just sheer insanity.

Pairings: implied Merthur, Arthur/Gwen, Gwen/Lancelot, Merlin/Gwaine, Merlin/Gwen, Merlin/Morgana, Arthur/Morgana, Arthur/Sophia, Morgana/Gwen, and Gaius/modern furniture.

There was a great flash of light and a very loud thump as Merlin, Arthur, Gwen, Morgana, the Knights, and Gaius fell from the ceiling and landed on the floor in a giant pile. There was a great confusion as they were all talking over one another and struggling to get up. Once they were all standing and finally caught their breath they realised who was with them.

"YOU!" Arthur roared.

"Hello brother dearest," Morgana said sarcastically with a smirk.

The knights pulled out their swords and were ready to hold an offensive stance when they realised they were not holding their swords but rubber fish.

Merlin couldn't help it he burst out laughing.

"Merlin!" everyone but Morgana scolded.

"Sorry...sorry..." Merlin wheezed between laughs, "You have...to admit...it's funny."

"The stocks, Merlin, when we get out of this you will be in the stocks," Arthur growled.

Morgana cackled. "Is that the best you can do?" she sneered. "I shall show you true power while getting my revenge for my sister," she muttered something in the Old Religion tongue and waved her hand and...

...nothing happened.

Merlin burst out in laughter again.

"Shut up, Merlin!" everyone snapped.

"Sorry...but...well...I have a letter that explains everything but you were all to ready to fight and well...it was just too much of a good opportunity to miss," Merlin snickered.

"Let me see that," Arthur snatched the paper Merlin held out. "Dear Merlin and others, I have used a powerful science to transport you all to the future. You will be locked in this house until you watched all four series of Merlin together. Three are about your past while the fourth one is the future. I have used magic to transform your swords into toys and bind all magic. You are all on an even ground now behave, sincerely a fan. What the hell? Why are we watching something called Merlin, shouldn't it be called Arthur since I'm the Prince of all Camelot?"

Gwaine, Merlin, and Morgana all rolled their eyes in unison. "Princess, this isn't the time for you to have an ego trip. Let's just watch these damn things so we can all go home."

Arthur sulked while cuddling Gwen as the knights all sat on the floor, Gaius hogged the arm chair and Merlin and Morgana sat opposite sides of a small sofa glaring at one another.

They played the first disc and everything went silent.

Up until they saw Merlin use magic to save Gaius.

"You have magic?"

MMMMMMMMMMM

Suffice to say that Merlin was now in the doghouse with Lancelot. It was one thing to be 'evil' and a 'traitor to Camelot' but it was another to let Lancelot know before the Prince of Camelot. Merlin snorts quietly to himself; Arthur is just a big fat prat. Lancelot and Merlin were now regulated to the 'traitors sofa' with Morgana who was leaning far away from them as possible while scowling.

It is an improvement just moments before Lancelot had to pull Morgana off of Merlin. She is very good at strangling and didn't need magic to kill someone since she was doing a very good job at it with her bare hands. Arthur was now sulking in a similar manner as Morgana, Gaius would have been sentenced to the 'traitors sofa' if he didn't play the 'I'm so old and have a terrible back ache' card and he was now very comfortable in his arm chair ignoring everyone, Gwen and Elyan appear to have withhold any judgement and not said a word. Percival only stated he didn't think Merlin was evil while Leon made it very clear he wants to see all of Merlin's 'misdeeds' before doing anything and Gwaine was just complaining about the lack of ale in the house.

For most of the first episode everyone spent it feeling either annoyed that Merlin only trusted Lancelot or disgusted that Arthur would inflict so much pain on Merlin as they watched those few first meetings.

During the second episode everyone had virtually forgiven Merlin apart from Arthur and Morgana who were too busy throwing insults and snide comments at one another.

During the third one Merlin found himself smothered by Gwen, who was very thankful he saved her father's life and waved away his arguments about almost executing her. Quite a few of the knights teased Arthur about his stupidity and Merlin about Gwen's crush.

