DOCTOR WHO SILLY STORIES
Chapter One Hundred "Mmm," Jack said while he took a sip of coffee. "Not bad. The TARDIS can make a mean pot of coffee when she wants to." "I can do better," Ianto said. "Then why are you drinking it?" Jack said, pointing to his nearly empty mug. "Because I needed a cup of coffee just now," Ianto said. "Ah, taking a break from all the craziness?" Jack said. "Something like that," Ianto said. "Besides the Doctor and Rose need to be alone once in awhile just like we need our alone time." "Oh, I see. You're allowing them to go in some dark building and snog," Jack said. Ianto shrugged and took another sip of coffee. Jack finished off his coffee, set the mug down on the cart and stepped away from it, taking a look out the entrance gate at what the Doctor and Rose were doing. He could see them in the distance heading for a large black building inside Terrorland. "Ah-ha, I think you're right, Yan. I think they are going for a little snog time," Jack said, walking back to him. "Then leave them be and let them have it," Ianto said. "Drat, I wanted to scare them," Jack said. Ianto grinned and touched the back of his neck. Jack shivered with pleasure. "On second thought, I could stay in Coffeeland a bit longer," he said, turning to embrace his lover. XOXOXOXOXOXO Rose stood inside the building and looked around. She was in a dimly lit passageway with lights so low she could barely see in front of her. She looked over her shoulder when the Doctor entered and quickly slammed the door, a maniacal look on his face. "We are in the jaws of doom now," he said dramatically. "What do we do now?" Rose said in a hushed voice. "I shall save you!" the Doctor said, raising a finger into the air before he strutted past her. Rose giggled when he stopped about five feet away and looked around. Then he looked back at her with wide eyes. "In here there could be anything," he said, his eyes bulging. "Ooo, we'll never survive then," Rose said. "Perhaps we will if we stay together," the Doctor said, walking back to her. "But I wander off," Rose said. "I know, that's why I think we're done for," the Doctor said. "Shall we proceed anyway?" "Yeah, what the hell, we can't live forever," Rose said, taking her hand. The Doctor and Rose froze when they suddenly heard a booming voice over their heads. "YOU WILL NEVER ESCAPE, DOCTOR!" the deep voice said. "YOU AND YOUR COMPANION ARE DOOMED! DOOMED! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" "Ooo, that sounds serious," Rose said. "YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT ME!" the Doctor boomed up at the ceiling while Rose giggled. "I WILL DEFEAT YOU. I SWEAR IT!" "WE SHALL SEE, ONCOMING STORM!" the voice boomed back. "You're not the boss of me!" the Doctor said, stomping up the passageway. "Nothing can stop me! Observe my bravery!" He stopped and with an impish look on his face walked over to the wall and put his finger on it. "HA! I AM INVINCIBLE!" the Doctor boomed up at the ceiling while Rose laughed. "See this! I'm touching your wall! I…" Rose screamed when a fake axe suddenly came out of nowhere and sliced through the air directly behind her before embedding itself in the floor behind her feet. She turned and looked at it. "Hey, I wasn't doing or saying anything. He was!" Rose said to the ceiling while the Doctor giggled. "Doesn't matter. You made the mistake of allying yourself with me and now you're doomed, DOOMED!" the Doctor said, walking over to her. "Must we go in?" Rose said, feigning fear. "It's dark and scary in there!" "I shall protect you, my cream puff crumpet person thingy human," the Doctor said, hugging her while Rose laughed. "Your cream puff, what?" Rose said when he let go. The Doctor winked and took her hand. They walked slowly down the corridor, trying to see in the dim lighting. Rose kept looking around, trying to make sure they didn't bump into any walls or trip. The Doctor grunted when he ran into a pair of metal doors that were painted black. "I was trying to keep an eye out for things like that," Rose said to him. "I'm more afraid of tripping in here." "Nah, the TARDIS would remove any obstacles in our path. She's not that sadistic," the Doctor said, feeling the door for the handle. He finally found the metal handle and opened the door. They listened a moment and heard crackling from electricity. Whatever was beyond the door had no lighting whatsoever so the Doctor and Rose carefully slipped inside. When the door closed, they stood there in the darkness listening to the crackling sound. "Is this it?" Rose said. "Because this isn't sca…" "Doctor, help!" Rose shut up when she heard her own voice off to the right. The lights suddenly came up and both the Doctor and Rose shielded their eyes for a moment until they could see. To their right was a laboratory tableau. A robot of Rose was strapped to a table while a wild eyed man stood over her. The man was Asian with grey hair that was sticking up as if he'd been shocked. The man was wearing a lab coat and surgical gloves. He was grinning at Rose while the robot struggled to get free. "Doctor, help me!" Robot Rose yelled. "Soon, I will take out your brain," the Asian man said. "And replace it with the brain of a monkey. Then you will be my pet forever!" "Monkey?" Rose said to the Doctor. "Don't ask me, I'm not in charge of this," the Doctor said with a shrug. The lights came up on the left side and they turned to look at a robot Tenth Doctor trapped inside a glass prison. He was calling Rose's name while he pounded on it. "When has this ever