THE LOCO MOTION PORTAL
The Loco-Motion Portal[starring the main cast]
This is the sequel to the weird-but-funny Loco-Motion Train Wreck. In my opinion, this one makes probably even less sense. I hope you start rolling on the floor laughing. just so you know, I made up the 'prophecy'.
"arty, can you explain why we're here?" asked rick. "this place reminds me of the summer of '69."
"now I remember, this was part of a prophecy predicted by Imhotep. The prophecy states that in thousands of years, a portal will one day be rediscovered to another world."
"so your telling me, your little 'shindig' opened a portal to another dimension?" asked rick.
"not a shindig, my friend, but an ancient ritual." Answered ardeth.
"really?"
"in a way, this seems kind of ironic, I mean with the Imotep and all..."
"that's Imhotep johnathan" Evie corrected.
"well, this is just great..." complained rick. Ardeth, with his back turned, asked:
"my friend, did you say cupcakes?"
"no, I didn't" rick was a little confused. Ardeth turned swiftly around in ricks direction and said:
"I love cupcakes." A large pearly white grin had grown on ardeth's face.
"evie, I think he's lost it.." he told evie, but evie was behaving quite bizarre as well. She rolled on the ground as if under a seizure.
"cobras! Cobras!" was evie's strange cries of imaginary cobras.
"johnathan! What the heck are you doing on my back?!" jonathan had indeed, jumped on rick.
"mummy, I want a pony!" was johnathan's answer.
"cupcake?" ardeth had offered rick a cupcake.
"sure I.. where did you get those cupcakes?"
"[sigh], does 'easy-bake oven' mean anything to you?" answered ardeth.
"I almost burnt my house down with one of those." Thought rick.
"Johnny!"
"Evie!"
"Arty!"
johnathan: "and we're the spice girls! Johnathan began the chorus:
"Yo, I'll tell you what I want what I really really want!,
[Evie]: So tell me what you want what you really really want!
[Ardeth]: I'll tell you what I want what I really really want!,
[Evie]: So tell me what you want what you really really want!
[Johnathan]: I wanna, [Evie]: I wanna, [Ardeth]: I wanna, [Johnathan]: I wanna,
[Evie]: I wanna, [all-together]: really really really wanna zigazig
ha!..."
????....????
rick had the look of astonishment, stupefaction, and a slight shiver of fear. His jaw may as well have touched the ground. The moronic behavior of his once sane friends had continued still. Why did they act this way? Why was rick not affected? These questions and more had burned in rick's mind. The constantly changing colors of the walls had indeed reminded him of the summer of 1969.
"cupcake?" offered ardeth.
"why thank you, my feet have been killing me." johnathan removed his shoes and stepped on the cupcake offered to him.
"aye, caramba! You murderer! You hate me because I'm beautiful don't you?!" ardeth then covered his eyes and ran away sobbing.
"look what you've done." Said evie to johnathan. "Now I can't open this pickle jar"
"it's not my fault you can't open a bloody pickle jar! look it's quite simple, all you need is a sledgehammer really."
"this is insane..." thought rick.
"hello." said an unfamiliar voice. There was someone else here besides the quadro. It was a crocodile, short and stout, it wore a nightshirt and a bright red fez.
"I see you are in a bustle." Said the croc.
"yeah, uh, can you tell me how to get out of here?" asked rick.
"sure, but don't you wanna know how you got here?"
"I know that."
"but don't you wanna know why your friends went totally whack? Well, when performed by a med-jai warrior, the psychosis ritual opens a portal here and sucks up anyone within twelve feet, then, the visitors are sent to a little place like this one where they, like, go crazy and they can't think straight, it's really hilarious."
"hmm. why didn't ardeth tell me any of this?" asked rick.
"well he would have, but he couldn't. you see, the moronic spell in this place works like, immediately. MAN! That guy went from 'leave this place or die'
to 'I love cupcakes'! hah! That kills. I have to say, that jonathan guy didn't change much if you think about it.
That evie, she is, foxy! Shake it baby!
"yo, that's my wife!" cried rick.
"oh my gosh! I am terribly sorry. My name is Crikey."
"now you tell me your name?" asked rick.
Well.. you didn't ask." Answered crikey
"hey, how come I haven't gone 'whack'?"
"well, this ritual was invented a few millenias ago, so Americans didn't exist as you may know, so only a race that was around that time would be affected."
"uh, huh." Thought rick.
"and, just as imhotep predicted, the ritual was rediscovered by the 1980's, from the writers of the song who were of course, reincarnations of past lives that once knew the secret ritual. The portal was never opened at that time because none of the dancers were med-jai warriors, until now that is. Its been thousands of years since I've seen any visitors.
"that's an interesting story, but I have to get back. home." Said rick.
"very well then, just go back out the way you came in." answered
crikey. Rick stared.
"that's it? Is that all I had to do!?"
"wait." Crikey interjected "you didn't let me finish. Ok, go back the way you came in, but backwards."
"so do the dance backwards?"
"it's not a dance! And yes, you do." Answered crikey.
"why didn't you tell me this before my mind was scarred for life?"
"hey, my cable's been cut-off for two weeks now, I needed something to watch. They even cut-off my HBO!"
"yeah, thanks." Said rick.
"good bye, it was nice meeting you!" said crikey. And so rick pereformed the 'loco-motion' in reverse, and soon enough, they were all taken back to the exact same spot of the strange anomaly.
"what just happened?" groaned johnahthan.
"my head hurts very badly.." groaned evie
"nnhnhh..." groaned ardeth, rubbing his temples. Rick was not sure whether to keep the 'occasion' to himself or inform them of it.
After many weeks, he had told them everything. This was their reaction:
[Evie]: "oh my god..."
[Johnathan]: "I feel so ashamed! It's baffling I tell you!"
[Ardeth]: "speak for yourself..."
and so as hard as rick tried, he could not forget the nightmare placed upon him, so he just lived with it.
And crikey, well, he soon became their ally, as long as he didn't hog the remote.
~The end~
P.S, the rest of the med-jai warriors were also returned safely. And yes, the easy-bake oven did appear out of nowhere.
By Danielle Grey