The teasing reached to the point where Gwen stuck her nose up in the air and said snottily, "well he's a better kisser than all of you put together."

Lancelot shot Merlin a rather betrayed look, Elyan pretended he didn't hear it, Leon, Percival and Gwaine laughed uneasily feeling their manly pride being destroyed, Arthur looked like he would murder Merlin, and Morgana cackled hysterically.

Though inwardly she was cursing herself for being so stupid and not realising Merlin had magic when she accused him of being in love with Gwen.

Merlin feeling his cheeks burn with embarrassment decided he should take the attention away from himself. "May I remind you for the past three episodes Arthur and Morgana were flirting?"

Arthur and Morgana exchanged horrified looks while the knights were making revolted comments and laughing. Gwen wondered if she should point out that Merlin saw Morgana almost naked and hadn't been able to look at her in the eye since...but then she spotted the bruise on his forehead where Morgana had thrown her shoe at him and decided otherwise.

Gaius just wondered if all young people were so sexually aware and if he should provide Gwen and Morgana with a tonic to prevent pregnancy.

MMMMMMMMMMMMM

The next episode had started in time before anything could get any more awkward and embarrassing. It opened up with Nimueh plotting something causing everyone but Morgana, who was determinedly looking at the screen, to look at Merlin nervously since the last episode she had all but declared to get her revenge on him.

Everyone laughed when Merlin's court outfit was revealed.

"Oh god," Leon choked between chuckles, "I remember that outfit."

"Why don't we get to see you in that hat, Merlin?" Gwaine called out. "There have been five banquets since I've been a knight in Camelot and I've never seen you in it."

"It had a terrible accident with a spontaneous fire," Merlin deadpanned.

"You mean you used magic on the very first gift I brought you to destroy it," Arthur glared at Merlin. "And you say I'm ungrateful."

"You are ungrateful, I clean your chambers, make your bed, fetch you your dinner, cook you your dinner, polish your armour and weapons, act as a practise target, clean your clothes, polish your shoes, run errands, lie on your behalf, save your life repeatedly, romance Gwen on your behalf, and write your speeches. And what thanks do I get? A feathered hat, a piece of cutlery thrown at my head, and a day in the stocks."

"Merlin I insist that you leave Arthur's services and become my squire," Gwaine said firmly, "we could have epic Bromance in my chambers and drink all night long."

"No," Gaius and Arthur said both firmly and coldly.

"Erm...no thank you Gwaine," Merlin mumbled having a feeling he just missed a subtext or something. "I would just like a holiday once in a while that's all."

"Besides Arthur," Gwen said sweetly, "I can always just make Merlin another hat."

"Gwen!" Merlin shrieked horrified.

Everyone laughed at Merlin's horror and kept sniggering and giggling at his besotted attitude towards Nimueh.

The laughing stopped when Merlin on the TV screen suddenly collapsed due to poison.

MMMMMMMMM

The next twenty or so minutes everyone but Morgana (who was actually starting to feel worried now but put it down to hunger since she hadn't eaten in days) watched in almost silence terrified they would lose Merlin and Arthur.

They refused to listen to Merlin when he pointed out that both Arthur and himself was fine and sitting right there beside them.

They kept looking back at Merlin in awe when he used magic in his sleep to protect Arthur who was miles and miles away from him.

Lancelot instantly forgave Merlin when he watched the Gwen/Merlin kiss. After all it was not as if Merlin initiated the kiss and it was after a near death experience. Arthur was too busy staring at Merlin as if he was the only person in the room...not wait the world...not wait the only roast hog in the entire world.

Actually scratch that Merlin wasn't sure if Arthur was hungry yet.

"That was the first experience I had of good magic," Arthur said softly, "it was all pure and soft and safe...and it was you. It was you."

"Erm...yeah," Merlin mumbled wondering where this was going.

"I forgive you," Arthur said, "for lying about your magic. I forgive you."

