THE DOCTOR GETS SMART
Crossover of "Doctor Who" and "Get Smart"
Chapter Three “Alright, Shtarker, freeze!” Max said, pointing his gun at him as Shtarker struggled to his feet. “Siegfried, help!” Shtarker yelled. 99 leapt up as Siegfried came to the door. “Freeze!” she said, pointing her gun at him. Siegfried chuckled “Mrs. Shmart, do you think I am zo stupid that I vould only have Shtarker to protect me? Especially since the man has the brains of a flea?” Smirking, he looks across the room to another door. “Now! Kill the Shmarts!” he yelled. 99 gasped as the door flew open. She leveled the gun at the door expecting a dozen KAOS agents to come barreling through. Both her and Siegfried blinked in surprise as only one man came into the room. “Vat is the meaning of zis? Vere are the others?” Siegfried demanded. The agent shrugged. “They are on their coffee break, Herr Siegfried.” “Vell, get them off of Zer coffee break, Dey have work to do!” “I can’t.” “Vhy not?” “KAOS union rules stipulates that every agent get two fifteen minute coffee breaks in addition to a thirty minute paid lunch and…” Siegfried sighed. “Never mind.” He said. “Are you finished vith your coffee break?” “Yes, I just got back.” “Good. Then…KILL THE SHMARTS!” “Yes, Herr Siegfried.” Siegfried stepped back and locked the door as the agent pulled out a gun and aimed it at 99. She glanced over quickly and saw Max and Shtarker wrestling each other around the room. She looked back at the agent and aimed her gun at him as he aimed his gun at her. The agent smirked as he pulled the trigger…and nothing happened. He frowned as he looked down at the gun and pulled the trigger two more times. “What? My gun is jammed.” He muttered. “How did that…” He glanced up and his eyes widened as 99 rushed to him and gave him a karate chop to the neck. He fell to the floor unconscious as 99 turned to help her husband with Shtarker. She paused as she saw two people standing nearby. She recognized them as the man and woman who had sat behind them in the café. The man was holding a long silver object with a blue tip. “What are you doing here?” she demanded. “I’m fighting Shtarker! What does it look like, 99?” “Not you, Max!” 99 said as Max and Shtarker rolled around on the floor exchanging punches. Max punched the agent away and looked over at the Doctor and Rose. “Say, you’re the people that were behind us in the…” “Never mind us, look out!” The Doctor yelled. Max turned his head just in time to see the agent’s fist coming towards his face. He let out a grunt as his head snapped back and he fell back to the floor. The agent fell on top of him and pulled a dagger from his waistband. Max grabbed his arm and fought with all his strength to keep the agent from stabbing him in the face. Suddenly, the agent let out a surprised yell as both Rose and 99 fell on top of him and started punching him in the back. The Doctor quickly ran over to the locked door, unlocked it with the sonic screwdriver and flung it open. He glanced in and cursed as he saw that Siegfried had gone out an open window at the back of the room. He heard Rose yell out and jerked his head out as he saw two more agents coming into the room and aimed their guns at Rose and 99. He aimed the sonic screwdriver at the guns and disabled them. Then, with a yell, he ran to them and knocked one of them unconscious. He turned to the other one and let out a grunt as the agent hit him hard in the face. As he stumbled backwards, he lost his grip on the sonic screwdriver and it slid across the floor behind him. The agent threw away his disabled gun and leapt for the sonic screwdriver. Grabbing it, he pointed it at the Doctor and smirked. “Ah ha, I have your weapon.” He gloated. “And now say your prayers; because you are going to die.” He pushed the little button on the sonic screwdriver and grinned as he pointed it at the Doctor. The grin fell off his face as he noticed nothing was happening. The Doctor smirked as he walked over and yanked it out of his hand. “I’ll take that.” He said. “And you take this!” The agent grunted as the Doctor hit him hard in the face knocking him unconscious. He spun around and breathed a sigh of relief as he noticed the other agent had been knocked unconscious as well and 99 and Rose were resting on top of him. Quickly, the Doctor ran over to the door the agents had come out of, closed it and locked it with the sonic screwdriver. He turned and saw 99 staring at him angrily. “Okay, now that we’re out of danger. I’m going to repeat my question. What are you doing here?” she asked. The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck. “We…uh…followed you.” He said. “Followed us? Why? None of this was any of your business!” 99 said angrily. “Now wait just a moment here. Rose and I only came along to help out. If it wasn’t for us, you might have been killed!” the Doctor shot back. “We didn’t need your help. We would have been fine on our own!” 99 replied. “Max and I do this sort of thing all the time.” “Yeah, well, so do we!” the Doctor said, gesturing to Rose. 99 glanced over at Rose who was lying beside her and looked back at the Doctor. “Who are you? Scotland Yard? MI-6?” she asked. “Nope, we’re not with any government agency. Rose and I are just a couple of travelers who go around looking for adventure.” 