DOCTOR WHO SILLY STORIES
Chapter Twenty One Amy got on an orange carousel horse while the Doctor stood beside her. They looked back at the hill but Mary and Bert hadn't appeared yet. "Wonder what's taking them so long?" Amy said. "My guess is they're either singing and dancing or they're mounting each other and doing it in the road," the Doctor said. He fell silent when he heard Bert singing Jolly Holiday in the distance. "Singing and dancing…" the Doctor said to Amy, "although I'm sure mounting isn't too far off." Finally, they appeared on top of the hill. The Doctor and Amy were stunned when Bert twirled her around and her feet left the ground while she spun around in mid-air. "Wow. Harry Potter, eat your heart out," Amy said when Mary came back to Earth and they high stepped towards the merry go round. They got on the horses and the Doctor glanced at Amy and got on the last remaining horse while Mary called for a cartoon man hidden inside the merry go round. He lifted a piece of wood in the central column of the ride and Mary told them they wanted to ride. "As you wish, Mary Poppins," the man said before sliding the wooden door back down. "So…" the Doctor called as the ride started up. "Poppins, how do you and Bert know how to cross the void? And how do we get back?" He sighed when she ignored him and called to the man inside the merry go round. "Oh, driver, if you please?" she said when the man raised the door. "Anything for you, Mary Poppins!" the man said before pulling a lever. Amy screamed when her horse jumped out of the merry go round and took off through the countryside. The Doctor held on to the pole for dear life when his horse followed hers. He looked behind at Mary and Bert who were calmly riding their horses as they jumped off the merry go round into the countryside. "Doctor, sack this nanny, I don't want her!" Amy yelled back at the Doctor. "I intend to!" the Doctor yelled back. Suddenly, they found themselves surrounded by cartoon men riding horses and hunting dogs. Amy took one look at the men's red coats and tan jodhpurs and looked back at the Doctor. "Oh, hell no, we're not in the middle of a hunt!" she said. "TALLY HO!" "It appears we are!" the Doctor said. Amy looked at the cartoon man nearest her. He was blowing a bugle and didn't seem to notice she was on a wooden fairground horse. "Come on, chaps! After that bally fox!" the man said as he lowered his bugle. "Hey! I'm on a runaway merry go round horse, don't you care?" Amy yelled at him. She sighed when the man ignored her. With a shout of tally ho, they spurred their horses on while the Doctor's horse caught up to Amy's. "Jolly good day for a hunt, eh?" the Doctor said to her. "Yeah, just lovely, I wanna go home now," Amy said. "Well, as soon as we can get off these magic horses and get to safety and force Mary and Bert to take us back, we will," the Doctor said. "In the meantime, hang on tight and…" "Look!" Amy said, pointing. A cartoon fox ran out of a bush and the dogs howled while they gave chase. "Ah, the poor fox, even if it is cartoon," Amy said to the Doctor. "I wish I could help him." She screamed when the horse went into turbo overdrive. The Doctor's yell of her name was lost on the wind while the horse flew past the hunters towards the fox. When she caught up to the fox, it jumped on the back of the horse. "Faith and begora, it's a wooden horse," the fox said after knocking on the wood. He looked back at the dogs who were barking furiously at him. "Ha! You wimps! Come and get me!" he yelled at them. "Will you please not taunt the cartoon dogs, I don't want to get mauled!" Amy said, looking back at the fox. "Amy, look out!" the Doctor said, pointing past her. Amy turned her head and screamed when her horse jumped a huge hedge and came down on a dirt road. Amy looked at the road and then heard the pounding of hooves behind her. "Shit! We're on a racetrack! Where is that Poppins woman? I'm gonna thump her for this!" The Doctor yelled as his horse leapt over the hedge into the middle of the main pack of horses. He looked around in surprise at the jockeys and then looked back when Mary and Bert came over the hedge. Mary's horse sped up and passed them all. "Hey, Poppins! We wanna go home!" Amy yelled as she passed her horse. "Get back here and send us home!" She sighed when Mary ignored her and won the horse race. Amy and the Doctor crossed the finish line along with most of the other jockeys. Bert brought up the rear with three remaining horses. The Doctor and Amy held on while the horses went to the winner's circle. They were surrounded by cartoon people including several pearlies. Everyone was calling for Mary to make a speech while reporters snapped her picture. "Doctor, I say we sneak up on Mary and Bert, knock them out, tie them up and make them take us home," Amy said while they watched. "Normally, I'd say no but I'm itching to put my fist in their faces. So…wait till we have a clear shot at them." "There must be no words to describe how you feel," one reporter said to Mary. "On the contrary, there's a perfectly good word," Mary said. "Yeah, bonkers," Amy said to the Doctor. They gave Mary an odd look when she took off her bonnet, slammed it down on her horse's head and began singing a song about some made up word that would probably take up half a dictionary. Bert joined in and Amy groaned. "Enough with the singing and dancing already!" Amy said. "If you can't beat em…" Amy looked at the Doctor and her eyes bulged when he ran over and danced with them. "It's a silly wooord!" he sang while Amy giggled. "It's a word that doesn't exist but I'm singing it anywaaaay!" They finished with the song and everyone applauded. "Okay, we've had enough, Poppins. Back to our universe and do it now!" the Doctor said. He was about to grab Mary and shake her to make his point when it suddenly began to rain. The Doctor and Amy were shocked when the scenery started to run and become muddled. Then suddenly, they found themselves back on the sidewalk staring down at the ruined painting. "Oh Bert, your wonderful drawings," Mary said. "No worries, I got more where that came from," Bert said. "But for now, I have other jobs to do so I'll be biddin' ya goodbye." "Goodbye, Bert." The Doctor figured she was gonna hoover his mouth out some more but she gave him a polite kiss and walked away. Bert walked over to Amy and the Doctor and doffed his cap. "So, what are you gonna do now that it's rainin'?" Amy asked. "Well...weather like this, perfect for being Jack the Ripper." The Doctor and Amy did a double take. "I'm sorry?" the Doctor said. "Did you just say Jack the Ripper." "Oh yeah, gotta get meself to Whitechapel. Got whores to slaughter. See ya." The Doctor and Amy gaped at him while he danced away from them singing loudly. "Chim-chiminy, chim-chiminy, chim chim cheree, I'm gonna gut me a whore or maybe two or three. Chim-chiminy, chim-chiminy, chim, chim, cheroo, there won't be much left when I get through. So here I come bitches, to slice and dice you!" "Doctor, should we stop him?" Amy said, pointing to Bert. "No, I think we should get back to the TARDIS before Mary gets there and get the hell outta here. Fine with you?" Amy nodded rapidly, took the Doctor's hand and both of them headed back to the TARDIS as fast as they could go.
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