DOCTOR WHO SILLY STORIES
Chapter Ninety Four "Now!" the Doctor said after the gates swung open and they walked inside, "this is my theme park. Enjoy!" "Hey, can you do me a favor and edit out the whole I'm forbidden to rape things from your idiotic song?" Jack said when he heard the song repeat behind them. "I'm not a nymphomaniac." He frowned in confusion when the Doctor stared at him as if waiting for something. "Did you hear me?" Jack said finally. "Yes, I'm waiting for the punchline to the whole I'm not a nymphomaniac joke you're telling." Rose and Ianto giggled while Jack flipped him off. The Doctor turned around and pointed to a large cobblestone path in front of them. The path led over an arched stone bridge to the TARDIS structure where it curved around either side of it. On either side of the street before the bridge were different colorful buildings. "This is High Street, comparable to Main Street in Disneyland," the Doctor told his friends as they came up beside him. "This is where some of the shops are located that sell bits and bobs and such. Not much excitement to be found but it does pay the bills for this place." "Pay what bills? This is inside your ship, Dingle Dork," Jack said. "Who comes here besides us?" "All and sundry. Now!" the Doctor said, walking away. "Follow me. We'll shop later." "I think the Doctor loves living in his own little fantasy world, don't you?" Jack said to Ianto and Rose while they followed him. They walked over the bridge towards the TARDIS structure. "So does that thing open up so we can go inside it?" Ianto asked, pointing to it. "No, it's merely for show. If it opened up, we'd be like tiny mice inside it and that would be too disturbing for me. Come on!" They walked the tree lined path around the TARDIS. Rose was shocked when they got around the structure. The path straightened out into another hub area where various lands jutted off from it like spokes on a wheel. What amazed Rose was off to the right, she could see a huge animatronic robot of herself. The robot's head turned like the Doctor robots at the front and it was smiling and waving. "What is that?" Rose said, pointing to it. "That's the entrance to Rose Land," the Doctor said. "What? Rose has her own land? Do I have my own land too?" Jack said. "No. Because Jack Land would be pornographic and I have to think of the kids, come on." "What kids?" Jack muttered while Ianto snickered. "Possibly some of the robots he mentioned are children?" Ianto said with a shrug. They walked towards Rose Land. Rose could now see that her animatronic self was holding a sign up in her right hand similar to the one the Doctor's were holding up. On the other side of the sign was a white pole with a large trellis attached to it. Red roses were growing up the trellis. In fact, Rose could see roses everywhere inside her land. Most of them were red roses but she could see other colors as well. They walked under the sign and the Doctor spread his arms out wide. "This…is dedicated to Rose," he said. "No shit, Sherlock, I wouldn't have guessed that if you hadn't told us," Jack said while Ianto giggled. "I shall ignore the thick, dripping sarcasm coming from behind me and lead you all on a tour of this land," the Doctor said. "Come!" They noticed that most of the rides had a rose theme to it and there were several bronze statues of Rose scattered throughout the land. The Doctor finally stopped them in front of a large canal. There was a low wooden dock parallel to the water and some boats were tied to little metal rings along the side of it. There were four motorboats, each decorated with red roses. The Doctor took Rose's hand and led her to the first boat. Jack looked at Ianto and shrugged before they followed them. The Doctor and Rose sat down in a red leather seat at the front of the boat and Jack and Ianto climbed into the seat behind them. The Doctor asked the TARDIS to untie the boat and as it drifted away from the dock, the motor suddenly turned on and the boat began to propel itself through the water. "It's on a track under the water," the Doctor explained to everyone. "So just sit back and relax and enjoy the ride." The boat went around the bend while the Doctor put his arm around Rose's shoulders and relaxed. When it cleared the bend and straightened out, they saw a huge building up ahead that the canal went through. There was a tunnel straddling the canal and inside it looked dark. The building was painted white with roses and above the tunnel was a painted picture of Rose's head along with the words, THE WORLD OF ROSE TYLER in big black letters. "You actually made a ride out of Rose's life?" Jack said. "Yeah, what's inside that could be that interesting?" Rose said to the Doctor. The Doctor grinned and pointed at the tunnel in response. Rose relaxed and the Doctor squeezed her right shoulder as the boat glided inside. As they went inside, they looked to the left