THE DOCTOR GETS SMART
Crossover of "Doctor Who" and "Get Smart"
Chapter Thirteen 99 and Rose looked up as the door opened in front of them and a man stuck his head in. “What?” 99 asked. “Just checking to see if the two of you are still here.” He said. “I know all about you, Mrs. Smart. I know you’re an escape artist and the last thing I want is to have you escape and then have Siegfried kill me for it.” “What about me?” Rose asked. “Aren’t you worried I might escape?” The man looked at her and snorted. “Puh-leeze, look at you, how old are you? Sixteen, seventeen?” “I’m twenty, thank you very much.” Rose said indignantly.”And as for me not being able to escape, I’m not as helpless as you think I am, so---“ “Aw, zip it. I’m not interested.” The man replied. “Just sit there and be quiet and then maybe we’ll let you see Smart and the alien.” “His name’s the Doctor, not “the alien”. “Whatever, just behave.” He said. He stuck his head back out and closed the door. “Prick.” Rose muttered to herself. She frowned when she saw 99 out of the corner of her eye. She looked at her and saw she was moving against the ropes. “What are you doing?” she asked her. “Shhh, I have a fingernail knife.” 99 said. “CONTROL lab just came up with it, so KAOS doesn’t know about it yet. I’m cutting my ropes with it.” Rose kept her eyes on the door as 99 cut through the ropes. Finally after about five minutes, the ropes loosened and fell away from her body. She leapt out of the chair and used the knife to free Rose. “KAOS will never let us go.” 99 said softly as Rose’s ropes fell away from her body. “Even if Max and the Doctor do everything they say, they’ll still kill us. We have to get away from here and find them.” “How? We go through the door?” Rose whispered pointing to it. 99 shook her head. She pointed up to the air duct above them. “We go through the ventilation shaft and find them that way.” She said. “Are you comfortable with that?” “Yeah, no problem, I had to use a ventilation shaft to escape from the Ood so I know how to get around in one.” 99 stared at her a moment wondering what Ood were. She mentally shrugged. She could ask later. Right now, they had more important things to do. “Take my fingernail knife.” She said taking it off her nail. “I’ll boost you up and you unscrew the grate.” Rose nodded. 99 laced her fingers together and hoisted Rose up when she stepped into them. Working quickly, she took out the screws as 99 kept an eye on the door. After a few minutes, the last screw was out and Rose grabbed the grate. She stepped down from 99’s hands and carefully laid the grate on her chair. “You wanna go first?” 99 whispered. “Yeah.” She stepped onto 99’s fingers and she boosted her up. She grabbed the edge and pulled herself up into the shaft coughing as dust swirled around her. She moved forward when she heard 99 pull up a chair and looked behind her as 99 grabbed the edge and pulled herself in behind Rose. “You’re gonna have to be the eyes, Rose, and check every grate we come to for any sign of the boys and we need to hurry now. That guy will probably be checking on us in a few minutes so we need to get a head start before he alerts the whole building.” “Gotcha.” Rose crawled off as quickly as she could with 99 behind her. “I just hope we find the Doctor and Max before someone finds us.” She muttered to herself. “So, this is your headquarters.” The Doctor said as he and Max walked in the front door. He looked at the crates lining one wall and the lone table and chair by the door. “Siegfried isn’t very flashy when it comes to his hideouts, eh?” he asked Max. “Yeah, well, he’s kind of a miser.” “Huh, that’s the first time I’ve heard of a megalomaniac being stingy. Usually, they want to advertise to the universe how great and powerful they are.” “Shut up and keep moving!” 40 said jabbing her gun in his back. The Doctor sighed. He and Max moved towards a door at the back as 40 and 26 kept their guns on them. They went through a couple more rooms before they finally went through a door and came face to face with Siegfried.” “Here they are, Siegfried.” 40 said. “And this is what the alien had on him.” “Put it here.” Siegfried said pointing to the desk in front of him. 40 laid the coat, jacket, the sonic screwdriver, the key and the banana on the desk and backed up with 26 towards the door. They stood in front of it keeping watch over the two prisoners. “Zo, Maxwell Shmart, Ve meet again.” He said. Max rolled his eyes. “Siegfried, why do you always say that every time I get captured? It gets old hearing it.” He said. “Because, Herr Shmart, it is vhat ve bad guys do, every villain uses ze same standard catchphrases. Ve are issued the Villain Cliché Handbook vhen ve dedicate ourselves to evil and pay our first union dues.” “Oh really?” the Doctor said. “Well, that explains why I keep hearing the same clichéd