IF DEADPOOL WROTE A TRANSFORMERS PIC
A/N: Hello, trolls, perverts, and other people that read fanfiction (if they exist). This is Deadpool, the devilishly good looking merc with a mouth here to wow you with the most awesome transformers fic ever written; and spidey is doing a horrible job pretending to be me writing a fanfic; I mean, I haven't even broken the fourth wall...oh just did, nevermind. Anyway, please review; or I'll take that computer screen you're reading this from, and stick it someplace uncomfortable. Good luck reading your anime porn fics then, you bunch of perves. The Sexy, Awesome, Explosion-Filled Adventures of Magnum Force, and The Unimportant Background Characters! One day, the Autobots were in a huge battle with the decepticons, and stuff was exploding, and giant robots were shooting at eachother and things were going boom, and I was doing a horrible job describing the battle. "Hah ha ha, we outnumber you!" said Megatron. "You're now all going to die and stuff!" "We won't give up that easily, Megatron! We have a secret weapon up our sleeves!" said Optimus. At that point, a heroic and totally awesome transformer with a stylish red and black color scheme and lots of TOTALLY USEFUL pouches on his torso appeared, and started firing at the Decepticons with amazing accuracy, each shot resulting in a dead pile of decepticon scrap metal. "I am Magnum Force!" said Magnum Force. "Sorry I'm late; I was busy having a threesome with Arcee and Bea Arthur," "Decepticons, destroy that ridiculously good looking transformer!" yelled Megatron. Devestator charged at the talented and charming autobot; but Magnum Force pulled out his Wave Motion Gun, and fired it, blasting him to pieces in one shot. "Now you should change your name to...devastated!" said Magnum Force, causing everyone to laugh at his amazing sense of humor. "Geez, I just crossed the boundaries into Gary Stu territory, didn't I?" said Magnum, not aware that he pretty much crossed it already in his first appearance. "Ravager, Laserbeak, destroy him," said Soundwave. The two casseticots...cassetercons... cassette thingies charged at Magnum Force, but he just grabbed them, and used them to beat Soundwave to death; before putting them in giant jars and keeping them as pets. He named them Wanker and Chloe, and would soon have them neutered for "lubricating" his couch, but that's another story for another time. Skywarp teleported behind him in an attempt to make a sneak attack; but was killed when the missile launcher Magnum had installed in his back for just such an occasion went off, causing Skywarp's head to explode. Magnum then turned around, punched a hole through Skywarp's torso and pulled out his teleportation device. "Looks like we've found a doner for that teleportation device transplant just in time. He then teleported around the battle randomly; taking out Shockwave, Thundercracker, and Starscream with his groin-saber (eat your heart out, Thirty Hs) while he was doing so. "this, this can't be happening...I mean...a lightsaber, in his groin? Who the fuck puts a lightsaber there?" said Megatron, clearly having a villainous breakdown due to the sheer awesomeness of Magnum Force and his mighty freudian weapon. "You think that's freudian, wait till you get a load of this!" said Magnum Force, as his Groin saber vanished...and was replaced by a groin CANNON. Unfortunately, he didn't have any ammo, thus making said cannon useless. "Wheelie insist, you're weapon useless," said Wheelie, in his fucking annoying voice of fucking annoyingness. "I've got no muse...but you have some use," said Deadpool...I mean Magnum Force, before shoving wheelie into the cannon, and firing him at Megatron. Both of them were blown to smithereens by the impact, thus ending the war, and ridding the autobots of the greatest nuisance in the universe that wasn't named Beiber. "You purposefully destroyed your fellow autobot to defeat Megatron," said Optimus. "Meh, acceptable losses," said Magnum. However, just when you thought this horrible fic just had to end, Unicron appeared. "I have come to destroy the Earth," said Unicron. "That way, when I eat Cybertron, I will take pleasure in the knowledge that the Cybertronians have no place to go," "... Unicron? Seriously? Come on! What gives?" said Magnum Force. "can't we just end it here and say I screwed all the autobot chicks and Bea Arthur and lived happily ever after? " No. That's stupid. Stick to the script. Or plot outline...whatever. "You didn't even use a plot outline!" said Magnum Force. Will you let me move on with the story if I give you some inner monolouge? "Do I get yellow boxes?" said Magnum force. NO! THE YELLOW BOXES ARE MINE! MINE DO YOU HEAR ME? "...italics then?" said Magnum Force. Fine then, you get italics. Yay. Hello italics. Nice to meet you. We shall have much fun together. Thought Magnum. "This is no time to have an argument with yourself!" said Optimus. "We need to find a way to kill Unicron," "can't you just open the Matrix of Deus ex Machina and blow it up?" said Magnum. Man, I am a sexy machine. I'll bet Hasbro makes a fuckton of cash selling Magnum Force action figures...though some parents might be concerned about the light up groin saber. and the groin cannon. "The Matrix is gone. It was used up when I used it to cure the hate plague," said Optimus. "Oh. Well gee, stupid piece of crap. so much for lighting our darkest hour," said Deadpool Force...MAGNUM FORCE, I MEAN MAGNUM FORCE. that was SOME freudian slip you made there. I can press a button and this fic won't exist anymore. Then I'll just chill inside your head and bring back the memories of that King Kong X Godzilla slash fic that you read. What slash fic...GAH! OH GOD I WAS TRYING TO REPRESS THOSE! "Do we have some other overpowered artifact?" said Magnum Force. "there is one," said Optimus. "Really? Where is it? Is it nearby?" said Magnum Pool. "The Artifact..." said Optimus, pausing dramatically. "Is you," "...wut," said Magnum Pool. "Ok, if this fic gets any more cliched; I am going to literally jump out of Deadpool's brain, and groinsaber him to death. Then, when he heals, I'm going to do the same to Spidey; and to the author that's pretending to be Spidey pretending to be Deadpool...Primus Christ, this fic sucks..." A/N: Stay tuned for the second chapter, where Magnum unites all the Transformers in the universe in the most literal way possible that won't turn this into a lemon fic. It will thus be an awesome showdown between every transformer in the universe and Unicron full off explosions and destruction and Bea Arthur cameos. Unless I forget this fic exists and never update it again...which is likely. By the way, something I'm not clear on; when does the money show up? You know, the money I'm going to get for writing this fanfic and putting it on the site. I'm kind of counting on the payoff I'm going to get from the millions of people paying good money to read this.
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