AS THE WORLD FALLS DOWN

Author's Note: a birthday present to TVnut, Happy Twenty-First! Also apologises for taking so long to update, university and other fan fictions had taken my attention.

The building was plain, grey, and made of stone. But the inside was bright with green walls and chess board ceiling tiles. It almost hurt Gwen's eyes as she walked past people with big hair dos and wild make up despite their police uniforms or if they were criminals their punk clothing and many piercings were enough to make her grimace. She's turned into an old lady, being a mother has made her far too critical that was her excuse.

"Geisha Girl, make us a cuppa will ya? I had a tiring day dealing with our new klutzy DI, Freckles this is Geisha Girl our uniform in the office," Gene said waving a hand at a petite Japanese girl who looked very normal compared to the others Gwen had seen.

And also so very painfully familiar.

"Tosh," she breathed.

"Ma'am?" she asked timidly.

"I'll make the coffee," Ianto said very characteristically as he headed to the kitchen.

"Yan, you big poofter, girls are supposed to be the ones in the kitchen. Isn't that right, sweet cheeks?" Owen said jeeringly to Tosh.

Gwen threw the nearest thing she could reach at his head. She couldn't help it; it was habit she had formed years ago when Owen was a pervert. Now he was a sexist discriminating pervert and she wonders why exactly did she miss him?

"Oi!" Gene bellowed from his private office. "I like to keep the abuse minimum in my office – in other words I do the hitting Freckles and you sit there and look pretty for us."

Gwen picked up the name plaque on the nearest desk and held it up threateningly. She had only just been eaten by a weevil, she was exhausted emotionally and had her own wounds ripped open again at the sight of her three dead friends. All she needed now was Jack and it would be a full party of grieve, anger and being extremely emotional. "Get one thing straight, Gov; I am not here for you or that scumbag to stare at. If you're that desperate go and buy a magazine."

The plaque was taken out of her hand and replaced by a cup of steaming coffee. "No violence in the office, please, safe it for the criminals," Ianto said cheerfully as he handed another coffee to Gene.

"Poof," Gene grunted.

"You're welcome," Ianto said sarcastically.

Gwen turned to face Tosh, who slipped back to her desk during the hassle, it was as if she had reverted back to the Tosh Gwen first knew when she started at Torchwood. Before her death Tosh had gained some confidence, enough to tell Owen what was what and to shove off. Now she had lost it and was back to giving the pig some longing looks.

"Either I really hit my head or the rift has dragged me into an alternate reality," Gwen muttered to herself.

"What was that Ma'am?" Ianto asked.

"Nothing, nothing, and don't call me Ma'am Ianto, call me Gwen."

Ianto blushed lightly. "I couldn't possibly ignore formality in a working environment, Ma'am," he said.

Owen snorted. "Suck up; I'll call you Gwen, sweet cheeks."

"You can call me DI Cooper until you've learnt how to respect Tosh here," Gwen snapped.

"Enough gossiping ladies, we have a case," Gene said slamming his phone (that the others have ignored in their rather awkward chat). "We have a homicide to investigate."

"My favourite," Owen said gleefully.

"Sadist," Ianto muttered.

"Geisha, watch the phones. Jones, Harper and Freckles with me," Gene said striding across the office with confidence, "come along boys...and lady" he added as an afterthought.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTW

It was a relatively easy case compared to some murders Gwen had investigated. Probably because without CSI and alien technology murderers weren't as clever as the ones she's met at hiding the evidence. Gwen found the lack of decent technology rather frustrating, she already missed the com she's so used to wearing in her ear and owning a mobile so she could be phoned by her darling husband...

Tosh, however, seemed to be unbothered by the lack of technological advances. She was a rapid typer and still capable of hacking into a system despite the limited programming. Owen held an unhealthy (Ianto's and Gene's opinion) interest in the post-mortem and labelled a thousand medical terms while he examined the body over the doctor's shoulder while Ianto was as observant as always. These combined with Gene's bad cop and Gwen's good cop helped to catch the murderer within the day.