happened?" Rose said to her Doctor while the Asian man cackled at the Doctor. "I think it's stereotypical scenes of terror," the Doctor said. "Actually, this is quite interesting. Will I escape and save you before you become a monkey human?" He let out a disappointed moan when the lights went out on both sides and the tableau fell silent. "I'm thinking this means you won't get to find out then?" Rose said as the Doctor took her hand and they walked to the other end of the room. The Doctor opened another door and they went inside. This room was lit up and there were aliens and creatures on either side of them, frozen in menacing poses. Rose recognized the Dalek and Slitheen and Cyberman but she had to ask the Doctor about the others. "Well," the Doctor said, pointing to the statues as he spoke. "This is an Ice Warrior and this is an Axon. Over here is a Zygon and that's a Silurian. These are old enemies of mine." "Weird," Rose said, looking at everything. "I hope I don't meet the rest of these things." They walked to the other end of the room and went through the doors. In the next rooms were different tableaus, nine in all. Rose noticed a statue of the Ninth Doctor near the back. A statue of herself was standing with him inside the console room while golden light came from the statue's wrists and necks. "What's all this?" Rose said to the Doctor. "I believe…these are scenes depicting my regenerations," the Doctor said, looking around. Rose walked up to the first one and stared at it in fascination. An elderly man was lying on the floor while several people knelt beside him. "This was my first life," the Doctor said. "I died of old age and exhaustion basically. The first life a Time Lord ages naturally and the old hearts gave out on me." He took Rose's hand and led her past all the tableaus explaining what happened in each of them. Rose listened with silent fascination while he described his deaths to her until they got to the ninth Doctor. "This one you know about," the Doctor said. Rose shook her head. "Why you aren't completely barking mad…" she said. "What do you mean?" the Doctor said. "All these horrible deaths you went through and you're not completely bonkers now?" Rose said. "Didn't they hurt?" "Yes, but Time Lord bodies are designed to bounce back from all that stress," the Doctor said with a shrug. "Most of the time the pain didn't last long. Going into shock took care of that." "Yeah, but…you fell off a radio telescope tower?" Rose said, pointing back to the fourth Doctor lying on the ground surrounded by his companions. "Yeah, but on that one I went into shock very quickly. It wasn't as bad as you might think," the Doctor said with another shrug. "Being poisoned was more painful than that," he added, gesturing to the statue of the Fifth Doctor. "Death isn't as terrifying as you think. There are things much more terrifying than that." He took her hand and they went into the next room. The next room was completely dark and the Doctor shut the door and waited with Rose. Then they heard the Tenth Doctor's voice coming from the right. "No!" the voice said. "No, get away from me! Don't do this!" "Wow, you sound terrified, must be something horrible," Rose said to the Doctor. The lights came up and Rose laughed. There was a tableau of the console room and a robot Tenth Doctor was up against the railing while Jack came at him, naked and erect. "No!" the robot said as it held out his hand to the naked Jack. "Anything but this!" Rose bent over laughing while the Doctor looked up at the ceiling and raised his eyebrow. "Been peeking into Jack's fantasies again?" the Doctor said to the TARDIS. "Wow! Been raped by Jack in the console room, that's truly terrifying," Rose said, poking the Doctor in the side. "Yeah, I agree. This tops the other terrifying things by far," the Doctor said. The lights went out again and the Doctor and Rose were plunged into darkness. "Um…could you give us a bit of light so we can find the other door?" the Doctor said to the TARDIS. There was no answer and the room remained dark. "Another horror to come?" Rose said. "Apparently so. I'm not feeling around in the dark for the door so…" He fell silent. "What's wrong?" Rose said. "I heard the first door open just now," the Doctor said. "Apparently something else is about to happen." They waited a moment in the darkness. "I hear breathing," Rose said softly. "So do I. Whatever it is, it's alive and…" Suddenly, the lights came up and the real Jack Harkness jumped at them and yelled "RAAAAAR!" He gave them a peeved look when neither of them screamed or showed any reaction. "Yup, that's truly terrifying alright," the Doctor said to Rose. "What the hell is this?" Jack said, pointing to the tableau. "That's you, about to rape me," the Doctor said. "Does your ship hate me or something?" Jack said to the Doctor. "No, my ship is trying to make us laugh," the Doctor said with a shrug. "Oh yeah, that's really funny," Jack said dryly. "Anyway, Yan and I are finished. He's waiting outside but I decided to come in here and try to scare you." "And the TARDIS complied with that by turning out the lights on us so apparently she doesn't hate you," the Doctor said. "Not to mention you're not the one getting assaulted by the Time Lord with the bat," Rose said. Jack chuckled. "Yup, I guess the TARDIS does hate you more, Blondie," he said, tousling her hair. "So, shall we go?" "Follow us," the Doctor said before they turned and walked towards the other end of the room.
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