"Oh, oh, erm, great, that's good, that's really good," Merlin babbled.

"Idiot," Arthur snorted fondly.

"Prat," Merlin shot back.

"Boys," Gwen and Morgana muttered rolling their eyes at the stupidity of all things male. Honestly, what was wrong with giving one another a hug at moments like this?

"I'll unban magic once we get out," Arthur promised, Merlin raised a pointed eyebrow, "Erm...I mean once I'm king."

"What?" Morgana squawked. "You'll unban magic for Merlin but not for me? I'm your sister!"

"Merlin has never tried to kill Father, me, or destroy the kingdom. You only just made magic look bad," Arthur said pointedly.

Merlin fully relished the silence from Morgana for the next hour or so as they proceeded to watch the episode 'Lancelot'.

There wasn't much reaction to Lancelot's introduction to Merlin's life. Gwaine muttered darkly about Lancelot's dream of being a knight, then cheered Merlin on for his forgery, then moaned longingly at the party ("why didn't I get one when I was knighted?" "because I wanted my castle to stay intact, Gwaine"), booed at Uther, and then finally declared that Lancelot was too bloody noble for his own good and the only person more noble than him is Merlin.

Leon merely commented on how Lancelot's ceremony was a good party while the others didn't have much to say.

Though Gwen felt her cheeks heat up as she kept thinking how good looking Lancelot was, especially in that orange tunic she had made for him, she wondered what happened to it, maybe she should make him an orange shirt for Christmas...

Her thoughts were interrupted as Arthur complained about being hungry and she and Merlin set off to make some lunch.

MMMMMMMMMMMM

The cultured well mannered people in the room where horrified with the others eating manners, which basically meant Gwen and Lancelot sat there with their mouths open in shock, Merlin looked rather disgusted, and Gaius sighed wondering if he had to teach etiquette once again as the Knights, Arthur, and Morgana ate like rabid savages tearing at the meat and fighting for the last morsel.

It is unnecessary to say Merlin almost didn't get to eat if it hadn't been for Lancelot rescuing an apple, some bread, and a little bit of ham for him.

Gwen who had known Morgana to have fine manners was even more horrified than others. She later decided it was obvious that living out in the wild alone had turned Morgana a little crazy.

After the men (barring Lancelot, Merlin, and Gaius) had a belching competition they sat back to watch more of Merlin.

Morgana and Gwen had forgotten the fact they were on opposite sides and spent most of the episode cuddling as they watched Morgana in a comatose situation. Morgana was upset that a magic user would use magic on her like that but then decided it was all Uther's fault and started to hate her biological father more so for it.

Arthur groaned and moaned at his own stupidity while all the knights howled in anger on Gaius' behalf.

Gaius felt rather pleased with himself that he had this much respect from the younger generation. Now if only they would show this respect when he tells them to stop drinking, listen to him, and put that down now Gwaine.

The anger disappeared into hysterical laughter as they watched Arthur be enchanted to love Sophia. The terrible attempts of being subtle topped with Merlin's terrible attempts to lie to Uther made the whole scenario hilarious to watch.

"How can you be so dreadful at lying and yet hide the truth so well?" Leon asked.

"You're a bunch of idiots," Merlin said with a shrug, "every time I tell you the truth you all shrug it off as a joke or something. If I told you the amount of times I used magic right before you and you just brush it off as something else, like a concussion."

"Ah, fair enough," Leon shrugged. It took him two minutes to fully realise what Merlin just said. "Hang on; did you just call me an idiot?"

"Hush!" Merlin hissed as he watched Arthur's face turn deadly pale as he realised one of his girlfriends was trying to kill him.

Ignored by everyone Morgana was remembering how much she actually loved Arthur – in a purely platonic way, she had always seen him as her brother and her heart had always belonged to herself – and how worried she had been about him drowning. She thought about repenting for a moment after all Arthur said he'll unban magic and if she did lots of good work she could return to her old room, have her lovely silk dresses back, eat wonderful food regularly, and preferably not have creepy Agravaine eyeing her up. But then she shook her head and reminded herself that she had been betrayed over and over again and it was all for the best.