"Good day, very good day," Gene said rather pleased with the team. "Now then, pub!"

"Wine bar, you mean?" Ianto said looking up from his paperwork.

"Damn Luigi for selling up," Gene muttered darkly. "I am not using such a nonce name for a place I buy booze. It's a pub."

"I think a wine bar is far more elegant and sophisticated than a pub, don't you Tosh?" Gwen said.

"No one asked for your opinion, Freckles. Now pub, move it."

"You're coming, right Tosh?" Gwen said slipping her coat on. "As a welcoming drink for me, I would like to get to know my colleagues." Gwen had decided that she'll pretend that she doesn't know Owen, Ianto and Tosh just to make things a tad easier. Besides, if she was more sociable and doesn't shag Owen this time she might manage a stronger friendship with Tosh than she had the first time round. "I don't want you to be left out; you're just as important as any of us. More than Owen, definitely."

"Hey!"

Tosh let out a nervous titter and smiled shyly. "I would like that," she said.

"Speaking of welcomes," Gene said, "we have a tradition where any new female officer we get, we stamp their bottoms."

"I beg your pardon?" Gwen said coldly. This sounded as perverted as Owen's end of the of the world orgy.

"We will then moon you later, a bottom for a bottom so to speak. What do you say Freckles?"

"Ask me after I had a few drinks," Gwen said, "there's no way I'm doing it sober."

"You have no say in it, Freckles," Owen said grinning in a very sinister way as he held up a pot of ink and a stamp.

"Oh no...No way in hell am I letting any of you touch me!" Gwen snarled.

"It's a tradition Freckles, you get no say in it. We even did it to Geisha Girl, there."

Tosh looked away, cheeks bright red and rather ashamed look covering her face. "Arseholes!" Gwen shouted before Gene had her pinned to the desk. She couldn't believe this! Taking a deep breath and stopped fighting back. It's not like she was going to beat all three of them (granted Ianto was just standing there and not doing anything) and if she got it over and done with she could get her revenge. "Just hurry up!" she snapped when Gene started rambling about how she was the police's property.

It hurt, not much but it still stung. "Bastard," she muttered as she stood up and pulled her trousers back up.

"It was a lovely bottom, sweet cheeks," Owen said smirking. "Though not as lovely as Toshiko's."

Tosh turned a rather pleased bright red and Gwen had difficulty at hiding her grin at Tosh's happiness.

TWTWTWTWTWTW

Gwen was pleasantly surprised to find out that she had apparently rented out the flat above the Wine Bar. It was small but rather cosy and it reminded her, a lot of the flat she owned with Rhys before baby Jack made his appearance in the world. The night out with her co-workers went better than she thought it would though she could do without the snickering from Owen.

She had only just washed the ink off her bottom when she heard shouting outside of her window. Grumbling, she shoved on a pair of knickers and a bright red dressing gown before opening her window.

"WHAT?" she demanded.

"Freckles, my love, I present you the finest bottoms in Fenchurch!"Gene slurred.

The last time Gwen had ever seen Ianto look so uncomfortable was when she walked into a making out session between him and Jack. He stiffly turned around and pulled his trousers down before mooning her, Gene did it clumsily and Owen was doing a swaggering dance, showing off.

She grabbed the plastic bucket in her kitchen, filling it with cold water and then throwing it out of the window. The high pitched girly squeals coming from Owen were very entertaining indeed.

"Freckles, I'll have you on desk duty for that!" Gene roared.

Gwen laughed and threw herself down onto the sofa. She picked up the tape recorder she found in a cupboard and pressed the record button.

"it's been a very strange day, I'm not sure if I'm delusional or in an alternative reality but either way Owen Harper is still a pervert and that never changes, no matter what reality I'm in."

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