99 pointed at the sonic screwdriver. “But that thing; I’ve never seen it before. It looks like something our agency would come up with. So, tell me the truth, who are you working for?” “We’re not working for anyone.” Rose protested. “We’re on our own, honestly.” 99 shook her head. “I still don’t buy that. But at the moment there are more important things to worry about. I assume Siegfried is gone?” “Yup, he went out through a window in there.” The Doctor replied, pointing to the room. 99 cursed. She looked down at Max. “Max, love, are you okay?” she asked worriedly. “I will be once you two get up and I can get this guy off me.” Max said in a muffled voice. “Oh! Sorry, Max.” 99 said. She and Rose got up and the three of them helped to roll the unconscious agent off of Max. Max gasped for air. “Thanks.” He said breathing a sigh of relief. 99 helped him to stand up and he walked up to the Doctor. “So, you claim that you and this woman just happen to be a couple of good Samaritans who decided to come in here and help us out?” he asked him. “Yup, that’s what we are.” He folded his arms over his chest. “And what exactly made you decide to come and help us out?” he asked the Doctor. “You just make it a habit to go and help out random strangers?” “Yes, Rose and I believe in helping others out whenever we can.” “Uh-huh.” Max said as 99 narrowed her eyes at him. “And what if I were to make the suggestion that you and Rose are in fact KAOS agents and you came in here and punched out your own men to make us think that you were on our side so we would trust you and be lured into a trap.” “Well, then I would have to reply that your suggestion is 100 percent wrong. Neither I nor Rose are affiliated with KAOS, in fact until today neither of us had ever heard of it before.” 99 and Max glanced at each other. “Well, then, if you are just a couple of good Samaritans, then you’ve done your good deed for today and you can move on now.” Max said. “99 and I can handle it from here.” He folded his arms over his chest and waited for the Doctor and Rose to move. “Well, get a move on, buddy. 99 and I are okay now. Thanks for all your help; now leave.” He said. “Just one question.” The Doctor replied. Max and 99 glanced at each other. “Yeah?” Max said hesitantly. “How dangerous is this Siegfried? If he did acquire an alien and its technology is there a chance he would succeed in taking over the world with it or is he just a megalomaniac with delusions of grandeur?” Max’s eyes widened. “How do you know about his scheme to capture an alien?” he asked incredulous. The Doctor’s mouth dropped open. “Are you kidding? Rose and I could hear every sodding word you said. I’m sure the whole café could hear you.” “Oh, yeah.” Max muttered. 99 sighed. “Max, love, I keep telling you to keep your voice down when you’re discussing top secret information.” “I know, 99, but you know how I get when I get excited; my voice just gets loud.” Max said to her. “Well, if I were you, I would learn to control your voice.” The Doctor replied. “I don’t think the CIA would appreciate it if everyone on Earth was able to hear all their secrets.” “We’re not CIA.” 99 replied. Max snorted. “Yeah, we’re a lot better than those losers.” The Doctor raised his eyebrow. “Oh, well, FBI then?” “Nope, we’re with CONTROL!” Max said proudly. “Max!” Max looked back at her stern face and cleared his throat. “Um, yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have given that tidbit out to a couple of civilians.” He muttered as 99 sighed. “Don’t worry, anything you say won’t be repeated.” The Doctor assured them. “Rose and I are both good at keeping secrets.” “That’s good.” 99 said. “Because everything you heard was classified information so if I were you I would keep it just between us. Now, as for your question; I have a question of my own. Why do you want to know? If, as you claim, you are just a couple of civilians; why are you so interested in what Siegfried is up to? Who are you really? And trust me, if you won’t give us a satisfactory answer, Max and I will be shadowing your every move until we find out the truth. Because trust me, I can tell when someone is lying to me and you are lying. So, out with it, who are you?” The Doctor sighed. “If I tell you, will you do what you’ve asked us to do and not let this go beyond the four of us?” he asked. Max and 99 glanced at each other. “Yes, Max and I promise not to tell anyone what you tell us.” The Doctor glared at Max. “You, I can see keeping that promise. Him…” “I promise.” Max said annoyed. “Whatever you say will not be repeated.” The Doctor raised his eyebrow. “I’m still not convinced but I guess we have no choice since you’ll just go find out the truth on your own if we don’t say anything. Anyway, I am a part of this now for better or for worse so it will benefit you to know the truth about me.” Max and 99 glanced at each other. “What do you mean you’re a part of this?” 99 asked. The Doctor sighed. “Until I came along I’m sure Siegfried probably had a snowball’s chance in Hell of succeeding with his plan but now there is a very real chance he might.” Max frowned. “Why? What do you have to do with all of this?” he asked. The Doctor glanced at Rose and looked at them. “Well, you know when that guy’s alien detection device started beeping?” he said. “Yeah, Siegfried said that was because an alien was nearby.” Max said. “And he was right.” The Doctor sighed. “I’m the alien.” he said.
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