She resolved herself to evilness when it turned out Gaius had been lying to her for all her life.

The sniggering soon turned to disgust once they watched how committed Uther was to killing Mordred. The small little druid boy looked like he was the love child of Merlin and Morgana (they spent five minutes screaming at Gwaine when he had made the suggestion) and everyone couldn't help but feel a little protective over him.

Until it turned out that he was prophesied to kill Arthur.

But even then Gwen kept a firm stance about not killing the little boy. "It sounds awfully like a self-fulfilling prophecy," She said firmly, "that Dragon is making Merlin do something to Mordred which will make the little boy angry with him and do something back, most likely kill Arthur since Merlin loves him so much."

"I do not!" Merlin shouted, his cheeks heating up again.

"There's nothing going on between us!" Arthur agreed with equally bright red cheeks.

Everyone snorted and decided not to comment on the fact they were protesting a bit too much. Gwen glared at the TV screen while she may or may not love Arthur as much as she had once thought she had that didn't mean she appreciated the Dragon trying to fix Merlin and Arthur up almost every episode.

At the end of the episode Merlin was trying to hide behind Gwaine as Morgana shot him the most deadly look ever.

The trying to kill Merlin via glare was interrupted when Nimueh returned onto the screen again only this time summoning the dead.

The knights sniggered at Merlin's sock comment before the dead knight came crashing in and challenge the whole hall. Arthur's forgiveness given earlier on quickly vanished when he found out that Merlin didn't just lie about his magic.

"You lied about my birth too?"

"I'm sorry!"

"Sorry isn't good enough! I thought Morgause was an evil lying bitch because of you! I thought my father was a victim! I continued to believe magic was evil because I thought a sorceress had manipulated me into attempting to murder my own father!"

"She was manipulating you! It just happened to be the fact she was right!"

"Shut up, Merlin!" Arthur roared. "I don't want to talk to you, in fact I don't want to hear you even speak for the rest of the day, and I definitely don't want you to look at me with those puppy dog eyes."

"But Arthur, it's the puppy dog eyes!" Gwaine protested with a gasp.

Arthur merely glared at Gwaine as well before returning to the screen. Merlin felt dreadful and severely desired to set Morgana's hair on fire since she was smirking at him with that horrible smug ugly smirk she always used. The others watched in fear whenever the knight was on screen, awe when Merlin produced the most powerful sword ever, and disbelief when he threw it in a lake of all things.

Arthur felt his anger at Merlin ebbing away when they watched Hunith being attacked. He puffed his chest out in pride as all the knights complemented him on how noble and just he was acting in his attempts to save Merlin's childhood village from bandits. Morgana quickly deflated him with a few snide jabs causing the knights to glare at her. Arthur, Gwen, Morgana, and Merlin spent most of the episode staring wistfully at the screen as they remembered the fun times they had had in those first couple years when they were all very good friends.

Pity Morgana had to turn to the dark side.

Pity Merlin was a backstabbing liar, Arthur was an arrogant buffoon, and Gwen was a lovesick serving girl.

Gwaine had declared himself as Will's new best friend when he watched Will completely disrespect Arthur and the entire nobility.

Everyone was in awe at how powerful Merlin was when he created his little twister of wind and then everyone was suddenly rather depressed as they watched Will die in Merlin's arms.

Merlin had taken to crying into Gwen's shoulder and Arthur found his last shreds of anger evaporate.

Goddaminit! He can never stay mad at Merlin, it isn't fair!

MMMMMMMMMMMMM

After Merlin had sobbed his heart out on not only Gwen's shoulder but Lancelot's chest, Gwaine's stomach, and in a little manly group huddle with Elyan, Leon, and Percival Gaius wondered if he should do something about his ward's rather slutty ways while he was cooking dinner.

