THE HORRORS OF FANFICTION

Hey, John check out this link it's hilarious Harry xxx

John sighed and rolled his eyes before clicking onto the link. Harry was always sending him rude jokes and stupid pictures that she thought were 'hilarious' and John would find them funny as well. John obviously didn't have a good sense of humour since he thought the war jokes were terrible and yet he giggles at crime scenes.

He is surprised to discover it is not some rude joke but a fan site for Sherlock and him. Well really it shouldn't be that surprising since reporters are known to stalk them but still...

He is then morbidly fascinated and horrified to find the Fanfiction.

Against his better judgement he began to read the first one. It ended with him and Sherlock snogging. Err...ok. He read the next one which was mildly better until it ended with them walking home hand in hand. Then there were several awful ones where they confess their love and acted like a pair of fictional love struck boys in something terrible like that Twilight.

Don't even get him started on the M-rated ones. He did not want to think about the M-rated ones. He did not want to think how he reacted to the M-rated ones. He just knew he wasn't going to be able to look at Sherlock in the eye for a very, very, very long time.

After the first few M-rated ones John decided it was better for his sanity, mind, and body, if he were to look for something that didn't contain the words Sherlock/John slash. He found a couple Molly centred fics that made John's miserable single life look quite pleasant he decided tomorrow he'll take Molly out for coffee to make it up to her. He found a few Sherlock/Irene ones that sounded a lot like them and gave him a bit of a laugh and then he laughed some more at the interpretation of Mycroft and Sherlock's childhood. He was rather disturbed at how many people think Moriarty would rape him or Sherlock and decided quite quickly to avoid those fics and look for some else to read.

So he was now avoiding every Molly centric Fanfiction, every slash Fanfiction that was about him and Sherlock together, and anything to do with Moriarty. He had also already read all the nice pieces about childhood and the very few Sherlock/Irene Fanfictions that exist. So it narrowed the website down to a large following of a strange Fanfictions.

John reads one and laughs.

He reads the others and then decides, really, really, really, against his better judgement to read the M-rated ones.

He stops thinking it was so funny after a while and just stares in shock.

It is amazing what goes on in the minds of people who read their blog. It is almost as if his life was not real to them just a story for them to twist and change to their liking. He was fairly sure these two people never met and yet fans have them taking each other across their desks.

The door slammed open and Sherlock twirled in.

"I have completed seven experiments today and can now solve some cold cases," he said animatedly, "I think Molly is pleased that she can now bury her cat's body, why do people get all sentimental over those furry animals? It's not like they can hold intelligent conversation or do anything useful for you then again a cat is still more intelligent than the likes of Anderson. John, what are you doing? You've been at that laptop all day and you read something shocking, did Harry send you one of those jokes again or has something interesting like a death happened?"

There was silence as John sat there ignoring Sherlock in favour of pondering whether or not that position was even possible in the real world.

"John? Are you not going to give me a lecture on how insensitive I was?"

John scrolled down to the end where apparently even this unlikely couple also declare their love in a terrible soppy lovesick way. Honestly is it just him or do teenage girls write all of this nonsense?

"John? John! John. John pay attention to me! John, John, John, John..." hmm was it him or was there someone shouting behind him? John is suddenly startled as warm hands grab hold of his shoulders, he struggles against them and tires to elbow his attacker away while simultaneously get his phone out to phone the police. Before he can do any of those things he is turned to face Sherlock who is now shaking him rather violently. "What is the matter with you? Is it Moriarty? Did he send you a threatening email?"

"Erm...no," John said uncomfortably aware of how close Sherlock's face was to his. Damn that Fanfiction for putting ideas into his head. "I was reading."

"Reading what?"

"Fanfiction," John admitted sheepishly. After all it was not like he could lie to Sherlock or anything he would deduce the truth within seconds if he tried.

"Oh, that," Sherlock said in disgust. "That's been around since you wrote that Study of Pink thing. I read a couple when I was bored and immediately deleted it. There was nothing truthful in there or anything worthy to commit to memory, so why are you reading it?"

"I found a pairing that I think I might ship, irrationally, I might add," John added on quickly before Sherlock points out how stupid John is.

"Oh?" Sherlock raised an elegant eyebrow.

Urgh, John thinks he was in the need of brain bleach if he's thinking about how elegant Sherlock's eyebrows are.

"Mystrade," John said quickly.

"My-what?"

"Mystrade...its erm...well Mycroft and Lestrade."

"Mycroft and Lestrade?"

"Yeah...apparently the fans think they're shagging like we're supposed to be according to them I meant!"

Whatever reaction John was expecting and there were many from scoffing to outright laughing in his face while telling him how stupid he is the reaction he received was not it. Sherlock took a step back and clutched at his curls desperately and then screamed.

A high pitched rather girly scream and yes John is so going to report this onto his blog.

"Ew!" Sherlock shouted as he suddenly ran into the kitchen. "Where are my acids? The really strong ones? I need to clean my brain now! I can't delete the image of my brother and Lestrade of all people! Lestrade I mean come on he's besotted with his cheating wife and fancies Molly of all people. My brother is married! How the hell do people even connect the two together and make them shag on the desk? Urgh, urgh, urgh, why has no one ever invented brain bleach?"

"Hang on, your brother is married?"

"Irrelevant!" Sherlock barked. "I need something to take that memory away, John buy me something that'll make me forget!"

"I am not buying you anything that is drug related," John said firmly, "not even a can of energy drink."

Sherlock pouted.

"I said no, Sherlock, and I meant it!"

"But John I need to get the image of Mycroft buggering Lestrade out of my head!"

When it was put into those terms and the romantic writings of sad people who have no lives were now out of John's head there were was only an image of Mycroft huffing and puffing as he struggled to get his leg over a very brown Lestrade.

John started to scream as well.

Mycroft took that moment to come in, probably to give them a case or maybe to be annoying, when they started shouting and screaming about their poor virgin eyes and how could Mycroft subject this to them.

"Oh grow up," Mycroft snarled," the pair of you!"

He then stormed off and left John and Sherlock to deal with their new emotional problem that would result in months of expensive therapists.

Strangely enough a month later all signs of Mystrade Fanfiction had disappeared from the face of the universe.

A very smug Mrs Anthea Holmes toyed with her Blackberry as she pondered on replacing these Mystrade Fanfictions with ones starring her.

After all work is so very boring unless there is a political crisis.

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