and saw an animatronic Rose standing on fake grass near the canal. She was waving to them. "Welcome to my world," it said in Rose's voice. "So when did you record my voice then?" Rose said, narrowing her eyes at the Doctor. "I didn't. The TARDIS did," the Doctor said with a shrug. "And you allowed that to happen?" Rose said to him. "Ooo, do I smell a lawsuit?" Jack said to Ianto. "This is just harmless fun, Rose, relax," the Doctor said. Rose sighed but she relaxed and looked around her. Every few feet there was a tableau showing a scene from her life. She frowned when she saw an animatronic version of her mother holding her as a baby and then across from that was another animatronic Jackie cheering a five year old Rose on while she swung back and forth on a swing set. "What is this? I didn't know you when I was a kid," Rose said to the Doctor as she pointed to the tableaus. "This is a generalized depiction of your early years," the Doctor said, shrugging. "You never swung on a swing before?" "I did but…never mind," Rose muttered. "Just sit back and enjoy, Blondie, it'll be a lot less painful that way," Jack said, leaning up to her. Rose's eyes widened when they came to a tableau of her as a teenager. She was standing by a table in what she guessed was a living room and yelling into a phone. "I can't date you right now!" Robot Rose was saying. "I'm menstruating and being tetchy to all and sundry!" "What?" Rose said to the Doctor while Jack and Ianto laughed. "That was you as a hormonally imbalanced teenager," the Doctor said to Rose while Jack and Ianto sniggered. "I don't say "to all and sundry" when I speak, that's you that says that!" Rose said to the Doctor while Jack and Ianto laughed harder. "You're putting words in my bleedin' mouth!" "Wouldn't be the first time, Rose," Jack said. She sat back, peeved as they neared another tunnel. Above the tunnel was a robot Rose head. "Where's the rest of me body?" the head was saying. "Oh, ha ha," Rose said while her three friends giggled. They went through the tunnel. "And now we come to a period of extreme boredom and despair," Rose heard herself say as they went through the darkened tunnel. They came out the other side and Rose looked to her right. There was a tableau of her working at Henrick's. She was standing by a rack of shirts, holding one shirt in her hand while her other hand held a revolver to her head. "Should I kill myself rather than work here?" Rose said while they passed. "I wasn't that depressed, you git!" Rose said to the Doctor while Jack and Ianto howled with laughter. "I never held a gun to my head and threatened suicide. You're full of it!" "Actually, I've been to Henrick's before and I'm surprised you didn't," Jack said. They looked to the left and saw Rose sitting in a chair, weeping loudly. "Is that supposed to be my depression as well?" Rose said to the Doctor. "Well, you were working as a shopgirl and living with Jackie, I'd call that depressed and suicidal," the Doctor said to her. Jack and Ianto laughed when Rose swatted his head. They came to another tunnel. "What? No head above this one?" Rose said, pointing to the wall above it. "Nah, I did that joke already," the Doctor said as they went inside. The tunnel was dark at first and Rose rolled her eyes when she heard more cheesy weeping. Then suddenly, a bright golden light lit up the back end of the tunnel and the weeping stopped. "Let me guess, this is where you came in to her life," Jack said, pointing to the golden light. The Doctor gave them a cheesy grin as they came out of the tunnel. Rose's eyes bulged when she saw the tableau. It was her and the Ninth Doctor in a forest. The TARDIS was nearby and forest creatures were dancing with joy while the animatronic Doctor and Rose held hands and spun around giddily. "Oh, is that what it was like before I came along?" Jack said, staring at the happy scene. "I was under the impression you were a dark, moody asshole, not Prince Charming to her Snow White." "I don't like to dwell on negativity," the Doctor said airily. Rose giggled when Jack let out a gigantic snort at that and nudged Ianto when they saw more dancing animals on the other side. Then he frowned when the boat stopped and he looked around. "Snag in your ride, Doc?" he said to the Doctor. "Just listen," the Doctor said, holding up his hand. Suddenly, the forest creatures stopped dancing. Rose and Nine continued to spin while they opened their mouths and sang an altered version of Joy to the World. "Joy to the world, the Ninth Doctor has come," they sang. "Let Rose receive her king. Let every voice just sing in tune and the Doctor and Rose will sing, the Doctor and Rose will sing, the Dooctor, the Doooctor and Rose will sing." Jack and Ianto laughed when Rose put her head in her hands and moaned. Then the boat moved on while the Doctor playfully tousled Rose's hair.
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