A meagre stew later with a now laughing Merlin who had been thoroughly cheered up by Gwaine they returned to watching the TV.

The unicorn episode resulted with a lot of respect being given to both Arthur and Merlin although there had been a lot of teasing on how pure and virginal Merlin was as well as how stubborn and stupid Arthur is.

Arthur retaliated by threatening them all with hard training and Merlin just told them just because they were all man-whores didn't mean he had to be.

Gaius really wished he had some sort of device to capture everyone's facial expression after that comment.

Morgana sent dark looks at Arthur and Merlin for giving her and Gwen rat stew and by the looks of Gwen's facial expression the pair of them were also in the doghouse with her.

Then it was the episode where Morgana had first attempted to have Uther murdered. Elyan spent the whole episode looking down at his hands as he thought about his father and his regrets and bitterness. Gwen spent the episode burying her head into Lancelot's chest as he held her and stroked her hair lovingly as she wept for her father's death. The others insulted Morgana and got insulted back while Merlin and Gaius shifted uneasily at the accusing stares of hiding too much from everyone.

The last episode of the series was horrific.

It was a nightmare for everyone to see Arthur at near death. Quite a few of the knights found the walls very interesting all of the sudden as they tried to hide their tears and Morgana couldn't quite bring herself to be smug and tell Arthur 'I told you so' as she remembered every sickening moment of those two days. Gwen felt her cheeks flush as she realised this was the time her feelings for Arthur were starting to grow.

It becomes even more horrific when Merlin is offering to exchange his life in favour for Arthur's.

Merlin barely had time to press pause on the remote when he was suddenly tackled to the ground by Arthur who was quite good at strangling as Morgana was.

"Never. Ever. Do. That. Again. Got. It?" he hissed out each word between gritted teeth.

"Can't...if...you...kill me...prat," Merlin gasped.

It took Lancelot and Gwaine to pull Arthur off of Merlin but at that point it wasn't quite strangling and more like awkward secret hugging.

But don't tell the others it's a secret.

For the rest of the episode Arthur sits right up close to Merlin to the point where Merlin kept being nudged every time Arthur even slightly moved his elbow.

Everyone including Morgana was upset when Hunith appeared near death in the middle of the night.

They were even more upset when Merlin makes his awkward goodbyes to Arthur as he prepares to die in his mother's place.

Everyone but Morgana was outwardly upset when it looked like Gaius died.

And then everyone was absolutely horrified and impressed when Merlin suddenly exploded Nimueh into little pieces via a lightning storm and using the rain to save Gaius' life.

Gwaine whistled low and loud. "Remind me to never piss you off," he said impressed.

Morgana sort of made fish faces and kept swallowing. She counted herself lucky that Merlin hadn't reached to that breaking point yet with her and decided to try not to antagonise him as much as she used to.

The others were snapped out of their surprise at Merlin's last confrontation with the dragon and fully supported his anger before Gaius turned to TV off and ordered them to bed.

"But Gaius!" they all moaned like eight years old.

"Now!" Gaius snapped. "The earlier you got to bed, the earlier you'll wake up, and the sooner we can watch the rest of these and go home."

Though admittedly when he slept in his nice soft, firm, comfortable mattress with two soft pillows and a lovely thick duvet Gaius wasn't sure he wanted to go home back to his saggy ragged cot.

Gwen and Morgana were in a huge hurry to head back where they didn't have to share a room with one another. Lancelot couldn't wait to go back to his own private chamber and escape Gwaine's snores above him in the cramp bunk bed and Elyan's mumbling from his side of the room where Leon was farting like a trumpet above him and Percival was humming in his sleep for goodness sake!

Merlin wondered if it was considered normal that Arthur forced him to share a bed with him, clung to him tightly, and snored loudly in his ear.

Either way Merlin didn't get a good night sleep at all since every time he even tried to move Arthur would only hold on to him tightly and ask, "where are you going?"

Merlin really, really, really needed a holiday.

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