THE PRACTICAL JOKE

Chapter One

"Oh come off it, Jack, do you know how angry he'll get?"

Jack had cornered Rose in the corridor near the kitchen and was detailing his idea for a great practical joke to play on the Doctor. He had only been traveling with the Ninth Doctor and Rose for two weeks but Rose could tell that sometimes Jack annoyed the Doctor severely with his shenanigans and flirting, which was why she was against antagonizing him further.

"Come on, Rosie, he'll love it," Jack said to her. "I've only been here a fortnight and already I can see that you and him are lovey dovey. Come on, play along."

"Alright but if he gets angry, I'm directing him straight to you," Rose said.

"Bring it on, I can handle Mister Grumpy any day," Jack said.

"Alright, give me the handcuffs then," Rose said, holding her hand out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Doctor was standing by the console, trying to decide what to do next when Rose suddenly rushed into the room.

"THERE YOU ARE!" she squealed which made the Doctor jump nearly to the ceiling.

The Doctor was about to reply when Rose zoomed up, threw herself at him and held on to him for dear life.

"DON'T EVER LEAVE ME AGAIN!" Rose said as she gripped the Doctor so tightly his ribs hurt.

"Rose, what the hell are you doing?" the Doctor said angrily as he tried to pry her arms away from his body.

"I'm lonely, I have abandoment issues," Rose said in a little kid voice as she held onto him tighter.

"Well, I can't breathe now so let go!" the Doctor said.

He breathed a sigh of relief when Rose let go but rather than back away, Rose stayed right at his side looking up at him with a little girl lost expression on her face.

"Hi," Rose said after the Doctor stared at her silently for thirty seconds.

"Are you feeling alright today?" the Doctor said to her.

"I am now that I'm with you," Rose said. "I hate being more than two feet away from you at any time. It makes me feel icky inside."

"Well, you can back up and give me room to breathe," the Doctor said, annoyed.

"But then the icky feelings return and I get sad," Rose said in a mournful voice.

"Are you on drugs?" the Doctor asked.

He frowned when Rose pointed to him as a reply.

"What does this mean?" he said, imitating her pointing.

"You're my drug, I'm addicted to you," Rose said. "And I don't want rehab!"

The Doctor frowned when she pranced around him singing, "They tried to make me go to rehab but I said no, no, no." before she stopped and sidestepped directly to his side.

"Ah," Rose said, putting her arm around him, "my security blanket."

"What?" the Doctor said.

"Don't ever leave me, Doctor, ever, ever, ever!"

"Are you mental?"

"If loving you is wrong, I don't wanna be right."

"Rose, go away…now!"

If you leave me now, you take away the biggest part of me," Rose crooned as she kept his arm around him. "Oo-woo-woo-no, baby please don't go!"

Rose glanced at him and noticed he was trying desperately not to smile. She laid her head on his shoulder.

"Can I just crawl up under your leather jacket and stay there hidden and safe like a kangaroo in its pouch?" she said as she stared at the rotor.

"Rose, you're barking mad," the Doctor said, trying not to sound bemused and failing miserably.

"Hey, I have an idea," Rose said, jerking her head around to his.

"You're going to go get some therapy and leave me alone?" the Doctor said.

"No, I wanna go somewhere," Rose said.

The Doctor eyed her suspiciously.

"What did you have in mind then?" he said.

"I wanna go find a hospital."

The Doctor raised his eyebrow.

"And why do you have need of a hospital?" he said.

"Surgery."

"What kind of surgery?"

"The kind that attaches me to you like a Siamese twin so we can be together always."

This time the Doctor couldn't help the grin that spread over his face.

"No thanks," he said airily.

"Oh come on now, surely they have such a place where they attach people for life," Rose said. "Wouldn't you like to be one with me?"

"No, because you'd drive me insane with your…insaneness."

"Okay, how about a temporary fix then?"

"Such as?"

Rose grinned, reached into her pocket and held up the handcuffs.

"We can be bonded this way. I'll just lock your wrist to mine and throw away the key. Sorted!"

"Rose, go lay down and have a long, long nap."

He broke away from her when Rose opened one of the manacles and tried to put it around his wrist.

"Rose, go away," the Doctor said, smiling as he went around the console.

Rose grinned and chased him around it, waggling the handcuffs at him as she chased him around and around.

"Rose, no! You're not gonna put handcuffs on me," the Doctor said, finally stopping and catching her wrists in his tight grip.

"But I have abandonment issues!" Rose said.

"Yeah and you'll have them even more when I drop you off at your mother's and leave you there!" the Doctor said good-naturedly. "What's gotten into you?"

"Well, Jack put me up to this."

"Oh!" the Doctor said throwing up his hands while Rose laughed. "Suddenly it all makes sense now!"

Rose put the handcuffs back in her pocket and hugged him gently.

"Thanks for being a good sport," she said to him.

"Thanks for not being mental," the Doctor said. "I was going to take you to a hospital but it was the kind that harbor loonies."

"Nah, I'm sane…ish," Rose said. "Well, carry on with what you were doing and I'll go do something else now. Ta-ta!"

The Doctor watched her run away towards the back door. He waited till she was gone before he chuckled to himself, his spirits lifted by Rose's silliness, and set the controls for a random location.

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