THE DOCTOR GETS SMART
Crossover of "Doctor Who" and "Get Smart"
A/N: Thanks to Dynapink for inspiring the opening credits sequence at the end of this prologue…. Prologue “Come in.” “You wanted to see me, Chief?” Maxwell Smart said as he entered the Chief’s office. “Yes, Max. Sit.” The Chief replied, pointing to the chair in front of him. He leaned back for a moment as Max sat down and then breathed a sigh of relief when nothing happened to him. Max was his best agent and was like a son to him but he did have a tendency to get injured whenever he was around him. As Max looked at him expectantly, he folded his hands on desk and leaned forward. “Max, our intelligence has indicated that Siegfried is planning something…well, this time I think Siegfried has outdone himself in the crazy ideas department.” “What’s he planning, Chief?” The Chief shook his head. “He apparently wants to find an alien and use the alien’s technology to conquer the world. I think KAOS is running out of good ideas.” “And you want 99 and me to find this alien and put him in the witness protection program so Siegfried can’t find him?” “Max…” “That’s brilliant Chief! Hide the alien and then maybe we can question him and get his technology first!” “Max!” “The old hide the alien in the government building trick! It’s foolproof!” The Chief gave him a long, hard stare waiting for Max to finish. “Um, just one question, Chief.” The Chief paused and waited. “Where is this alien?” they both said together. “Wow, that’s amazing, Chief. You had the exact same thought as me. That’s so bizarre.” The Chief let out a sigh. “There is no alien, Max. There never was an alien and there never will be an alien!” “Oh, you mean he’s not coming to Earth?” “No, Max, I mean there are no such things as aliens.” “Oh Chief, of course there are aliens.” Max said, shocked. “What about Roswell?” “Roswell was a hoax, Max. There is absolutely no proof that there was a crash landing anywhere near Roswell, New Mexico.” “Well, if there wasn’t a crash landing then how do they know what the aliens looked like?” Max challenged. “What?” “The aliens. The big headed aliens with the huge eyes. They have drawings, Chief. Those drawings had to come from somewhere! Right?” “Max…” “Am I right?” “I don’t care, Max.” the Chief said sighing. “What I do care about is you and 99 doing some surveillance on Siegfried and find out exactly how he is going to go about…catching an alien. I don’t care if he does something like blow up KAOS headquarters but if he’s going to harm the general population, then I want him stopped.” “He could also harm that poor alien too.” Max pointed out. “I think the only alien around here is you.” The Chief muttered to himself. “What was that, Chief?” “Nothing, just get going, Max.” the Chief said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Are you getting another headache, Chief?” “Yes, I am.” “You get those all the time, Chief. Maybe you should see a doctor about them. You could have high blood pressure.” “Oh, believe me, Max. I do have high blood pressure.” “Well, then you really do need to see a doctor. You could end up having a stroke and becoming incapacitated.” “If I’m lucky.” “What was that, Chief?” “Nothing, Max, just go!” He sighed as Max rose from his seat and walked towards the door. He paused at the door and then turned around. “Hey, Chief?” “What, Max?” “If I do find the alien do you want me to bring him here to your office so you can see once and for all that they do exist?” The Chief rolled his eyes. “Yes, Max, when you find the alien bring him right to my desk so I get a good look at him.” “Okey-dokey, Chief!” Max said cheerfully. The Chief watched as Max opened the door and waved goodbye. “Don’t worry, Chief.” Max said as he walked backwards out of the office. “I’ll find the alien before Siegfried does. Planet Earth is in good haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaands…” The Chief’s head thumped onto the desk as he heard Max’s scream followed by assorted bangs and clatters. “Sorry about that, Chief.” He heard Max call out. “I’ll clean up the mess later!” “I hope Max really does find an alien.” The Chief muttered. “Because there’s nothing I want more than to get in his spaceship and get as far away from Max as I possibly can!” (The Get Smart theme music starts up as a 1965 Sunbeam Tiger pulls up to CONTROL headquarters. Maxwell Smart emerges and hurries into the building. Cut to the interior as Max comes down a set of stairs as a set of doors opens in front of him. He looks around and then heads to the next set of doors. The credits follow him as he passes through one set of steel doors after another until finally the last set of steel doors opens and at the end of the long corridor there is a blue phone booth with the words police public call box at the top. Max opens the doors, goes inside and closes them. MAX (inside the booth): Hey, where’d the phone go? And how’d the phone booth get so big and… IRRITATED BRITISH MALE VOICE: Do you mind? I’m trying to give my girl a bit of console sex! IRRITATED BRITISH FEMALE VOICE: Yeah, we’re in the middle of something here! Piss off! BLUE PHONE BOOTH: angry rumble (Max opens the door, hurries out, slams it and runs away as the phone booth dematerializes and the theme music ends.)
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