THE DOCTOR VERSUS THE SPACEBALLS

A/N: Rented Spaceballs last night for a friend who'd never seen it and typically, a plot bunny came into being while watching it with her.

Chapter One

"Yeah, I'm traveling again," Clara said to Danny over the phone while she stood by the console. "Not sure where we're going. Most of the time its just go somewhere and hope for the best."

She glanced at Twelve who was glancing at his monitor while he flew the TARDIS.

"Yes, I'll be fine, don't worry about me," Clara said to Danny. "Been doin' this for nearly two years now and…"

She gasped when the TARDIS jerked and she nearly fell on her face. She managed to right herself but the TARDIS was vibrating hard and she heard the Doctor mutter a curse under his breath.

"What's happening?" Clara said, her voice vibrating along with the TARDIS.

"Tractor beam, we're being pulled in," the Doctor yelled, his voice also shaking.

"Gotta go, talk to you later," Clara said to Danny.

"Clara, what's going on, what's he doing to you?"

Clara ignored Danny and ended the phone call. She put the mobile back in the pocket of her black leather jacket and zipped it closed as she walked to the console and held on to it.

"Can't you do something?" she said to the Doctor.

"Trying right now but it's locked in on us," the Doctor said, flipping switches.

"And you can't break free? I thought this was the most magnificent ship in the universe!"

"It is but that doesn't mean a tractor beam can't grab hold of it! Just hold tight and see where this takes us."

"Great, love it when we get potluck," Clara said as she hung on to the console for dear life.

Five minutes later, the vibration stopped and the TARDIS became still. The Doctor walked around the console, his eyes toward the front door.

"Are you going to look outside then?" Clara asked him.

"I think I better had," the Doctor said, nodding.

"What if you open the door and someone immediately shoots you?"

The Doctor snorted.

"Been there, done that," he said.

Clara followed him to the door. The Doctor paused for a moment with his hand on the door handle before he slowly opened it and looked outside. Clara stood beside him, waiting for him to jerk his head back inside. Instead, she heard this deep malevolent laughter outside the box.

"So," the deep voice said, "there is someone inside! You will surrender to me now or face painful, horrible, excruciating death!"

"Yeah, he sounds really friendly," Clara said, rolling her eyes.

The Doctor stuck his head back in the TARDIS and Clara saw a bemused expression on his face.

"Come on, my Clara, we must surrender to this lot or face, horrible, painful, excruciating death," he said to her.

"Why? We could just stay in here and no one would be able to get at us."

"No, we really must surrender to this lot," he said, giving her a pointed look.

"What's so funny?" she said when she noticed that he was barely able to contain his laughter.

"Come here and see for yourself," he said, pointing out the door.

Clara walked around him and the Doctor opened the door wider so she could see. She stopped beside him and did a double take when she saw a short man dressed all in black with an enormous, black Darth Vader helmet covering his head. She even noticed he seemed to be wearing a plastic tie. Beside him stood a tall man, erect and professional looking with black trousers, a grey tunic and grey hat. Around them stood men wearing white and black tunics, black trousers and helmet shaped like billiard balls.

"Aha, there is another one in this box," the oversized helmet said as he pointed to her. "Excellent, you are now the prisoners of Dark Helmet!"

"Dark Helmet?" Clara muttered while Twelve shook with silent laughter. "No way, this is not happening. Has to be a dream."

"So, what will it be," Dark Helmet said dramatically. "Surrender or death?"

"Oh surrender, most definitely," the Doctor said as he ushered Clara outside before stepping out and shutting the door. "We are in awe of your evil genius."

"As you should be! We Spaceballs are the most fearsome beings in the galaxy!"

"Spaceballs?" Clara muttered while the Doctor grinned.

"Now, you will be taken to the securest cell we have and held there until I decide your fate! Colonel Sanders!"

"Sir!" Colonel Sanders said stiffening.

"Colonel Sanders?" Clara said while the Doctor bit his lip to keep from laughing.

"Escort the prisoners to the cell block and remember, they must be kept alive until we decided what to do with them!"

"Yes, Lord Helmet! You!" he said, pointing to the Doctor and Clara. "Come with me and no funny business."

"Wouldn't dream of it, lead on…Colonel Sanders," the Doctor said.

Colonel Sanders frowned when both he and Clara giggled insanely at that before they held up their hands and walked over to him.

"Yes, you will soon know the power of Dark Helmet!" Dark Helmet said as Clara and the Doctor walked away giggling as Colonel Sanders followed them with a laser blaster aimed at their backs.

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