THE LOONY ADVENTURES OF DAVID AND TARA

Chapter Two

David was flabbergasted.

"Oh my God, I can't believe we're actually on another planet!" he said.

"Yup, we are, this is my home sweet home!" Adam said. "Come on, let me show you around."

For the next couple of hours, Adam led David around, introducing him to his family and showing him some of the sights of New Gallifrey. David was completely gobsmacked and Adam laughed when his friend's head kept swiveling around as he tried to take everything in all at once. Finally, they came to the last house where Tara, Jenny, Grace and Mingxia lived.

"And this…is what we lovingly refer to as The Nunnery," Adam said. "Because four gorgeous women live here."

He knocked on the door and Tara opened it.

"Ah, case in point, my gorgeous niece, Tara. Tara, this is my friend, David."

"Pleased to meet you," she said, shaking his hand.

"Likewise."

"Come on in, I gotta go now but it was nice meeting you."

"And where are you going, young lady?" Adam said with mock sternness.

"If you must know, to Unico to see my boyfriend," she said.

"Her boyfriend's a Unic, they're unicorn people," Adam said to David.

"What? You're going to a planet of unicorn people? Can I come with you?" David said eagerly.

Tara glanced at Adam.

"Up to you, Tara, I'll hang out and talk to the Doctor while you go there and back," he said.

"Okay, you can come with me but just stay with me so you don't get lost, okay?"

"I'll stick by ya every second," David said.

"And believe me, he will too."

"Oi!" David said while he and Tara snickered.

"Okay, follow me, I'll take you to my TARDIS," she said.

"You have a TARDIS as well?" David said, following her.

David stood by the console and watched while Tara flew it. Her TARDIS resembled the Doctors with the coral supports and domed interior but the fabric of her jump seat was soft and dark purple. David watched while she handled the TARDIS by herself.

"You're an expert flyer," he noted.

She blushed.

"Thanks, my dad taught me how to do it almost from the time I became a Time Lady," she said.

Suddenly, the TARDIS lurched and David was knocked on his ass while Tara lunged into the rim of the console. She let out a grunt and held on while David rolled over and crawled back on his hands and knees.

"What's going on?" he said to her as he reached the railing and held on.

"Dunno, we're going off course and…"

They grunted when the TARDIS landed hard and powered down. Both of them were silent for a moment while they listened. Finally, Tara summoned up enough courage to move towards the door while David stood up and followed behind her. She pulled out her screwdriver, unlocked the door and motioned for David to stay back while she slowly opened it. She peeked out and looked around.

"What do you see?" David asked.

"Large green field and a forest about twenty feet away with mist all around it. Other than that, no monsters and…hold on, I see a tiny sign near the woods."

She looked all around and cautiously stepped outside. David hesitated and then followed her out.

"Are you sure we're safe?" he asked as he closed the door behind him.

"Dunno, but I've fought monsters with my dad before so I think I can protect you. Come on, let's go see what the sign says."

David nodded and they walked across the field together.

"So I take it this isn't Unico," he said.

"No, it isn't. I don't know where we are. But I'm sorta like Dad, I like not knowing," she said while David chuckled.

After two minutes, they finally reached the sign and read it.

WELCOME TO THE PLANET OF PYTHON.

"Planet of Python? Sounds scary," David said, looking around. "Does that mean it's filled with snakes?"

"I don't know but maybe we should head back to the TARDIS and find out before…"

BONG!

The ground shook when the thunderous sound of a bell ringing boomed overhead. It was followed a moment later by The Liberty Bell March by John Phillips Souza that seemed to be coming from everywhere around them.

"Wait a tick," David said. "Planet of…Python."

The song was finishing up and suddenly they saw a dark shadow all around them that was getting bigger and bigger and bigger. They look up and screamed when they saw the underside of an enormous foot plummeting towards them. Both of them ran hell for leather and just managed to get out from under it before it crashed into the ground. The seismic vibration knocked them down and they rolled over and looked at the large Terry Gilliam cartoon of the foot.

"Wait a minute, that can't be real," David said as they got to their feet. "This cannot be the planet of Monty Python and…"

"DINSDALE!"

David and Tara looked around when they heard a deep voice. They gasped when a huge cartoon hedgehog's head came up out of the forest.

"DINSDALE!" it said.

"Run!" David said, pointing to the TARDIS.

The ground began to shake and he noticed that Spiny Norman, the hedgehog, was now joined by an enormous monster Siamese cat that was walking on its hind legs. As it crushed the trees, several cars zoomed out ahead of it. David and Tara screamed as the cars leaped up and came down, trying to crush them while the cat tried to attack the killer cars.

Then just as they reached the TARDIS, the cat stomped hard and a fissure opened up underneath the time ship.

"No!" David screamed as the ship fell into the hole.

"Never mind that," Tara yelled. "Just keep running, we'll retrieve it later!"

Both of them ran as fast as they could, nearly having twin heart attacks as the cars sped past them to get away from the giant monster cat. Then the cat stomped again and another fissure opened up under it and with a cry of "MRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" it fell into the large hole. David and Tara gasped for air and looked back but Spiny Norman was nowhere to be found and everything had fallen silent. Both he and Tara collapsed on the ground, taking in mouthfuls of air. When they got their breath back, they headed on to a large hill and went up it. Just over the hill was more forest and in the distance was a large castle sitting on a very high hill.

"Come on, let's go there," Tara said.

"Are you sure that's wise?" David said to her.

"What choice do we have? I gotta get my TARDIS back."

David nodded and they walked down the hill towards the castle. When they reached the forest, they paused when they heard the sound of horse hooves approaching.

"Good, maybe we can ask these people for help," David said.

He let out a groan when five minutes later, several knights skipped out of the trees followed by dirty looking peasants banging coconuts together.

"I shoulda known," David muttered. "Oi! Oi! Wait!"

"Halt, Patsy!" the man in front said as the other knights stopped skipping and looked at David and Tara who were walking towards them. "Who art thou?"

"My name is David and this is Tara," David said to him.

"I see. I am Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon from the court of Camelot. Behold, my castle," he said, pointing to the castle on the hill.

"It's only a model," Patsy muttered to himself.

"Dost thou seek the Grail?" Arthur said to David and Tara.

"No," Tara said. "We're trying to get my TARDIS back."

"I do not understand. What is this TARDIS you speak of?" Arthur said.

"Well," Tara said, glancing at David, "It's a…ship."

"Hmm, I do not know of any ship around here. But come, come and join us on the quest for the Holy Grail!"

David and Tara looked up when they heard a trumpet fanfare. High in the sky were several robed angels playing the trumpets. They ended the fanfair by bending over and sticking the trumpets up their assholes, farting one long note before fading away into the clouds. David and Tara looked at the knights who seemed not to notice what had just taken place above them and were instead waiting for them to give their answer. David and Tara glanced at each other.

"We might as well," Tara said. "Maybe we can find someone who can help us retrieve the TARDIS."

David nodded.

"Okay, we'll come with you," he said to them.

"Jolly good," Arthur said. "It just so happens I have two steeds available for you. Sigmund, Basil, come!"

Two men armed with coconuts came away from the pack, walked over and got behind David and Tara.

"There, now you are astride your noble steeds. Come! We will find the Holy Grail for king and country!"

David and Tara glanced at each other when the knights raised their hands and skipped off. They shrugged, raised their hands and did the same as they followed them across the field towards a forest about two hundred feet on the other side of it.

Back                         Home                              Doctor Who Main Page                          Next

Your Name or Alias:      Your E-mail (optional):

Please type your review below. Only positive reviews will be posted! Constructive criticism will e-mailed to the author.