THE DOCTOR GETS SMART
Crossover of "Doctor Who" and "Get Smart"
Chapter Twelve Max checked his watch for the tenth time as he and the Doctor stood inside the Washington Monument. “You think KAOS would be a bit more punctual.” He said. “Especially since they want you so badly.” “They know we won’t do anything, not with them holding Rose and 99 captive.” The Doctor muttered. “They hold all the cards…at least they think they do.” Max glanced over at him and noticed he was staring silently up at the statue of Lincoln. He walked over to stand beside him. “You know, I’ve lived in D.C. my whole life and I never really took the time to visit this monument. The statue is pretty impressive close up.” “Lincoln is even more impressive in real life.” Max looked at him. “You’ve met him?” “Oh yeah, met him once. Charming fellow. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to speak to him too long since he was preoccupied with the Civil War and all. He was pretty depressed. A lot on his mind, I expect.” Max stared at him silently. “It must be fascinating traveling through time and space.” He finally said. “Oh, it is.” The Doctor said keeping his eyes on the statue. “Best job in the universe. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.” “No, I imagine not.” He paused a moment. “You know, when I was younger I used to buy all the science fiction magazines and I’d read them after I was supposed to be asleep. I would just lay in my bed under the covers with a flashlight and wonder what it would be like to travel to other planets.” The Doctor chuckled. “I read those magazines too. I found them funny though. Most of the things they described were completely absurd to me. No basis in real science at all. But, that’s what I love about you humans. You have so much imagination and creativity. You can imagine worlds you’ve never seen and creatures you’ve never met. It’s why I keep coming back here. I love this planet so much.” “Really? With all the problems we have here?” Max asked. “Weeeeell, every planet has problems. Believe it or not there are planets that make Earth look like a paradise. Humans may have screwed up some things here, but you’re capable of so much goodness too. There’s a race I’ve fought called the Daleks who hate other life forms and kill them without mercy because they’re convinced that they are the only beings worthy of life. You humans are many things, but you are not like the Daleks, trust me. ” “That’s good to know.” Max said. “It’s nice to know that aliens aren’t interested in invading Earth like it shows in the sci-fi movies.” “Well, actually, there are some aliens who are interested in invading Earth. But, not me, I’m just happy watching you lot go about your daily lives and grow into the intelligent, loving race you were meant to be.” Max smiled at him. He fell silent and checked his watch again. “Come on.” He muttered. The Doctor glanced at him. He looked over at his watch and raised his eyebrows. “Blimey, they are running late, aren’t they?” he said when he noticed they had gone past fifteen minutes past the deadline. “Normally, I wouldn’t care," Max said. "but I’m worried about 99 and Rose. If Siegfried thinks we missed the deadline, he could torture them again or worse.” He walked to the steps of the monument and stepped down onto the top step. He looked around and sighed when he saw only a blonde haired woman and her five year old daughter strolling nearby. “Dammit, hurry up.” Max muttered as he walked back to the Doctor. They stood together looking at the statue. Suddenly, both of them jumped when they heard a deep, male voice behind them. “Don’t make any funny moves or you and the alien both die!” Max and the Doctor turned around slowly. The Doctor’s eyes widened when he saw the woman and child standing in front of them with guns pointed at their faces. “You the Doctor?” the girl said with a heavy Brooklyn accent. “Um, yeah.” The Doctor said staring at her. “I’m sorry, but are you the KAOS agent?” “Yeah, I’m agent 26 and this is agent 40. We’re here to take you back to our headquarters.” “Yeah, so you better come along quietly or we’ll tell Siegfried to kill the hostages.” Agent 40 added. The Doctor’s eyes bugged out. The woman was speaking in a falsetto voice that was reminiscent of Tiny Tim. He glanced at Max and noticed he didn’t seem to be fazed by any of this. Shrugging, he decided to do what he always