MY BEST MATE, THE DOCTOR

Chapter Nineteen

Rose was relaxing, stretched out on the TARDIS sofa while Snuffy played in her kiddie pool. She smiled when Snuffy sucked up a trunkful of water and sprayed it on her back.

"You're having the time of your life, ain't ya?" Rose said affectionately while Snuffy sucked up another trunkful of water.

"Rose?"

Rose was shocked when she heard the Doctor's voice echoing through the room. She looked around but didn't see him.

"Yeah?" she finally said after a moment's hesitation.

"Sorry if I startled you, I'm using an intercom system. I need your opinion on something."

"Okay…" Rose said. "You couldn't tell me this in person?"

"Well…no…not before I asked your permission."

"If you need my opinion, I'll give it to you," Rose said.

"Brilliant. Just wait right there, I'll be in the lounge in a mo."

Rose stared at the ceiling waiting for the Doctor to say something more. She shrugged when she didn't hear anything else after thirty seconds and smiled at Snuffy who was now walking around the pool.

"Daddy's coming to see us," Rose said, stroking Snuffy's wet back while Snuffy slurped up some of the water with her trunk and squirted it into her mouth.

"Rose, are you in there?"

Rose looked up when she heard the Doctor's voice just outside the lounge doorway.

"Yeah, come on in," she yelled to him.

She expected him to come in wearing his usual outfit. Instead, she was shocked when he entered the room half naked, wearing a leather kilt, leather moccosins, a mask made from the top half of a human skull and a feathered headdress. He carried a wooden staff topped with feathers and tiny crystal shards on it. Rose was speechless as the Doctor walked over to her.

"So..." he said when he reached her.

"I...what the hell is this?" Rose said, gesturing to the loincloth.

"It's a loincloth," the Doctor said.

"I know that but why are you dressed like this?"

"Well, I am a Death Dancer."

"You what?" Rose said. "What's that?"

"Hello, Snuffy Lumpkins," the Doctor said as he bent over to stroke his pet's back, "are you enjoying your swim?"

"Doctor, what's a Death Dancer?" Rose repeated.

"They're part of a tribe of natives on Andalusian Seven. Death Dancer is one of the warrior societies and I was welcomed into it during my sixth life."

"And they wear this?" Rose said.

"Yes. This is the official dress and regalia of the society."

"And you want my opinion on it?"

"No. I want your opinion on my performance. You see, I've been invited back during Bankos De Morta, one of their most important festivals. I've been asked to lead the Dance of the Dead and I want you to judge my performance."

"Um...okay," Rose said, intrigued about the Dance of the Dead.

"Ahh, my Snuffy Lumpkins likes my outfit," the Doctor said, stroking the elephant's back when she meed at him. "I will dance the dance for you as well, my Lumpy Poo Poo."

Rose giggled when he lifted the skull mask and made kissy faces at his elephant for a few moments. Then he lowered the mask and walked over to the TV. He held the staff over his head and shrieked and trilled his voice. Then he lowered the staff and began to stomp dance around the room, waving and spinning the staff over his head while he chanted in an alien language. Rose grinned when she noticed that Snuffy had stopped what she was doing and was watching the Doctor as he danced around the room. Then he stopped what he was doing and stood still. Rose was about to offer her critique when he suddenly thrust his staff in her direction.

"You will come!" he said in a deep voice.

"Come? Come where?" Rose said.

"Here," the Doctor said, pointing to the space in front of him.

Rose got up from the sofa and walked over to him.

"Pick up the pacyderm," the Doctor said, pointing to Snuffy.

Rose bent down and gently picked up Snuffy. Snuffy meed at her and Rose held her close to her body.

"And now, I will begin the ritual sacrifice of the innocents," the Doctor said in a booming voice as he raised his stuff up above his head.

"Sorry? You're going to do what now?"

"Silence, Sacrifice," the Doctor said, thrusting his finger in her face. "You must not speak!"

"Um...I hope this is part of the show because if you lay a finger on me or Snuffy..."

"Um...I believe I just said be quiet, those were my words, were they not?" the Doctor said, leaning in close to her face.

Rose looked at the Doctor's eyes through the skull's eyeholes and giggled as he brought her finger up and tried to poke his right eye. The Doctor jerked his head back.

"You disrespectful Varg!" he said to Rose. "I shall gut you like a pig, you clito fondoo!"

"Yeah, those insults were really devastatingly painful to hear, especially since I don't know what you said apart from the gut like a pig part."

"Voooo halloooooo!" the Doctor howled as he thrust his staff into the sky.

"Yeah, I'm wetting myself as we speak. Come on, Snuffy, let's have a bit of lunch, eh?"

"Hey! Stop! I'm threatening you with painful death!" the Doctor said as Rose walked away with Snuffy. "I am a Death Dancer and you will not survive this insult!"

"I think a bit of fruit will be good for you after your bath," Rose said to Snuffy as she ignored her peeved friend.

She went out of the room and headed towards the kitchen. A moment later, the Doctor joined her, still dressed in full regalia and holding his staff.

"I feel like some food as well," he said as he walked beside her.

"So let me guess, you're not a Death Dancer, this was a wind up," Rose said to him.

"Yes and no, the part about being part of the Death Dancer Society was true but there is no festival of the dead, I just wanted to see your reaction to my outfit."

"That figures. Well, your outfit is pants and that's my official opinion," Rose said.

"Just for that, give me back my elephant," the Doctor said, reaching for Snuffy.

"No, she's mine, I claim her now," Rose said.

She laughed when the Doctor gave her an incensed look and she took off running with Snuffy snuggled against her chest.

"You just wait, Rose Tyler, I will get you when you least expect it, I will, I will, I will!" the Doctor yelled at her as Rose flipped him the vees and sprinted towards the kitchen.

Back                         Home                              Doctor Who Main Page                          Next