things over and over too. Huh, I had no idea evil had a union, oh well, learn something new every day, I guess. Now first things first, where is Rose and 99?” Siegfried smirked at him. “No, alien, first you vill tell me vhat I vant to know.” “First off, my name is the Doctor and secondly I will not give you one iota of information until Max and I see Rose and 99 and make sure they’re safe.” Siegfried chuckled. “You are not in control here, Herr Doctor, I am in charge and I vill let you see Rose and 99 when you tell me everything you know.” The Doctor folded his arms over his chest. “Make me talk then, if you can.” He said with a defiant look. “I vill not hesitate to use torture on you, Herr Doctor.” “That doesn’t scare me. I’ve been tortured numerous times. Torture me until you’re blue in the face, I still won’t talk.” “Vhat about Rose then? Is she able to withstand torture just as vell as you?” The Doctor slammed his hands down on Siegfried’s desk as his black eyes bored menacingly into him. “Don’t…even think of harming Rose because trust me, that’s a very bad idea.” He snarled. “Oh, zo the girl means something to you, ja? Then, you vill cooperate or she vill die.” “I’m warning you, threaten Rose one more time and it’ll be the last thing you ever do!” “And vhat vill you do to me, Herr Doctor, if I torture her?” Siegfried asked, amused. The Doctor opened his mouth to speak, but Max quickly interrupted him. “The Doctor will order his armada to attack KAOS headquarters.” He said. “His vhat?” Siegfried said. “My what?” the Doctor said looking at him. “You heard me, Siegfried.” Max said ignoring the Doctor’s confused look. “The Doctor is a Time Lord, and his people are the most feared aliens in the entire universe. Before we surrendered, the Doctor put out a call for help and at this very moment, fifty mother ships are hovering in the clouds above us waiting to rain death and destruction down upon this headquarters and rescue all of us. Can you believe it, fifty?” “I find that hard to believe, Shmart.” Siegfried said. Max paused. “Eh, would you believe…ten mother ships?” he said hesitantly. “No.” “Two mother ships?” “No.” Max paused. “How about a pimply-faced kid in a homemade spacesuit carrying a toy gun he got after he sent in cereal box tops?” Siegfried sighed. “I grow tired of this. You vill tell me vhat I need to know, Herr Doctor, or suffer the consequences.” The Doctor folded his arms over his chest. “Fine, you vant it your vay? Zo be it.” He looked at 40. “Tell the guard outside ze door to go get ze guard and have him bring Rose and Mrs. Shmart here. If the Doctor vill not talk, then perhaps their screams vill loosen his tongue.” The Doctor lunged at him, but they stopped short when all three people in the room drew their guns and pointed it at his head. “I vould not make any hasty moves if I vere you, Herr Doctor, I think it vould distress Rose to see you lying on ze floor in a pool of your own blood, ja?” He looked over at 26 and pointed to two chairs sitting beside the desk. “Bring these over in front of ze desk zo that Herr Doctor and Shmart can rest themselves.” He said. “They must be very tired after coming all ze way here.” He looked at 40 and pointed to a pile of rope on the other side of the desk. “And this is zo they vill stay put. My torturer does not like to be disturbed vhile he is at work. He considers vhat he does an art form, you know.” Siegfried kept his gun trained on the Doctor and Max while 26 pulled up the chairs behind them and 40 got the rope. “26, you go and tell the guard, ja? 40 is busy at ze moment.” 26 nodded. She walked to the door and opened it while 40 forced the Doctor and Max into the chairs and began to tie them up. “He’s going now, Siegfried.” She said closing the door. “Wunderbar! Zo you zee, Herr Doctor, you get your wish after all. You get to zee Rose again.” “I mean it, if you do anything to her or 99, you’ll live to regret it.” The Doctor said menacingly. Siegfried shrugged. “If anything happens to them, it vill be your fault.” He said. “I offered you a chance to cooperate and you refused, zo vhat happens next is your own doing, Herr Doctor.” 40 finished tying them up and moved back towards the door. Siegfried leaned in. “I am not a violent man. I do not like to see vomen tortured unnecessarily, zo I vill offer you von last chance. Talk now and I vill spare Rose and 99. Vhat do you say?” The Doctor glanced at Max. “Don’t talk, 99 wouldn’t want that and I’m sure Rose doesn’t either.” He said. The Doctor looked back at Siegfried. “Vell? Vhat is your answer, Herr Doctor? Time is being wasted here and I only have zo much patience. Vill you cooperate or not?” The Doctor sighed. He opened his mouth to reply when suddenly a guard burst into the room. “Siegfried, the prisoners are gone! They’ve escaped!”
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