DOCTOR WHO SILLY STORIES
Chapter Sixty Seven After leaving Soundtracks, the four of them wandered around the mall doing a bit of window shopping. Jack and Ianto walked in front of the Doctor and Rose. Rose was talking to the Doctor and giving him her full attention so she nearly fell on her face when Jack suddenly seized her hand and ran with her. "Come on, Rose, let's go to the record store!" Jack said as he jerked her along. "Alright! Don't pull my ruddy arm from its socket!" Rose said as Jack let go and laughed hysterically. "Sorry, just wanted to see your face when I suddenly jerked you away from your lover," he said. "Anyway, let's go inside and see if we can find some vintage LPs. Nothing like vinyl, you know." They went into Camelot Records. Inside were several racks and shelves on the walls filled with LPs, cassettes and 45's along with a small rack that held CDs. They also had LPs inside long wooden racks that were arranged in three rows in the middle of the store. At the back was a rack filled with t-shirts and beside it was a rack selling rock posters. Towards the front was a counter and behind it was a man with jet black hair. The fringe was hanging over his eyes and he had several piercings on each ear. He was dressed in a black Metallica t-shirt and black jeans. And he had eyeliner on. Jack gave him an appreciative look before he went further into the store. Behind the boy on a glass shelf was a small stereo and two speakers were mounted on the wall behind it. While the man tended to a customer, Mister Roboto played from the sound system. "Domo arigato, Mister Roboto!" the Doctor warbled while he followed Rose. She walked to the first of the floor displays and thought for a moment while she studied the rock section of LPs. The Doctor bypassed her, went to the D section and began thumbing through the LPs. He pulled out Duran Duran's Seven and the Ragged Tiger LP and took it over to Rose. "Yeah, that's what mum had," Rose said. "Would you like me to buy it for you?" the Doctor said. "Um…you don't have to," Rose said. "Eh, it's in mint condition, consider it a friendship gift. Besides, you can drool at your eyelined, mulleted heroes all day long." "Actually, I always got a chubby when I saw John Taylor," Jack said as he passed by the Doctor. "Thanks, Jack, I'll be trying to erase your chubby from my mind for the rest of the day," the Doctor said while Rose giggled. The Doctor tucked the LP under his arm while he walked past the other LPs. Rose went around the corner and found the N section. The Doctor stopped when she pulled something out and looked at it. He hurried around the corner of the display case and looked at what she pulled out. "Ah, Stevie Nick's Belladonna, nice choice," he said. "I love Stevie. I've always wanted to dress like her but my mum thought I'd look horrible in chiffon." "That's because your mum could never wear chiffon without looking like a chiffon coated cow," the Doctor said. "I saw Fleetwood Mac in concert in 1977 and again in 1982." "I banged Stevie on an amp in 1992," Jack said as he passed by the Doctor. "Will you leave us alone?" Jack said to her while Rose bent over laughing. "Go find some LPs with naked men on them." Jack strolled back to him. "I would but they don't sell John Lennon's Two Virgins here. I already checked," he said to him. "Anyway, I had Stevie up on the amp and…" He ran away when the Doctor tried to swat at his head. "So…" Rose said to the Doctor while she tucked Belladonna under her arm and continued searching. "Where's your LP?" "Mine?" the Doctor said, confused. "Oh come off it, you keep saying you did heaps of things your entire life so where's the LP you made. You musta had a singing career or been in a band or something like that." "Oh, you mean the Chifftones then?" "The what?" "The Chifftones. A little skiffle band I was in back in the early '60's. I played the washboard. Quite adept at it, if I do say so myself." "Prove it, show me the Chifftones LP," Rose said, pointing to the LP racks beside her. "Well, to be honest, we never had a following in America so I can't find my LP here." "Was it sold in London?" "I believe so, yes." "After we finish here, you're going back to London and we're finding your LP." "Why? You wouldn't like any of the songs on it. Our biggest hit was Raunch Paunchy and that was only in the Cotswolds." "I don't care about the songs. I just want proof you aren't bullshitting me again," Rose said. "Again? When have I ever bullshitted you, Rose? When?" Jack came up behind Rose and folded his arms on her back. "I had a band too," he said. "A heavy metal band called Hellz-A-Poppin'. We tried to have a hit with Ivory and Ebony but Paul McCartney sued the backside off us and we had to disband." "Why are you following us around?" the Doctor said in exasperation. "Because I'm trying to get you to help me," Jack said to the Doctor. "Do what? Chat up the sales assistant?" the Doctor said, nodding his head at the young man behind the counter. "No, I can do that on my own. I want you to stop Ianto," he said, pointing over the Doctor's shoulder. The Doctor turned and looked at Ianto. He was at the next display case, thumbing through some LPs and minding his own business. The Doctor turned back to Jack with a perplexed look on his face. "Stop him doing what? Shopping too loudly?" the Doctor said. "He's buying jazz records," Jack said. The Doctor stared at him waiting for Jack to continue. He gave him a "You gotta be kidding me" when he realized that was the problem. "So?" the Doctor said. "I hate jazz. Go tell him to stop buying jazz LPs," Jack said. "You tell him," the Doctor said while Rose laughed. "He won't listen to me!" Jack protested. "You know, I am about ten feet from all of you and I hear what you're saying," Ianto said while he examined an LP. "Okay, what's the problem with you buying jazz LPs?" the Doctor said, turning and leaning over the racks while he addressed him. Ianto rolled his eyes. "Jack despises jazz. Claims it hasn't got a beat to it so he hates it when I buy a CD or download an MP3. I keep telling him that my love of jazz predates meeting him and I'm not going to give it up just because he doesn't fancy it." "I like rock and roll," Jack said. "So like rock and roll then," Rose said. "But it's hard for me to take Yan up the ass with Charlie Parker and Ella Fitzgerald playing in the background." Rose bent over laughing when the Doctor suddenly turned around; making sure no one heard what Jack just said. "You do realize that we're in the American Deep South in the year 1984 when homosexuality was sorta frowned upon," the Doctor said in a hushed voice to Jack. "If you wanna get a beating from Bubba and Bucky and Red, go right ahead; just make sure you're all alone when it happens." Ianto finished perusing the jazz LPs and gave Jack an evil grin as he walked down to the end of the display case. "And no show tunes either!" Jack said to him. Ianto grinned and held up The Music Man LP before putting it back. Jack groaned. "Ugh, that's another love of his. One night we…you know," Jack said, giving the Doctor a pointed look. "We did the deed while the Rent film soundtrack played over and over. By the end of the night I was shouting La Vie Boheme whenever I climaxed. I don't care to go through that again. So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to lecture Yan on the merits of Jon Bon Jovi. Have fun shopping. Yan, put that LP down," Jack said to Ianto while he walked towards him. "Thank God we have the same musical tastes," the Doctor said, turning back to Rose. He shut up when he saw the pointed look on her face. "We don't have the same musical tastes?" he said. "You will show me a Chifftones LP when we get back to the TARDIS. You're not getting out of that," Rose said. She pointed at his face when he shifted uncomfortably. "The TARDIS will not move until I see it," she said to him. "And just how do you propose to stop me from moving my ship?" the Doctor said to her. "I have my ways," Rose said enigmatically. "Yeah, I'm just shaking in my trainers," the Doctor said, rolling his eyes while Rose pinched his cheek and walked past him.
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