did and just go with the flow. “I will cooperate only if 99 and Rose are not harmed further.” The Doctor said to them. “If either of them gets so much as an extra scratch on their bodies, I’m not telling you anything.” “We’ll see about that.” The little girl said. “You don’t have a choice. You are prisoners of KAOS and we'll call the shots, not you.” She looked up at the mother. “Frisk em, I’ll keep ya covered.” She said. Agent 40 nodded. “Hands in the air.” She commanded them. The Doctor and Max raised their arms above their hands. Agent 40 patted Max down first. “He’s clean.” She said to Agent 26. She walked over to the Doctor and patted him down. She did his trench coat first and found nothing. She put his hands inside it and patted down his suit. Her hand paused over the inside pocket on his jacket. Narrowing her eyes, she put her hand inside the jacket and brought out his sonic screwdriver and his TARDIS key. She stared at it in confusion for a moment. “What’s this?” she said showing the screwdriver to him. “It's a torch.” The woman frowned. “Torch, it doesn’t look like any torch I’ve ever seen. Do you burn the blue tip then?” She said in confusion. “I’m sorry, I mean, it’s a flashlight.” The Doctor amended. “Oh. Why didn’t you say so in the first place?” “I did.” The Doctor muttered to Max as he chuckled softly. She stared at it for a moment and looked into his eyes. The Doctor’s expression was unreadable as she studied his face searching for any signs of deception. Finding none, she put the screwdriver and key in her skirt pocket and resumed patting him down. She paused at his left jacket pocket and reached inside. Max’s eyes bulged out when the woman’s arm went in to the pocket up to her shoulder. She quickly withdrew it and stared at the Doctor. “How did you do that?” she said. The Doctor gave her a smug grin. “My pockets are bigger on the inside.” He said. “Take the jacket and the coat off.” The woman ordered. “Aw, do I have to? It’s chilly out here.” “Take…them…off…now!” the woman said pointing her gun at his chest. The Doctor sighed, removed his trench coat and jacket and gave them to her. “Don’t get any marks on those. They are special one of a kind items.” He said. “Shut up and get your hands back in the air.” The woman spat out. The Doctor sighed and put his arms back up. The woman put her hands on his thighs. She paused at the left pocket on his trousers and put her hand inside. Once again, her arm went in the pocket up to her shoulder. “You want me to strip off my trousers as well?” the Doctor asked when she pulled her arm back out. The woman looked at her companion. She hesitated a moment and then dug her arm deep into his other pocket. She fumbled around inside as the Doctor glanced at Max and rolled his eyes. “I found a gun!” she yelled to Agent 26. The Doctor frowned. “Gun? I don’t have a gun!” he said indignantly. “I don’t believe in carrying crude weapons like that.” “You’re lying; I have my hand on the butt of the gun. Here it…” She pulled her arm out quickly and stared at the banana in her hand. Max chortled quietly as the Doctor gave her a smug grin. “No, what you have there is my mid-morning snack. I don’t carry guns.” He said. Max stifled his laugh when the woman shot a murderous look his way. She handed the banana to Agent 26. “He’s clean…I think.” She said. “Oh, I’m very clean. I bathe daily, sometimes two times a day. You know what they say, cleanliness is next to---“ “Shut up!” Agent 26 bellowed. The Doctor shrugged and fell silent. “Agent 40, send a message to KAOS headquarters that we have them.” Agent 26 said. The woman nodded. She reached into her enormous beehive and pulled out a walkie-talkie. The Doctor and Max glanced at each other as she spoke into it. “Agent 40 reporting in. She said. “Go ahead.” A male voice replied. “Agent 26 and I have Maxwell Smart and the alien in our possession. We are bringing them to headquarters. Have men ready to receive them.” “Understood, the men will be standing by and waiting for them.” “Roger that. Over and out.” She shoved the walkie-talkie back into her beehive and pointed her gun at the Doctor and Max. “After you.” She said to them. The Doctor and Max glanced at each other and began walking. The KAOS agents waited until they passed before following them with their guns discretely trained on their backs.
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